BitterSweet, Chapter 12:

Disclaimer: I am not the unbelievable JK Rowling, hence I own none of the characters, etc. etc.

Severus POV:

All through the night I toss and turn, trying to figure out the best way to tell her. Of course I don't expect her to like me back –who would- but I have to know. Every time I look at her I am haunted by the thought she likes someone else. Honestly, I am sure she does. The way she blushes when we are together makes it obvious she wants to leave. She likes Potter. Of course she does! My thoughts go back and forth in denial, torturing me as I sleep. Tired and bothered, I wake up and get out of bed. I open the dusty curtains to see that it isn't even dawn yet and yawning, I decide to lie back down on my bed.

I sigh. I know that I love her so much that if…if she went out with that bastard Potter, I wouldn't stop her. How could I be greedy enough to wreck her happiness? She could never be happy with me anyways, so I guess that is a moot point and I should get used to it.

Suddenly, my closed eyes open at the unusual sound of movement and talking from downstairs. Grabbing my wand, I run down the stairs into the kitchen to see a scene I would believe impossible. Standing before me is Tobias who has shaven his beard, combed his hair and dressed like a general muggle; not a dirty one. What is even more shocking is that he has one hand on mum's shoulder and the other on the wheelchair. I look into his eyes and get an uneasy feeling. Something is wrong here.

"What's going on here?" I ask, my voice hoarse from sleep.

"Don't talk like that to us." My mother snaps at me. I frown in frustration – Tobias normally tells me off. Not mum.

"We are going to your grandparent's now." Tobias answers in an almost mechanical voice.

"For how long?" I ask, surprised that they actually agreed to go. This is the first time since I can remember that they are getting out of the house, together. Neither of my parents answered but Mum handed me a piece of parchment. As I took a glance at the first word, Tobias starts wheeling mum out to the doorway.

"Don't wreck the house, Severus. And don't forget to say hello to little Marge for me!" Mum calls from the doorway. Following her words is the soft crack that signals they had apparated. It is then that I realize that I am home alone, for the first time ever. Not needing to be anywhere, I stroll over to the table and sit down, wondering why the hell mum mentioned Marge. I flatten out the parchment she handed me and read it.

Tobias and Eileen,

As Severus would have told you, I have invited you both over to stay at Prince Manor for a few nights, and I shall treat you to my Christmas roast. Severus has other matters to attend to, which we have discussed hence he will not come. Severus is planning on spending time with his muggle friends – Vernon and Marge.

My house elf, Mercury, shall arrive at your doorstep by the crack of dawn, so please be prompt.

See you soon,
Henrietta Prince.

I just sit and stare at the letter – how did Grandma even know about Vernon and Marge? They are the two fat kids that happen to live in the neighbourhood. Stupid, selfish muggles that I was forced to play with as a toddler. Mum gave up trying to convince me to play with muggles when I gave Vernon a lovely monkey's tale which resulted in her having to Obliviate Vernon's memory.

Deciding I don't care about the letter, I get up and walk over to the cupboard. I have never been allowed to open the cupboard; apparently it was for adults only – according to Tobias. I open the cupboard and scan the dusty shelves for something edible. The only items there is a tin with a picture of a hot drink on the front labelled as 'coffee', a tin with a picture of fish on it and a loaf of mouldy bread. Deciding the canned-drink looks best, I take the tin and read the instructions. I boil the kettle and get a cup from the cupboard. After wiping the interior of the cup, I begin filling it with the brown powder, and when the water is boiled, I pour the water into the cup and mix it with my finger. A lovely, warming aroma comes from the drink and makes my stomach grumble with hunger. I grab the cup and make my way into the living room, but a strange light catches my eye. Walking back to the table in the kitchen, I stare at the parchment as my grandmother's black formal writing transforms into her green casual writing. I pick it up cautiously, but realize it's just a hidden letter. I sit down and take a sip of the coffee- which has a strong bitter taste- and read my letter.

Severus,

I told your parents that you are spending time with those muggle kids –Vernon and Marge- but I know you aren't. However, I needed to give an explanation for why you wouldn't be joining us.

I expect you to be responsible for the house and I have found a reversing spell that will help you- PrinceTellMeNot. It will allow you to perform spells as an underage citizen without any interference from the Ministry of Magic. But, don't go casting spells like You-Know-Who is attacking you, unless he is. You have a limit of 10, after that you will be in trouble with the Ministry.

How is that possible, you may ask? Dear boy, the Prince family has many privileges…and friends in high places. That is all I shall say on the matter, for there is no need for me to feed your curiosity.

Good luck with Lily,
Henrietta (Grandma to you).

I take another gulp of the coffee and scowl. For a few sweet moments of bliss I had forgotten about my plans with Lily. I feel the stress from the night take over my body; my shoulders start to ache and my body becomes rigid. Feeling a fool for even trying with the whole thing, I skull the rest of my drink and make my way to my room. I gather some muggle clothes –holey blue jeans with a green skivvy being the most formal I really own- and the shampoo Grandma gave me and I make my way to the bathroom. Not even bothering to turn the cold water on, I leave the hot water run as I strip off my clothes. Jumping into the shower I feel the automatic sting of the boiling water, but it isn't too long until my body relaxes. I grab the shampoo- and remembering my last experience with the stuff- apply it to my hair. Once I feel my body relax and my hair feels clean, I turn the tap off and change into my muggle clothes. I sigh in frustration as the skivvy hangs on me like a rag; none of Tobias' stuff ever fits. I look into the mirror and watch a scowl form on the image before me. Totally worthless. Who could ever prefer this to Potter? Not for the first time today, I feel like banging my head against a wall for being so stupid. I thought I eliminated all vulnerabilities. The old Snape would never have done what I plan to do; he would have sucked it up and lived with the pain of never telling her. Trying to avoid that path, I have now made my life a life spent knowing she never loved me.

Cursing and groaning, I stomp around the house to find something to do to take my mind of things. I walk into my still-dusty room and decide to dust it. Moving around the room, wiping every surface with my socks, I come across the only photo I own. It is a picture of Lily and I back when, as children, our thoughts were not so torturous. The muggle picture is still, with Lily smiling with her arms wrapped around me and one of my arms around her. My face has a rare smile – which only Lily ever sees- and I see a relaxed, younger version of myself. I take the photo and sit on the bed, just looking at it. What was I thinking? Of course I have to tell her. Yes, I will be admitting vulnerability, weakness. Yes I will be rejected, hurt, humiliated... And yet, all of this anger and fear for my well-being disappears as I stare at the photo. She is my best friend and I owe her that much. Even if I have to live a lifetime alone, at least she knows, before the truth eats me and makes me do something I'll repent.

Sighing, I stand up and go downstairs. The light filtrating onto the staircase is littered with dust and I decide to get my socks and continue dusting. For what must be hours, I walk around the house, dusting and exploring different parts of the house. The repetitive movements keep me distracted; something that rarely happens.

Suddenly, there is alight tap, and I run from a strange back room to the lounge room and see an unusual barn owl at the window. I walk over and lift the window, with just enough room to grab the owl. Once inside, I take the note off its leg and offer it some coffee beans –which it rejects- then set it off again. I feel my body close in dread as I notice the seal on the parchment: Malfoy. Opening it, I maintain my emotions and read through the letter.

Snape.

The Dark Lord is sorry to hear you're not to join us on our path to wealth and glory. But he isn't sorry to pronounce you and those you hold close as enemies.

However the Dark Lord believes that if … a certain obstacle –or mudblood, per say- is removed from your path, you will willingly join. If you join, you will be punished for your foolishness, then accepted into the circle.

Know that from hence forth you and your mudblood are our enemies and will be wiped out accordingly. Especially Evans. But think of it this way: when we get rid of her, it will teach you what vulnerability and emotions do to you. You've always been one for learning, and I have a funny feeling it won't be a lesson you'll forget.

Lucius.

I sit down slowly as I allow the words to sink through. I curse myself for my stupidity. How could I possibly forget the danger I am putting her in? Just by being friends? The prophecy has still got its chance to play with my destiny; anything can happen. I cannot lose her. I grunt in utter agony at the complication of it all. And as if to really make it the worst day possible, it begins to snow outside, which wrecks my set-up plan for Lily. Looking outside, I see the skies darkening and I decide it is time to retrieve Lily. Grabbing my Slytherin scarf (which Grandma gave me) and Tobias' extra-large coat, I tuck my wand into the pocket and leave the house, not bothering to lock it. After all, the whole neighbourhood knows we own nothing valuable- Tobias is renown for borrowing money and never being able to pay it back. Feeling as though I should do something special for Lily, I make a detour to the play ground and set up as much as I can (using the PrinceTellMeNot spell) in the snow, also adding numerous protective charms. Once I have done all I can do, I walk towards Lily's house, my body moving against the icy wind.

The closer I get to her house, the more decorative the houses become. Lights, figurines and statues begin to appear, showing families' festiveness. And then finally, I arrive at Lily's house. I stand on the footpath marvelling at the decorations on the Evans' house. Lights line the house and there is a small, simple wreathe on their door. I walk the few extra steps to the front door, and feel my body go into flight or fight mode. Knocking the door with two short raps, I wait at the door as my palms sweat and my breathing speeds up. Definitely stupid.

"What do you want?" Petunia sneers as she opens the door with a hand on her hip. As I begin to scowl, her lip begins to curl.

"I would like to see Lily." I reply, my voice cold. She rolls her eyes and mutters 'fine', slamming the door in my face. Suddenly, my senses become more alert, and I am aware of everything: from the sweaty palms to my heart rate to the snow flakes in my hair to the sound of footsteps running.

"Hello, Severus." Lily greets as she flings the door open. I feel my heart stop then beat faster as I look into her eyes.

"Hi." I greet lamely. Oblivious to my inner turmoil, she turns and tells her parents she will be out, and then closes the door behind her.

"Where to?" She asks, jumping to my side, putting a beanie on.

"Uh…the playground. I have a surprise." I say, my voice nervous.

"Ok." She says simply, walking beside me. We walk in total silence, the snow falling softly around us. As we near the playground, I gently grab Lily's arm to stop her.

"Could you please cover your eyes?" I ask.

"Nope!" She says childishly.

"Lily, if you don't do it, I will have to." I warn, unwilling to let her wreck the surprise after all my effort. She smiles mischievously at me and says "Fine. You do it."

"Bloody Gryffindor." I mutter. I put my hands around her eyes gently and walk behind her. With the snow falling heavier, I begin to wonder whether my decorations still remain. I walk her over to the swings and sit her down on the middle swing so she faces my decorations.

"Ready, set, look." I say as I lift my hands to reveal the playground. She just sits there and stares, not saying a word. I begin to panic, wondering where I went wrong, but before I utter a word, Lily speaks.

"It is beautiful, Sev." She whispers in awe. Feeling relieved, I signal to move over to the blanket set in the middle of the park, mere metres from the swings and she grabs my hand as we walk. As I sit down on the blanket I look at the scene around me. I had put lights in all of the trees and all over the playground, and a simple red blanket on the snowy ground, with a rose on the side and one burning candle. I look into Lily's eyes and feel something deep inside me unlock. She smiles at me, searching for something to say.

"This is amazing Sev. The lights are so beautiful." She comments. I look away in embarrassment to the string of decorated houses and see her house.

"Your house looks great." I comment back, trying to make conversation. She chuckles.

"It's so plain and simple compared to all the rest." She replies, her eyes downcast.

"It's the best I've seen." I mumble honestly. The silence begins to grow, and I feel my heart quicken.

"Lily, there is something I have to tell you." I say, my throat suddenly becoming dry. She looks deep into my eyes and her cheeks flush.

"Yes?' She breathes, biting her lip. Instantly I feel my body close up and I think of all the reasons of why I shouldn't tell her. But for once, I act on impulse.

"I love you." I say, my voice deep and husky, our eyes locked. "Of course, I know you don't like me. I understand. I just thought you should know." I excuse lamely. She stares at me and blinks a few times before speaking.

"You love me?" She questions incredously. As the world continues to spin, and the snow continues to fall, I admit my biggest weakness.

"Always." I whisper, closing my eyes against the pain of rejection. I hear her gasp quietly. Slowly I open my eyes and see Lily staring at me intently. She leans across slowly, wrapping her arms around me before pulling my head towards hers, our lips colliding. Without thinking I feel our lips move in unison and I hold onto her with all my might. Finally breaking away, panting, she hugs me.

"I love you too." She whispers into my chest. I feel my heart begin to soar with a happiness that I have never felt before as I realize what has just happened. Lily Evans loves me.

3rd POV:

But little did they know that they were being watched…

Severus POV:

For what could have been hours, we cuddle as the snow falls around us. Then Lily starts to giggle and the sound alarms me slightly.

"May I ask what is so funny, Miss Evans?" I ask formally. She giggles more.

"I have waited so long for you to tell me." She says simply, pecking my lips.

Chuckling myself, I soak up the glory of the moment.

After some time, I stand up and pull Lily to her feet. I start walking with her to her house, and she grabs my hand, holding it as we walk. I am quite positive she has no idea that every move she makes towards me sends my heart into fits, let alone when she kissed me. It is silent, but not the awkward silence of before. I steal a quick glance at Lily and see her smiling happily. I walk Lily right up to the doorstep, and not knowing what to do in the situation, I hug Lily. She reaches up and kisses me on the cheek and then prances off inside her house.

As I walk to Spinner's End, I remain dazed and unbelieving. The most beautiful, intelligent girl in the entire world loves me. Not even the knowledge of what I am to face or all the dangers in the world could bring me down. I touch my lips where Lily previously had kissed. My first kiss; and it couldn't have been more perfect. I feel my heart begin to thunder in my chest at remembering how it felt; there is only one word to describe it – magical.

The sound of running footsteps breaks me out of my trance and in the second it takes to turn around I have my wand in hand, prepared for someone to attack. But, instead, the sight in front of me tugs at my heart. As I stare into Lily's teary eyes, I go into panic mode and wonder whether she has been hurt; or worse, whether she has changed her mind. But, as she begins to cry freely, she reaches for me and I hug her tightly, as if I could take all the pain away. After running through all the possibilities of what could be wrong in my head, once she stopped sniffling, curiosity got the better of me.

"What's wrong Lily?" I ask, worried. The snow around us began to fall harder, and Lily's teeth start chattering.

"It-it's Petunia." She stutters. Her words trigger rage within my body. "Sh-she saw us to-together. Sh-she said h-horrible s-stuff and I r-ran away. N-ow I h-have no where to s-stay and it is Christmas Eve!" Lily says, exasperated, as the tears began to fall again. Feeling at a loss seeing her this way, I say the only thing that comes into my mind.

"Do you want to stay at my house?" I blurt out before I could stop the words. I mentally kick myself- just because she said she loves me doesn't mean she trusts me at all!

"A-are you s-sure?" Lily asks hesitantly, looking at me in the eyes.

"Uh…yeah." I say. Grabbing her hand, I start my walk back to Spinners' End. It is as I wonder how I would smuggle her into the house that I remember that my parents are away at Prince Manor, and I have the house to myself. Picking up speed as I notice Lily shiver, we finally make it to Spinner's End. I open the door and signal for Lily to enter first. This is going to be one of the most awkward nights of my life, I realize.

But as I step into the house, I think of how this is certainly the best Christmas Eve ever...

CHAPTER SNEAK PEAK:

"You can sleep in my bed, tonight. And wear this." I say, trying not to sound overly embarrassed. Even in the dim light, I can see an unusual blush crawl onto her cheeks as she grabs my skivvy.

"Are you sure? Where are you going to sleep?" She asks.

Authors Note: I am so sorry it has taken so long to update! I really wanted to get this chapter right, so I took my time with it. I hope you guys have enjoyed it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.

I really appreciate all reviews; they make me work faster by a TON. Please, if you have questions/comments or anything, PLEASE REVIEW!

And also hope I haven't disappointed any of you with this chapter. There will be more to come, and the next chapter is on the way.

Love,

Missteque.