BitterSweet Chapter 16:
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling hence own none of the characters etc..
Severus' Point of View:
"Boy!" A voice yells, waking me up. I groan loudly as I recognize the voice. Honestly, there is no way I couldn't recognize it. Hoarse, slurrish speech is the only type of speech that is emitted out of Tobias.
"Get your skinny behind down here this instance!" He yells. Jumping out of bed, I walk down the stairs wondering what the hell he wants - he usually ignores me. The second I step downstairs he grabs me by the skivvy-neck and drags me into the kitchen.
"What is this!?" He yells into my ear, gesturing to the empty cups. I decide it best not to reply.
"I never gave you permission to drink my coffee, you spoilt ungrateful child!" He screams into my face, spitting everywhere. I start to feel the past 16 years' worth of anger and hurt begin to bubble up in me, the sense of power overwhelming. Still not answering, he holds me tighter and I begin to choke. His face millimeters away from mine, I can smell the alcohol in his breath. Anger consuming me, I free myself from his grasp and step away, grabbing my wand.
"How dare you-"He begins.
"SHUT UP!" I shout, getting angrier. He holds his hand up as if to hit me in response to my talk but I shove my wand into his full view. He stops in fear.
"Now, you listen to me. For years I have put up with you constantly being in a drunken stupor, being a disgrace to this family! I was always in hope that you would change, but here you stand off your face and telling me off for drinking YOUR BLOODY COFFEE when there was NOTHING in this house for me to eat! Do you expect me to starve!?" I yell, my hand shaking violently. Tobias just looks at me taken a-back, but quickly recovers.
"I have only ever been good to you and your mother, but you have always been a spoilt brat! Your mother hasn't ever treated me properly, and neither have you! I have always been patient and loving, and I just get put down because of it!" He shouts.
"Bullshit! For how long I wanted a tiny bit of encouragement from my father, some acknowledgment! You never allowed me to have a proper childhood! I have spent my whole life living in fear and hate because you couldn't bloody face the fact that you hit mum! Be a man!" I scream.
"How dare you talk to your father like that!" He shouts, staggering slightly as he takes a step towards me. I look deep into his bloodshot eyes for the first time in many years.
"You are no father of mine." I spit, my voice low and menacing. He just looks at me blankly and un-registering as I walk out of the kitchen. I leap up the stairs, grab my jacket then leap back down. With wand still in hand, I walk to the front door only to see mum sitting in her wheelchair, blocking the path.
"I need time alone." I say, staring into her teary eyes. She nods in response and slightly moves her wheelchair, allowing me access to the door. I bend down and kiss her on her forehead and she closes her eyes in response, tears falling from her eyes. I walk out the door to feel a snowy breeze on my face and I start walking. Where am I walking to? No idea. And quite frankly, at this point I just don't care. As I walk, the snowy breeze bats against me as if to tell me to go back. I think about how unfair it all is: If my father had stayed sober at all, I would have been a different, better person. It would have made all the difference. We would have been a real family. And I wouldn't be who I am today – I would be happy with everything! Why couldn't my family turn out like Lily's?
Groaning and moaning, I sit down on a snow-covered stump in the middle of a clearing, not caring about the snow soaking my jacket, not knowing where I am. I look down at myself and see a single red strand of hair. Picking it off the skivvy, I easily identify it as Lily's. Lily. It still surprises me that she wants to be with me – I don't believe it. I can't help but feel that I am just a fling and that when we get back to Hogwarts she'll run off to Potter. That bastard. I have no mercy left for him, especially after the last prank he pulled. In fact, I have no mercy for anyone! Who, in this whole world, has ever not done me wrong? Grandma lied; mum never stood up for me….is everybody programmed to treat me like crap? I pick up a stone in rage and throw it as hard as I can into the distance and yell aloud because I can. I walk over to a mossy tree and kick it, then lean my back against it and slide down to sit. I start banging my head against the tree for what feels like months when I hear footsteps coming towards me. I close my eyes, hoping to be invisible.
"Sev?" I hear Lily call. I groan, not wanting her to see me like this. I hear her footsteps get closer until she is next to me.
"Oh Sev, what happened?" She asks, alarmed. She bends down and wraps her arms around me, rubbing my back soothingly. I open my eyes to see hers.
"Nothing." I lie.
"Sev, you can tell me." She says, her voice soft.
"No!" I snap, breaking away from her grasp and standing up. I walk over to the middle of the meadow, kicking snow into the air.
"You can't keep it in, its not healthy." She says. I walk over to the stump and sit down on it, with my head in hands. She walks over and bends down on the ground, looking into my eyes.
"You won't ever leave me, will you?" I whisper.
"I don't plan to, no." Lily says aloud, honestly. "Sev, please tell me what's wrong. Let me help you." She murmurs, running her fingers across my hair.
"NO." I say strongly. Her hand quickly withdraws from my hair and she stands up. I stand up too and I tower over her. She walks away, and then turns back to me after a few metres.
"Why won't you tell me!? Aren't relationships meant to be based on honesty and trust!?" She shouts, getting angry. I stare at her in irritation, and she walks off with my lack of response.
"Why the hell should I tell you everything!" I shout at her, but she just ignores me and continues to walk away I kick the snow in anger. I feel like nothing can ever go right for me – I always make things worse.
As if I needed a reminder, my eyes glaze over as a caption of the prophecy flashes through my mind.
"Severus was right, you are a pretty girl." Voldemort considers, staring at an older Lily.
"Don't kill Harry!" She screams, holding the baby close to her.
"AVADA KADAVRA!" He utters. Lily falls, screaming in agony, before she dies.
I can't let her go.
"LILY!" I shout at the figure in the distance. I see her turn to me with her hands on her hips. I run up to her and hug her to me tightly.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." I whisper hurriedly, trying to get the prophecy out of my head. She wraps her arms around me.
"I'm sorry too." She says, oblivious to the thousands of meanings of my apology. I break away from the hug and grab her hand, walking her back to where we were.
"I'm sorry, Lily. I didn't mean to offend you. It's just very hard for me to open up – I-I need you to understand that." I say, my voice pleading. I walk back over to the tree and sit at its trunk, my head bowed.
"I know. I'm the one who should be saying sorry. I guess I'm so used to – " She begins, but I cut her off.
"Please, continue that sentence later. If I don't talk now, I don't think I ever will." I admit.
"Go ahead." She replies, rubbing my back. I take in a shaky breath.
"Tobias got angry – no furious – at me for drinking 'his' coffee. After X number of years, I let the anger control me and I yelled and shouted at him." I whisper, disgusted with myself and Tobias.
"And?" She prompts, sensing more.
"And…and I told him that he was wrong to tell me off for drinking coffee when there is nothing else left in the house."
"Well, you are right you know." She says. I close my eyes and take another breath.
"I told him he is no father of mine." I whisper feebly. I feel tears threatening to overflow as I realize that I had always believed it.
"Oh, Sev." She whispers, taking me and holding me close to her. I stay motionless.
"You know what though?" She asks in a slightly upbeat tone.
"What?" I mumble, trying to break free from her grasp. It isn't manly to feel emotions or to show invulnerability.
"Now, don't get angry, but I thought that something, much, much more terrible had happened. You need to be more positive!" She says, relieved. "Now, how about we go by my place for some hot chocolate?" Lily asks, trying to lighten the mood. Unable to disappoint her I stand up and offer her a half smile, despite feeling like crap.
"Sounds great." I say, my voice fake.
"It's a plan then. Come on!" She says, grabbing my hand. We walk and walk and I surprise my self at how far I had wandered.
"How did you find me?" I ask curiously.
"I happened to see you stomping down the street but by the time I got outside you were out of sight. I ended up following your footprints in the snow." The Gryffindor responded, who like usual, never thinks about her safety.
The rest of the walk was quiet, the cold wind blowing over our faces, as I shiver. Eventually we reach her house and as we step in Lily takes off her jacket. I reach to take my jacket off when I fully realize that I am soaking wet and shivering to the bone. I must look utterly ridiculous and pitiful. Without a word I turn around and open the door to leave but Lily notices.
"Where do you think you are going?" She asks in a high voice with her hands on her hips.
"Lil, I am soaking wet and am ruining your carpet!" I whisper quickly so I do not attract any unwanted attention. I stiffen as another gust of icy wind blows in.
"How can you expect me to kick you out when you are shivering and will no doubt catch a cold!?" She raises her voice hence raising what I have come to know through out the years as the "Evans' Alarm". Inwardly groaning as Diane comes running into the hallway, she stops to see me with the door half open, shivering violently.
"Severus Tobias Snape, you get you're freezing behind into this house this instant young man!" Diane orders. I shut the door and glower at Lily for telling her mother my middle name. She just pokes her tongue at me just as Diane begins to talk.
"Now come into the lounge so we can dry you by the fire." Diane insists, wiping her hands on her apron. I stand still.
"I prefer not to wreck your carpet." I reply. Without a word, Diane grabs me and drags me into the lounge (with help from Lily). She pulls out a couch and positions it next to the fire while Lily runs off to the kitchen.
"Sit." She demands. Defeated and tired, I sit down and un-admittedly feel my body relax and warm up as the fire's warmth reaches me. Diane grabs a blanket and covers me with it (much to my embarrassment yet liking), then leaves the lounge. I stare into the fire, losing myself in my thoughts until Lily returns.
"I hope you like marshmallows!" Lily says, handing me a delicious cup of hot chocolate as she sits down at my feet.
"Thank you Lils." I say, snuggling into the chair. Lily sits beside me and as we sip our drinks, Petunia walks down the stairs, humming to herself quietly. As she passes the lounge room and notices me, the humming stops and she walks briskly down the hallway with a disgusted face.
"Sev, what would you like to do when you leave school?" Lily asks out of the blue, idly kicking her feet while warming her hands to the fire.
"I'm not sure." I say, not having thought about the subject. "I'd imagine something like a Healer, or an Aurora. How about you?" I ask as I drink the remains of the hot chocolate.
"Oh, probably an Aurora. I can't imagine being anything else." Lily says as the clock chimes 5 o'clock.
"I better go." I say to Lily, getting up from the chair. I glance over at Lily to see her staring into the bottom of her cup.
"Ok." She says, her voice muffled by the cup. Putting the cup down on a table and folding the blanket, I walk out to the door and grab my still-damp jacket, with Lily following closely behind.
"Please tell you're mum thanks for everything." I say. Lily nods. I walk out into the freezing night.
"Well…goodnight." I say, unsure of myself.
"Good night." She says, before clicking the door shut. I turn to face the street, which is covered in snow, and start the walk back to Spinners' End. I don't know what would prompt such a person to call a street Spinners' End…sounds like a spider's hovel. As a child I heard of lots of different names for the street, but majority of the names seemed to be reserved for my house, which happened to be at the end of the street, closest to the river. Spinners' End's End, it's known as, or stupidly enough and despite it being the street name, Spinners' End. The further down the street you go, the darker it gets, even though there are still the same number of street lamps. To anybody who passes by the street, my house is invisible. It is the only quality about the house that I love, but for once, all I want is some lovely suburban home with a father who makes money and comes home to kiss his wife and ruffle their child's hair…a normal home.
I sigh as I walk past the park, empty and barren, and know that it isn't too far away until I reach home. The only real reason why I AM going home is because I need to prepare for Hogwarts, otherwise I would just stay out in the park like I did as a child. I always feel uncomfortable at Lily's, like I am intruding or a burden.
I take the last few steps up to the doorway, and walk through the entrance sneakily. Ignoring the sounds from the lounge room I walk straight up to my bedroom and strip off my clothes to put on clean dry ones. As I lie down on the bed, I tryto take Lily's advice on thinking 'positive'. The most positive thing being, obviously, being Lily. I have never seen anything good in myself, but Lily...she can help me see something more. She gives me hope. It is then that I get a sudden epiphany. Considering everything, there is one thing I am sure of: I am Severus Tobias Snape, potion maker, spell creator and Dark Art's 'Professor', and that everything in the past has made me who I am; that everything happens for a reason.
Hello All!
What's with Snape's mood swings? What's going to happen to his home life after talking to Tobias like that? ...
I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, and that it wasn't too confusing! Please, if you have any questions or comments, PM me and I will reply promptly.
I will update my other story, My Own, soon.
Please Read and Review as per usual, and have a great day everybody :D
Love Angela (Missteque).