Saturday,

December 21st, 2013

"Wow. It's so… Christmassy."

Aiden laughed as he followed Jade's gaze from the small Christmas tree in the corner, to the green and red socks with 'Aiden' and 'Jade' sewed on them hanging on the wall, and lastly to the Christmas lights fastened around the doorframe of his apartment door. "Yeah. Just like every year, little sis."

"But the lights are new." Loudly sighing, Jade let herself fall backwards onto Aiden's couch. "So I'm guessing we're celebrating here?"

"Don't say it like it's some kind of disease. It's Christmas! Show some spirit!" A grin took a hold of his face as he sat down next to her, playfully punching Jade's shoulder. "We can do it however you want. But since your apartment lacks any trace of Christmas, I'd say-"

"Hey," Jade interrupted with a held up finger, "I do have a small tree."

"Really?" he asked, although it didn't sound like a question at all, raising skeptical eyebrows. Jade shrugged and rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Tori brought it."

"And she's still alive?"

"Of course she's still alive. Don't be ridiculous." Aiden meant to deliver his words as a joke and actually thought Jade would regard them as such, but he realized that today apparently wasn't such a good day for humor. The way she sat there, all slumped, her arms crossed and eyebrows drawn together in annoyance, Aiden knew immediately that something had to be wrong with his sister. While Aiden learned over the years – mainly Jade's high school years – that the best way to get her to talk is let her be and let her deal with it on her own until she was ready to tell him about it, the constant worry he had for her ever since Amelia died had him tight in his grip. Fear had been nagging at him for years now, every time Jade wasn't feeling well. Even if Jade thought otherwise – and he wasn't sure if she did, or if she knew that he knew – Aiden knew that she had been suicidal. He had seen the enormous amount of sleeping pills she had thrown into the trash; more than once actually. Did he confront her about it? No, he didn't, and he hated himself for that every day. What kind of brother was he, just watching his own sister dangling on the edge of death, playing the guessing game at night while he wondered, tremulously, if she had gone through with it this time? But he couldn't talk to her; he just couldn't, because he just knew what kind of questions she would have thrown at him.

What do I have to live for?

Can you promise me that it will get better?

Can't you understand me?

He wouldn't have had any answers to her questions, except… except to her last one. Yes. Yes, I can, and that was probably the worst thing. He understood why she didn't want to live anymore, he understood that life got harder and harder for her with every day, and he understood that Amelia had always been her life source, that one person that always kept her emotionally charged up. He understood her. Without that source, how could she live on?

She managed though, for what Aiden would be eternally grateful. But still, every time Jade didn't act like herself or she got that… that look in her eyes, Aiden feared that this time, she wouldn't manage. With that thought taking a hold of his brain once again, Aiden bit the corner of his lip and shifted on the couch. "You're… not really in such a good mood, are you?"

Jade didn't look at him as she sighed irritably. "I've felt better."

"Is it because of Lia?"

"God, I wish," she scoffed and shook her head, training her gaze on a spot up at the ceiling. Jade's answer made Aiden's eyebrows crease in confusion. "What does that mean?"

Jade's eyes rolled before her eyelids closed and hid them from Aiden's sight. "Nothing. I'm just feeling a little… under the weather."

"I see," Aiden mumbled thoughtfully, getting back to nibbling on his lip before he let his attention stray from Jade; his eyes took in the small box still filled with a couple of Christmas decorations he meant to put up. "You could help me put the rest of the decorations up," he offered suddenly and turned back to his sister, just in time to see her snap her eyes open while she turned towards him.

"Now why would I do that?"

"Because."

Pushing out an annoyed breath, Jade sat up and started to look through the box, freezing when her hands fell on a little plastic object. Aiden watched her fumble it out, freeing it from the red tinsel that had wrapped itself around it. "A mistletoe? Why do you need that? Do you have someone to kiss?"

She raised an eyebrow at him while he shrugged his shoulders. "Nope. But it came together with something else, I think. It was cheap, so I bought it."

Jade nodded and lowered her gaze to the mistletoe in her hands. Aiden wondered what was going on in her head in that moment, as her fingers gently stroked across the green object. "Can I have it?" Her quiet tone broke through the silence. Aiden's eyes snapped from her hands up to her face, still lowered as she looked at the mistletoe. He slowly nodded. "Sure. Take it." He paused, then asked "Why do you want it?"

His sister shrugged. "It reminds me of her." Finally, she lifted her head and softly, almost sadly, smiled at him.

And there he saw it. The small flicker in Jade's eyes, telling him that a part of Jade would always be missing.

...

Robbie looked up from his phone when a horn was honked two quick times, a smile appearing on his face as he watched Tori's car approach. He lifted his hand in a wave and as Tori came to a stop, he quickly opened the passenger side door and jumped in, escaping from the biting cold into the warm confines of Tori's car. "Oh dear, it's cold," he exclaimed, rubbing his hands together before fastening his seatbelt.

"No one our age says oh dear, Robbie." Tori let out a laugh and stepped on the gas pedal.

"I do. And-"He stopped suddenly and shifted in his seat when he felt something hard underneath him. Reaching for the object, he grabbed it off the seat and held it in front of him. "Oh, I sat on your phone."

"My pho-" She glanced at Robbie. "Oh, that's Jade's. She must have forgotten it yesterday."

"Jade's…"

"Yeah. We were ice-skating."

"That's nice," Robbie cheerfully said as he put Jade's phone into the small compartment in the car door, "You two had fun?"

"Yeah, we really did. She was in a really bad mood at first, a little prissy about going onto the ice," Tori laughed, "But when she realized that it wasn't really that hard and that it actually is fun… she had a really good time. So did I."

Robbie's smile faltered a little when his eyes took in the look on Tori's face. Her head was tilted as she concentrated on the street in front of her, her lips curling into an almost dreamy smile. "Is Tori gay?" Cat's words from over a year ago suddenly appeared in his head and Robbie wondered if he really was that dense. He thought about it for a long time now, but always pushed it to the back of his mind again, thinking that it probably was just imagination. But… it wasn't. The way Tori looked at Jade, the way she talked about her, the ridiculous amount of time she spent with her. Those were signs, Robbie realized, almost shocked. Signs that Tori was in love. With Jade.

"Please be careful, Tori." He ran his tongue over his dry lips as Tori's eyebrows drew together.

"What, I'm not over the speed limit."

"No, I meant-"He sighed harshly and rubbed a hand over his face, his glasses almost falling off his nose. "I meant with Jade."

As he had expected, Tori's confusion only grew. "What do you mean, careful with Jade?"

"I know you have feelings for her."

The car suddenly fell silent, aside from Debbie Gibson belting out 'Sleigh Ride' on the radio. Robbie internally cursed himself for just squeaking it out like that; glancing at Tori, he saw that he obviously made her uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to… I'm just… I'm just worried, that's all."

"I'm not going to do anything to her," she said quietly, keeping her eyes straight ahead, "I don't want to take her away from anyone. I'm her friend and… I don't want to hurt her."

The tone of her voice pierced his heart, painfully slicing into it and making him feel even worse for being such an insensitive jerk. "No Tori, I know that. I'm more worried about you than Jade."

She shot him a surprised glance. "About me? You don't need to worry about me."

"I've never seen you really in love," he suddenly said, watching Tori take her bottom lip between her teeth. "But whenever I see you with Jade, I see it. But it's just…"

"Futile," she offered wistfully, a sad half-smile playing on her lips.

Instead of agreeing or disagreeing with her, Robbie simply sighed and placed his hands on his thighs.

"Jade can be… very unstable. Amelia is still such a huge influence factor in Jade's life and I don't think that will ever really change. Don't get me wrong, I would be so happy for both of you. But… what Jade and Amelia had… was different. Special. And I want you to be aware of that because I don't want you to get hurt by building up false hopes."

Tori shook her head. "I'm not. I know where I'm at." She grew quiet when she spotted a parking spot not far from the jewelry store where Robbie wanted to get Cat's Christmas present, accelerating a little to make sure no one else would snatch it up. When the car was parked to her satisfaction, Tori shut the engine off and, with a sigh, slumped against the car seat. "I don't have a chance. How could I? How could I compare to such a woman," she pushed out bitterly, shaking her head, "I know Amelia is like some sort of… goddess in Jade's eyes. There's no room for anybody else."

A sharp breath rushed through Robbie's teeth. "It's not like that, Tori. They were… so in love with each other. You spent time with them and you just knew by the glances they would send each other that there was nothing but love and pure adoration between them. It's… That's what I meant with 'different' and 'special'." When Tori turned her head towards him, he sighed sadly and shook his head. "It's a love that no one believes exists until they've experienced it. Some never will experience it. But Jade had it. And then she lost it. Can't you imagine her pain?"

…

Jade thoughtfully sucked in her lip, her eyes staring at the small Christmas tree on her coffee table, her fingers playing with the plastic mistletoe in her hands.

She shifted on the hard floor, stretched her back before letting it rest against the sofa again, and blew out a breath, narrowing her eyes at the tree as if it would start talking to her and answer every question she had, would she just stare at it long enough. But even if it started talking… what would she ask?

What kind of stupid stunt her heart pulled yesterday when Tori had caught her?

Why she had felt so…weird?

How it was possible for Jade to have missed how nice Tori's eyes are, or how incredibly soft her lips-

"Whoa!" Jade looked at the tree in shock, then laughed uncomfortably and shook her head. "Don't do this," she told herself, "This isn't good, Jade. Stop thinking about Tori in that way. No. Stop thinking about Tori period."

When she realized what she was doing, Jade let out a deep groan, squeezed her eyes shut and threw her head back. Now she was scolding herself. What was wrong with her? Why did she suddenly think about Tori in that way? She let her head fall forward again but kept her eyes shut, lifting one hand from the mistletoe to rub her forehead, maybe even rub out every thought she had about Tori. Maybe it was just attraction. That was probably all there was to it. After all, Tori was very pretty and it had been a pretty long time since Jade had…well… contact to somebody else. It was normal, a carnal instinct. Really nothing to worry about, she told herself, over and over again, until the sound of the doorbell pulled her out of it.

She got to her feet, glad that some kind of distraction would wait on the other side of the door, although a part of her already feared that it would be exactly the person she needed distraction from, and after pushing the small button and waiting for her visitor to come up, the sight of a brunette head made her heart plummet into her stomach. "Hey," she greeted a little out of breath, that big smile on her face, "I just thought you might miss this." Jade's eyes moved to Tori's hand which waved her phone at her.

"Oh yeah. I was wondering where I put it."

When Jade reached for it and Tori's skin brushed hers, she mentally scolded herself for having the urge to recoil her hand; this wasn't the first time they've touched and Jade sure as hell wouldn't start to make a big deal out of it now, now that her libido had decided to go crazy. "Do you… want to come in?"

Tori shook her head and Jade surprisingly felt her heart sink in disappointment. "No, no, I just wanted to give your phone back. I still have to pack. My flight goes tomorrow, remember?"

"Right. I forgot about that." Jade nodded, a little to herself, and took a deep breath. "Well, then. Have a good flight. And Christmas. A great Christmas, of course."

"Thank you. You too." She opened her mouth but then bit down on her lip, hesitating for a second, before reaching into her bag and pulling out a small square package, wrapped in blue Christmas wrapping paper with candy canes and teddy bears. "I um… have something for you. For Christmas." She handed it to her with a shy smile; Jade took it, frowning. "I don't have anything for you."

"Oh, that's okay. I didn't expect anything. I just saw this and… yeah. It's nothing special, so don't get too excited. But don't open it before Christmas! Santa will know it."

Jade's lips twitched into a weak smile. "Thanks, Tori. That means a lot to me."

Tori breathed out a chuckle, raising her eyebrows. "Don't thank me yet. You might hate it."

"I'm sure that won't happen."

With a slow nod, Tori took a step back. "I have to go now," she said, lifting her hand in a wave, "Bye."

"Bye, Tori."

Jade stood in the doorway until she heard the door downstairs close, only then did she get back inside and closed the door behind her. Glancing at the package in her hand, Jade sighed, shook her head and placed it on the table before slowly padding into her bedroom.