BitterSweet, Chapter 20:
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling hence do not own any of the characters etc. etc.
Severus Snape's POV:
"Severus what on earth is going on here? I know that you are a developing boy, but sex in my quarters is not allowed!" Professor Slughorn almost shouts, waving his hands about in no certain manner. I feel myself blush and immediately grab my coat to cover myself.
"Sir, that uh…isn't the case at all. Lily was checking a wound on my arm and I guess the amount of blood caused her to faint." I explain, letting the cloak slip so he can see my wound. I've never felt so embarrassed!
"Oh my, well, yes of course you're right Severus. I know you wouldn't do anything like … that. Gryffindors maybe, but you, no." He mumbles, slightly grimacing at the sight of my wound. He takes a long look at Lily, making me even more uncomfortable. "Severus, I think you should take her to Madam Pomfrey."
"How?"
"Oh, I'll help." He says, perhaps suddenly remembering he has a duty as a teacher. He takes out his wand and casts 'Wingardium Leviosa' and levitates Lily to the Hospital Wing. Somewhat covered I follow Slughorn and Lily. As I walk out of the Slytherin dungeons I hear chuckles quickly followed by hushing. I look around me and hold my arm lightly as I warily watch the fluttering of robes of the students. A feeling of worry washes over me and I can't help but feel that something bad is in the planning.
We arrive at the Hospital Wing and Madam Pomfrey immediately takes Lily over to a bed. She props her legs up, keeping her feet above her heart. After checking her blood pressure and pulse she attends to me with the same interestedness as she did with Lily. Despite having no personal connection with Madam Pomfrey, I don't feel as highly opposed to show my wound but I suppose that is thanks to my somewhat frequent 'visits' to the Hospital Wing with Madam Pomfrey becoming a motherly figure to me. I carefully remove my robes to expose my wound and I watch Madam Promfrey's face as it grimaces in response. I can't help but think my wound is worse then I believe.
"Severus, is there any point in asking how you obtained this wound?" Madam Pomfrey kindly asks. Slughorn peaks around the curtain, glimpses my wound and then disappears behind the curtain again.
"Probably not." I reply quietly, looking over at Lily. Lily is still unconscious although colour is returning to her cheeks – I breathe a sigh of relief. Madam Pomfrey takes a step back, looking at my wound, trying to decide what to do. She grabs a sterilized bandage and forces me to sit down, holding the bandage on my wound. Lily slowly stirs awake and Madam Pomfrey rushes over to her. Lily's cheeks are fully flushed as she sits up and realizes where she is. Resigned, she sinks back onto the bed, reaching her hand up to her forehead. I hope she hasn't hurt her head – or I haven't for that matter. As if she read my thoughts, Madam Pomfrey asks Lily if her head hurts.
"Oh no, I'm just feeling a little…flushed." She replies, removing her hand. Her eyes flicker over to me in my seat and she begins to get up, but Madam Pomfrey refrains her, assuring her that she needs to rest. Oh, how I want Lily to come running over to me. My body reacts, a force pulling from the centre of my stomach to move towards Lily – the sensation is bittersweet in the sense that our separation and my unwillingness to move is painful yet the desire is tingling and ever growing. Frustrated, I lift my hand from my injured arm – the change in pressure numbing the wound – and rush my hand through my oily hair. Lily gasps and Madam Pomfrey follows her focused eyes to look at me.
"Lily, turn your head away and lie down. Severus, continue to apply pressure to that wound." She commands as she manually closes the curtains to block Lily from my sight, while conjuring a glass of water for Lily as she exits my curtained off section.
"Severus, this is a serious wound." She says upon returning, conjuring a damp cloth. She slowly comes closer, her hand slightly outstretched. "Please excuse me, Mr. Snape, but you have managed to smear blood all over your forehead." She states matter-of-factly.
Great.
Slowly and carefully she wipes my forehead, my brow retracting at the gentle touch, my frown deepening. This is why Lily was turned away from me – the blood. Instantly the temporarily relieved stress returns as I think about how this is my fault that Lily is even here. Although, it is fair to say, she did force me. How much can I resist? I feel my cheeks heat slightly at the idea of me and Lily… maybe someday, if whichever God up there was truly watching out for me.
When Madam Pomfrey finishes cleaning my blood stains she wraps my arm tightly with a bandage before allowing me to see Lily again. I walk over to Lily slowly. She watches me intently with an indefinable, mixed expression.
"Are you ok?" I ask gently as I stand beside her bed. She scoots over on the bed and pats her hand on the free space, inviting me to sit beside her.
"Yes, although a bit embarrassed – I can't believe I fainted!" she says, raising one hand to over her face. If only she knew what position Professor Slughorn caught us in! Having nothing to say, I don't respond and begin to fiddle with the hem of my robe. Lily delicately places her soft hand atop of mine. The simple touch makes my heart beat faster. I look around to make sure nobody sees the gesture and gratefully notice that Madam Pomfrey has left the room.
"How are you?" Lily asks with a detectable hint of anger.
"I'm fine, though a bit sore. Are you angry at me for showing you?" I question, curious as to the truth of the theory that women say one thing but mean another – I could quite understand! Lily looks at me angrily.
"I am angry, Sev, because you wouldn't have shown me otherwise – how can I help you if you don't even tell me what's wrong?"
"Lily, I don't always need your help." I answer firmly. Lily withdraws her hand and crosses her arms. A quick reminder of the prophecy flashes into my head when I had said similar things but used 'mudblood' instead. "What I mean is, you don't need to know everything." I say, attempting to patch things up but miserably failing as Lily turns away from me. Before I can utter another word, Madam Pomfrey reenters the room.
"Severus, I think I will keep you both here tonight – please go to bed so that Lily can rest." She requests, frowning slightly.
"It's only 9 o'clock!" I say, my protest earning a stern look from Madam Pomfrey.
"You both need your rest, particularly you, Mr. Snape. Your injury will not heal overnight" She responds. With a grunt of consent and a mature roll of my eyes I lift myself off Lily's bed and move over to my own, which are inconveniently a few beds away. I lie down and relish in the comfort of the bed. My eyes begin to droop despite the lightness of the room and as I tiredly look over to Lily, who is now propped up in bed, reading, I recognize that the beds separating us are empty – a fact that Pomfrey wouldn't have overlooked. As sleep overcomes me, I am satisfied to let all thoughts die.
When I wake up I hear low murmuring and giggling. My vision is slightly blurry and I look across groggily in Lily's direction. I recognize her figure and also that somebody is keeping her company. As my vision becomes sharper it takes less then a second to recognize the glasses, and even less time to realize what's going on. Potter, alone, is wooing Lily. My girlfriend. I could kill him. But do I dare to interrupt? What excuse would I have for going over there? As I contemplate what to do next, Madam Pomfrey enters the room and ushers Potter away. Potter slyly picks Lily's hand up to his lips and plants a kiss from his lips onto her hand. She blushes in response and as he is shooed out by a flustered Pomfrey, Potter's expression is the one I hate the most: triumph. I feel the hate and hurt flow throughout me. That cheating bastard. How in Merlin's name do I deal with this? Can I truly believe that Lily has betrayed me, and so storm up there in frustration, cursing him and glowering at her? Or do I wait to see if the angelic Lily will tell me about it? Does the fact that he has been here for a while mean that she hasn't shooed him away, or that he is too bloody arrogant to leave? Should I trust anything?
As the last images of him and Lily fade way, Lily sinks back into her bed, Madam Pomfrey hands me a glass of water which I drink readily, enjoying the syrup-taste. As I lie back down again, my eyes begin to droop again, and my mind is willing to once again succumb to the darkness of sleep instead of facing the challenges ahead.
Soft, warm, slightly moist and lightly scented are the words to describe what it is I feel when I wake up. My lips respond quicker then my eyes as they begin to move delicately against the lips that so magically woke me up. Whoever's lips they are, I almost couldn't care. My delayed eyes, closed half with sleep and half with pleasure, stutter open to see a mass of red hair, highlighted by the sun filtering through the Infirmary window. Lily's hands curl powerfully around my head as she lies down on my bed, half on me, half on the bed. The pressure of her body against mine sends my head reeling, even if I'm not carrying her full weight. Our lips continue to dance, so intoxicatingly sweet that I am almost embarrassed so much emotion can come from me. Lily tightens her hold of my head as she pulls my head slightly toward her, our lips pressed tightly together for second before she completely lets go and sits up. I sit up too, making more room for her on the bed and hiding my body's aching desire from view. That would embarrass me. Even the idea that I am so aroused embarrasses me, but then I look at her, and know, as it becomes harder, that it is only natural. Attempting to pull myself away from those sort of thoughts I rush my hand through my now-thoroughly greased hair and look at her. She grins at me and I grin back, only too happy.
"Good morning." I greet, looking at her.
"Morning Sev." She says, looking at me with laughter in her yes.
"I have to admit Lils, I've never been woken up as pleasantly as that before." I admit, trying to fill the silence. She giggles.
"You were so cute. I've never seen you so surprised before!" She exclaims, laughing. "Severus Snape caught unawares by an array of kisses – who would have thought it was the key?"
"What, the key to catch me by surprise?" I ask. She eagerly nods in response.
"I guess you'll have to wake me up like that more often…" I suggest, shocked that the words are mine, but not caring as she leans closer, our bodies closing distance. Her lips reach my cheek and she whispers "I'll certainly have to" before giving me a last kiss. She pulls away and flits over to her bed. My mind can't help but replay the scene again and again, despite my problem getting bigger and bigger. As I turn and lie on my stomach to hide it, Madam Pomfrey enters the room.
"Lily dear, you can attend normal classes today, just try not to strain yourself for the next few days. You can go back to your common room now and freshen up before classes begin." Madam Pomfrey announces, folding Lily's sheets as she stands up.
"Can I see Severus first?" She asks innocently.
"No, he is sleeping." If only she knew! "You will see him later, I suppose." She excused. Not being able to protest by telling her of our morning delight, Lily leaves and Madam Pomfrey walks over to me, closing the curtains behind her.
"Severus, wake up dear. You can attend classes today when you're ready, but I do need to regularly check up on you. Your wound is very deep although it seems to have gained its depth not from your original injury –whatever that may have been- but because you have been moving it too much, and the fact that you removed whatever it was that was lodged in there by yourself. Your muscular fibers have been torn apart and this isn't and easy thing to cure. I am afraid it will take some time for you to fully heal." She says gently. I sigh.
"But, we will start by freshening up. You can use the infirmary bathroom, your clothes are already there, and when you're ready you can head off to the Hall for breakfast." She says, after thanking her briefly, she walks away and when she is out of sight I quickly slip out of the bed and briskly walk over to the bathroom. I turn on the shower while I strip down then take the plunge into the shower. My limbs automatically freeze up, the cold water numbing everything and finally taking care of…that issue. When my lower half is once again normal, I turn the hot water on full blast, reveling in the bellowing puffs of steam that rise up and out of the shower. I wet my hair and attempt to clean it, but with none of that muggle shampoo potion, my attempts are to no avail. When my body is thoroughly pink I, almost unwantingly, close off the water and change into my fresh black robes.
Clean and fresh I walk into the Great Hall to grab a piece of toast. The first class is Potions, with Lily. I walk to the Potion's classroom with the toast half-eaten in my hand and sit down in the regular spot as Lily enters and sits next to me. As the class settles, Slughorn enters the room, his shifty eyes making me once again uncomfortable.
"Well, boys and girls, today, as you are all coming of age, and as, as this may be an issue for some of you, today we are going to make a … contraception potion." He announces sheepishly, his stuttering unnoticed as surprised, excited and disgusted comments rouse from the students. Slughorn looks around at everyone, purposely avoiding looking at our table. The murmurs get louder around the classroom as a few girls laugh and a few boys snicker at their own petty jokes.
"James, you might have to actually remember this one!" Sirius shouted, making me snort.
"Now, I want you all to, to pair up with a member of the, the opposite sex and remember that this is only for practice, not for anything…else." He announces awkwardly as he motions to the blackboard that illustrates the ingredients and methods. Lily looks at me and giggles before going to get the materials. I follow her, but we're both stopped in our tracks by Slughorn.
"Now, Severus, I have to apologize for my lack of trust in you m'boy., as my student and as a Slytherin, I should have known better….although the incident between you and Lily was very promiscuous…I am glad to see you're both well." He finally spits out, loud enough for even Dumbledore to hear.
"Uh, that's ok Professor." I excuse, gently pushing Lily forward to get past him. I internally groan as I realize what made Slughorn choose this potion.
We finally manage to gather all of the ingredients but we are interrupted again, this time by the toerag.
"Lily, so you know, you don't have to know this potion when we get it on – I don't mind if you have my babies." He says in his try-hard smooth voice. I almost gag. Lily just rolls her eyes at him, deciding to push past him while I glower at him. Once we settle at our desk we work away at our project, which for obvious reasons, had to be a joint project. I grab the bag of dried, mixed berries and crush them while Lily mixes the other ingredients together in the cauldron. Crushing away, determined to destroy any seeable particle – convinced that they are all wearing glasses – Lily stops working and stares at the blackboard. I look at her briefly.
"Something wrong?" I ask. She shakes her head slightly, refocusing on her task.
"I just think this is going too far." She replies. My blood drains – what? How can she tell me that after she kissed me like that!
She looks at me and notices my badly hidden, bewildered expression. "The potion - it seems a bit….too realistic for a school project. Almost invasive." She says, albeit quietly. I look up at the instructions and understand what she meant: 'Step 7: the partner must take a hair of the other partner's delicately and, if possible, with love.' It read. I grunt.
"You're kidding." I complain. Lily and I both look over at Slughorn who had obviously been watching as us, his quick look away and sudden interest in the grooves of his desk confirming my fear. I moan in embarrassment.
"What is it?" Lily asks. I look at her from the corner of my eye.
"Slughorn made us do this today because of what he saw of you and me the other night…he sort of found us in a…odd position." I explain in hushed tones. Despite my attempt to be quite, Lily bursts out laughing. I cross my arms.
"I don't think it's so funny." I state, unamused. How can she se this as humorous? Lily giggles.
"I can't believe that he thought you…and I…" She says, unable to finish from laughter. I feel my body close up and my blood boil.
"That you and I were, what, together?" I remark sarcastically, deciding that the berries need to be crushed into individual atoms. Lily is about to reply but Slughorn begins his rounds, starting with us.
"Now, now, you two need to stop chatting and get to work." He says, a little out of character. Lily nods solemnly and turns to me, putting her hands into my hair. I give her a wild look before realizing what she's doing. Her hands gently massage my scalp, the anger and frustration becoming distant until she plucks a single strand from my head.
"Ow." I exclaim, rubbing my head. Lily, not paying any attention to my response, is taking out her hair band, letting her hair loosely curl around her face.
"Your turn." She says, turning to me. I look at my hands, which seem dirty and grubby and I rub them on my robe, determined to rid them of any dirt that could contaminate Lily's angelic hair. I slowly rise my hands up to her face, gently cupping it for a second before allowing my hands to roam in her hair. As my hands feel about, I am aware that I am being stared at – either by Potter, Slughorn or both – but I know, as I stare back into the green eyes I love, that I am also being stared at by the one I love, her eyes penetrating mine, and as I gently pluck the single strand of golden hair with all the love I possess, I know that she loves me too, to allow me to have a piece of her.
We add our strands of hair, my piece falling quickly down into the cauldron, weighed down by the dirt and oil while Lily's strand gently floats down, like a feather, the golden colour standing out among the deep, blood ruby colour of the potion.
When we handed in our bottled projects, I couldn't help but notice the variation in colours –from a dark green to a light orange, nearly each vial contained a different colour. Suspicious, I handed over the potion to Slughorn, watching his eyes almost pop.
"Something wrong Professor?" I query, not impressed.
"NO, no Severus m'boy, everything is just…fine." He finishes. I walk out of the room into the dimness of the hallway and after saying goodbye to Lily, I make my way to the next class – Defense Against the Dark Arts. I climb the many stairs and enter the class room to see Mr. Reimers in the midst of a heated discussion with Dumbledore.
"Ah, Severus! I see you didn't get my notice through patronus – we will continue our study of patronuses individually this class, so I have sent the others into the library to read up. An essay on the Advantages and Disadvantages of using patronuses as communication must be written up by our next lesson." He says, looking stressed. I nod a little before turning to leave but Dumbledore, emerging from his silent position, decides to address me.
"Severus, I will need to be seeing you soon, on that previous issue." He announces in his raspy I-have-all-the-time-in-the-world voice. Nodding again, I make my way, again, back down the stairs to the library. Dumbledore is one of those curious people who, when are out of sight, are truly out of mind – and rarely does he interfere with the happenings of Hogwarts – a trait which I think I prefer then his meddling in my affairs. What could he possibly want to talk about?
When I enter the library I don't even bother to glance the main body of the library – I already know that countless, immoral, disgusting teenagers will be surrounding the table, their stupidity radiating from one person to the next. Instead, I make my way to my favourite secluded place. A little out of the way, my study spot is hidden from view, masked by the dim light and bookshelves, making it, to those who have stumbled upon it, disheartening in appearance as the table showcases its delicate spider webs and even-blanket of dust. Despite these attributes which discourage others, I find it enchanting that here, I can be completely undisturbed, that the circumstances of the space embrace me, rather then reject. One of the many quirks about my secluded study spot is that, by removing the text 'How long was Merlin's beard', I have access, though limited, to the restricted books' area. This fact seems to be a secret only my little spot has enlightened me with and upon my discovering it, I had placed a charm on it so I know if anyone were discover my spot.
After a stealthy glance about, I enter the space and sit down on the only chair, dumping my books on the empty, old table. I set up my quill and parchment before setting out to find the books. I find one or two and carefully carry them back, sure not to use my injured arm. I want to spend as little time as possible in the Infirmary.
A quick summary read of the books is all I need to begin the essay and before I know it, my hand moves freely across the parchment, my mind almost having no control as words form coherent sentences. To be honest, the essay may well be the easiest of my school life. As I scan through the books for some helpful statistics of the preferred use of a patronus as a method of communication, I stumble across a fact I had not known. According to P. Richardson, a patronus takes the form of something meaningful to the conjurer and holds powerful symbolic meaning, and that, under extreme circumstances, one's patronus can change. My brain begins to overload with explanations, excuses and questions, so much so that as I nervously fiddle with my piece of parchment wondering what a blob means in my life, I managed to miss the scheduled meeting with Dumbledore. As the dim light began to change and fade, I quickly realized my mistake and leapt up, running with ink on my hands and my essay and quill in my arms to Dumbledore's office. As I opened the door, I saw a grave Dumbledore, slumped in his chair, his eyes staring deep into mine as my arms lost all feeling and all that I held fell to the floor, the ink splattering across my black attire, the parchment drowning in stains.
Hello Everyone!
I am so sorry that it has taken me THIS long, this story has been in 'edit' phase for quite a while, and I'm just over seeing it lying around, so I figured that I'll just post it, the good with the bad, so I ask for forgiveness for any mistakes!
My Europe adventure was the most magical experience in the world, and I hope that everyone had a wonderful, magical Christmas break too.
Well, I hope that you enjoy this chapter, and please, please, please, please message me and tell me what you think, review etc. and if you believe I am losing my touch, or changing it too much from my first few chapters, please tell me so, for I am finding it a bit hard to keep track and fear that I am indeed losing my touch. I want to make this story as true and wonderful for all as much as possible.
I hope you all had a good weekend and enjoy the next week - I just think of it as 'another 5 days till the weekend!'
Lots of love,
Ange.