BitterSweet, Chapter 23:
Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling therefore do not own any of the characters etc. etc.
Severus Snape POV:
"Open up, Grandma." I encourage, supporting Grandma's head with one hand while pouring the potion into her mouth with the other. The habitual Pepper-Up Potion immediately restores a little colour to her otherwise marble cheeks.
"Thank you, my dear son." She responds, fondly patting my cheek with her shaky hand. Her strength has barely been returning, the process also being long and laborious on my part. I nod and gently place my hand over hers before withdrawing from her hold in order to apparate back to Hogwarts.
Slowly, I make my way to the Great Hall. As I near the entrance, somebody else reaches for the door.
"Hey, Sev." Lily greets in surprise, her hands still on the handle of the door. I blink at her slowly. It feels like forever since I've seen her last.
"Lily." I breathe. She glances at me, her eyes carefully scrutinizing my face before she opens the doors.
"Have something to eat and then we'll talk." She says softly as we enter the mainly deserted Hall. With a small nod, I make my way to the empty Slytherin table. I can't help but admit my surprise at Lily's mood – generally she is angry at me for not talking to her, regardless of whatever reasons I may have.
I choose an array of toasted bread as well as a pear and slowly pick away at the food. I feel somebody sit next to me and I look up from my plate to turn my attention to the person, too exhausted to brandish my wand as a precaution. With a little relief I recognize Lily, though it takes me a few moments later still to realize where we are.
"Lily, what are you doing?" I question, exasperated, as she reaches for a goblet of pumpkin juice which suddenly appeared. I quickly survey the Hall, gladly noting the lack of Slytherin presence.
"Why, enjoying breakfast." She retorts indignantly. "What's got your underwear in a twist?"
I give her a stern look.
"You are probably the first muggle-born to sit at the Slytherin table. Given the events of late, I don't think it's very wise."
Her eyes widen marginally as the words sink in.
"I never thought of that." She defends. I roll my eyes.
"Gryffindor." I mock. She just pokes her tongue at me.
"Why don't you come and join me at Gryffindor table?" She asks, turning around so her legs are either side of the chair, her body completely facing me. I wearily eye the table at the opposite side of the Hall.
"Maybe one day Lily, but not any time soon. I will wait for the day Potter grows up."
"But that will never happen!" She whines. I smirk at her.
"Exactly." I whisper, earning a playful slap and an accusatory "Slytherin".
"How about we eat by the lake?" She compromises. I just nod, take a few slices of toast and follow Lily out of the Hall. It wouldn't matter where I ate, so may as well make the little effort to make her content.
"It seems we're always out here." Lily comments.
"That's because we're safer together out here." I reason, taking a chunk out of a slice of toast. We walk harmoniously to the lake and sit down.
"So, where have you been the last few days? You've been so quiet during classes and every time I try to catch you out of class, you disappear."
Lily says. I finish my piece of toast and sigh – momentarily basking in the stolen moment of peace – before answering her. I hate having to answer to anybody and feel annoyed that I have to justify myself, but with even more annoyance I remember my promise to 'open up'.
"I've been making potions to sustain my grandmother's health – she was attacked by Death Eaters. Dumbledore only lets me attend to her after classes."
"Where have you been brewing?"
"In one of the less-used Potions' classrooms." I shortly answer, looking out over the lake.
"Considering you live with Professor Slughorn, why don't you ask to use his lab?" Lily questions.
"Playing twenty-one questions today, are we?" I snap back, irritated with the interrogation that was destroying my moment of peace. Lily physically shrinks back from me.
"I've got to go." I excuse as I get up and leave, unable to deal with her emotions as well. I head to the Herbology glasshouses, quelling the notions of guilt with anger – at her, at me, at the whole blasted world. Why does she constantly insist on prying everything from me? Am I never to keep my own counsel? As I near the glasshouses, my thoughts become more rational. Despite Lily's incessant questions, why did I react so much to her question regarding Slughorn? Annoyed, I realize it was in defense of the truth; a truth I'm too ashamed to admit even in the – dare I call it solitude – of my mind. I loathe the idea of being indebted in anyway to the man, to have to ask him for help. And most of all, I dread his questions, the responses, the untrusting glare. He's been eyeing me suspiciously ever since I asked for permission to enter the Restricted Section – and finally, it all makes sense. Slughorn must have known I was searching for the Horcrux book which not-so magically disappeared when he returned, drunk, mentioning the book, then again when I'd found it in my detention! He accidently, in a bid to hide it, put it in another pile of books, and when he realized his mistake, he confiscated it from the pile. I groan in frustration. That would mean that not only would he expect the worst from me and never trust me, but that the book will be more highly unobtainable then before.
Angrily, I shove the fanged geranium sprouts into the enhanced soil, still careful to separate the roots by 120 degrees to mould it into the stronger form of a trigonal planar. There's little point in having to redo the project due to a momentary lapse of control. With a slight huff, I flick my head in an attempt to move a lock of hair that is obstructing my view, made worse by the fact that my face is lightly sheathed in sweat – why must these damned glasshouses swelter? No wonder there are so many manifestations and mutations – I'm convinced that I'd mutate too, if I was constantly subjected to such a stifling climate. Much to my despair the lock of hair falls back into view, only to be matted down even more due to the ever-increasing sweat. All I need is a moment to pull my hair back or roll up my sleeves – something – but am unable to do so: my hands, plunged into the soil and holding the roots in place, cannot move for another thirteen minutes otherwise they will grow crooked and we'd all know what would happen then. In annoyance, I lift my head up and observe the long room, only to realize how truly alone I am. Everybody else is separated into groups of two or three, helping each other out in some form or another. Despite my solitude being of my own design, it'd be nice to have company, to have help and to help with no strings attached. But all I have to do is look closely at the groups – a Hufflepuff flicks dirt at a partner, a Slytherin plunges a pair of scissors into another member's unsuspecting pot to cut the roots – to remind myself of my wise decision to remain solitary, for such dunderheads would be sure to bring me to insanity with their sheer stupidity. It surprises me some of the students can even function, considering the obvious lack of brain cells.
With relief, at the thirteen minute mark I relinquish my hold on the roots and withdraw my soiled hands, managing to clean up with a simple charm. I walk over to the designated window for class projects and quickly levitate a Gryffindor's pot from the most advantageous position so that my pot gets the maximum sunlight the position offers.
Madam Sprout passes by, looks at my project happily and then announces: "You're free to go Mister Snape – well done. Five points to Slytherin."
With a quiet "thank you" I leave the boiling glasshouses and immediately make for the cool solitude of the dungeons.
I'm too worn and lethargic to get any joy out of my day. Lately, I've been feeling like a semi-dead corpse in class, the cloudiness in my mind and my slow thinking acting as a torture for me. After Divination, which only further exhausted my mind with boredom, I'm not even looking forward to having double Potions. Having been brewing endlessly in the previous few weeks, the Potions work quickly becomes monotonous and boring. With the constant brewing, my bicep has further enflamed and adds the extra element of physical pain while brewing, making the experience even worse. And finally, Lily – who I'd never complain of, except for the fact that she always manages to give me some emotional grief. Combining all three, I walk very hesitantly to the Potions room.
I walk into the room to see Lily already set up, despite Slughorn having not entered the room. I sit on my designated stool to her left and offer a curt nod of greeting which she responds to with a gentle squeeze of my hand. I flinch a little at the contact, my urge to completely withdraw difficult to manage in my angry state – for all the times I left her alone, can she not give me peace?
When Slughorn enters, I busy myself with rereading the method in my textbook to avoid actually brewing. I absently rub my (left/right?) arm, the wound screaming for attention. My arms are so fatigued that it's embarrassing to witness my lethargic movements.
"Sev, why don't you let me help you?" Lily asks quietly, breaking my from my internal complaining. I look at her from the corner of my eye to see her continuing to ground the skellets.
"I don't need your help." I answer back roughly, wishing she would just leave me alone.
"Why don't you make it easier on yourself at least and ask to use Professor Slughorn's lab?" She questions, putting the mortar and pestle down on the bench to turn to look at me.
"I wouldn't ask him for anything. I refuse to be indebted to that imbecile." I spit. Instead of recoiling, Lily crosses her arms across her chest but before she says anything, I bark at her to pay attention to the current bane of my existence – the potion. With a jolt, she returns her attention to the now-bubbling substance, but a critical glance at her posture and frustrated expressions signals that the conversation is far from over.
Finally, the class ends, my arm still hurting despite the minimal stirring; cutting newt's eyes seems harder then ever. As the class slowly filters out of the room, I stay behind to help Lily clean up, knowing I didn't really contribute as much as I should have done. But, as my mood slowly becomes more tolerable, Lily crosses her arms again and the melancholic cloud hovers over me once more.
"I seriously cannot believe you men! That is all it comes down to! Pride!" She concludes, never giving me half a chance to respond before she turns on her heel and walks over to Slughorn. I actually groan aloud at her plan which in all its Gryffindor pride is blatantly obvious to me. Noble Lily will ask help for the disadvantaged Severus. With doubt, I listen to the conversation.
"Hello Professor Slughorn!" Lily greets cheerfully.
"Why, hello Lily! How are you today?" Slughorn asks, entranced.
"I'm marvelous, thank you. I'd like to ask you a question though." She phrases.
"Of course, of course!" Slughorn encourages, sitting up straighter in his chair.
"Severus and I have a number of assigned projects set by the Headmaster and we were told we had to brew them out of class. The classrooms are rather daunting and cold – particularly for me, as I am not used to the tranquility of the dungeons. I was hoping to ask whether we could brew in your lab, considering Severus also resides there, making transportation of the ingredients and potions easy." Lily eloquently demands. Professor Slughorn looks at her with trust and adoration but then his eyes flicker to me, a wave of apprehension passing him.
"What projects?" Slughorn asks.
"A selection of potions for his personal stores – he wanted Severus and I to get as much experience as possible, as we're considering pursuing careers in Potions."
"And who better then my top Potions' students, eh? I suppose you can use the lab, provided they are thoroughly cleaned and my stores are restocked – and no late brewing on weekdays!" Slughorn concedes. Lily gives him a triumphant smile and a brief hug which he awkwardly returns before grabbing her books and walking out of the room without giving me a glance. In a scramble, I hurry out of the classroom to catch up with her.
"Your little speech back there made you quite a Slytherin." I compliment as I fall into step with her. She gives me a side look and snorts.
"You say that like you're surprised!" She jokes. "So, when do you want me to meet you at Professor Slughorn's apartments?" She asks.
"Thank you for what you did, but I can handle everything else myself."
She frowns at me.
"I simply have to prove your theory correct, that perhaps we need help when we least believe we need it – as happened with me, mere weeks ago." She justifies. I shift my books from one arm to the other, my wound searing in pain. Perhaps a little help wouldn't be disastrous.
"Slytherin." I mock. "Meet me there at seven o'clock. I'm sure you'll feel quite at home in the dungeons." I tease.
"I'm sure I'll feel quite at home in your chambers too!" She winks before speeding off up the stairs to Gryffindor Tower. I shake my head as I go back down stairs to Slughorn's apartments – I had followed her for no reason all the way up to the higher levels of the castle – and seriously wonder, as I slump onto my bed, what I've gotten myself into.
Without intending to, I manage to sleep through dinner and I'm convinced only the incessant knocking could have woken me from my deep sleep. I curse myself for my lapse in concentration as I make my way to the door. Merlin knows I have no time for sleep, especially with Grandma's declining health due to the lack of potions I am supposed to provide.
"What on earth took you so long?" A fiery Lily demands the moment I open the door. She walks in.
"I was asleep. Are we going to start these potions or not?" I snap.
"Yes." She replies somewhat calmly as she pulls of her shoulder bag and readies a cauldron.
"Tonight I will need to make a blood-replenishing potion, blood-thickening potion and an organ enhancer." I list, pacing in front of the table with the cauldrons. "Since you're most familiar with the former, you can begin that while I start on the others." I say. "The storage cupboard is just behind you." I gesture with my hand. "Now that we've finished the preliminaries, let's begin."
"Yes, Professor!" She mumbles sarcastically as we make our way to the storage cupboard. I roll my eyes. She just giggles and briefly touches her lips to mine before grabbing her needed ingredients and walking back to her cauldron.
As the potion continues on and on, the hours steadily passing by, I painfully create the potions while Lily, despite my protestations to get some rest, continues to prepare the ingredients. Good though she is at Potions, I couldn't dare afford to let her make a mistake. She helps me minimally here or there, stirring while I cut ingredients or visor versa. My arm is still burning with pain, but I dare not stop now – and with a groan, I realize I'm still yet to apparate. As we near the end of the last potion, Lily wordlessly begins to increase her control over the potions as my strength and stamina decreases.
"Have you eaten dinner, Sev?" Lily asks as he scoops the last Potion into everlasting phials – to be temporarily borrowed from Slughorn - looking at me as I rigidly collect the notes. I just shrug my shoulders, the words seeming too much effort to speak aloud.
"Any wonder you feel as ill as you look! Did you even bother to think that you would deteriorate further without energy?"
I angrily grab the vials from her. "You're not my mother. And it's all irrelevant – I have to go now." I say.
"No I'm not your mother. I'm your girlfriend and bullocks it's irrelevant! You are unlikely to be in any health to apparate Merlin knows where! I refuse to let you leave until you've eaten something!" She demands.
"Lily, I haven't got time for this." I warn. It's a wonder I thought it a good idea to let her help! She walks over to me and puts one of her hands in mine.
"Please?" She pleads. I narrow my eyes at her minimally.
"I'll be back in a sec." She chirps, swiftly kissing my cheek before running off through the main door.
While I wait for her to return, I gather the vials and pray that I've done enough to keep Grandma alive just one more month – until I can find a better solution. Lily comes barging back into the room, a small plate of roast beef and vegetables in her hands. She orders me to sit down and sets the plate in front of me while she conjures cutlery, yet when I'm about to put the fork into my mouth, I realize she's still watching as though I would trick her into thinking I'd eaten.
"Must you watch me?" I question tiredly. She crosses her arms across her chest.
"Knowing you and your Slytherin ways, yes." She retorts fairly. I roll my eyes for the hundredth time tonight and pick up tempo, all too aware that time is quickly passing by.
"I really must go." I say, standing up once I'd finished. Lily stands up too and gives a short nod before turning away to Slughorn's storage cupboard. Confused, I turn to grab the potions again, only to turn around to face an unsealed potion.
"Drink it." She orders. I eye the substance and give it a quick sniff to determine the nature before accepting it to be a Pepper-Up Potion. Somewhat relieved, I feel a little energy flow back into my body, my strength returning enough to safely apparate. I look at Lily who, I only now realize, is no more then three feet away. Wondering if I'm out of place but then deciding not to care, I slowly step forward and lower my head to hers to give her a kiss, hoping that it would suffice instead of a spoken thank you.
When I pull back to look at her I see that a spoken admission would indeed be required, and so, deciding to my sacrifice my already nearly destroyed dignity, I gather the bunch of vials and call out for Mercury, muttering "Thank you" in a low voice, deciding to let Merlin determine whether or not Lily hears it.
Hey all :)
Well, I was pretty proud that I managed to put up a chapter before the 6-month mark (sorry, again!) and with exams mere weeks away. Mind, as a result of said exams being close, this chapter isn't edited as much as previous chapters, so I ask for you to please excuse any errors. I fully intend to re-edit it after exams, and just figured that since I finished the chapter I may as well put it up so it can be enjoyed while I suffer in exams!
In this chapter, Severus isn't as attentive or alert as normal as a result of the constant stress and the fatigue he's dealing with. I'm really enjoying the way that Lily and Severus' relationship is developing, and hope you're all enjoying it too, just as I hope you've all enjoyed this chapter.
Please read and review. Reviews are love, and love is inspirational!
Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed - they've been some of the most inspirational words of my life. And we've also managed to hit over 100 reviews, a milestone I never thought to reach. So thank you :)
Hope you're all well and looking forward to Christmas which is once again looming (can you believe it?)
Love,
Angela
(Missteque)