A/N: What can I say. Ridin' the wave of inspiration :P Also, I have no life at the moment.

Her head was screaming for her to stop, shrill warning bells rang in her ears but her heart was banging so furiously against her ribcage that all she could do was move herself closer to those soft and delicious lips and, oh God, they were kissing her back.

She wouldn't let it happen again, she definitely wouldn't do the same thing she did to Amelia. Tori didn't deserve it, she just didn't. Jade hated herself for how she always made people feel like they made a mistake, even though they didn't and Jade was the sole problem, even though they were absolutely perfect. But why the hell was she kissing her? That surely wouldn't help the situation. Not at all.

But she just couldn't stop.

Jade pulled away enough to let her teeth sink into Tori's bottom lip, the surprised breath the brunette sucked in almost pushing her over the edge. A pair of slim arms snuck around her neck, pulled her closer, which was all Jade needed to throw all of her doubts and restrictions overboard. Jade's hands slipped from Tori's cheeks, her arms wrapping around Tori's waist and, God, she was so… soft and warm, and when Tori's tongue hesitantly brushed over her lip, something exploded deep inside of her. A groan rumbled through Jade's chest, a fierce fire building in her lower belly, burning away everything in her mind. Feet stumbled over themselves as Tori's back collided with the wall, Jade caging her in and continuing to caress the brunette's mouth with her own. This was what she wanted, needed, craved. This was everything she thought about since the ice rink. And man, it was even better than she had imagined it. One of Tori's hands slid over Jade's hair until it rested against her cheek. Warm shivers ran up Jade's spine when they pulled away from each other, eyes closed and mind and heart drinking up the feeling of Tori's thumb brushing over her bottom lip.

"Jade…" Her eyes fluttered open when Tori breathed her name against her mouth but almost immediately drooped shut when she leaned in again, capturing Tori's bottom lip between her lips. A light sigh – of relief, almost – rushed out of her and her hands took hold of Tori's hips before she slowly broke the kiss.

"Please don't say anything now," she pleaded in a hushed voice, her forehead falling against Tori's, "Please."

And she didn't. She just stood there, with Jade leaning on her, her right hand joining her left one in cupping Jade's face, thumbs soothingly running over the skin just underneath her eyes. Jade could feel Tori's chest against her own, rising up and down with every slow breath. Up and down, up… and down. After what felt like ages – in reality just a couple of minutes – Jade released a long breath but kept her eyes closed. "There you have it, Tori," she said calmly, "Everything is wrong."

That was all she said before she tore herself away from the brunette. Gaze kept on the ground, she took the couple of steps back to her door and turned the key around. Tori's voice, calling her name, reached her ears one last time before she walked inside and pushed the door shut. Loud knocks on the door and Tori's voice telling her to open up, made Jade realize what she had actually just done.

She had kissed Tori.

She had kissed… Tori.

One of the worst things she could have done and she did it. She did it. She kissed Tori. But man, what a kiss that was. Her head was still reeling, fingers tingling, lips and tongue still tasting Tori. "Jade, please open the door!" Three loud knocks. "Please, you can't… you can't leave me out here like that."

Oh, but she can… and she will. Because she was nothing more than a coward, just like she always had been. Closing her eyes and biting the inside of her lip, Jade let herself fall back against the door, the knocks vibrating against her spine and Tori's voice louder, clearer. "Please don't do this, please! Let's just talk about this! Please just open the door…"

Tori's voice suddenly faded away, then a thump against the door before one last time, Jade heard her. "Jade, please," she whimpered, God, she whimpered, and now Jade knew for sure that she screwed up once again. Tears gathered behind her closed eyelids, seeming to burn through her eyeballs. She bit back a sob and let out in a soft, pained whisper,

"I'm sorry."

…

"There you have it, Tori," she said calmly, "Everything is wrong."

The warmth of Jade's body suddenly left her all at once, her arms limply falling to her side. Tori blinked confusedly, realizing that Jade actually walked away, she, she opened the door and even though she called out her name, she didn't turn around. Eyes widened when the door was falling shut and now, finally, Tori's feet set into motion and her body pushed against the door but it was already too late. Her fist pounded against it, again and again, but there was nothing. Nothing. "Jade, open up! Open the door! Don't do this, open the door!"

What had just happened? Jade had kissed her. Tori's brain still couldn't really grasp the fact that it really happened. It wasn't some kind of hallucination, it wasn't a dream, it didn't just happen in her imagination. It was real. "Jade, please open the door!" She knocked another three times, her heart pounding in her chest, joining the rhythm of her fist hitting the dark wood. "Please, you can't… you can't leave me out here like this!"

Jade wouldn't do that. How could she do that? This wasn't fair, she didn't do anything wrong! She just wanted to talk to her, understand her. Again, Tori banged her fist against the door. Stubborn woman! Why wouldn't she just open that damn door?! "Please don't do this, please! Let's just talk about this! Please just open the door!"

Her teeth bit down on her lip, so hard, tears began to fall; tears of frustration, of anger, of disappointment and despair. Why was she doing this to her? There wasn't a single sound on the other side of the door and Tori felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest, stomped on a couple of times, then neatly put back behind her ribcage. Hands flatly against the door, knees sinking to the floor and heart breaking to pieces, Tori let her body fall against the sturdy wood and tried it one more time. "Jade, please."

But once again… there was simply silence.

Salty tears ran down her cheeks, landed on her lips, dripped down her chin. Tori held her breath, she held it and held it until she couldn't take it anymore and let a full blown sob break free. So desperately she wanted to turn back time and undo that kiss, because this, this was tearing her to pieces. Everything was gone, Jade was gone, Tori just knew it. That kiss completely destroyed their friendship, and oh God, why in the world did Jade kiss her?

Tori squeezed her eyes shut and let her head fall against the door. So if this was the downside of being in love… then she didn't think she ever wanted to be in love again.

…

Cat rang the doorbell for the third time and waited, impatiently tapping her foot. After another minute passed and the door still didn't open she had enough and pulled out the set of spare keys she got from Aiden, letting herself into Jade's apartment building. The redhead had been so confused when she got a call earlier in the morning, Tori on the other line, begging her to go and look after Jade.

"What? Why? What's wrong with her?"

Tori sighed. "Please just go and see her, Cat. Just make sure she's okay. Please?"

Of course Cat had said yes, but when she had started to ask what had happened and why Tori called her instead of going over there by herself, her brunette friend had just hung up without uttering another word. It was very strange and Cat's curiosity and worry just increased when she knocked on Jade's door and she still didn't open it. Taking a deep breath, Cat used the spare key.

"Jade?"

Cat quietly closed the door behind her but froze in the middle of the living room, her eyes running across the room to take in the mess. Pictures were strewn all over, shards of a broken vase were splattered around near the kitchen counter but there was no sign of her best friend. Wow. What the hell had been going down yesterday? Careful not to step on any pictures – as she crossed the room Cat noticed every picture was one of or with Amelia in it – Cat made her way to the little hall, wishing she would have demanded Tori to tell her what had happened, but that thought flew out of her head as soon as she saw Jade. She was sitting on the floor in the hall that led to her bath- and bedroom, her striking blue eyes set on Cat. "What are you doing here?"

Cat's eyebrows moved together at the croaky tone of her voice. "Tori called me and asked me to come and see you. She was really worried." A shaky breath rushed out of Jade's mouth and Cat was almost shocked when her eyes filled with tears. "Is Tori okay?"

"Um… I don't know, Jade. She just told me to come here." When Jade's eyes closed and she let her head fall against the wall behind her, Cat crouched down beside her. "Why? Why wouldn't Tori be okay? What happened?"

"I'm such a freaking jackass," she pushed out, together with a sob, and squeezed her eyes shut, "I can't do anything right, even if I want to."

"Oh Jade, don't say that. It's not true." Cat ran a soothing hair through black hair, feeling absolutely helpless. "What happened? Why are there pictures of Amelia everywhere?"

"I felt so guilty and… and I wanted to… I don't know, I just couldn't…" Cat frowned at the blabbering mess that was her best friend. This was so unlike Jade. Stuttering and talking incoherent stuff always had been her strongest suit, not Jade's. This whole... everything didn't make any sense to Cat. What was going on? "Jade, just tell me what happened. I just… I mean, why did Tori call me? Does this have something to do with her? I just don't understand what's wrong."

"I kissed her," she said, barely audible.

"I mean, I can't help if-" Cat broke off, eyes wide, when Jade's words actually registered in her brain. I kissed her. "You… You kissed… You kissed… Tori?" All Jade could manage was a weak nod, before her lip started to quiver and the tears that collected in her eyes spilled over. Still shocked at the revelation Jade just threw at her, Cat slowly snaked her arms around the crying heap that was Jade and pulled her close. A gut-wrenching sob tore through her body and Cat felt her heart break into a million little pieces. Now she understood. She felt guilty. Guilty for kissing Tori. Guilty for… 'betraying' Amelia. Cat closed her eyes. What a mess. She couldn't even begin to imagine how Tori must feel right now. "Jade?" Cat felt Jade's body slump and let out a sigh. "I think you should talk to Tori."

"I can't," she whimpered, and Cat… Cat just couldn't take it. Her best friend didn't whimper. She was tough and strong and… she was Jade. Cat swore to herself four years ago that she wouldn't let her be so sad again and now… now look how far she'd gotten with that.

"Jade," she paused for a moment when she felt tears of her own well up, "I know this is hard but… you have to talk to Tori, she's… she's probably just as shaken up as you are."

"I didn't want to hurt her, Cat."

"I know. But… if you don't talk to her… you'll just end up hurting her more."

After a moment, Jade lifted her head from its place in the crook of Cat's neck. "But I-"

"It's Tori," Cat softly interrupted and tried to form a comforting smile, "She won't kill you."

…

"Hey Tori, you alright?"

Andre's large hand gave Tori's shoulder a small squeeze but the brunette kept her face buried in her hands and eyes closed. The quiet murmurs of the other teachers in the teacher's lounge were beginning to drive her insane and for the first time since she had known Andre, she wished he would simply disappear. Half of her night had been spent with leaning against Jade's door, hoping that maybe, Jade would have a change of heart and open up eventually. But nothing happened and after a couple of curious glances of Jade's neighbors, Tori had finally given up and dragged herself home. And at home… was everything so much worse.

"Tori."

Taking in a deep breath to prepare herself for another round of the question game – after having endured the same with her students, Beck and Helen – Tori lifted her head, let her hands plop to the table and slowly looked up at Andre. "What do you want?" she asked tiredly, not even bothering to hide her mood from him. He sank down on a chair next to her and leaned forward. "You don't look so good. Are you sick?"

"I didn't sleep well."

"Why don't you go home then? You don't have any classes anymore, do you?"

"No," Tori admitted hesitantly and looked down. She couldn't go home. The only thing she would probably do was curl up in a ball and cry. If she even managed to do that. "I have… something else to do… grading papers… and such…"

"Grading papers? You're a vocal coa-"

But Tori was saved by the bell, literally, as her phone started ringing. She quickly fumbled it out of her bag but froze. "Don't you want to answer it?"

Tori glanced up at Andre and forced herself to nod her head. "Yes. Of course." Her breath hitching, she accepted the call and lifted the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hi… so I'm at Jade's right now," Cat slowly explained, cutting right to the chase, "And I think it would be a good idea if you'd come over and… you guys talk." The careful edge that laced Cat's tone made Tori think that she knew what had happened between them but that didn't stop her from asking.

"You know?"

"Yes."

Tori blew out a breath, ignored the curious look Andre gave her and nodded her head. "Okay. I'm there in half an hour."