Previously on My Little Piece of Joy:
-[Jacobs POV]
I don't know what happened but the next thing I know is that her lips are on mine. Then they're not. And she's looking at me in horror and then she's gone. Going down the hall towards the elevator. I could hear her talking to someone but I was stuck for a while. Then I snapped out of it and went after her. By time I got close she was already at the elevator and the doors opened and Lauren stepped off. I was close and before I could get to Bella she stopped me.
"hey there, what happened to you this morning?"
I didn't have time to talk to her so I just said " Later." and kept moving. But by the time I was close enough the doors were already closing. Right before they closed all the way I called her name.
"Bella!"
[Jacob POV]
I called her as the doors closed looking in and seeing her expression she looked mortified.
I could do nothing but stare at the doors after they were long closed. I finally snapped out of it and walked back down to the door and unlocked it. I walked in and thought I heard noises but then it stopped I closed the door and heard more noises it sounded like moaning. I figured it was just Rose and Em probably got too carried away to go back to his place again. The last time it happened they didn't even bother to go to her room.
I went out onto the balcony closing the door so I wouldn't get an ear full of the two and just sat and thought. About that kiss and how much I waned to…. No I wouldn't do this. Not again. She was engaged and I was her best friend. I had always been her best friend. Nothing more nothing less. Even though I wanted to be so much more. There were some nights when he didn't come home or when they got into big fights I could here her crying. It tore me up inside so much that I would have to leave knowing there was nothing I could do to make her feel any better and go fuck someone to get it all out of my head, but I would just be right back where I was the next morning and I would feel my chest ache when I would walk in the house and see them together like nothing had ever happened .My feelings for her aside I was her best friend I've known her my whole life. I was supposed to protect her from ass hats like him and I didn't she was marrying him. I wanted to kick his ass because of how bad he hurt her on a regular basis. And yet she was still with him!
It felt like I never got a chance with her. When we were sixteen I knew I was in love with her. I wanted to tell her so badly and I had worked up the nerve to tell her one day.
[Flashback]
I was pacing in my room I had been for the past two hours.
I was in love with my best friend. I always knew she was different from how I felt about other girls but I just shrugged it off as knowing her my whole life. But then I started to look at her, I mean really look her. She was beautiful , sweet, she had the kindest heart ever. But she also loved sports and could hold her own we had so much in common and if I really sat down and thought about it like I had been doing these past couple of weeks I would've seen it. We were perfect for each other. And that scared me. But I had been thinking about it and I wanted to tell her. I hadn't seen much of her lately and I was kin of upset about hat I tried calling and texting but never got a reply back . But it helped me think and come to the conclusion that I did want and need to tell her.
I picked up my phone just looking at for a few minutes getting up the nerve to just call her. I dialed her number and hit the call button . She picked after few rings .
" Hey Jake! Where you been? I missed you." my breathed hitched at how happy she sounded that I had called. " Jake?" I realized that I hadn't said anything and quickly spoke.
"Sorry Bells. I missed you too." I smiled.
"Where have you been?" she asked laughing at I don't know what.
"just hanging round the house. What about you?" the line was quite for a minute before she spoke again.
"hey Jake do you think we could meet up? I got to tell you something." she sounded nervous?
"yeah, that's why I had called you I wanted to talk to you about something ."
"Okay then you want to meet up at the park?" it was where we always went when we talked it wasn't far from either of our houses.
"yeah umm give me fifteen?"
"Yeah see you then." she still sounded nervous or something."
We said bye for now and I got ready to leave. I told dad was going to see Bella. He just told me o be back before curfew which was eight on a school night. I looked at the time on my phone and it was five-thirty . I got my bike out the garage and hopped on it and took off to the park. She was already there when I got there. My heart pounded in my chest from knowing what I was about to do. Knowing that I was going to tell my best friend in the whole world that I was in lovewith her. She looked as nervous as she had sounded on the phone. And just as beautiful.
I got off my bike and walked over to her she stood up and took a step toward me to hug me I scooped her up and spun her around. She giggled and I held on tighter not wanting to let her go. She held on tighter too. I buried my face in her neck and just breathed in everything that was Bella. I heard a throat clear and put her down my arms still around her waist. I looked over her shoulder to see some blonde guy glaring at us. She looked back and stepped out of my arms so fast. And ran over to hug him. Her back was to me and he looked back up at me and glared again.
I was confused. What the hell was going on. When they pulled back he kissed her…. And she kissed back. I could do nothing but stare hoping that I was dreaming or that this was some kind of joke or something anything but what I knew it had to be. I cleared my throat awkwardly and she jumped back I guess having forgot I was there .
She grabbed his hand and practically dragged him over to me. I stuck my hand in my pocket looking down at my worn out sneakers and shuffling my feet. When she got to me I looked up and she had this brilliant smile on her face and she looked back at him and smiled even wider. My chest hurt. I was going to open my mouth and tell her that I needed to go. I just needed to get the fuck out of there. When she spoke first.
"Jake this is myboyfriend James." "James this is Jake." I was just Jake to her she didn't even introduce me has her best friend. I looked at him and all he did was nod. I nodded back and looked back at my shoes hands still shoved in my pockets. I felt my heart break at hearing the word boyfriend
I cleared my throat trying to get myself o say something. " when did you guys start dating?" I asked looking back up and at her.
"
She turned back to me then her eyes getting wide " Oh, didn't you want to tell me some thing?" My head snapped up at her words I completely forgot.
"Never mind it was nothing important." I mumbled .
" are you sure it sounded like it was on the phone." she tilted her head to the side staring at me. I looked down at their still joined hands and felt my heart constrict painfully in my chest I had the sudden urge to rub it but thought better of it. I clenched my jaw holding back the whimper that tried to escape at how badly this shit hurt. I couldn't stay here anymore. I had to get the fuck out of here now.
"I'm sure. I got to go." I bit out through clenched teeth. She looked at me worriedly and I knew what was about to come out of her mouth so I cut her off " I'm fine just have a head ache."
I ran and grabbed my bike and hearing her call my name as I hopped on and sped down the street back home. I dropped my bike in the grass and ran up to the house going in and running up the stairs. My chest hurt so much I could hardly breathe. I never thought that would be what she had to tell me.
I got into my room and slammed and locked the door. I looked around and the first thing I saw was a picture of me and Bella. I walked over to it and picked it up and just looked at it.
Then I threw it at the wall. Glass going every where.
[End Flashback]
I remember hat day lie it was yesterday I had cried. It hurt that much. I hadn't cried since I lost my mom and that was fourteen years ago, I was six. I was never the same after that I became what I am today. A man whore. I couldn't understand it but I loved her and if he was what she wanted then I would leave it alone. I tried as best I could to comfort her and make things better in those moments but she only ever seemed to just get sadder. When she had called me to come pick her up because he had left her at he wedding planners she sounded like she was ready to cry and so angry. I rushed out of the house. The drive felt like it took forever and when I got to her my chest ached she got in the car with out a word and I just drove us back home. I kept looking at her from out the corner of my eye and I could tell she was fighting back tears.
I shook my head clear of the memory. Just thinking about it made my fucking chest ache I only knew two ways to make it stop, fucking and music and the latter sounded the most appealing right now.
Bella had left her guitar out so I decided to play.
I just strummed for a while and then something came to mind
I'm still alive but I'm barley breathing. Just prayin' to god that
I don't believe in.
Cause I got time while she got freedom cause when a heart breaks ,no it don't
Breakeven .
Her best days will be some of my worst. She finally found a man that's gonna put her first. While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven , even ,no.
What am I suppose to do
When the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and your okay
I'm falling to pieces , yeah
I'm falling to pieces.
They say bad things happen for a reason, but no
Wise words gonna stop the bleeding'.
Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks, no it don't breakeven, even ,no.
What am I gonna to do
When the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and your okay
I'm falling to pieces , yeah
I'm falling to pieces ,yeah
I'm falling to pieces
You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh
Cause you left me with no love, and no love to my name
I'm still alive but I'm barley breathing.
Just prayin' to god that I don't believe in.
Cause I got time while she got freedom
cause when a heart breaks ,no it don't Break
No it don't break, no it don't breakeven, no
What am I gonna to do
When the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say
When I'm all choked up and your okay
I'm falling to pieces , yeah
I'm falling to pieces ,yeah
I'm falling to pieces.
I'm falling to pieces.
Oh, it don't breakeven no
Oh, it don't breakeven no
Oh, it don't breakeven no
I strummed the last chords and looked out over the balcony for a while. She broke my fucking heart and didn't even know it. I finally decided it was probably safe enough to go back inside so I got up and opened the door just to test it out and it was completely quite.
I guess they had went home already. I didn't want to stay in this house right now so I figured I would get that fuck from Lauren that I know she was gonna offer. I sat the guitar on the couch on my way out I looked back up and saw a flash of red but then it was gone. So I didn't trip off it. I closed the door and walked down to her place and knocked on the door it took her all but 3 seconds to open the door and pull me in.
" I wondered how long it was gonna take you to knock on my door."
Fin
-Nene