I run out to my car, tears dripping down my face slapping the pavement as I make it to my car. I attempt to start it but my hands shake and I drop the keys on the floor. I let out all of my anger and sadness as I lay my head on the steering wheel and let myself cry. This day was horrible and I got Santana and I kicked out of the glee club. I had to do something to make it up to Santana. I know that the best way to do it is to tell her the truth. I had to, telling her that I deeply intense feelings for her will be difficult but it sure couldn't make the situation worse than it already is. It could not make Santana hate me anymore than she already does. At least if I tell her, she would know why I was so cruel to her months back. Why didn't I tell her the truth then? Why did I let this built up inside me like this? So many things I could have done different that may have prevented all of this from happening?

I think back to that day, Santana called me on the phone.

"Hello Quinn?" She asked.

"Yes, Hi Santana." I responded back to her.

"Listen, I want…I need to talk to you. Can we meet somewhere so we can talk?"

"Sure Santana, what do you want to talk about?" I stated, like I thought she just wanted to discuss that day's Math assignment or something.

"Is your parents home right now?" Her voice lowered as she asked me this. I rise up off of my bed that I was sitting on at the moment and went to open my door and went to peer over the balcony. I could hear my dad's voice, sounding like he was talking to my mom. I went back to room.

"Yes, they are." I told her. "You can come on over right now if you want."

"No, I…I want to meet you at the library. Can you get here around 6?"

"Yes, sure. Are you already there?"

"Alright, I will see you there." Santana hung up on me. I check the time to see how long until 6. I tell my mom I am going to the library. I show up there and cannot find Santana anywhere. I text her telling her I was there. She texted right back saying she was in a study room on the top floor in the very back. I walk up the stairs to the study room, as I notice how empty and quiet the library was. I go to the study room and see Santana there. I noticed that she did not have any books with her or even her book bag or purse.

"Hi Santana," I said, "I hope you don't plan on copying my work again this time."

"No, I needed to talk to you about something serious." She said. I looked into her eyes and noticed a dark tone to them. I sat down next to her.

"What is it? Is everything alright?" I asked her.

"No, everything is fine. In a sense."

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"Listen Quinn, I have to tell you something. I'm not sure how to say it, really. But I have been keeping this inside me for so long. I feel I need to tell someone. And I trust you the most Quinn. Besides the fact that you are very religious. I feel I can still tell you this."

I nodded my head, not quite sure what Santana was going to tell me. She paused, looking down at her hands.

"Quinn I'm…I think…." She looked me in eyes. She seemed stern and sincere. "Quinn, I'm gay." She said. Her facial expression unchanging but I could still see the nervousness her demeanor. A part inside me felt happy about knowing this and admiration for Santana, for speaking about it, for having the courage to say it. I did not know myself how to describe the feelings I had for Santana. Was I gay? Was it just Santana? Am I confusing love with admiration? Was this just a phase? I sat here thinking about my own problems and how they seem to reflect Santana's problems as well. I smiled at her, feeling, wishing I could do what she just did. Thinking about how Santana was always the brave one out of the three of us, and Brittnay was the laid-back one, and I was just…me.

I took one of Santana's hands into both of mine. Letting her know, I was there for her. She looked at me, surprised at first. Then she gripped my hand tight, letting me know she enjoyed the comfort.

"Was I the first person you told?" I asked her. She shook her head.

"No, actually it's how I realized I knew I was gay." I stared at her, confused.

"I told Brittany how I felt about her. I was terrified about it at first but I felt like if I let Brittany go and date someone else without telling her how I felt then I shouldn't have the right to be mad." I slipped my hands away from hers. She slipped her hand back closer to her.

"What do you mean?" I asked Santana, my voice quivering some.

"I told Brittany that I was in love with her. She told me that she loved me too. She kissed me and it was at that moment I knew it wasn't right to hide my relationship with her, at least with people who I care about. I'm not quite ready to tell my parents but I knew I had to tell you."

I turned my head away from her.

"I don't understand this Santana. I mean you and Brittany. I mean are you sure it isn't just a crush. How can you tell you are in love with her?"

"I know how I feel when I'm around her." She said, seeming offended. "I know that I care about her and will always protect her."

"But is she even gay? I mean does she even like girls?" I asked each question louder than the last. "I mean, you're just bringing her into a relationship with you without knowing her stance on this."

"She doesn't believe in labels Quinn."

"We have labels for a reason, Santana!" I yelled at her. "Do you even know what you are doing!"

"Shut up Quinn, stop yelling." She told me, I could tell she was getting more angry the more I talked but I couldn't stop talking.

"You're going to throw away your entire life on something as simple as a crush. Do you hear yourself? Are you thinking about this clearly?"

"Yes, Quinn I am thinking clearly. You are the one acting like a psychotic…"

"I'm trying to tell you Santana that Brittany may not be your soul mate. You can't base all of this on fleeting feelings you have for just one girl."

"I have been having these feelings for girls for as long as I can remember. Brittany isn't the first."

"Well," I said, "Pedophiles have conflicting feelings for children for years but that doesn't give them right to act on them!" I pushed up from my chair as I grabbed my book bag.

"Quinn were are you going?" Santana said coming after me. I turned around facing her.

"Don't ever talk to me again, I don't want to be friends with a dyke."

"Interesting choice of words from a Christian girl." She said.

"At least I know God will be the only one who will ever love me." I said, running away from Santana as I fight back tears.

The next couple of weeks after that had been horrible for Santana. Rumors that Finn started, went around about Brittany and Santana dating. It went to the parents, soon enough, causing them to harass Coach Sue about how they wanted Santana and Brittany off the cheerios for fear they will spread their gayness to the others or else they will pull their children off the team. Coach Sue, thinking it was better to loose two cheerios than 20, kicked them both off the team. The news found it's way to Santana's family who were less than happy about their daughter being a lesbian wanted her out of the house and to come back when she was "fixed". She moved in with Rachel's family who seemed to be the only family in Lima who wanted to take her in despite her lesbianism.

I kept thinking about how this could have been my fault, if I was just less jealous and more supportive. No, I cannot keep thinking about the past. I cannot change the past. I have to and will change the future.

I look for my keys, found them, place them in the ignition and drive straight to my house.