A/N: Thanks so much for all the reviews! I honestly did not expect such a big reaction. As per your requests, I've decided to continue this fic. I do not fully agree with Kate's note from the previous chapter, but I can see where her thoughts are coming from. I do believe that they are BOTH at fault here… I'm trying to work things out between them, and if you like where it's heading, you're more than welcomed to stay on with this fic. If you don't like it, then don't read it – I'll be sad to lose some readers, but no one's forcing you to read. Btw I'm using the originally intended chronology of events, i.e. the bomb episode happened first, followed by the Eric Vaughn episode, then only the job offer.

Ps. Rating's been bumped up for language.

Disclaimer: If I owned Castle, we'd never have a hiatus.

As the sound of the shower being turned on drifted over to the study, Castle fell in a heap onto the chair that had been vacated by Beckett moments ago.

Was this what she had secretly been thinking the whole time? The betrayal he felt was almost physically crippling.

As he sat there and thought about her words, Castle's emotions slowly evolved from hurt to anger. Where was this coming from? How could she blindside him out of the blue like that? What right did she have coming in with all these accusations?

He simmered and fumed, biding his time, waiting for her to come out of the shower. Why did she doubt their relationship now? When Kate had planned his birthday surprise a month ago, he had honestly thought things were going great for them. No one had ever put in so much effort and thought into any of his birthday presents. Ever.

Things had been going great until about two weeks ago when the idiot Eric Vaughn kissed Kate. Hell, he had even been generous enough to forgive her for that!

And how does Kate Beckett repay him? By writing a crap note like that?! And on his stationary no less! The nerve!

Kate Beckett loved her showers. It was her "me time". No matter how gruelling her day had been, she could always rely on her shower-time to feel better. The warm water beating down her back soothed her aching muscles and washed away all the grit from her day.

When she could indulge in the occasional bubble bath, she went all out with pampering herself. Scented candles and a glass of wine; soft music in the background and a good novel; they made the best company in the world.

No matter the situation, she did her best thinking and a lot of decision making in the shower.

Then she got together with Castle. Learning to share her "me time" wasn't hard when things were so much more fun with him in the shower with her. She still had her "alone time" every once in a while, but she didn't miss it all that much.

But today, the solace she was desperately seeking kept eluding her grasp. It was probably because she knew that things weren't that great with Castle but she just didn't know how to fix their situation.

A quick shower was all she afforded herself tonight. When she was properly dressed, Kate padded toward the study to join Castle.

He had swiveled his chair to face the doorway leading to his bedroom, and his eyes were downcast. His attention was focused on a piece of paper held in his hands.

Noticing her presence in the doorway, Castle looked up.

The blood drained from her face as she realized what paper he was holding on when he shot her an accusatory glare filled with betrayal and anger.

He was never supposed to read it.

Castle stood up and stalked over to her, the damaging piece of paper still in his hand.

"Care to tell me what this is about, Kate?" he asked in a low voice.

"You- you weren't supposed to read it. How did you get that?" she whispered, eyes wide and fearful. This was bad.

"I found it."

She immediately went on the defensive, demanding, "Were you going through my things? Haven't you heard of privacy?!"

Tilting his head in a condescending manner, he mocked her. "One, I wasn't going through anything. I saw it on the floor by the trash, noticed it was your handwriting, and I thought you were listing theories for the case so I wanted to help you.

"Two, it's not your things," here he used air quotes, "since it is my stationary in question. Three, this is after all my study, and my loft, so I think I'm entitled to do whatever I please."

"Oh, so I'm not welcomed here anymore?!" she shot back. "I'm sorry," she bit out sarcastically, "I didn't realize that I had to ask for your permission to use the stationeries. Should I ask for your permission now to breathe the air in your loft?"

Looking at her darkly, he held up the wrinkled paper, and repeated three words. "What's this about?"

Catching a brief glimpse at some of what she had written down, Kate deflated. "Rick, it's not what you think. You weren't supposed to see it – I didn't mean what I wrote."

"If you didn't mean it, then why did you write it down? Obviously it meant something to you, Kate, so cut the crap and come clean with me already."

"I just- I wasn't expecting your ultimatum, and I was confused, and I knew that if I tried to talk to you, we'd end up quarrelling, and I didn't want that, so I wrote down some things to clear my head so that when I did eventually talk to you, my thoughts would have been more organized and we wouldn't end up fighting," Kate rambled.

He raised an eyebrow, sparing a second to shoot her an unimpressed look before he scoffed and looked at the paper once more.

"This it what you're thinking in your head, Kate? I can't even- I just- How could you even think of such things?" he accused her.

"I've been around for five years, Kate. Five. Fucking. Years. And out of those five years, I've spent four of them just hanging around, following you so I could spend time with you.

"I've been there from the start, Kate. I was the one who helped you tear down the wall, chipping away brick by stupid brick, and now that the wall's low enough to be breached, you just allow the next sweet-talker to waltz past? I put in all the effort and time but Eric Vaughn gets a free ride just like that?!

"I can't believe you're so easily swayed by sweet words. I was him, Kate. Four years ago, that was me, and you couldn't stand it. Hell, I bloody forgave you for kissing him and this is how you repay me?!"

"It wasn't like that, Rick," Kate defended, "And besides, I told you, he kissed me, and I pushed him away, remember?"

Rick snorted derisively. "You couldn't have pushed him away before his lips touched yours?"

Kate looked on at him exasperatedly. How many times would they need to go through this and rehash this argument? She was confused, and unsure with how serious their relationship was, or where they were headed, and in that moment of hesitation Eric had closed the distance.

"I've explained it to you already, Rick. I hesitated and he kissed me. Besides, you did the same thing with Kristina Coterra! But you know what, I've let that go-"

"-and yet you bring it up again," Rick cut in, "Nice to know how you've let that go when you still use it against me whenever you need it."

"Fine, let's move on. Forget about that, but you know what," she told him heatedly, "I wouldn't have hesitated if I just knew where we stood, Rick."

"Well excuse me! I just can't catch a break, now can I? I can't be too serious, or try to move forward too much because God forbid I scare poor wounded Kate Beckett and you go running off. I can't play things cool with you because apparently you think we're not going anywhere!"

"Don't put this all on me. You know that I've got emotional issues when you decided to get together with me so don't act like I tricked you into a relationship! Don't try to use my emotional baggage against me!" she yelled back at him.

Returning to a normal tone, Rick told her, "I said I love you two whole years ago, Kate, and it took you to be standing on a bomb before you could say it out loud to me! Let's not forget that I fucking stayed behind to be with you when you were standing on that bomb. Does that mean nothing at all to you?!"

Kate bit her lip. He got her with the "I love you" thing. She just never found it easy to actually say those three words out loud. Instead, she told him, "I never asked you to stay behind. In fact, I tried to make you leave, remember, no one forced you to stay back."

"That's just it, Kate. No one forced me, but I wanted to be there with you. Always, Kate. But apparently that doesn't matter, not when you have a cool job waiting for you in D.C."

Kate sighed frustratedly. This was exactly what she had hoped to avoid. She didn't want to argue with him, she wanted to discuss the whole thing with him.

"You know what, I don't even know if you meant the I Love You when you were standing on the bomb. Did you just say it because you thought you were going to die?" he spat out bitterly.

Kate felt winded as all the air just whooshed out of her body. Yes, the circumstances under which she finally gave voice to those three words were not ideal, but couldn't he tell from her everyday actions how much she loved him?

"How could you even ask that?" she asked softly, all her fighting spirit was snuffed out with those words of his. Her soul was being stomped into the ground by his cruel doubt.

Rick noticed her anguish but all he did was stare hardly at her and shrug. Deep down, he knew that he was just lashing out and trying to find a way to hurt her as much as she had hurt him, but he couldn't bring himself to feel sorry at the moment. Still, looking at her crumble beneath his gaze was too much, so he eventually averted his gaze to the paper.

"So this job. Are you going to take it?"

"I was hoping we could talk about it and decide together."

"Seems to me that you're pretty set on taking the job regardless of what I say. Why didn't you tell me about it earlier? Why hide, Kate?"

"We haven't exactly been close these past two weeks, and I didn't know where we were headed. Each time I try to bring it up, you avoid it or change the topic." After a beat, Kate continued, "I really want this job, Castle, it sounds great. I'd be working on important cases, I could really impact people's lives, not to mention the wide range of access I'd have, and the authority."

Castle had to cut in before she got too excited talking about this job. "Only thing is I won't be able to tag along. They want you, Kate. Just you. Not me, not the boys, not the whole package. They just want you. And are you forgetting that the job's in D.C?"

"We could work something out, I'm sure we can find a way for you to tag along with me. And, you could come over to D.C. with me," she told him hopefully, trying to get him on board.

"Do you even hear yourself, Kate? Don't you remember why you ended your relationship with Sorenson? Aren't you doing the exact same thing to me? Can't you see how hypocritical you're being?" he questioned her. "Being in a relationship involves two people, Kate. You can't just think about yourself anymore, we have to think about the both of us when we want to make decisions."

Kate realized that she had indeed been a hypocrite by assuming Rick would be fine with just coming along with her, but she didn't like that he pointed out her shortcomings. As a defense mechanism, she went on the offence instead, attacking him in an effort to protect herself. "What, is this coming from your vast relationship experience? Two ex wives and a gazillion bimbos taught you all that?"

"Get out."

Kate was shocked and she showed it. "What?"

Rick stood his ground, and told her in a low voice that brooked no arguments, "You heard me, get out."

Kate looked back at him in disbelief, but he just continued staring back at her hardly.

"Fine!" she bit out, stalking out of the study. Grabbing her jacket, she collected her purse and left, slamming the front door shut for good measure. The resounding discordant echo hung in the air for a few seconds before complete silence descended upon the loft.

A/N: How was that? We're gonna be in for a hell of a ride. Review, pretty please! :)