NOWHERE MAN CHAPTER 5 DON'T LET ME DOWN

The apartment was empty when Jude got home. He poured himself a Scotch and sat at his desk where he worked. But he had no inspiration and found himself staring moodily into space. He waited for the footsteps on the stairs but none came.

He didn't know how long he sat there. One hour, two hours. The apartment was silent except for the ticking of the clock. But where was Lucy?

He remembered the times when the apartment had been full of life and people – his friends, people he loved. But they were out this evening and Max was gone – and now so was Lucy. She had obviously taken his words to heart and was staying away. He had lost the love of his life and all because of a few angry words.

And it was then he broke down. His head dropped into his hands and he sobbed uncontrollably. His body shook with anguish of his loss of his lover and his best friend. Tears that he should have shed weeks ago, that he had bottled up because he had needed to be strong for Lucy. They came out in a torrent. Losing Max had been terrible but Lucy was an agony beyond endurance. Despair overwhelmed him and he had never felt so alone.

Jude did not hear the soft footsteps on the stairs outside or the door quietly open. Lucy's face was tear stained but speaking at the protest had brought her some relief. And the horrific stories she had heard put her own situation into perspective. Yes, she had suffered but so had many others. She wasn't the only one mourning Max. Her parents, particularly her mother, were devastated. And Jude – he and Max had been like brothers.

Lucy realized with a stab of guilt what had happened between her and Jude. She had been burdening him with her grief, not considering that he too was in anguish. He needed comfort too but they hadn't been consoling each other. It had all been coming from Jude yet she had been pushing him away. Was it because she was afraid of losing him and had wanted to build a protective shell around herself so she would never feel such pain again. She had driven a wedge between them and now they were both suffering far more apart than together. It was no use hiding your love away out of fear. It was the one thing that conquered all, that provided a constant in a changing world.

A few moments later Jude felt gentle fingers stroking his hair and a tender kiss on the back of his neck. He looked up – and there she stood, her azure blue eyes glistening with tears, her expression offering comfort.

"Lucy," he whispered. Then "I'm sorry for what I said. I dunno know came over me, I swear. I -,"

"Shush," said Lucy, gently touching his lips. "We've both been under strain. Oh, Jude, I've been so selfish. I've been so wrapped up in myself I couldn't see that you're hurting just as much."

"No. You're hurting more. He's your brother."

"And he's like a brother to you." Then her voice broke. "Oh, Jude, I keep waiting for a message to say he's been found and he's OK. It's all I've been waiting for these last few weeks – and now I have to accept that he may never come back."

Jude and Lucy looked at each other, each realizing the very real possibility of that scenario – then they collapsed into each other's arms, sobbing bitterly. But this time Lucy's embrace was firm and comforting as she held him. And they wept in each other's arms for a brother and a friend. The floodgates opened for them both as they let out all the pain and sorrow and anguish. They cried until they had no tears left.

It was later that night. Lucy was sitting on Jude's lap, her arms around his neck. They didn't need to speak, they drew comfort from each other. And both felt a sense of relief that they had acknowledged their pain.

"Oh, I forgot to say, love." Jude now broke the silence. "Your speech was brilliant."

"You were at the protest," asked Lucy in surprise.

"Yeah. I wanted to be there in case you got into trouble and I needed to rescue you."

Lucy was touched at his concern, even after they had rowed. But she asked a little sharply "Then why didn't come up to me?"

"I couldn't get past all your admirers," he teased.

Lucy smiled for the first time in weeks. "Well, I just needed to get it off my chest. Let people know what's really happening. I owe that to Max."

"You know, Lucy," said Jude hesitantly. "There's a chance he might still be alive. There's no proof otherwise yet. We'll be prepared for the worst – but we won't give up that hope until we have to.

Lucy sighed and Jude wondered if he had said the right thing. Then she replied

"I guess you're right, Jude. Soldiers do sometimes turn up after going missing. But I'm not going to depend on that. Life has to go on. I can't think what Max would say if he saw the way I've been these last few weeks."

Jude leaned forward and kissed her breast through her blouse. Lucy ran her fingers through his thick, dark hair and kissed his forehead before their lips met in a deep kiss. Whatever happened in the future – whatever uncertainties lie ahead – they would always have each other.

That night Lucy lay snuggled up to Jude who lay on his back, snoring lightly, his arm holding her to him. For the first time since the news they had made love – and Lucy had felt a warm elixir course through her as she and Jude had caressed and kissed each other's bodies right up to the delicious penetration. How both of them had missed that intimacy. The passion rushing over them in a flood, causing them to swell with joy. Lucy felt more at peace than she had since the news – and as long as she had her wonderful boyfriend at her side she could face anything life threw at her. For the first time in weeks she slept well.