A/N: Kinda based on 'The Moment I Knew' by Taylor Swift. Yeah, I know it's not the happiest thing i've ever written, but I feel like I just had to write it. It made me cry when I was writing it.

I smooth my sparkly dress out and check my red lipstick in the mirror before the guests start to arrive. It doesn't even feel like my birthday, it doesn't feel special. I owe Kurt so much, he arranged this entire party for me. He knows I miss everyone from Lima, so he put together a party and they all came to New York, just for me.

I hug everyone as they come through the door, Puck and Mike, Mercedes and Brittany, even Sugar managed to come. But as I watch them all gather in my small apartment, I realize that something - no, someone is missing. Finn.

He should be here, smiling that smile he saves just for me when he walks through the door. I imagine it would be the best feeling in the world just seeing him here.

The Christmas lights twinkle around the room as I absentmindedly nod to Puck and Sam in front of me, having a conversation I know nothing about. I'm watching the door, hoping he's just late. But I notice that the time is slowly slipping away, i'm starting to think he won't show at all.

"So Rachel, how have you been?" Sam asks, turning to me when Puck walks away to get another drink.

I look up at him for a few seconds, trying to come up with a suitable answer. "Fine." I say, he probably knows i'm lying as I remember what Finn said to me on the phone earlier that week.

"You're coming, right?" I ask, "you're my best friend Finn!"

"Yeah, of course, Rach." He replies, "I wouldn't miss it for anything."

I snap back to reality when Santana screams on the other side of the room. And as I look around the room, everything seems to blur and move in slow motion like i'm not really standing here.

It feels like the room is spinning, it feels like some kind of sick dream. I'm watching all of my best friends laughing and enjoying this party. A party all for me. A party i'm not even enjoying. It's because of him. I miss seeing him. He brings unity to this group of people. It's almost like I don't fit in when he's not here.

Hours later, he's still not here. Not even a simple phone call or a text. I feel like I just need to be alone. No one would even notice if I left for a few minutes, would they?

I slip away, through the curtains and into my room, falling face first onto my bed. I feel my bed dip, and I look up to see Puck sitting on the edge, and Sam standing right behind him.

"He said he'd be here." I look at them for a minute or so, trying to hard to stop my tears from falling. But after a while I can't hold them in anymore, and I let them out, my body shaking from the sobs. I'm pulled into Puck's chest, my tears wetting his shirt. Sam sits down on my other side, and rubs his hand up and down my back. Suddenly, I don't feel so alone.

Neither of them says anything, but they don't need to.

They eventually get me to stop crying, and they take me back out to everyone. I look around again, they're all still laughing and joking around. He still isn't here. I sit down and Puck brings me a drink. It's probably alcoholic, so I sip it carefully.

Tina sits down beside me, hugging me awkwardly. "Hey Rachel."

"Hello Tina. I've missed you." I say, hugging her back.

"How is Finn?" She asks and I stop everything. I feel the tears prickle in my eyes and it's not long before they're falling freely down my face. I open my mouth to say something, but what am I supposed to say when everyone I know is watching me as I sob over Finn again.

What do I do when the one person who means the world to me is the one person who didn't show up?

Finn should have been here. I would have been so happy, instead of crying at the mention of his name.

Suddenly the lights dim and Artie comes over to me, a birthday cake in his lap, the candles burning. They start singing 'happy birthday' to me and everything blurs again. As I look around, all I want to do is cry again. Santana pulls me in for a hug as they finish singing and i'm crying again.

He's still missing.

Long after everyone leaves, my phone rings. I look at the screen and I see that it's him. I try to decide what to do, but on the fifth ring, I press answer.

"Rachel…"

I don't say anything back. He deserves to know i'm angry at him.

"I'm sorry I didn't make it."

"Yeah, i'm sorry too." My voice sounds shaky. He can probably tell i've been crying.

I hang up quickly, burying my face into my pillow as I cry again. I know Kurt can hear me as I cry myself to sleep again.