AND NOW THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!

Okay, probably no one has been waiting for it, but here it is anyway! :D

So, lmao- I know why Bram has to have some kind of catastrophe in order to get romantic: because Brittany wouldn't even realize Sam is alive otherwise. XD

Also, I've finally figured out why I hate Glee so much this season (besides the fact, that, you know- hashtag Brittana problems.) The issue is that Glee is supposed to be a musical comedy, and every issue they tackled in season 1 was ridiculous, or handled in a ridiculous manner- like a comedy. Go figure. However, somehow in seasons thereafter they decided to get "serious" about actual real issues, but they handled most of them stupidly.

-ascend soapbox of personal problems- I didn't start watching Glee because I wanted to deal with real life. If I wanted that, I'd watch a drama, like GA or any multitude of other shows that are actually good at dealing with real-life issues. Dealing with a school shooting someday is a very real possibility for me; so, no, sorry, I don't want to come home and watch a show about it. (It's the same reason why I don't watch police shows.) Glee is best when it remains true to itself and doesn't try to be something it's not- which is exactly what it's been doing lately, and exactly why it's failing.

ANYWAYS! Dealing with Bram this week was tough enough, but- at least we have hope for the future! Naya has never led us astray, and she knows better than to troll the fandom. She has remained respectfully silent regarding Brittana because, in my opinion, she didn't want to give us false hope or reassurances. So her tweet is all the more meaningful because of that, and yeah, I'm going to get my hopes up. :)

But until our blessed reunion in the finale, here's this little gem of angst to cover this week's all-around horrendous, shocking episode. Happy (slightly heavy) reading!

Tidal waves, they rip right through me
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad
Pick me up now, I need you so bad

Brittany knows who's entered her room before she hears her name called by a voice so familiar she'd recognize it in her sleep, and she looks up from her position on the floor (hunched over with her knees drawn to her chest and arms locked tightly around her legs, shaking, shaking, shaking) to see Santana approaching her with hesitance, arm reaching cautiously toward her, as if drawing near a frightened animal. Brittany wonders distractedly- Is that what she is?- and shakes her head.

Britt? Santana tries again, and Brittany hears the fear, hears the concern, hears the relief and love and anger (who could do this to my girl?) all rolled into her voice.

Brittany looks up- her eyes meet Santana's worried brown ones. She bites her lip to keep her tears at bay, because she knows Santana's scared, too- scared for her- and she doesn't want to frighten her further. She doesn't know how Santana managed to make it to Lima so quickly, or really at all, but then she eyes the clock by her bed (it's 9pm- has she really been sitting here that long?) and feels sick. How did Santana-

Britt, Santana murmurs a third time, and Brittany re-focuses her attention on her because she's suddenly beside her, and when their eyes meet again, this time Brittany feels her control slipping; and then Santana places a gentle hand on her forearm, circling her thumb gently across her skin… and Brittany finally breaks.

Oh, baby, Santana breathes as Brittany falls into her arms, crying. Brittany grabs at Santana's shirt, sobbing hysterically, and Santana strokes reassuring fingers through Brittany's hair, whispers loving things in her ear, against her temple, against her neck (you're safe, I've got you) and just lets Brittany cry.

Brittany cries for a long time, her thoughts flying in every direction. She was scared- terrified, even- but not to die.

(I was scared we'd never get our happy ending.)

Her body shakes with sobs, but Santana's firm, reassuring hold doesn't loosen, doesn't waver. Santana stays solid and strong and Brittany is grateful, but can't help comparing Santana's reliable embrace to Sam's unsteady one following the event. (In his defense, Sam endured a similar trauma to Brittany's, but that didn't change Brittany's needs; and right now she needs support, she needs love and comfort- she needs Santana.)

Eventually, Brittany settles into Santana's arms. Santana's sitting propped up against the bed, and Brittany's lying back against her, her head resting on Santana's chest, her hands stroking up and down Santana's arms, which are securely wrapped around her, grounding her. Every so often, Santana presses a soft, calming kiss to Brittany's head, and Brittany sighs in relief, her thoughts becoming more focused now that she's partially let out her pent-up emotions and Santana's proximity has soothed her anxiety and fear.

They cuddle in silence, and Brittany knows Santana won't pressure her to talk (unlike Sam) and Brittany's grateful. She tries to recall what she'd been thinking of, what she'd been planning, before the traumatizing event- and bites her lip. It all seems so far away; even the shooting seems far away now that Santana's holding her. She snuggles down further against Santana and tightens her hold on Santana's arms.

For a moment, Brittany feels sad- she has Santana to make her feel better, but Sam only has her, and Brittany can't give him what he wants or needs. Sam is fragile, and he wears his heart on his sleeve, and he loves Brittany so much- and Brittany loves him, just as she loves all the important people in her life (Sam is important- best friend important)- so how could Brittany reject his love after such a traumatic event? Brittany can be mean, but not heartless. She recognizes that there's a time to let someone down gently, and a time when it's okay to lie a little because it's the wrong time for truth. And Brittany's not heartless enough to break Sam's heart with rejection on top of the fresh wounds she and the others were still feeling.

Brittany does love Sam- he is important- because Santana is her best friend, but Santana is so much more, which means Brittany's best friend position was open, and Sam filled it. He's everything a best friend should be- everything Santana used to be, except…

Except…

Except Sam doesn't make Brittany's pulse race from just a heated look, Sam doesn't make Brittany's heart pound with just the barest touch, Sam doesn't ignite Brittany's senses like Santana did, like Santana still does, like Santana always will. When the event happened, Brittany's first thought was that, with as many times as she wished Santana was still with her at McKinley, she's never been more glad that Santana wasn't- that it was her locked in that bathroom stall, and not Santana- because that meant Brittany wasn't worried about Santana; Santana was safe.

But her best friend- her important friend- he wasn't.

Because- Sam is important. Best friend important. And it took almost losing him for Brittany to realize she does care about him. Sam is nice. Sam is beautiful. Sam is tender, caring and comforting- but Sam is not Santana, and now that Santana's here, holding her, confirming Brittany's vitality, confirming that Brittany's alive and safe and with the most important being in her entire life, (not just her McKinley one), Brittany's overwhelmed by how much love she feels for the girl behind her, and how it swallows and blocks out every feeling she might have for another.

Brittany recognizes the glaring difference in her feelings.

Brittany feels guilty- Sam is fragile, and he wears his heart on his sleeve, and he loves Brittany so much, is so desperate for Brittany to love him the way he wants, that he accepts everything Brittany tells him without question, he turns a blind eye when he should know better (because Brittany's love and longing for Santana is visible from space, right next to that ladybug meteorite, and Brittany sang a love song to her cat, but not to Sam) and Brittany can't help but remember another time when someone close to her was desperate for love she couldn't fully reciprocate-

(Please say you love me back. Please.)

Brittany takes a deep breath and pushes Sam out of her mind. She's made her decision (her heart, her soul, her entire being made it for her- she's going to leave this school and she's going to get right with someone she loves very much) and nothing, no one makes her feel the way Santana did, the way Santana still does, the way Santana always will. She turns in Santana's arms and kisses her, and Santana hums against her lips, cupping her face, stroking gentle fingers through Brittany's blonde hair.

How are you here? Brittany breathes against Santana's mouth after long moments of slow, lazy kissing.

I flew, Santana says with a slight grin, her eyes half closed as their noses nudge each other and Brittany presses her entire body against Santana to reaffirm to herself that she's really there.

Brittany swallows- she's not dumb enough to ignore the fact that Santana's flight must've cost a small fortune, and that Santana must've spent a huge chunk of her graduation present on it, and- But how did you-

Blaine called Kurt after, Santana whispers, and Brittany cringes at the painful note in Santana's voice, in the silent why didn't you call me after? question in her tone.

I didn't want to scare you-

You don't think I was scared anyway? Santana asks softly, without a trace of anger. Her tone only conveys love, only conveys relief, and she doesn't stop rubbing up and down Brittany's back as they breathe against each other, tangled. I'm still scared.

Santana-

What if you- Santana manages in a choked whisper, and Brittany shakes her head quickly, refusing to accept the truth.

I didn't.

But-

Shh, San. Just- just kiss me, okay?

Santana swallows, giving Brittany the barest nod, before pressing her lips to Brittany's in a delicate- but searing- kiss.

Brittany doesn't know how they end up on her bed; she doesn't know how she ends up naked on her back, with Santana hovering over her, kissing every inch of her skin; but she does know that she's never felt more treasured. Santana's lips trace every part of Brittany, and Brittany can feel the reverence and gratefulness in each touch. Santana demonstrates how much Brittany means to her in her own way. Her mouth conveys what her words cannot, and Brittany grips Santana's hand in hers and feels, feels, feels the love that Santana gives freely.

Brittany's heart pounds steadily, Santana's heart echoes it; Brittany's blood races through her body, Santana's pulse quickens under her skin; Brittany's breathing is ragged and heavy, Santana pants against her stomach.

Alive, alive, alive.

When Santana's lips find hers again, Brittany wraps arms around her shoulders, silently telling her, Stay close.

Santana doesn't question, but settles against her, lets her left hand stroke gently down Brittany's body. Brittany inhales sharply as Santana fills her with two fingers, slipping in easily; and she's grateful that Santana takes it slow, slow, slow, caressing and soothing her.

It's not the time for fast and hard.

Santana builds her up gently- her body presses even closer. Brittany's surrounded by Santana: by her scent and warmth and the pressure of her slightly damp skin against her own, and she kisses her, ignoring the fact that she can't breathe, and focuses on the hammering of her own heart in her chest, and the feel of the thump of Santana's heart above and against and (she swears) through her, and she lets out the smallest whimper as she approaches the edge. Brittany's grip tightens and it's Santana's encouraging words breathed over her lips that finally push her into her orgasm.

You're safe, I've got you.

Her release crashes over her, and Brittany feels relief as the tension and the fear and the anxiety dissipate as a result. The negative feelings unfurl from her limbs as she relaxes back against the sheets, the small pulses of pleasure making her feel weightless. Santana plants kisses over her face, and Brittany feels a tear drip from the corner of her eye. Santana kisses it away, and Brittany holds her closer, trembling.

How long can you-

As long as you need, Santana whispers. My ticket was a one-way last minute deal, and by "last minute" I really mean that I threatened to go to the media to expose some sneaky scandal if they didn't let me on that plane.

But is there a sneaky scandal? Brittany asks with a watery laugh.

Santana shrugs, offering her a smirk. Who knows? The publicity won't be good either way.

But what about your-

Santana silences her with a kiss. When she pulls back, she says, I told my job that my Great Uncle Enrique contracted a rare brain parasite from swimming in Lake Malawi during his African mission trip, and the whole absurd sentence makes Brittany laugh through her tears, first because Santana doesn't have a Great Uncle Enrique, and second because Brittany knows Santana secretly likes the History Channel. Santana kisses the side of her head and Brittany smiles for the first time since being trapped in that horrible stall.

Brittany's not completely okay. (She's not sure if she'll ever be completely okay again without Santana by her side.) But she feels as okay as she possibly can, and feels even better than she ever thought possible now that Santana's lying against her.

It's days later- the weekend- and Brittany's lying naked against Santana again (just like she has for the past few nights) when she feels the need to unburden herself. She's made her decision (her heart, her soul, her entire being made it for her- she's going to leave this school and she's going to get right with someone she loves very much) and nothing, no one makes her feel the way Santana did, the way Santana still does, the way Santana always will.

Sam told me he loved me, Brittany whispers after a long while. He was really scared, and- and he wanted to come find me when it happened. She looks up, trying to find Santana's eyes. She wants Santana to know that, if Santana can't (because Santana is so much more), then Sam is at least a good placeholder, that he is important. (Best friend important.)

Santana kisses Brittany's hand, and her eyes shut tightly in pain. Brittany can sense the question Santana wants to ask, the question she's too scared to voice because she's too afraid of the answer, and Brittany remembers that Santana is fragile, and she wears her heart on her sleeve, and she loves Brittany so much-

(Please say you love me back. Please.)

(I love you, Santana. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone.)

(I will always love you the most.)

(I love you.)

I love you, Brittany blurts, and though she's never stopped saying it, she feels as though a great weight has been lifted from her chest as she kisses Santana fiercely. She said what she needed to say, and she's made her decision (she's going to get right with someone she loves very much), and she will always choose Santana.

Santana's tension disappears, and she melts against Brittany, and they kiss and kiss and kiss.

Brittany knows what's really important to her. But she didn't need the threat of dying to figure it out, because she's always known- the most important being in her life is Santana.

It was always Santana, and it will always be Santana.

SO THAT'S ALL I'VE GOT.

But if you need more, or you're totally bummed about the Bram in the episode, or if you just haven't read it yet, then I highly suggest reading the flawless JJ's analysis of the episode. I read it after writing this chapter and I'm pretty sure I somehow robbed her brain because we had a lot of the same thoughts about Brittana stuffs- only she's waaaaaay more articulate than I am, so. You know. Read her shit. :')

themostrandomfandom dot tumblr dot com slash post/47766625424/and-now-for-your-quick-draw-take- it-or-leave-it

I trust ya'll can figure out what to do with that.

Review if you want to in order to tell me if I managed to help salvage this episode, at least a little, for you…. Or don't if you feel down. (OUCWUTIDIDTHURR?!)

And plz join me next week, where I will be completely ignoring what happens in the episode of Glee (because- no Brittana, no fucks, amirite?) but shanghaiing the theme of "sweet dreams" like a boss anyways! :D

STAY POSITIVE, and remember: Brittana is endgame! :D

See you next week, peeps!