Life is a Beach

Misery, thy name was the beach.

Ulquiorra fought to maintain his mask of stoicism as he peered out at a Hell he had never imagined, wondering exactly what he had done in a past life to deserve this punishment as he watched hundreds of humans wandering about, with children running wild and screaming at the top of their lungs. The August sun was scorching, making the bright sands uncomfortably hot, and Ulquiorra could already feel his gigai's pale skin beginning to burn.

Summer was almost over and he had somehow let Orihime talk him into a day at the beach, and then she had promptly turned around and talked the others into it.

It was another normal human activity, she had told them all; people loved the sand, surf, sun, and fun. Even the shinigami enjoyed it on occasion and she had relayed to the group the story of her day at the beach earlier in the year with her Soul Reaper friends.

Orihime's story had made it sound acceptable at first, that the group had the beach all to themselves that day…but she had neglected to say that was because Yoruichi had somehow obtained a city permit granting them exclusive rights to the beach and barring others from entry.

For the arrancar, there was no such luck.

Starrk had procured a massive beach umbrella from a vendor they had passed upon entering and was busy setting it up near an area that was already pretty shaded, and Ulquiorra knew the primera meant to spend the day underneath it, napping away.

The others were laying out their beach towels on the sand, except for Orihime who was applying sunblock to Lilynette's back and telling her about building castles out of sand.

How absurdly impractical; a castle of sand would never withstand an enemy incursion.

Grimmjow was already heading off down the beach, refusing any "sissy" sunblock and saying that he was going to find something fun to do even if it killed him…

Ulquiorra only hoped his definition of fun did not include mass murder.

Halibel had been watching the waves with interest since their arrival, her gaze fixated upon people riding strange boards out on the water, and the cuarto thought he saw a sense of longing reflecting in her green eyes, as if she wished to join the humans.

That was equally as absurd as the idea of a "sand castle," though.

Tyn was busy smothering himself with sunblock, wearing dark sunglasses to shade his eyes from the excessive brightness of the day and still complaining about the necessity of this little trip.

Suppressing a sigh, Ulquiorra produced his own pair of sunglasses from the waistband of his knee-length green swim trunks and slipped them on, feeling ridiculous for doing so; the black objects looked foolish beyond words, but he could no longer tolerate the glare of the sun.

As children continued to run up and down the length of the beach and splash about in the water, yelling and screaming the entire time, he began to wish that he had brought some earplugs as well.

Starrk had, of course, and the primera was now laying on his beach towel beneath the umbrella's shade with sunglasses on and earplugs in. Judging by the steady rise and fall of his chest, he was either already sound asleep, or would be in another minute or two.

Ulquiorra laid out his towel near Starrk underneath the shade of the umbrella and sat down, thankful to be out of the sun's merciless reach.

"You should really use some sunblock, Ulquiorra…" said Orihime, offering him the bottle with a smile, "you'll burn easy with as pale as you are."

"Thank you…" he mumbled, accepting the bottle and beginning to cover his the exposed portion of his skin with the lotion.

"Your back, too, silly!" Orihime chided him when he thought he was finished, and he frowned at her.

"I cannot reach it without breaking my arms, woman."

"Just turn around, then," Orihime instructed, giggling as if he had been joking as she plucked the bottle from his hands.

He wanted to ask why she found the notion of his arms being broken humorous, but he found himself speechless as he felt her delicate hands on his back suddenly, smearing the cold lotion across his back and shoulders.

"I…I do not think this is appropriate," he said, trying to pull away from her touch, but Orihime placed a hand on his shoulder and restrained him gently.

"It's fine, Ulquiorra!" she laughed at him, dismissing his concerns. "I don't want you to get a sunburn, and you can do my back when I'm finished so we'll be even!"

He was keenly aware of Lilynette laughing at his discomfort off to the side, and he tried to tune her out.

Orihime finished her task and handed the bottle back to him, turning around and pulling her hair over her shoulders to drape over her chest as she waited for Ulquiorra to lotion her back. He poured a generous helping of the lotion into his hand and stared at her back for a long minute, still debating on if this was appropriate contact or not. He still wasn't convinced it was acceptable as he finally began to cautiously rub the lotion into her skin, relenting only out of a sense of debt to her.

"See? It's not so bad, is it?" she asked him cheerfully over her shoulder.

"No, I suppose not…" he admitted emotionlessly as he finished, and she giggled at him.

"You're so uptight about everything… Sooner or later, you'll learn to loosen up and be more human," she told him with a smile before turning to Lilynette. "Come on, let's go build that sand castle!"

Ulquiorra watched her go, contemplating her words and the events that had just transpired; the idea of becoming more human was not a pleasant one, and he still was not comfortable with that kind of physical contact, even if her touch had felt nice…

"You're blushing…" said Starrk accusingly, and Ulquiorra looked over to see a very-awake Starrk grinning at him teasingly.

"You are mistaken," said Ulquiorra stiffly, "I simply went too long before applying sunblock, nothing more."

Starrk's good-natured laughing told him that the primera didn't believe him in the slightest.

But then again, Ulquiorra wasn't entirely sure he believed himself, either.

Halibel hadn't been to the beach since the day she'd died decades ago, but despite the ending of a life and the passage of time, it still felt like coming home.

The waves weren't as big as what she had been used to once upon a time, but without a board it hardly mattered, anyway. It wasn't quite as bright and hot outside as she remembered it either, but then again this was another country.

She'd already taken her leave of the others while Orihime had been trying to convince Ulquiorra of the necessity of sunblock, and it was nice to be away from their depressing attitudes and bitching; she was determined to have a good day today no matter what, and if one of them ruined it for her…

Tia tried not to imagine all the horrible ways Tyn or Grimmjow might screw this little trip up as she began to wade out into the cool water slowly, instead focusing on the feel of the sea as it gently caressed her skin. She smiled as she went deeper into the coastal waters, continuing out until the water was higher than her blue bikini and her feet no could no longer feel the sandy bottom before finally laying back and just allowing herself to float, staring up at the summer sky.

This was nice, so much so that it was almost heaven.

Almost.

The differences between this beach and her memories troubled her and she made a vow to one day go back to the warmer Californian waters, perhaps next year if she could afford it. If everything there was as she remembered it, minus the lethal waves, then that would truly be heaven.

She scowled as she thought about her idiot roommate; she didn't want to bring him along on such a trip but then again, she wasn't sure that he could be trusted to stay out of trouble for a week without her supervision. If she came home and found the apartment in shambles or on fire…

No, don't think about that now… she told herself as she forced herself to relax. Such thoughts would only lead to anger, and that anger would likely lead to Tyn having his head buried in sand just as the tide was coming in.

Yes, it was better to focus on the positives: the gentle waves rolling in, the sound of birds chirping, the sun shining down warmly, and even the sounds of the beach. Tia knew that the others weren't overly fond of all the humans and noise on the beach, but she couldn't imagine it any other way; it was, after all, one of the little things that made this feel so much like old times.

Of course, she could do without the frequent catcalls being directed her way by many of the men around her… Honestly, had these Neanderthals never seen a woman in a two-piece before?

Halibel smiled grimly at the thought of a shark shutting up one of the morons for her… They were around, she knew that; most people were painfully ignorant about just how close to shore sharks would come, but not her. Unfortunately, an attack would shut down the beach for the rest of the day and that was unacceptable.

Best to ignore the males for now, at least until one of them got the courage to try and touch her, and then it would be absolute carnage.

She closed her eyes and let out a contended sigh as she continued to float, soaking up the sun's warmth.

If only every day could be like this…

A day off from his duties in Soul Society to spend time with his family felt like a hell of a good deal to Ichigo Kurosaki; the crowds on the beach annoyed him, but spending time with his father (even if the old man was insane) and his baby sisters made it all worthwhile. And even with his crazy father present this time, this was still more peaceful than the trip to the beach he'd taken with his friends from both Karakura and Soul Society; he still had nightmares about the stupid artificial hollows made out of watermelons that Squad 12 had released for "fun."

Karin and Yuzu had come in from swimming a few minutes earlier to find Ichigo in a headlock from their bizarre father, and they'd talked the elder Kurosaki into releasing him and going to fetch them all some ice cream. Ichigo rubbed the back of his still-stiff neck, thankful to have the nutjob out of his hair for a few minutes.

But then, much as it pained Ichigo to admit it, it wasn't a true Kurosaki family outing until it degenerated into a brawl between father and son.

Fetching the ice cream would keep him busy for a little while, and then he'd (mostly) behave himself while the family enjoyed their little treat, but after that it would be time for Round 2.

Lucky me, thought Ichigo dryly, and he was answered by the mocking laughter of his inner hollow.

He scowled angrily, trying not to let it get to him; there was no way in hell he was going to let that thing ruin this family outing.

That's dad's job, not yours, he reminded the creature before tuning it out.

Silence, and Ichigo allowed himself to relax a little bit and smile.

It was as perfect a day as possible for him; quality time with his family, and not a hollow in sight…

"Kurosaki!" bellowed a voice from behind and the teen paled as he recognized the voice.

"No, not you, not here—" he began as he turned around slowly, only to catch a thunderous fist to his jaw that forced him to stagger backwards into the sand as his inner hollow began positively rolling inside his head, laughing at it all.

"Been a long time, Ichigo…" said Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, grinning with sadistic glee as he cracked his knuckles. "Too long, if you ask me. You ready to get your sorry ass kicked again?"

"I didn't ask you and as I remember it, I kicked your ass!" Ichigo retorted, balling up his fists.

He'd known that this day would come sooner or later, ever since he'd found out about the surviving Espada living in Karakura, but he never expected it to be in the middle of a family trip. Ichigo didn't want to fight the sexta, not here, not like this, not in front of his sisters, but at least it would be human versus gigai, and not shinigami versus arrancar in a brawl that would likely destroy about half the town.

"It'll be a different story this time, Kurosaki!" roared Grimmjow, slugging him across the jaw again, but Ichigo was more prepared this time, and managed to hold his ground without stumbling under the blow. He countered with a fist of his own into Grimmjow's ribs, hard, but not hard enough to break them, unfortunately. It did stun the Espada momentarily, though, allowing for an uppercut to connect to his jaw.

"Not looking any different from this angle, Grimmjow!" taunted Ichigo, grinning.

"How dare you start a fight without your old man!" called another voice and Ichigo sweat-dropped. No, no, no, no, please no!

He turned around, knowing it was dangerous to take his eyes off Grimmjow, but also fearing what was coming.

"Dad, just stay out of—"

"FLYING FATHER KICK!" declared Isshin to the entire beach as he drove his foot into Ichigo's face with a flying sidekick, the ice cream forgotten as he dropped it mid-flight. Ichigo went down hard, tumbling backwards in the sand as Grimmjow blinked, confused at the interference for a moment before recovering his wits.

"You stay outta this, old man!" he demanded shaking his fist threateningly, but Isshin paid his words no mind and grabbed the arrancar in a headlock, forcing him to the ground roughly.

"Haha, you let your guard down, boy!" he announced with a grin that may have been more psychotic than Grimmjow's own earlier expression.

"Get off of him!" snapped a recovered Ichigo as he kicked his father off of Grimmjow. "I can handle this myself—"

Grimmjow came up from the ground with a savage punch, silencing him.

"Fuck you, Kurosaki; I can take that crazy old man without you!"

"The hell? Grimmjow, this is between me and you, not you and my insane father!"

"Then I'll just take you both on!"

"That's the spirit!" cried Isshin, tackling both men. "It's a father-son free-for-all brawl!"

"I am not your son!" bellowed Grimmjow as the trio went rolling across the sand in a furious exchange of punches, kicks, and biting.

"Are you sure?" asked Isshin, not sounding terribly convinced.

Yuzu and Karin stood with the forgotten ice cream laying at their feet and melting into the hot sand as they watched the three men go rolling down the beach like a group of lunatics.

"Oh, Karin! What should we do?" asked Yuzu, biting her lip in concern as she watched her big brother and father fight with some blue-haired wackjob.

Karin just sighed and shook her head.

"Let's just pretend that we don't know any of them."

It wasn't the prettiest of sand castles, but it was pretty good for two beginners and it was certainly unique.

Orihime smiled and wiped some sweat from her brow as she examined the sculpture, trying to decide what to trim next while Lilynette was busily adding to it.

"We have to show Starrk!" beamed the young arrancar, clearly pleased with the work they'd accomplished so far.

"Yep!" chirped Orihime, "He'll love it!"

The only real problem with their castle was that the two sculptors had not discussed their ideas beforehand and reached a consensus, and so one half of the castle was based on the majestic European castles that so often housed princesses and brave knights while the other has was essentially the grand palace of Los Noches without the great dome.

Definitely unique among all the other sand-sculptures that lined the beach.

"I think my side is just…about…finished!" declared Orihime proudly as she carved out the last details of a windowsill on of the large towers. Lilynette sat back and scratched her head as she looked at her own half.

"I think all I have left to do is the dome…but I don't know if we should try."

"No, I don't think so…" said Orihime. "If you try and build the dome, you'll just be hiding all the other little buildings you made, if we can even get the dome to stay up without collapsing."

"Yeah, you're right—" began Lilynette, but she was cut off as a rolling mass of bodies came through and demolished the sand castle before continuing down the beach, and all either of them could make out of the fighters were black hair, orange hair, and blue hair.

"Ichigo!" cried a concerned Orihime as she watched him go tumbling away.

"Sorry, Orihime!" Ichigo called back as he kneed the dark-haired man in the face.

"Grimmjow, you asshole!" screamed Lilynette in rage, "I'm going to have Starrk rip your lungs out!"

"Bite me!" was the blue-haired Espada's reply before a random fist punched him in the mouth, and Orihime had to grab hold of Lilynette to keep her from running and jumping into the fray.

"I hate you, Grimmjow!" she bellowed, on the verge of tears.

"Yeah… We're sorry about our brother and our dad, and that other guy, too, I guess…" apologized Karin from behind, and Lilynette whirled around as Orihime released her.

"Your brother? Karin, Ichigo is your brother?" asked Lilynette, taking a step backwards.

"Yeah…you know him or something?" asked the other girl, raising an eyebrow.

"Ehehe, I told her all about him," said Orihime, giggling nervously and hoping Lilynette didn't react too badly to finding out her friend was the sister of a shinigami.

"Oh…" said Karin, not sounding completely convinced, but not willing to pursue the matter any further, either.

"We can help you rebuild your sand castle!" offered Yuzu with a smile. "We'll make a bigger one!"

Lilynette's expression of mixed anger at Grimmjow and sudden distrust of Karin evaporated instantly, replaced by a wide smile.

"Yeah!" she said excitedly, "And if Grimmjow ruins this one, we'll have Ichigo and Starrk both kick his ass!"

Of all the possible choices to spend his day, the beach was certainly one of the lowest items on Tyn's list.

The heat didn't bother him; he'd dealt with worse. The sand didn't faze him; it was actually pleasantly warm compared to Hueco Mundo. The ocean wasn't an issue; he didn't bother it, and it didn't bother him.

The problem was the sea of people littering the beach.

For a social animal, he could be remarkably anti-social on certain issues, and dealing with humans was at the top of that particular list.

It would have been nice to be able kick back and sleep the day away like Starrk, but he hadn't thought to bring earplugs and unfortunately, he was a very light sleeper. He was also a tad paranoid while sleeping, too, but living on the run for months in Hueco Mundo would do that to anyone; if something got too close to him while sleeping, he would instinctively wake up and kill it. It was one reason that he and Halibel slept in separate rooms.

The other reason being that she hates me…

He'd opted for a long, slow walk along the shoreline, choosing the direction which looked to have the smallest concentration of humans, and he'd continued on for nearly a kilometer and a half before turning to look back the way he'd came.

There were far, far fewer people out here, and he wondered why in the hell they hadn't just set up on this end of the beach rather than the other.

Oh, right; interacting with crowds was what normal humans did.

Tyn had barely begun his long walk back to the others when he stepped on something sharp, pointy, and decidedly unpleasant.

"Ow! The hell?" he growled, lifting his foot to see what he'd stepped on, but whatever it was remained partially buried in the sand, with only a sharp, white tip protruding.

He carefully knelt down beside the object and began to carefully dig the sand away rather than grab the object itself, falling back into habits left over from a lifetime ago. With the utmost care, he dug out the sand surrounding the object and began to gently brush its surface clean with his fingers as the feeling of déjà vu finally released its hold on him.

Free from his brief tryst with his past, Tyn abruptly yanked the white, triangular object and lifted it up to his eye-level, examining it critically.

"A tooth…" he murmured.

Clearly a shark's tooth, but identifying what species was beyond his limited field of knowledge.

An angry scowl crossed his face as he looked at the tooth; even way out here, alone, the Shark Queen was attacking him… He stood and cocked his arm back, preparing to fling the offending object far out into the sea where it would never be seen by human eyes again.

Tyn stopped himself mid-throw as he calmed down and thought about it rationally; there was no way Tia could have planted this out here for him to step on, no logical reason to blame her.

Besides, the tooth could make for a good peace offering the next time she really got pissed at him, assuming she didn't try and stab him with it.

He shoved the object into the pocket of his red trunks and began to trek back up the beach to rejoin the others. A day at the beach, and all he'd accomplished was finding a stupid shark's tooth that he had no real use for and that Tia probably wouldn't ever want or appreciate…

What a waste of time, he thought bitterly, wondering what was on TV right about now.

Walking slowly, it was an hour before he made it back to the others, and Tyn promptly went over and plopped himself down on his beach towel, laying back and gazing skyward through the black lenses of his sunglasses.

Grimmjow was still missing, as was Orihime and Lilynette and Halibel, and Starrk was still asleep. Ulquiorra had his nose buried in a book, trying to ignore everything and everyone around him.

Tyn had only been laying there for a few minutes before a shadow passed by him and sat down beside him and he barely suppressed a groan, knowing that Tia had finally returned.

"Say, cutie, would you rub some lotion on my back?"

Okay, definitely not Tia.

He lifted his sunglasses and propped himself up on his elbows, looking at the dark-haired beauty in her rather skimpy pink two-piece beside him. Human, obviously, and barely out of her teens by the looks of it, and while she was actually quite attractive…

"Not interested," he said flatly, replacing his sunglasses and laying back down.

"Please?" she purred. "I'd really appreciat-ahhh!"

Tyn sat up again and lifted his sunglasses once more just in time to see the busty blonde arrancar hauling the younger human girl to her feet by the hair before flinging her into the sand a few feet away. The girl recovered quickly enough and the look of anger on her face for being assaulted suggested that a fight was coming, but the menacing glare coming from the ever-intimidating Shark Queen convinced the poor girl to cut her losses and retreat while she was still in one piece.

Calmly, Halibel straightened out her beach towel and sat down as Tyn cocked his head to the side, looking at her curiously as he waited for an explanation.

"She was in my spot, that's all," growled Tia.

"I didn't say a word," replied Tyn defensively as Halibel began to re-apply sunblock to her already-tanned body.

"Want me to—" he tried to offer, but she cut him short.

"Touch me and I'll break your arm."

"Okay…" said Tyn, and they both scooted a few inches further away from each other, with Tia turning away from him as she continued to lotion herself.

Tyn shrugged and laid back down, but it was only a few seconds before another, larger shadow passed by in front of him.

"Hey, baby, want me to do your back for you?"

Tyn didn't bother to sit up this time as he lifted his sunglasses and turned his head towards Tia to watch the ensuing carnage, grinning in anticipation for the coming bloodshed; if Halibel had threatened to break his arm for offering that, then there was no telling what she'd do to a stupid human meathead.

For her part, Tia looked up and the large muscle-bound lug for a minute, clearly considering bashing his skull in for calling her "baby," but ultimately she turned around and tossed the bottle to Tyn, giving the other man one of her fake apologetic smiles that she'd perfected working at the bar.

"He offered first…" she told the human, "Might get jealous if I let you do it instead."

Oh, sure; turn it all on me…

Not that Tyn particularly minded as he gave the larger male a cold, evil grin, wordlessly daring him to do something as he poured some lotion in his hand and began to rub it into Tia's exposed flesh firmly. After a moment's hesitation the human finally went away, muttering curses with every step.

Still, Tyn continued to lotion Halibel's back and she didn't pull away.

"So…you're going to skip the whole 'breaking my arm' thing, right?" he asked her.

"Still thinking about it…don't forget my shoulders."

"Yes, ma'am," Tyn growled sarcastically, but he began to work on her shoulders anyway, kneading the flesh gently.

Finished, he pulled his hands away and as Tia looked over her shoulder at him, he could almost swear her cheeks had a red tint to them.

"I'll let you keep your arm, this time."

"Thanks…" he said dryly, just as Grimmjow finally limped back to their little site, looking beaten and battered, but smiling broadly despite a black eye and a busted nose.

"What the hell happened to you?" asked Halibel, and even Ulquiorra looked up from his book, arching a questioning eyebrow at the sexta's bruised and bloodied condition.

"I just kicked two generations of Kurosaki ass, that's what!" he declared triumphantly, raising an arm in victory. "I am the greatest!"

"I changed my mind; I don't want to know," said Halibel, laying on her stomach to let the sun bake her back.

"If the cops come by, we don't know you," added Tyn, laying back down on his towel again.

Starrk just snored and rolled over on his side.

Ulquiorra gave a long-suffering sigh and went back to reading his book, saying only one thing…

"I hate the beach."