The Flame That Singed The Moth's Wings

The apartment was dark. Only a single light flickered near the windows. Shadows fell over Pandora's face. She was staring out of the windows, her legs sloppily settled on the floor, her back against the small cove.

The window closest to her was opened slightly. A warm breeze blew in, stirring her hair and sweater. Fireworks blasted, people cheered. It hurt her brain, but it was constant. There was nothing to save her from the shouts, from the screams.

A glossy drunkenness lingered in her eyes.

Groggily she parted her lips and rested her head against the wall. Her fingers curled around the bottle's neck just before she took a swig of the vile liquid and winced.

A week had passed.

She furrowed her brow, pressing her fingertips against her head.

Or maybe it was more…or less…

Pandora couldn't distinguish the time, not anymore.

She hadn't seen Finnick but for a few minutes since Annie Cresta survived the arena. He didn't bother coming home, he was too busy, too preoccupied. Her jaw clenched as she thought of the cold space on his side of the bed, the empty apartment.

Annie had been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In layman's terms she was clinically mad. Mironov told Finnick that the only thing he could figure was that seeing her male counterpart getting his head sliced off was the catalyst.

Finnick cried at the news.

Disgust rose in her stomach as she recalled his tears.

In the distance she heard knocks on the doors, but the fogginess of alcohol dulled her senses. Instead of responding she took another gulp and stared out the window.

More knocks.

"Go away!"

There was only a brief silence before she heard the front door swoosh open. Hallway lights spilled into the apartment.

Her eyes darkened as she turned her face to the side.

"How the hell did you get in?"

Adric studied her drunken state and sadly put his hand in his trouser pockets, "I know how to bypass the security system."

"Aren't you clever."

"Haven't seen you around in a few days…" his boots thumped against the floor as he moved around the sofa, "Thought you might have died."

She lifted the bottle of booze up and glared, "Maybe I have."

"You're drunk."

"Look at you…all observant. Is that how you got those pretty little medals?"

"You're going to make yourself sick drinking that."

From the darkness Seven's eyes glinted, he let out a growl as Adric knelt next to Pandora. Unfazed Adric twitched his eyes to the wolf and stared, it took a split second but Seven soon settled back into the darkness.

"Let me help you up."

"I don't need help…" she mumbled, refusing his hand as she tried to find her footing. Somehow she managed to fall and stand up at the same time, her feet drunkenly staggered in place for a moment before she caught her breath.

"You should come to the Closing Interviews."

The laugh came out very cruel as she pushed him aside and found her place on the sofa, "Should I? I don't know—I don't think this would look good for my public image."

"You mean if you drunkenly toppled over a crowd of people? Who knows. Maybe it would increase your popularity…."

When she licked her lips she could taste the alcohol, "I'm not going anywhere."

Adric narrowed his eyes, "How much alcohol have you had?"

"I lost count."

He grabbed the bottle away from her quickly.

"Hey!"

His hands fumbled on the floor until he found the cap and screwed it on.

"That's mine…" she stammered.

"Not anymore. Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"I'm enjoying the evening. Happy Hunger Games!"

"Don't patronize me."

Her eyes gravely turned to the windows.

"This is about Finnick?"

"No…this is about my pathetic life."
He arched his eyebrows, clenching his jaw as he gazed down at her. She hated the sudden silence. Her brown eyes slowly shifted to the floor as she hunched over and groaned.

"Why are you here, Adric?"

"Mironov thought I should check up on you."

"Wonderful."

"Yes, it is. You know he thought that maybe you were upset about seeing another person in the state that the Victor was in, but something tells me that isn't it."

She let the quiet sink in once more. Her fingers lazily traced the seam of her pants, her eyes refused to look to Adric.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Yea…I can see that. Look—I'll leave you alone, I see you want that, but before I go I just have one thing to say, you got it?"

"I'm not a child, Adric. You may be an officer but you're only a few years older than me, don't use that overbearing tone."

He ignored the bite to her words and scanned her face.

"Finnick loves you."

"C'mon, I don't need this…"

"Hey, listen!"

A low growl sounded from the darkness where Seven rested, Pandora darkly grimaced. Adric ignored both of their complaints.

"He does. I know it, I can tell. You of all people do not need to be jealous, or worry."

"Me of all people?"

"Yes, Pandora, you of all people. You know why?"

"Enlighten me!" She angrily snarled.

"Because you are unique and clever. And I can't imagine any man falling in love with you and being able to recover from that."

Her glare softened but only slightly. She blinked her eyes away and parted her lips, "Are you done?"

Adric sighed in frustration and tightened the screw around the bottle, "Yea—yea I'm done."

She kept her eyes on the floor.

"Then get the hell out of my apartment."

"Real nice, Pandora, keep that up. It's real charming."

Her nails dug into the cushions and her eyes drunkenly shifted to Adric. He stubbornly glared at her for a few seconds before marching past with the bottle in his hand.

"I'm taking this with me," he whispered, opening the door before he looked back as Pandora's shadow figure.

His fingers nervously tapped against the doorframe, and then he was gone.

Pandora's eyes shut as soon as she heard the door close.

She sat there for a moment, frozen and stiffened by drinking too much. A warmth swirled in her stomach, making her feel slightly sick but mostly dizzy.

After several heartbeats she lifted her eyes to the mantel. The clock's hands inched forward slowly. The Closing Interviews were starting.

A current of despair swallowed her.

She dropped her head to the armrest of the sofa. Her hands cradle a pillow as she pursed her lips and curled in a ball.

In between listening to the fireworks explode and thinking of Finnick's face she quietly dozed off. Aided by alcohol and fatigue she plummeted into a deep slumber.

The first thing she felt when she awoke was the intense sense that she was going to throw up. Her eyes opened only to shut in reply to the bright sunlight. It burnt her vision, creating black splotches.

The faint taste of alcohol was still on her breath as she glanced around the apartment and collected her thoughts.

Everything was as she left it the night before. She only had a faint recollection of Adric stopping by but her head was too foggy to gather any real memories.

Seven howl quietly as he watched his master climb to her feet. His tail wagged with another howl.

She had trouble making it to the bathroom, her feet seemed disjointed from the rest of her body. A splitting headache made her eyes widened in pain.

Out of habit she opened the medicine cabinet, her fingers searched for the bottle of pills Mironov had given her. It took her several minutes to remember that Finnick had thrown them out.

Inside, a stream of curse words garbled. Her fingers pinch the bridge of her nose. She wondered how it was possible to feel like you were on the brink of puking your liver up, your brain exploding, and your feet giving out all at the same time.

The shower helped a little. The hot water scorched her skin and fogged up the mirrors and glass. By the time she grabbed for a towel the whole bathroom looked like a sauna.

Redness lingered at the corners of her eyes as she pulled on clothing.

She had slept through the entire day.

The sun was already setting when she returned the main area to grab a glass of water and slice of bread.

Slowly the pieces of last night were falling into place, though it was still a little unclear. She mulled over Adric's words, grimacing at the way she crudely spoke and displayed her repressed rage. She didn't like the person inside, the darker side of herself.

Pandora was just on the periphery of completely hating herself when she heard footsteps moving down the corridor outside.

The doors opened with a chime, she turned in surprise lowering her glass of water.

"Finnick…"

He hadn't been in the apartment for days, not since Annie won. He had been sleeping in the infirmary. Pandora only saw him when she traveled there, it was shocking to see him standing in the entryway. Her eyes studied his face silently.

His expression was strange. She couldn't place it.

"Hey, Pandora."

"How was the Closing Interview?"

The floorboards creaked as he moved through the dining room into the living room. Pandora slowly followed, hoping that he couldn't smell alcohol or shame.

"She did well, better than I thought. I was surprised."

"Good…"

He kept his back turned to her but she could tell he was looking out of the wall of windows. The sun was almost fully set. It made Pandora feel guilty for sleeping off the entire day.

"I—um—sorry I haven't been around. I was worried."

"I know, I understand."

She watched his head bow.

The air in the apartment was becoming stifling. Suddenly she didn't feel nauseous from her hangover, she felt nauseous from anticipation.

When he finally turned back around his hand was over his mouth, his eyes twitched to her face, "We need to talk."

Her feet shuffled forward. Her eyes cautiously stayed on his face.

"What is it? Mironov said Annie would be fine."

"Just let me—" his interruption was cut short as he dropped his eyes and shook his head. "I love you, Pandora, you know that don't you?"

Her lips quivered as she opened her mouth. Her brow furrowed. If he was telling her that he loved her then why did his voice sound so wounded? Why did it make her heart burn?

"Of course," she whispered back, "And I love you."

He looked into her eyes. He was a few paces away from her, but even from where she stood she could see that he was on the edge of tears.

"Annie is leaving tonight, going back to District 4."

Pandora speechless stared.

"Pandora—"

Her brow furrowed. Suddenly her eyes squinted in fear. She shook her head and took a step back. Acid burned her mouth. Her brain swelled. Her blood boiled.

"No..." her voice trembled.

"Please I—"

"You're leaving me?"

"She needs me."

"I need you!"

A thousand times she had fear it, and a thousand times she had repressed it. It was here nightmares coming true, she knew this would happen. She knew it and that's what made it so terrible.

His hand trembled as tears started rolling down his cheeks and he stepped back.

"I can't be apart from her."

Suddenly she felt like her whole body was going to collapse, "What are saying?"

"I'm—"

"You just said you loved me!? We've—we've been together for a year. You've only known her for a month! You don't just wake up one day a fall out of love with someone!"

Finnick looked away shamefully, "Please, I don't want to hurt you."

Her head was spinning. It wasn't like there was no warning, there were signs. Signs she had tried to ignore. They had started drifting apart since the day he had met Annie Cresta, but it was only now that her fears had materialized. Finnick Odair was standing in front of her, telling her he didn't want her. Her hands grabbed a dining chair as she gasped for air.

"You told me you'd never leave me…you promised you would never leave me!"

She thought of President Snow, of every terrible deed she had agreed to. She hated herself, there was no going back now, she hated herself completely. But another type of hate was quickly materializing.

Her screams were sharp, her face red. Tears started to well up in her eyes.

"I'm always going to be here for you."

"You're a liar!" She growled, backing away as he tried to reach out for her.

"You know it hasn't been the same as it used to be. We've grown apart."

"Because of you! So what?! A new pair of eyes and lips comes into your life and I'm just thrown away!? I knew this was happening—oh my god—you don't care about me, you don't do this to people you care about!"

"Annie isn't like you, Pandora. She not as strong. She needs me!"

Her eyes darkly glowered at him. In that instant something became dark and harsh.

"She's innocent and naïve. She's fragile."

As he listed off attributes Pandora knew that she was none of them. Her head buzzed. Of course, she thought to herself, Annie's everything I'm not. She's not a murderer or a pretender. She's not a sell out. He loved her more because she was pure, something Pandora would never be. Maybe she pure and chaste once, but she could never go back to that. She was tainted now. She was a killer.

A raw growl sounded from her as she struggled to not fall to her knees.

"I tried to fight it," He whispered, his eyes frantically trying to catch hers, "I love you, that's never going to change…but I'm in love with Annie."

"I hate you!" She spat out suddenly through cries, "I hate you so much!"

"Don't say that."

Her unsteady breaths violently shudder her lungs as she backed into the shadows. It felt like a nightmare, maybe if she pinched herself she would wake up and have her life back. Wake up in District 7, never having being reaped. Marius would still be alive. Her family would greet her as she walked down the steps. She would never meet Finnick.

But that wasn't her reality, this was. This was the grim reality. The sticky horror of a reality that made her wish she could dissolve into nothing.

In this moment, as seconds and milliseconds past she could feel herself spiraling.

"Get out…" she whispered. Her eyes wildly locked on his, her jaw clenched. "Don't be coward. If you're going to leave me, just do it!"

"I want things to be right!"

"They'll never be right!" she stepped forward.

"I'm not going to leave without this settled."

"Why? So you can feel better about yourself?..." she dropped her teary eyes, "You don't get that luxury, Finnick!"

His eyes were so sorrowful and broken. He wanted to reach out for her but knew that she would only move away.

"I'm sorry."

"GET OUT!"

She clutched the side of her head, her heart felt like it was bursting. Her ribs felt like they were breaking.

She didn't watch him leave, she couldn't bear to. Her ears barely registered the door shutting behind his shadow.

In an angry daze her eyes moved around the apartment. Tears streamed down her face as cries and moans of heartache ruptured from every bone in her body.

Everything surrounded her was taunting. Every piece of furniture, every picture and mirror, the smell lingering in the air…it was all laughing at her grief.

She panted for air and screamed. Her chest rose and fell quickly.

Darkness fell over her. It's acrid smoke curled around her limbs and eyes. A surge of hate trembled through her veins.

Only a second passed before she grabbed a dining chair and broke it over the table. The glass shattered to the ground. Her hands threw pictures, vases, and china onto the floor. She wouldn't stop until every piece of furniture and artifact in the apartment was broken. Fueled by rage, madness and grief she let out a shriek, breaking mirrors with her fists. She felt shards cut her knuckles but didn't respond to the sharp pain. Debris flew everywhere. Tears fell from her eyes by the millions. Chaos rained in her soul. Even if she tried she wouldn't be able to form words. Only screams echoed from her.

It wasn't until she stopped for a moment that she gasped for air and dropped to the floor. Her hair fell over her face as she clutched the broken shards of metal, glass, and wood and screamed in madness.

Her head dropped to her hands as her whole body shook from crying.

Images of Finnick, memories of him blinded her, as if she relived their entire relationship in a matter of seconds.

He was gone.

She moaned in agony.

He was gone and he was never coming back.

She let the broken floor cradle her for an eternity. Her eyes vacantly stared at nothing, until she couldn't stand it any longer.

She needed to get out of here.

She needed to leave.

Her hands struggled to push her body up. Her flushed cheeks were riddled with tears.

She was a shade of herself. She was a dark figure.

Without looking back she started running.