The Miracle of Sake
If there was a single worse punishment worse than monitor duty in the entire Seireitei, Rangiku Matsumoto didn't know of it.
Oh, she understood that monitor duty was a necessary evil, but it was also quite possibly the most boring job ever conceived in all of history: worse than practice drills, worse than paperwork, maybe even worse than those stupid meetings. How anyone could do this job on a regular basis without going insane or being drop-dead drunk was beyond her comprehension.
Which was why she was working towards the latter of the two solutions before the former raised its ugly head.
Drinking alone wasn't as good as drinking with a friend, but one had to make do with what she had and right now Rangiku had nothing but herself, some sake, and a long night of watching monitor screens ahead of her. Under normal circumstances, Squad 12 worked the monitor stations in rotating shifts, but tonight their captain had need of them all for some grand experiment. While Rangiku thought that the stations could safely be left unattended for one night, her own captain, Tōshirō Hitsugaya, had disagreed and volunteered her for the job.
Apparently, he was still a little pissed that she'd blown off some stupid paperwork last week in favor of sneaking down to the world of the living for a shopping spree, courtesy of the Squad 10 credit card that she'd "borrowed" from him.
Honestly, she'd have thought him to be used to that sort of thing by now.
She took a long, slow drink of sake and sighed as she emptied the bottle. She looked at the empty clay container mournfully before sitting it in the floor and going over to the large metal cabinets against the wall to retrieve another one. She ignored the brightly-colored "Danger: High Voltage" sign and opened the cabinet door, and then opened the fake fuse panel behind it to reach the sake supply.
If Rangiku knew anything, it was where every single squad kept their sake stashed; it was valuable information, just in case of little emergencies like this. The only blank spot in this list of information was Squad 2, as she had thus far been completely unable to find anything in their division.
Of course, Captain Sui-Feng was so strict that she probably beat her men half to death if she ever caught them with sake while on duty, so…
The lieutenant returned to her seat in front of the screen, uncorking the bottle as she watched it scan the Karakura area back and forth for anything unusual. There were dozens of blank screens in the room, silent monitor stations who weren't active yet; the Seireitei had begun expanding their infrastructure to broaden their efforts to police spirits across the entire world of the living, but the monitor stations for the rest of the world wouldn't be ready for another month or two.
Even then, most of it would be automated, requiring only three technicians working at a time, maybe four or five if things got really busy.
But right here, right now, this all seemed like a colossal waste of time. Aizen had been defeated, and Ichigo could protect Karakura from almost any threat on his own now; the only thing that might give him trouble and the Seireitei reason for concern would be Espada-level arrancar, but they were all dead now, all except for…
"Hi, Rangiku!" sang a voice from behind cheerfully as a pair of arms wrapped themselves around her shoulders for a friendly hug.
"Hey Nel!" smiled Rangiku, turning around to face her friend and fellow lieutenant. "What are you doing here?"
"Well, I thought you were probably bored, and I asked An to let me leave early so I could come by and keep you company for a little while," said the ex-Espada, pulling up a chair.
"Early?" said Rangiku, looking at the clock on the wall. "It's almost midnight; I thought you two usually had everything wrapped up before nine!"
"It's been a long day…" admitted Nel. "Lot of paperwork. An said he'd finish up for me."
"Want to trade captains?" asked Rangiku wryly as she went over to the cabinets to retrieve a couple of small cups. "Tōshirō would never volunteer to do that for me."
"No way!" laughed Nel, "I'm happy with An, thanks."
"Can't blame a girl for asking…" said Rangiku, pouring sake in the two cups and offering one to Neliel, who simply stared at the small cup as if it were dangerous.
"I don't know, Rangiku…" she said slowly, "Not after last time; I thought my head was going to explode!"
"Oh, come on, live a little!" encouraged the strawberry-blonde, "That was months ago! Besides, it's no fun to drink alone…don't make me drink alone, Nel!"
Neliel bit her lip nervously, looking from the cup to Rangiku.
"Well, maybe just one wouldn't hurt…"
"Almost…done!" announced Anrak to the empty office as he finished signing the last form for the evening and put it in the completed pile. It was almost two in the morning, and after spending the last five hours doing paperwork, he was ready to go to bed and sleep in as long as possible.
He absolutely hated days like today; the paperwork was easily the worst part of being a captain, and about twice a month there would be days where the normal load doubled, sometimes tripled.
It wasn't usually a problem; his lieutenant, Neliel, was very dependable at doing her duties, including all of her own paperwork, but he had granted her an early leave tonight to go visit Rangiku, who was stuck with monitor duty over in Division 12. If he hadn't done that, they could have been finished around twelve-thirty, but Anrak would have felt guilty for denying her request.
She's made you soft, taunted Kagi inside his head.
"Hush, you," he growled as he stood up and stretched.
Neliel was probably back at their quarters by now, wondering when he was going to come home if she wasn't already asleep.
The door to the office opened without preamble and Anrak looked up, fully expecting to see Neliel coming back to make sure he didn't need any help. Instead, he was surprised to see his long-time friend Renji Abarai, holding a bottle of sake.
"Not tonight…" Anrak said, rubbing at his tired eyes. "It's too late to start drinking."
"Bottle's almost empty," said Renji, retrieving a pair of cups from one of the office cabinets and handing one to his friend. "Since you didn't get to go out with the rest of us tonight, I thought I'd at least bring you a little bit to drink."
He filled the two cups, emptying the bottle entirely and dumping it in the wastebasket beside Anrak's desk.
"Alright, you win," Anrak said with a smirk. "It's not too late for a quick drink."
"That's the spirit!" said Renji as the two captains clinked their cups together before slinging the warm alcohol down their throats.
"I suppose I did kind of need that after tonight…" Anrak admitted, putting the now-empty sake cups away.
"Yeah, I kinda figured as much… Anyway, where's Nel? She already go home for the night?"
"Probably is by now; I let her off early to go say hello to Rangiku on monitor duty," said Anrak, and Renji just froze in place with a look of disbelief etched on his face.
"You know Rangiku is going to be drinking while she's there, right?" he asked.
"Yeah…so? I mean, Rangiku is always drinking."
"Rangiku drinks the hardest when she has company and as much as I like Nel, she can be a little naïve…"
Anrak twitched, seeing where Renji was going with this.
"Maybe we should go check on them, then…"
The monitor station had been screaming its little electronic heart out for three minutes now, beeping madly to a world that wasn't listening as it displayed two very large and very powerful blips on the screen over Karakura Town. Red triangles, to be exact, which was indicative of major hollow activity. Normally, this would send the technician on duty into a panic and he would go running to the nearest Captain with news of an impending disaster, and an assault team would be organized immediately to go combat the threat.
Instead, the two women present were dancing about drunkenly, treating the mysterious beeping like music.
"Beep-beep-beep-ba-doop-doop!" sang Rangiku along with the 'music,' bumping her hips against Neliel's as she raised the sake bottle to her lips and took a long drink.
"Bada-boop-boop-beep-boop!" answered Neliel, giggling as she took another drink from her own bottle.
Neither woman noticed when the frantic beeping of the radar system finally ceased and went silent, and neither did they notice that the two red triangles had disappeared from the screen.
"Beep-a-leep-a-beep-beep!" cheered Rangiku, laughing as she fell backwards into the floor, landing square on her butt.
"Beep-beep-beepity-boop-beep!" finished Nel, collapsing backwards into the floor as well.
"I hope I'm wrong…" began Renji as the two captains approached the monitor room, "I really do, but… Listen! What the hell is that?"
Both men stopped in their tracks for a second, listening to the sound of intense beeping coming from the monitor room just up ahead and they paled. Oh no, this couldn't be good!
They took of in a dead run, bursting into the room and rushing straight over to the little station for Karakura Town.
The radar continued its scan as if nothing was wrong in the world down below, with no unusual blips on the screen and no noise coming from the terminal, despite the presence of insane beeping still in the room. Renji and Anrak turned to see a red-faced Rangiku and a decidedly tipsy-looking Nel sitting in the floor essentially singing beeping noises, and both men just face-palmed.
"Way to give us a heart attack, you two…" said Anrak sourly, and the women looked up, noticing the two captains for the first time.
"Hi, Captain Ushii!" greeted Rangiku, slurring his name slightly.
"Hi, honey!" hiccupped Nel as she waved drunkenly at her lover.
"Lieutenant Neliel…" began Anrak stiffly, ignoring the teasing grin that was spreading itself across Renji's face, "please remember that we are supposed to be professional while on duty."
"Hi, Captain-honey!" Neliel tried to correct herself, and Anrak just sighed as he reached down and helped her up off the floor.
"Close enough, I guess…" he muttered as she giggled and leaned against him heavily.
"What was with all the beeping?" asked Captain Abarai as he helped Rangiku to her feet.
"We were singing!" explained Neliel eagerly. "We were having too much fun it turned into a little party…"
The green-haired arrancar reached for a bottle of sake still sitting on the monitor terminal, but Renji quickly grabbed it first, keeping it away from the two intoxicated women.
"Whatever happened to the whole 'never drinking again, ever' thing?" Anrak asked Neliel as she wrapped her arms around his neck to keep from falling down again.
"I only had one or two…" she protested.
"Or twelve…" said Renji dryly, looking around at all the empty bottles.
"Or twelve," agreed Neliel readily. "It's not my fault; I'm very su-shceptible to peer pressure."
Anrak couldn't help but smile at his lover-slash-lieutenant as she slurred her words together, shaking his head.
"What am I going to do with you?" he asked her.
She hiccupped and gave him a very coy grin as an answer.
"Not that," Anrak said. "Not with as drunk as you are."
"I'm not that drunk!"
"Too drunk for that!" countered Anrak.
"…too drunk for what?" asked Neliel, having already forgotten what they were talking about, courtesy of the sake-induced fog clouding her mind.
Renji was laughing at the two of them from his spot in the corner at the coffeemaker as he brewed a quick pot for the drunken Rangiku to try and help her sober up before Hitsugaya came to check up on her. If the diminutive ice captain were to show up now and see his lieutenant this drunk while on duty…
Well, the dawn of a new ice age would give Captain Kurotsuchi an excuse to start engineering Woolly Mammoths…
"Come on, let's get you home…" said Anrak, scooping Nel up in his arms. "Put you to bed before you get in any more trouble."
"We're leaving already?" asked Neliel, pouting.
"Hai, we are."
"Okay… Bye, Rangiku!" sang Nel, waving her arm frantically and suddenly becoming very cheerful as if she were wishing a friend bon-voyage.
"Bye, Nel!" hiccupped Rangiku, giggling as she waved back.
"I hope Rangiku doesn't get caught by Tōshirō…" said Anrak as they left. "She probably wouldn't have gotten so hammered if she'd been alone… Oh well, not like there's really any dangerous arrancar left to worry about, right?"
Not only was Neliel too drunk to form a coherent answer, she also wasn't paying attention to a single word he said.
"Ohhh…" began Nel, her voice suggesting she was about to burst out into song.
"Please don't…" begged Anrak, remembering all too-well of just how poorly Neliel sang when she was drunk, and how she could never keep it all in one language.
"We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!
Sie finden er ist ein Genie eines Wiz! Wenn je ein Wiz! dort war.
Wenn je oh je eine Wiz! Da war der Zauberer von Oz ist einer da,
because, because, because, because, because
Wegen der wunderbaren Dinge, die er tut!"
Anrak just gave a long-suffering sigh as Neliel began to sing happily while bouncing about enthusiastically in his arms.
Fortunately, she passed out after only a few minutes and was sound asleep by the time he reached their quarters. Carefully, he slipped her into bed, removing her sandals for her before pulling the covers up, taking great care not to disturb his sleeping beauty. He looked down at her affectionately, brushing a stray strand of green hair away from her face and watching as a soft smile settled on her delicate lips at his touch.
It was remarkable how very much like an angel she looked at that moment…
*Hiccup!*
A drunken, ditzy angel, but an angel nonetheless.