Countdown to Christmas
It was the stench he noticed first, a putrid smell that made even the stink of the Seireitei's garbage pits seem like a fresh garden by comparison.
Ichigo gagged under the assault on his nose and eyes as he entered the school, cupping his left hand over his nose and mouth like an impromptu gas mask. As if normal Monday mornings weren't bad enough, this time to had to deal with a smell that would make a maggot gag. Even the typically-outrageous Keigo was affected by the smell, being unusually subdued today instead of behaving idiotically.
Although, pulling his shirt up over his face to combat the smell was still pretty stupid looking.
"Did you hear?" he was asking Ichigo excitedly, his voice muffled behind his impromptu gas mask. "Someone broke into the school Friday night!"
Of course I haven't heard; I spent all weekend working with Squad 9 in the Soul Society… thought Ichigo, but he kept silent; while Keigo could see spirits, he wasn't aware of the Soul Society or of Ichigo's weekend activities.
"What, someone break in and steal all the AV equipment or something?" he asked instead, removing his hand from his face for just a second to see if he could tolerate the smell yet.
He quickly replaced the hand and shut his eyes, forcing his breakfast back down.
"That's the really weird thing…" Keigo said, "nothing was stolen! No TVs, no computers, nothing!"
"Vandals, then," said Ichigo confidently. "Something in the school was wrecked or spray painted, wasn't it?"
"That's the other weird thing! No sign of vandalism, either!"
"Any other 'weird' things about this break-in you wanna tell me?" asked Ichigo in annoyance. It was kind of hard to figure out a motive when Keigo kept leaving out important bits of information.
"The office got ransacked," Keigo admitted. "I heard there were student files all over the floor."
That sounded decidedly more ominous to Ichigo.
"But why would anyone care about our stupid files?" Keigo was saying, "I mean, that's just boring crap like our grades and all."
"And our locker numbers, and our phone numbers, and our home addresses…" said Ichigo narrowing his eyes. "Sounds like whoever did it was looking for someone specific… Do you know which files were pulled?"
"How would I know?" asked Keigo. "Do I look like some sort of investigative-detective nerd?"
The substitute-shinigami didn't answer his friend's sarcastic question, choosing instead to wonder if he should get involved. It could be nothing more than juvenile delinquency going on, or it could be something more sinister; in Karakura Town, one could never be sure anymore. Maybe he should ask Yoruichi to investigate it, just to be on the safe side…
"Oh, yuck!" cried Keigo, his eyes watering. "The smell's even worse over here!"
Ichigo was so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed the strengthening smell until Keigo had mentioned it, and now his own eyes were watering as his breakfast threatened to come up once more.
"Let's get our books and get away from here!" said Keigo, opening his locker quickly and grabbing every book he'd need for the day.
"Yeah, good idea…" said Ichigo, working the combination lock on his locker quickly.
11-14-5, and…what the hell? It won't open!
Growling, Ichigo gave up trying to cover his face and grasped the locker's handle with both hands, tugging on it furiously.
"It's jammed!"
"Here, let me help!" said Keigo, grabbing hold of the door with Ichigo and pulling with all his might.
Between the two of them, the stubborn locker door groaned and finally gave way, swinging open…
…and a small avalanche of rotting meat came tumbling out, knocking the two teens to the ground and half-burying them.
Keigo turned green and picked himself up, running to the bathroom as fast as his legs could carry him, but Ichigo was too stunned to move. He sat in the pile of fetid meat, ignoring the laughter of other students ringing in his ears as he struggled to keep his temper in check.
Who could have done this? Why would someone do this to me? If this is Renji's sick idea of a joke, I swear I'm going to—
A single strand of brightly-colored hair came fluttering down from inside the locker, and Ichigo shot his hand out, grabbing it quickly. He raised the evidence up, looking at it closely. The blueish color proved Renji was innocent, but it damned someone else.
"I'm going to kill that bastard!"
"She actually liked the tree?"
"Yeah… Surprised me, too; I thought we were going to end up fighting over it," admitted Tyn as he rubbed a frozen sausage patty across the glue trap on the floor before tossing it on the grill.
"And did you two have a talk about that other thing?" asked Starrk as he rang up a customer at his window.
"Nothing to talk about," said Tyn dismissively. "Told me Saturday morning that I was pretty drunk, though…said I had been babbling a lot."
"About what?"
"Dunno; she didn't say and I don't remember," said Tyn, plucking the partially-cooked and tainted patty from the grill and slapping it on a biscuit before wrapping it up and tossing it to Starrk. "She did say that from now on Grimmjow should relay his own messages to her instead of trying to rely on me, whatever that means."
"What message? I ain't got nothing to say to that wench!" snapped Grimmjow as he poured the contents of his mop bucket into the soda fountain. "Bitch must be going crazy."
"Don't call her that," Tyn growled threateningly.
"I'll call the bitch whatever I want!" sneered Grimmjow defiantly. "And I say she's a bitch!"
The quinto dropped his spatula and began stalking towards the other male in anger before Ulquiorra intervened, stepping between the two of them.
"That's enough out of both of you. Return to your station, Tyn; Grimmjow—"
"I swear to God if you tell me to clean the bathroom one more time, I'm going to carve your fucking eyeballs out!"
"Go outside and change the sign to advertise the new 'Brunch' combo."
"You sure that's a good idea?" asked Starrk. "Remember last time we let him change the sign? The police didn't take too kindly to 'Piss Off, Human Pigs.'"
"Shut the fuck up, Starrk! Mind your own goddamned business!"
"Grimmjow…" began Ulquiorra warningly.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm going…" muttered Grimmjow, disappearing out the door.
"I asked her about her stupid date Saturday…" Tyn began conversationally, leaning against the counter as he looked out the window and watched Grimmjow prop the ladder up against the signpost and begin climbing, "she said everything was great right up until the end. Then she looked all pissed off and said she didn't want to discuss it."
"That's good news for you…" said Starrk, watching the always-angry sexta toss letters down from the sign board, apparently aiming at pedestrians. "If she gets too angry with him, she may end the relationship. Depending on what he did, he may be gone after his next screw-up."
"If he tried anything, I'll kill the son of a bitch!"
"You can't simply go around murdering humans, Tyn, regardless of reason," said Ulquiorra.
"Give me five minutes alone with him, and I'll flay the skin from his bones," promised the quinto darkly, ignoring Ulquiorra's warning.
"If he tried any unwelcome advances, don't you think Halibel would have already killed him?" asked Starrk "Let's face it; she doesn't need you to do her dirty work and she doesn't suffer fools or perverts lightly."
"Still…"
"You know what you need? You need to get out more on Friday nights, to try and forget about her before you drive yourself crazy and do something we'll all regret."
"Get out and do what? Find myself a nice human to play with?"
"Might not be a bad idea…" Starrk admitted. "Though I was actually thinking that the Christmas tree shopping wasn't too bad…maybe we should all get together this Friday and do something. I need to find Lilynette something for Christmas and I'm sure Ulquiorra still needs to find something for Orihime…"
"While I agree that Tyn needs to find a healthy activity to keep him occupied, I will not participate in a pointless group endeavor," said Ulquiorra flatly, turning his nose up to show his disdain for the idea.
"I'm pretty sure Orihime would think it's a good idea for us to have a night to hang out…"
"I'm sure she would."
"And you know she'd say it would be good for you to get out, too…"
"Preposterous."
"Tell you what; we'll come by your place after work to tell her all about the idea, and if you can successfully look her in the eye and tell her 'no' when she says you should go with us, then we'll excuse you from participating," said Starrk, grinning ear to ear as the cuarto went deathly silent, narrowing his eyes as he weighed his options.
There was an uneasy silence and for the first time there was a visible crack in Ulquiorra's calm and emotionless facade as he looked very much like a cornered mouse with no way out.
"I will go along with this foolish idea for now," sighed Ulquiorra reluctantly and both of the other men chuckled at him.
"I knew she had you whipped!" laughed Starrk, much to Ulquiorra's discomfort.
Tyn opened his mouth to throw his own jab at the tormented number four, but Ulquiorra quickly spun around and silenced him with a threatening glare.
"One word from you, and I will tell Halibel everything," he promised.
"That's fighting dirty…" scowled Tyn sourly, forgetting all about harassing him.
"We're still monsters, even if we are trapped in a human shell," said Ulquiorra, turning back to keep an eye on Grimmjow through the window.
"What about Cutey-Kitty there? We taking him with us?" asked Tyn, following Ulquiorra's gaze out the window.
"We might as well…" sighed the primera. "He'll complain and say that he doesn't want to go, but he'd bitch even more if we didn't take him along."
"Christmas Eve is next Saturday…" said Tyn, going back to the grill. "What makes you think you're going to be able to find anything for Lilynette this late, anyway?"
"Gotta try…" said Starrk, adjusting his headset. "Otherwise she's going to be one sad kid come Christmas morning. You should be asking yourself what you're going to get Halibel, you know."
"Soundtrack to Jaws, maybe?"
"Sometimes I wonder what goes on inside your head…" said Starrk, shaking his head as he adjusted his headset.
"According to Orihime, Christmas gifts should come from the heart," offered Ulquiorra.
"So, we're all pretty much fucked?"
"It would seem so," agreed the cuarto.
"I hate Christmas."
"How long are you going to leave that thing here? You've left it here for a week now!"
Halibel scowled as she finished pouring a drink, filling the clear mug to the brim with beer before sliding it down the length of the bar to a waiting customer before she turned around to answer Sachi about the item stored in the manager's office.
"I'm taking it home today; I should beat Tyn home this afternoon."
"I don't see why you bothered getting that psycho a Christmas present," said the other woman disapprovingly, and Tia bit her tongue to keep from verbally lashing out at her attitude.
"He's not as bad as you seem to think he is," she growled instead, rolling up her sleeves as she began to scrub the countertop clean.
"If Tia says we've misjudged him, shouldn't we give her the benefit of the doubt?" asked Kishiko, the other day waitress. "She does know him way better than we do, after all."
"What else do we need to know?" demanded Sachi. "He's an abusive nut job, and she's giving him something like that for a Christmas present? Jesus, Tia, he's likely to use it to try and kill you!"
"He won't… We're past all of that," sighed Halibel, thankful that at least Kishiko was willing to trust her. "He's been wanting it for a long time, so giving it to him for Christmas should make him pretty happy… Hell, he might even forget about everything I've put him through this year."
"What you put him through? So as an apology, you give him the means to really hurt you?"
"You have a customer waiting…" Halibel said, nodding at a man sitting at a table in the back. She sighed and began to rub the sides of her head as Sachi finally left to go serve the patron, wishing she could simply order the other women to keep her opinions to herself, but Sachi wasn't one of her fracción, and didn't know enough about who Tia truly was to be intimidated into silence.
"It's a sweet gesture…" offered Kishiko with a smile. "I'm sure he'll love it, and I can't imagine him not forgiving whatever problems you two had in the past… It must have cost a fortune, though!"
"The clerk wanted a few thousand for it…" Tia agreed, nodding.
"A few thousand?! That's too much!"
"Oh, I know. I…negotiated a cheaper price."
"How did you talk him down?" asked Kishiko in amazement and Halibel smiled, chuckling as she remembered something Tyn had said once.
"Aggressive negotiations; I negotiated a reasonable price, and threatened to get aggressive if he didn't comply."
"What about Hiroki? Did you get him something as nice?"
"Not yet… I think I know what to give him for Christmas, and it won't cost anything."
"What could…oh."
"If he can make it through this coming Friday night without upsetting me again, then maybe next Friday…"
"Does your roommate know?" asked Kishiko, and Tia just snorted.
"Not his business. Besides, why should he care who I sleep with?"