More Names for Santa's Naughty List
Early mornings at Burger World were, generally speaking, a fairly tranquil experience: there was no Grimmjow, no Tyn, no deep fryer sizzling in the background, no customers, no noise… Aside from having to clean up the mess that the two idiot teenagers from the night shift usually left in their wake, Ulquiorra relished the peace offered by the pre-business hours.
That soothing calm was always shattered as soon as Grimmjow showed up, sometimes by Tyn if he arrived in a surly enough mood. The broken pieces of tranquility were then further crushed and ground to dust underneath the relentless flow of customers, many of whom were impatient and rude and made even the stoic number four wish that he could simply fire a cero at the lot of them and be done with it.
But right here, right now, there was no one to bother him; Tyn would arrive to clock-in within the next seventy to ninety minutes, though, and Grimmjow would likely be only five or ten minutes behind him. Starrk was typically the last to arrive, and strangely enough it wasn't so much because of the primera oversleeping anymore as it was walking his 'baby sister' to school.
Of course, the added knowledge that tonight was Friday and he would be stuck spending the evening with his co-workers and fellow Espada made the current peace so much the better.
The sound of someone beating against the locked door brought a slight frown to Ulquiorra's face as he just finished cleaning the kitchen. It was too early for any of the others to be here, so it was most likely an impatient customer; it never failed that at least once a week, some fool would obnoxiously batter their fists against the door to get in early because they didn't want to wait for the store to open and were apparently incapable of reading the little sign on the door that conveniently stated their operating hours.
He trudged from the kitchen to the front of the restaurant, fully prepared to point at the frequently-ignored sign on the door and inform the human that they were still closed. He wasn't terribly surprised to see the culprit was a teenager, as they were often the most impatient and obnoxious of all the customers and generally did not care what the sign said because they felt some misguided sense of self-importance and entitlement, but he was surprised to see that this particular teen had very familiar-looking orange hair.
Kurosaki.
"Where is he?" demanded the substitute-shinigami on the other side of the glass as Ulquiorra began to unlock the door.
"What has Grimmjow done now?" he asked as he opened the door and Kurosaki stormed inside. Given the teen's anger, the demand of 'where is he', and the history between the shinigami and the sexta, it was the only logical conclusion.
"He broke into my school, ransacked the office, crammed over a hundred pounds of meat into my locker and left it to rot over the weekend!" seethed the teen.
"So, that's what he wanted the leftover Turkey-Burgers for…" muttered Ulquiorra, more to himself than the shinigami. "Regardless, he is not here yet; I do not expect him for another hour at least."
"Then I'm going to wait right here so I can kick his mangy ass back to Hueco Mundo!"
"Kurosaki, he most likely chose you as a target specifically because he knew this would be your reaction. Grimmjow loves to fight, and as of late he has been unable to incite a brawl with either Tyn or Starrk."
"Mostly because of you stopping it, I'm sure."
"Of course… But if he could provoke you, and then meet up with you off Burger World property…"
"It doesn't matter! He has to pay for what he's done! Do you have any idea how humiliating that was? Do you have any idea how hard it was to scrub the smell out of my locker? I had to burn the clothes I was wearing!" exclaimed Kurosaki.
"If you give in to your anger and attack him, you will be giving him exactly what he wants. At that point, Grimmjow has already won and nothing you do can change that."
"Then what the hell am I supposed to do? Let it slide?"
"I believe you humans have an expression…something along the lines of 'give him a taste of his own medicine,' I believe," said Ulquiorra, stroking his chin thoughtfully as an idea formed in his head. An almost-evil grin spread itself across the substitute-shinigami's face slowly as he recognized the devious intent reflecting in the pale cuarto's green eyes.
"Yeah? I'm listening…"
Afternoon and the end of their shift had come too quickly for once, and Grimmjow found himself staring down the road that would lead to his apartment as the four of them instead made their way to Tyn's apartment, where they would all leave red employee uniforms and nametags while they went out to do some late Christmas shopping.
"Why the fuck do I have to go on this stupid little field trip?" growled the sexta bitterly as he tore his gaze away from the street as they neared the downtown complex that Tyn and Tia called home.
"Because if I have to suffer this indignity, so should you," said Ulquiorra emotionlessly from the back of the pack, hands in his pockets. "Besides, according to Orihime, this is a 'healthy' human activity."
"Then why the hell isn't she here, too?"
"She is going shopping tonight with one of her school friends; Tatsuki, the one who from my understanding likes to hit people."
"Sounds like Grimmjow's kind of woman," quipped Starrk with a teasing grin.
"Except that she is much too young for Grimmjow, and considerably more well-behaved," said Ulquiorra, silencing Grimmjow's impending outburst with a death glare reminiscent of their lost days in Los Noches. "At any rate, the two of them will be taking Lilynette along so that she may find something for Starrk."
"Shopping for Dog-Breath over there should be easy enough: a new ball, a rawhide bone, a squeaky toy, maybe a new collar," retorted Grimmjow as they entered the lobby of the apartment complex, grinning maliciously as he waited for the insult to hit home with Starrk and get him riled up and ready to fight.
"I was hoping for a new water dish, personally…" said the primera nonchalantly. "We were thinking about getting you a nice ball of yarn, though. Got a color preference, or should we surprise you?"
The malicious grin degenerated into an angry roar as Grimmjow leapt at Starrk, hands outstretched for his throat.
Starrk easily dodged, stepping to the side and grabbing Grimmjow's right wrist as it sailed by, using the sexta's own momentum against him as he guided the other man into the elevator, smacking his face against the back wall roughly. The enraged sexta struggled to get free, but Starrk put his other hand on the back of his skull and kept his face pinned to the wall tightly.
"If you're not mature enough to handle a joke yourself, you should keep your own mouth shut," he warned before releasing Grimmjow and stepping away. "Like it or not, Grimmjow, we're the closest thing to a family you've ever had…that any of us have ever had. Learn to deal with it, or we'll disown you."
"Do calm down, all of you…" sighed Ulquiorra as the elevator began its slow ascent to the tenth floor. "The evening will go by decidedly faster for all involved if everyone will keep their tempers in check and at least pretend to be civil for a few hours."
The elevator dinged as it reached the tenth floor, the stainless steel doors sliding open and allowing the four males to spill into the hallway. Grimmjow was still muttering curses under his breath as Tyn unlocked the apartment door and let everyone inside.
The bathroom door creaked open and Halibel stuck her head out, scowling at the sight of her fellow Espada.
"I had hoped to be gone by the time you all arrived…" she said before retreating back into the bathroom and shutting the door once more. "Hiroki already thinks you hate him, Tyn, and you give him the creeps, Ulquiorra."
"He should absolutely love meeting Grimmjow, then…" said Starrk.
"I do hate him…" grumbled Tyn bitterly as he went to his bedroom to change from his work clothes.
"I am not 'creepy,'" said Ulquiorra stiffly, sounding almost insulted by the accusation.
"Either way, hurry up and leave before he gets here!" hissed Tia, finally exiting the bathroom and heading to her own bedroom to finish getting ready.
"Take it easy…" soothed Starrk as he dropped the sack containing his Burger World clothes in the floor beside the couch. "We'll be gone in no time."
Grimmjow scowled and tossed the small plastic sack with his employee clothes over next to Starrk's before making his way to the kitchen and helping himself to the refrigerator; if he had to be a part of this nonsense, then he was at least going to make himself comfortable. He grabbed the lone beer from the back of the fridge, popping the cap off and taking a long swig from the cool brown bottle.
"It's not too late for you to go with us, you know…" called Tyn as he emerged from his bedroom finally, having shed his Burger World uniform for something more relaxed.
"I'm not cancelling my date, Tyn…" said Tia through the door, "Besides what would I tell him?"
"'Fuck off and die?'" offered the quinto, his voice sounding almost hopeful.
"Look, I'll make plans for the group of us some other time… Just all of us, no humans. How's that sound?"
Whatever answer Tyn might have had was cut short by a swift knocking at the front door, and all the males turned to look at the door as an audible groan came from Tia's bedroom.
"Great; he's here already…" she sighed. "Look, just let him in and try not to scare him while I finish up."
Grumbling, Tyn opened the door and stepped aside as the human entered. Grimmjow noted the look of surprise on his face when he noticed that there were other people present for once. The sexta bit back a grin behind his brown beer bottle, taking another drink as the human suddenly looked very nervous to be surrounded by so many unfriendly faces.
Even Starrk didn't look too friendly and relaxed this time, with the primera looking the human over thoroughly with a discerning eye.
"He's shorter than I expected," he announced finally. "And a little scrawny."
"You are the tallest of us…" Ulquiorra reminded his companion.
"And he probably hasn't had to go through all the crap we've had to…" said Grimmjow, stepping closer. "Still, it's pretty goddamned sad when someone is scrawnier than you, Ulquiorra; this little twerp isn't fit to be the dog shit on a Gillian's boot!"
"So…you must be Tia's friends…" began the human, trying to hide behind an obviously-fake smile as his eyes darted from one disguised Espada to another. "I'm Hiroki; pleased to meet—"
"Who the fuck gave you permission to talk, dipshit?" asked Grimmjow menacingly.
"Behave, Grimmjow!" bellowed Halibel from her room. "If you don't—"
"What, you want me to pretend like I respect your little pet hum—" began the panther, but Starrk clamped a hand over his mouth to stifle him.
"Easy on the 'human' thing; he doesn't know what we are, and we want to keep it that way," growled Starrk into his ear as Tia emerged from her bedroom in a long blue evening dress, taking up position by Hiroki's side and giving the other males a glare that promised excruciatingly painful deaths for them all if they didn't behave.
"You look great!" said Hiroki, kissing her cheek and actually making the tercera blush. A deep, menacing growl filled the room, prompting both Starrk and Ulquiorra to put a restraining hand on Tyn's shoulders.
Meanwhile, Grimmjow decided that now would be a good time to play Devil's Advocate.
"Go ahead…" he urged Tyn, leaning in close from behind and whispering into his ear conspiratorially, "Tear his head off. All it will take is half a second and a shower of blood, and your competition will be gone… Think about it; she deserves more than a filthy human, doesn't she? Are you just going to let him steal her from you?"
"What are they talking about over there?" Hiroki asked Tia, a bead of cold sweat rolling down the back of his neck as he took a small step backwards away from the other men as if he recognized the potential danger they represented.
"I don't know…" the blonde admitted, squeezing his arm. "But don't worry about it, whatever it is; let's just get going and forget about them."
"See ya," said Starrk to Halibel as she and Hiroki exited the apartment, though he didn't acknowledge her date in the least.
"Good riddance!" spat Grimmjow, giving up on trying to spur Tyn into action as Ulquiorra acknowledged the duo's departure with a simple nod.
Halibel locked eyes with Tyn for a moment, obviously waiting for him to wish her a pleasant evening, but the raptor stubbornly refused to speak and instead turned his head to look away, nose high in the air in disdain. Tia sighed and shut the door behind her, shaking her head in obvious disappointment.
"I don't like the little weasel," announced Grimmjow after they were gone. "Looks like a slimy two-faced bastard to me, just like Aizen was."
"You don't like anyone," countered Starrk, finally releasing his hold on Tyn's right shoulder as Ulquiorra did the same with the left. "I guess he seems nice enough…not sure it will last, though; she can be a moody one, and humans are pretty fragile."
"I doubt his sincerity…" Ulquiorra added. "Were he truly sincere about her, he would not allow himself to be so intimidated by our presence and would stand more confidently. I suspect he questions if she is worth the prospect of being near us ever again."
"Yeah, well, the little shit is gone now. We need to get going, too; hurry up and get this over with," said Grimmjow as Tyn idly wandered away and into Halibel's bedroom. "Hey, she'll kill you if she catches you messing with her shit, dumbass!"
"Hate to say it, but he's right," said Starrk, coming over to stand in the doorway as Tyn picked up a necklace with a triangular white tooth hanging from Halibel's dresser.
"She didn't wear it…" he was muttering. "This is the first time she hasn't worn it since…"
He trailed off, not bothering to say since when as he placed it back down and stepped away. Starrk wasn't sure what the significance of the tooth-necklace was, or why it mattered that Halibel hadn't worn it, but he could see that it deeply bothered the quinto.
"Forget about it; it is what it is, Tyn. All we can do now is to go out and try and enjoy ourselves tonight. She'll come to her senses sooner or later," he offered as the redhead brushed past him, stepping back into the living room. Ulquiorra handed them both their jackets as Grimmjow stepped out into the hall to wait on them, leaning against the wall.
The four male arrancar had all agreed at the beginning of the month in the pre-business hours of Burger World that they wouldn't bother with exchanging gifts for one another; only Starrk and Lilynette would be exchanging gifts, as would Ulquiorra and Orihime. Grimmjow assumed that Tyn and Tia might exchange presents as well while the sexta himself remained completely exempt from participating.
Had that not been the case, he thought snapping Hiroki's puny neck and tossing his body into the river would have made for a great gift.
"What about these?"
Orihime looked up to see what Lilynette had this time, finding a box with a pair of rollerblades inside. The young arrancar was grinning widely, obviously feeling pretty pleased with her find, and that made it all the harder for Orihime to tell her no.
"Lilynette…" she began, "I don't think Starrk would have much use for rollerblades. He's not…uh…not…"
"Sporty?" offered Tatsuki Arisawa from behind, and Orihime nodded.
"That's it! Starrk's not the 'sporty' type."
"Stupid Starrk; all the cool stuff, and he wouldn't like it!" whined Lilynette, returning the rollerblades back to the department store aisle she'd found them in.
"It's great that you're taking this Starrk guy's kid sister shopping, Orihime…" Tatsuki said, "But really, Christmas isn't this hard. Surely she found him something last year."
"Ah…actually, this is her first Christmas," said Orihime, smiling nervously. "His, too; Christmas wasn't really celebrated where they came from."
"Man, where did they live before they came to Karakura, then?"
"Um…" Orihime fumbled for an answer, not having the faintest clue where Starrk might have originally been from in life and knowing she shouldn't mention Hueco Mundo.
"Israel," she said, trying to force a confident smile even though she had zero idea if the country in question did or did not celebrate. Tatsuki didn't look entirely convinced, but she didn't press the issue. God, she hated lying to Tatsuki, but the truth…there was no way she could tell her the truth! Tatsuki had been her best friend for years, and while she had finally learned about the existence of Soul Reapers and had been told some of what happened in Hueco Mundo, that was it; she didn't know that some of the Espada had survived, that Lilynette was an arrancar herself, and she had no clue that Ulquiorra was now living in her house!
That one had been a tough secret to keep, too; anytime Tatsuki came over unexpectedly, Orihime either had to convince her that they needed to go out somewhere, or she had to talk Ulquiorra into hiding in his bedroom with the door shut until her friend left. She hated making him feel like a prisoner as much as she hated lying to Tatsuki, but…well, Tatsuki vividly remembered the pale-faced green-haired man who had referred to her as 'trash' during his first visit to Karakura Town, and how he had so casually given Yammy permission to kill her. She'd mentioned more than once how she'd like to be able to smash both of their faces in if she could ever get half a chance.
Yes, Tatsuki definitely had to be kept in the dark just a bit longer.
"What about this?" asked Lilynette, handing her find over to Orihime for inspection.
"A movie is a good idea, Lilynette, but I don't think Starrk would care for Avatar; he seems more like the kind of guy who enjoys westerns," said Orihime, and Lilynette frowned again.
"Christmas is hard!"
"How about a Cowboy Classics collection, then?" asked Tatsuki. "My grandpa has a soft spot for westerns, and we got him one of those a few years ago; had a bunch of old John Wayne and Clint Eastwood movies in it, and he really loved it."
The frown left the young arrancar's face, replaced by excitement as she seized Tatsuki's hand and took off running for the DVDs again, dragging the surprised teen along with her. Orihime giggled at first, and Tatsuki managed to shoot her other arm out and grab Orihime's wrist, dragging her along for the ride. Both teens laughed as Lilynette plowed through the store with them in tow, making a beeline for the DVDs and ignoring stares from other customers.
For the first time in years, Orihime felt like everything was shaping up to truly be a merry Christmas.
"It's official; whoever came up with the idea of 'malls' is more evil than Aizen ever dreamed of being."
"It's not that bad, Grimmjow…" said Starrk as he weaved in and out of the flow of bodies moving about, occasionally being unsuccessful in his attempts to avoid contact as shoulders would brush against his, or a small child would collide with his legs.
"Things will most likely get worse for the next few days…" Ulquiorra predicted, pressing himself up against a store window as a herd of shoppers nearly ran him over. "Too many people are holding out on doing their shopping until the eleventh hour. Better that we are here now than next Friday, the twenty-third."
Grimmjow didn't bother trying to navigate the sea of people carefully; he simply marched ahead, shoving people to the side as he made his way through the crowd.
"I'm not shopping for anyone, so why do I have to be here again?" he asked.
"It's a group thing, and you're part of the group," said Starrk, scanning the crowd for the tuft of crimson hair that would tell him where Tyn had disappeared to. Unsurprisingly, even trapped inside of a gigai, the Raptor Prince was still swift and nimble enough to dart through the crowds with little difficulty and had quickly vanished into the unending flow of people moving throughout the mall.
"I say we leave him and go home," growled Grimmjow, shoving some unfortunate guy on a cell phone out of his way and into a wall roughly. "This shit ain't worth it."
"Yeah, well, your vote is the minority, Six," said Starrk, still scanning the crowds. "There he is, over there by 'Sports and Imports.'"
"Okay, screw this; you guys follow me and I'll clear a path," declared Grimmjow, knocking mall patrons out of the way as he moved to the front of the pack. "Let's get this crap over with."
For once, neither Ulquiorra or Starrk cared enough to stop him as he forcefully shoved his way through the mob of shoppers, clearing an easy path for the trio all the way to the entrance to Sports and Imports.
"Saw this place, thought you might find something for Lilynette in here…" said Tyn as the group finally caught up to him. "She likes soccer, right? I'm sure there's some soccer stuff in here."
The four entered the store and began browsing, but it quickly became apparent that the store was more for sports clothing rather than gear. It meant they wouldn't find a new soccer ball for Lilynette since she'd already kicked her old one to death, but maybe Starrk could find her something more comfortable to wear when she played.
"The hell are these for?" asked Grimmjow from the Import side of the store, holding up a large blue shirt with white trim, the image of a large cat on the chest.
"These are all imported sports clothing from other countries…" offered a store clerk. "Over there are NFL jerseys from America, as well as some MLB, and the NBA stuff is over—"
"What the fuck is with all the goddamned letters? Besides, I'm asking about this, not what's over there or over there!"
"NHL jerseys…" sighed the clerk, pointing to a sign above the rack. "A sport called Hockey. Not big in Japan, but huge in Canada and several European nations…moderate following in America."
"Florida Panthers, Practice Jersey…" said Grimmjow, reading the tag. "Wait, they have an entire team named after the mighty Panther Lord? Awesome!"
"It's not named after you, moron," sighed Starrk, shaking his head.
"There are other jerseys for that team here, if you're interested. That would be what the team wears in practice, and for actual games they would wear this—"
"I hate the red on it," scowled Grimmjow, looking at the other jersey in question. "Red things are stupid."
"Fuck you, too, Grimmjow," growled Tyn, flipping him off.
"What is hockey, anyway? Maybe Lilynette would be interested…" asked Starrk, and the clerk pointed to one of several television screens on the wall.
"The monitor in the middle shows hockey clips. I don't know much about it, really; I just work here, man."
"It looks violent…" observed Ulquiorra as they watched a player get slammed into a glass wall roughly on the screen. The image then shifted to another clip of a player being helped off the field, which appeared to be made of ice, holding his head and bleeding profusely from his mouth and nose. Then the image shifted again, this time showing a massive fight on the ice, with several players discarding their gloves and trading punches.
"On second thought, I'd rather not get Lilynette involved in that…" said Starrk.
"NHL players get paid a lot…A US dollar is worth about eighty yen or something based on current exchange rates right now…" said the clerk, "And star players can make millions of dollars per year."
"They actually get paid to skate around and beat the hell out of each other?" asked Grimmjow, his eyes shining with unabashed glee at the prospect of legally being paid to hurt others. "Ulquiorra, fuck you; I quit."
"Pretty sure there's more to the sport than fighting, Grimmjow…" said Tyn, browsing through the jerseys.
"I can learn! It's the perfect job for me!"
"You are not allowed to quit, Grimmjow," said Ulquiorra flatly, glancing at the human clerk that was still within earshot. "What if you should be…injured? Our specialist, Doctor Urahara, would not be able to treat you."
"Well, uh…" said Grimmjow, having caught on to Ulquiorra's meaning about a damaged gigai.
"And once you become a public figure, a recognized sports star…" began Ulquiorra as the clerk finally moved away to go help another customer, "how will you explain it when your fans notice that you do not appear to be aging as you should?"
"God damn it…" hissed Grimmjow.
"Hey, Starrk!" called Tyn, holding up a white jersey with the image of a canine head on it for the primera to see. "Says it's from a team called the Phoenix Coyotes."
"…maybe after Christmas." said Starrk, turning back to the soccer clothing. "Shopping for Lilynette, not myself."
Tyn shrugged and put the jersey back on the rack, idly nosing through the merchandise for anything interesting as Starrk continued to browse for Lilynette. He didn't expect to see anything of worth, really; he wasn't big on any kind of sport, and most of the jerseys looked rather tacky to him. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Starrk hoist a soccer ball into the air, having found one in the store after all. In his other arm, he had several loose soccer jerseys for Lilynette and a couple of pairs of shorts for her, and Tyn knew it was time to leave. He turned to go meet up with the others, and paused as he saw another jersey a couple of racks over, one with the image of a shark biting a hockey stick on the chest.
He seized the tag of the teal-green jersey, reading it.
"San Jose Sharks…" he muttered.
Tia didn't know anything about hockey, but the Shark Queen might like this…maybe. He grabbed the green jersey off the rack, and saw a white version behind it. Green was okay, but there was a lot of green on it, and Halibel did seem to prefer white…
He put the green jersey down and grabbed the white one, wearing a smug grin of content that he'd managed to find his roommate a gift with far less trouble than he'd expected.
"Would you like these jerseys customized, Sir?" asked the clerk as Starrk was paying for his merchandise. "For an additional fee, we can put a name and number on each jersey."
"Nah…" said the primera, shaking his head as he handed over his money. "These are just for her to practice in; I think her friends are looking at getting real uniforms in the spring."
"I want this sucker customized!" announced Grimmjow loudly, slapping his jersey on the counter and pushing Starrk out of the way as soon as the clerk handed him the change. "Jaegerjaquez, number six, and if you idiots spell it wrong, I will gut you like a fucking fish!"
"Fill out this form, then, and it'll be ready for pick-up next Friday," said the clerk, handing the sexta a slip of paper and a pen.
"Next Friday? To hell with that! If it's not ready by Monday afternoon, you're a dead man!"
"A rush charge is extra…" said the clerk, sweating profusely as Grimmjow glared at him murderously. "But since it's so close to Christmas, we can waive that fee for you, Sir!"
"Coward…" muttered Ulquiorra under his breath from the doorway.
"See you Monday afternoon, then," said Grimmjow with an evil grin, dropping his money on the counter and leaving the jersey with the clerk as he wandered over to wait at the exit with Starrk and Ulquiorra.
Tyn put Halibel's jersey up on the counter and wordlessly grabbed one of the forms, quickly filling it out and handing over his money. The jersey was expensive enough without the customization, but he wanted to make damn sure she'd be pleased.
"Okay, that's it; we're done. Can we please get the hell out of here now?" asked Grimmjow as Tyn rejoined the group.
"Ulquiorra still needs to go shopping for Orihime…" said Tyn, and the cuarto raised an eyebrow at him.
"I do not recall saying that," he said. "I already have her gift at home, in my room; a cookbook, since she is an amateur chef. A cookbook that mercifully does not mention red bean paste anywhere."
"She'll add some to the recipes, anyway…" said Starrk. "That girl loves the stuff."
"And I despise it."
"Yet you still eat it, don't you?"
"I do not wish to hurt her feelings by refusing," said Ulquiorra stiffly.
"You're turning into a big softy," teased Starrk as they began making their way through the crowds once more for the mall exit, with Grimmjow again taking the lead and knocking the hapless humans out of the way, shoving an older lady with graying hair into the mall's wishing fountain.
"Ho ho ho! You'd better behave, little boy, unless you want to find nothing but coal under your tree on Christmas morning!"
The four turned to their right to see a fat man in a red suit up on a small stage covered with gaudy Christmas decorations, and Grimmjow growled angrily at the human.
"That some kind of threat, old man?" he demanded, curling his right hand into a fist as a warning.
"Christmas is a time to be nice to your fellow man, not naughty! What kind of example do you think you're setting for the children here?" asked the man, gesturing to a line of kids who all appeared to be waiting to get up on stage with him.
"They're learning not to take shit from anyone!" hissed Grimmjow. "Now mind your own fucking business, jackass!"
"Ho ho ho, I see, I see… Well then, I won't bother with coal for you this year, young man; I'll simply take a shovel to the reindeer stalls for you! Ho ho ho!" laughed the human, turning away as Grimmjow's face became as red as the faux Santa's suit, his body trembling with rage.
"Grimmjow, don't—" warned Ulquiorra, but it was too late as the berserk sexta pounced on Santa in fury.
"Who's laughing now, fat man?"
On one hand, Tia thought it was a nice change of pace to be home by midnight and to not find Tyn waiting up for her. On the other hand, however, she found herself strangely disappointed and she couldn't figure out why.
Still, Halibel smiled as she snuggled up closer to Hiroki on the couch, enjoying the peace and quiet as the Palm tree twinkled in the corner with its colorful dancing lights and a Christmas movie playing on a television that neither of them were paying any real attention to. It had been a perfect evening, which meant next weekend Hiroki would indeed receive his Christmas 'present.'
Halibel would have been lying if she'd said she wasn't a little anxious herself; who'd have ever guessed that it would be possible to love a human? She leaned in close, smiling as she kissed him and wondering if maybe she shouldn't wait until next Friday, if maybe they should go on to her bedroom…
Of course, the universe seemed determined to prevent that as Tyn and the others picked that exact moment to return, flinging the apartment door wide open and noisily entering.
"I can't believe you didn't get arrested…" Tyn was saying as he came in, trailing off as he spied Hiroki and Halibel on the couch, with the human's arm around her shoulders and holding her close, and the redhead narrowed his eyes angrily.
Oh, shit; she had forgotten that Hiroki was sitting in Tyn's spot.
Tia didn't even have time to explain before the raptor was over there, plucking the human from the couch and hoisting him into the air by his neck, with Hiroki's feet dangling nearly three inches above the ground as Tyn raised him to eye level.
"Put him down, Tyn!" demanded Halibel.
"He was in my spot," growled the quinto. "I don't like it when things mess with my territory."
"Do you not think there has been enough violence tonight?" asked Ulquiorra, musing to himself that the 'territory' the quinto was referring to probably wasn't the couch. "I spoke to the police and mall security on Grimmjow's behalf; I would rather not have to talk to the police over you as well, Five."
"Wait, what?" asked Halibel, momentarily forgetting about Hiroki and Tyn as she looked over at the cuarto while Starrk and Grimmjow retrieved their work clothes. "What happened?"
"Grimmjow assaulted the mall Santa…" answered Starrk before Ulquiorra could open his mouth to respond. "Tackled him right there on the stage and knocked him into the little 'Santa's Workshop' building they had set up, tearing it down. Three plastic reindeer lost their lives in the struggle; I think that one poor kid is going to be traumatized for life now after catching Rudolph's severed head."
"At least I convinced the man not to press charges in exchange for Grimmjow doing some community service for the rest of this weekend and next," added Ulquiorra. "It is preferable to jail time, and perhaps it will teach him a lesson."
"They're blowing it all out of proportion…" said Grimmjow, scowling. "Not like I really hurt him too badly."
"Grimmjow, you tried to stab him with a candy cane," Starrk reminded him.
"Fat bastard had it coming!" roared the blue-haired sociopath.
Halibel sighed, rubbing her head as Starrk and Grimmjow began to bicker back and forth. She turned back to Hiroki and Tyn, with Tyn still growling angrily, a deep rumbling coming from low in his throat as he tightened his grip, stifling Hiroki's attempt at an apology.
"Tyn, put him down!" Tia ordered again, but her roommate paid her no mind and she could literally see the dark intent behind his green eyes.
"Tyn…please," she tried again, making it a gentle request this time.
The redhead finally tore his eyes away from his prey, looking over at Halibel for a long second as he considered her plea.
"Please, Tyn…for me," she asked, hoping that appealing to him as a friend rather than a superior would yield better results. The two stood with eyes locked for another second before Tyn abruptly released his struggling prey, letting Hiroki drop to the floor roughly.
Hiroki got to his feet quickly and scampered for the door as fast as he could, snatching his jacket as he went.
"I'll see you next Friday, Tia…" he called to her, "I'll be waiting in the lobby for you, though!"
Halibel sighed as the door shut behind Hiroki, struggling to keep her temper in check as Grimmjow and Starrk continued bickering with Ulquiorra caught in the middle, and Tyn kept growling as he swatted the couch cushions angrily as if he were trying to remove Hiroki's scent entirely.
"Leave…" she said finally, her voice dangerously quiet. "If you don't live here, get out now."
"Ulquiorra, are you sure you couldn't have talked them into letting me do something else to avoid jail? Something less embarrassing?" asked Grimmjow, ignoring the menacing blonde completely.
Ulquiorra, however, was not as willing to stoke the fires of her wrath, and he opened the door and began walking out, reaching back inside just long enough to grab both Grimmjow and Starrk by their jackets and haul them out the door with him.
"I made the best deal possible, Grimmjow; the alternative was jail for assault and battery."
"Man, Christmas fucking sucks!" declared Grimmjow as Halibel angrily slammed the door behind them, locking it shut. Tia whirled to face her idiotic roommate who was still patting down the couch. She crossed her arms over her chest, seething as she watched Tyn continue to ignore her as if she weren't even there.
"You can stop tapping your foot…" he said finally, looking up at her. "I know you're there, and I know you're pissed."
"Why, Tyn? Jesus, after everything we've been through, after everything I've been through in the war, can't you at least try and be happy for me? Do you have to try and ruin this?" she asked, voice rising in frustration.
"Of course I want you to be happy…" he said slowly, the tone of his voice suggesting it irritated him for her to even have to ask such a foolish question. "I just don't think a human will keep you happy for long. You'll only end up getting hurt in the end, and I don't want that to happen."
"I know you think you're looking out for me, but—" she began, her face softening by a fraction as she stepped closer to him, reaching up and touching his face gently, almost affectionately.
"Besides, the son of a bitch was in my spot."
"GAH!" exclaimed Halibel angrily, throwing her arms up in the air in frustration and storming off to her bedroom. The blonde slammed the door shut behind her with enough force to rattle the walls, leaving a very-confused Tyn standing in the living room by himself in front of the couch.
"What? What'd I say?"
It was just after one in the morning when Grimmjow finally got back to his own apartment; a small, dirty, one room place in a run-down building on the bad side of town. It was a dump, but it was his dump, damn it, and he was glad to be back to it.
Stupid fat man! Stupid police! Stupid Ulquiorra! Stupid human-what's-his-face! Stupid Tyn! Stupid Starrk! Stupid Halibel! To hell with all of them!
At the moment, it was mostly "to hell with that fat bastard at the mall."
"Season's beatings, asshole…" he muttered as he made his way over to the fridge, thinking back on the fight. Grimmjow wasn't sure what had been more amusing; how blue the fat man's face had turned when he'd tried to choke him out with his own fake beard, or the looks of horror on the children's faces as they watched the carnage. They all had to learn that Santa was a nothing but fat figment of their imagination sooner or later anyway, right? What was the harm in sooner rather than later? Hell, he was doing them all a favor by showing them the truth now! They should be thanking him!
He sat a paper plate down on the table beside the fridge and retrieved the four remaining Turkey-Burgers from the freezer, snapping the stiff, frozen meat into small pieces on the plate before shoving it all into the microwave for a minute and grabbing a saucer from the cupboard as the meat cooked. He pulled out an almost-empty carton of milk and poured the contents into the saucer, tossing the empty container into the trash just as the microwave dinged.
He pulled the now-warm and decidedly-smelly Turkey-Burgers from the microwave and replaced it with the saucer of milk, warming it for a few short seconds.
Grimmjow took the warm milk and the meat over to the window, setting the milk down just long enough to open the window before leaning outside and placing both the plate and the saucer on the rusting hunk of metal that used to be a fire escape. He whistled sharply, and for a few seconds there was nothing.
And then, the sound of meowing as a half-dozen mangy, stray cats of varying breeds and colors came slinking out of the darkness to enjoy the meal left for them.
"Sorry I'm late tonight…" he said to no one in particular as he sat on the windowsill and watched them eat. "Got caught up in a bunch of bullshit. That's the last of the turkey, kids; better enjoy it, 'cause it's back to Meow Mix tomorrow night."
He eyed the one immaculately-clean black cat that was always present night after night, the one who never ate any food and would only lap at the milk after all the others had drank their fill, if there was any left. It was far too clean and well-groomed to be a stray, but it didn't have a collar to indicate that it was someone's pet, either. The cat's yellow eyes bored into him, and it cocked its head sideways as if it were asking what he found so interesting.
It looked unnervingly intelligent in that moment, and Grimmjow thought back to how he sometimes felt that it was spying on him, but that was utterly ridiculous; it was, after all, just a simple cat.
"Eat up, kids; I've gotta take a piss," he said, removing himself from the windowsill and lowering the window just enough to keep the cats outside; the apartment was enough of a wreck already without having a bunch of strays crapping all over the place.
He made his way over to the painfully-small bathroom, pausing at the door.
"I thought I left the door open this morning…" he mumbled before shrugging it off and grabbing the handle, opening the door.
A small avalanche of kitty litter came tumbling out, covering his feet.
"What…the…fuck?" he roared, looking at his bathroom and the two-inch thick layer of kitty litter covering the floor. Even the toilet had been filled, overflowing with the sand-like grit and the bathtub contained about two dozen empty bags of litter.
Kurosaki. It had to be Kurosaki.
Shaking with rage, Grimmjow stormed outside and across the hall, nearly bashing down the door of old Mrs. Maeno, the resident nosey neighbor who just had to keep an eye on everything that wasn't her business. There was silence, and Grimmjow started bashing on the door again.
"Open up, you crazy old bat!" he bellowed. "Tell me what you saw today!"
It was still two minutes before the decrepit old woman finally made her way to the door, opening it slowly with a shaky hand as she adjusted her thick, round glasses and looked up at the towering figure of her insane neighbor from across the hall.
"Yes, sonny?" she asked, cinching her housecoat shut and brushing a few stray strands of aged white hair away from her wrinkled face.
"Did you see anyone come by my apartment today?" he asked impatiently. "A goofy-looking teenager with orange hair?"
"Well…yes, yes I did… Early this morning, not long after you left, son, he came by with a bunch of big bags, said it was a present for you."
"That bastard!" raged Grimmjow. "He thinks this is funny? I'm going to kill him!"
The angry Espada made his way back across the hallway, disappearing into his apartment and slamming the door shut so hard that paint chips flaked off the wall in the hallway, falling to the floor as Mrs. Maeno was still talking, completely oblivious to the fact that Grimmjow had already left.
"Had this real pale fellow with him, too…"