April 25th, 1985

Dear Diary,

What a week it's been. A week filled with pain, honor and lies. I'm not gonna write down every single detail about this week 'cause then I'd sit here for hours. First it was a mess that turned out to be something good that afterwards turned out to be something even worse. Apparently the girl I've been seeing was married. Like the decent man I am when it comes to sleeping with other men's wives, I broke it off. The same day I broke it off her husband came into the bar at closing time with a pointing gun at me. I desperately tried to communicate with him and at last he put down the gun. The first chance I got I removed the gun to a safer place. Well, it wasn't a safer place at all. I shot myself. And of all places possible, I shoot my butt. It should be fun to explain that part to the others in the bar. And it also turned out to be quite an explanation why I needed a cane to support me. I just tried to avoid the truth. That couldn't be so bad could it? Apparently so. I made up a huge lie that made me look like a hero who got shot in the leg when he was chasing thieves. Of course Diane would discover my lie before everyone else. She had noticed that it wasn't the leg part but the butt part that was wounded. She really got a laugh out of it when I told her, but she told me that she wouldn't tell about my little lie to anyone. But as the attention for my "fake" action got bigger her disappointment grew. She said that I was "living on a lie".
And then just after she had left, he returned. Marvin. He had seen me on the TV. He didn't like that I was being honored like some sort of hero when it all was because I had slept with his wife. To make it all worse Diane steps in from outside and before she can turn to run, she's a part of the whole thing. I tried, you know. I tried to convince him to let her go. Instead Diane and I had to find another way out of this. Distraction didn't work so Diane gave it a try with one of her speeches. And it worked. Although it was close to go wrong. She told him that she knew how he was feeling. That feeling of being with trash. And who other than me could that be. When she stood there and explained, she seemed hurt and it seemed like she meant what she said. And it really made me feel really bad.
He was close to shoot me yet again but he changed his mind. Saying that "it would hurt her more, than it would hurt me".
Now I wonder if that's true. Wonder if she really cares that much about me anymore. I admit, to begin with I thought this thing with Frasier was a joke. But now after more intense observing she seems happy, somehow. I've begun to have my doubts, I must say. She's too happy, and that kills me. But if Marvin was right, than she must feel 'something' for me. She, on the other hand looked like she was acting the whole "I love him with all my heart" scene out. Did she do it to fool me or did she do it to fool Marvin? I can't say for sure. The only thing I know right now is that I'm thankful that she was there to save me once again. I tried to show her my thankfulness and respect by calling the newspaper to get them straight about what really happened. Unfortunately the babe in the other end liked my heroism so I decided to leave it alone.

In the corner of the eye I saw Diane leave. I'll never tell this to anyone, but everytime she leaves, I'm afraid it's the last time she does.
Why does that thought scare the heck outta me?

Sam.