Sorry for the long delay, ben so busy at work and stuff. Im going to try and update my other stories sometime this week aswell. Thanks for all the positive reviews makes my day.

Chapter 12

Elliot sat quietly in the back of the squad car as Fin and Nick drove him to the hospital to get him checked out. Barba had arrived at Rikers about the same time as the Warden with his release papers. He had ordered Bushido to be taken down to Solitary and Harris taken to the prison hospital. Elliot hadn't said a word through it all he just stood and stared at Harris as he was taken away.

"Stabler, you okay?" asked Nick turning around to look at Elliot.

"Yeah," he replied staring out the window.

Nick turned back to Fin and shrugged.

"Olivia is meeting us down at the hospital," said Fin. "Amanda tried to make her wait at your place for you, but she was having none of it."

"Yeah," he said nodding.

They drove the rest of the way to the hospital in silence. Elliot climbed out the car and walked in, without saying anything to them.

"Fin, what do you think happened in that room?" asked Nick.

"I don't know man, but I know Harris, I was there when he had Olivia and I got there just in time."

"You mean he was going to rape her?"

"Yeah… look you can't say anything okay, especially not to Olivia." Nick nodded. "When I finally found Olivia, Harris had her on her knees and handcuffed and he was stood in front of her with his dick in his hand, he was trying to get Olivia to open her mouth."

"Jesus," said Nick.

"Yeah, and the fact we found Harris with his trousers down and his dick sliced up….."

"You think he tried to make Elliot…."

"I don't know man, I really don't know. But if he did I'm surprised we found Harris alive, especially of he told Elliot what he did to Baby Girl."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Elliot sat in the small room and waited for the doctor to come back in with his x-ray results. The door opened and Olivia walked in and closed the door.

"Hey," she said to him.

"Hey."

She walked over to him and he could see she had been crying her eyes were red and puffy. "I'm so sorry," she said quietly stood in front of him.

"What you sorry for?" he asked taking hold of her hand. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

Olivia looked at his T-shirt it was covered in blood. "El, what happened?"

"Nothing, I'm okay, and I'm out that's all that matters." They were interrupted by the doctor coming back into the room holding up Elliot's x-ray.

"Well you have two cracked ribs Mr Stabler," he told Elliot putting his x-ray up and pointing out the fractures to them.

"Yeah well it's not the first time."

"I can tell that from the x-ray," the doctor smiled at him. "So you know you're gonna be sore for a while and you're gonna have to take it easy."

"Yeah," said Elliot looking over at Olivia. She was stood leaning against the wall with her arms wrapped around herself looking down at the floor.

"Well I will let you get yourself home," the doctor said walking to the door. "I will get some pain meds for you to pick up on your way out."

"Thanks Doc," said Elliot his eyes staying on Olivia as the doctor left them alone. Elliot climbed of the bed and walked over to Olivia. "Come on lets go home," he said to her taking hold of her hand.

Fin drove them back to Elliot's place. Kathy had rang Olivia and told her she had taken the kids home, despite Lizzy arguing she wanted to stay and see Elliot. They both sat in silence in the back of the car. Elliot had a tight grip on Olivia's hand as he looked out the car window.

"Just give a call if you guys need anything," said Fin as they both climbed out the car.

"Thanks Fin," said Olivia and they both headed inside.

Elliot went to the fridge and took out a bottle of water and took a long drink, Olivia just stood by the door and looked at him.

"You want to talk about what happened in there?" she asked him nervously.

"How much do already know?"

"Just that Bushido and Harris were in there, and Fin and Nick found you in the gym alone with them….."

"Yeah," said Elliot looking down at the floor.

"El, your shirt was covered in blood and it wasn't yours…." Elliot looked at her. "Talk to me pleases, what happened in there."

"Nothing all right Bushido just wanted pay back for what happened."

"And Harris?"

"What about him?" asked Elliot not looking at her.

"El… Tell me what they did to you, what did Harris do." Elliot looked up at her.

"You know what Liv nothing happened, Fin arrived just in time. Just like he always does when Harris is around. So there is nothing to talk about."

Olivia looked at him, tears threatening to fall. She didn't need to ask him what he meant. He had asked her so many times about what had happened in the basement with Harris and she never told him. She always kept it to herself only Fin ever knew what happened.

"I need to clean up, I'm going for a bath," he told her walking out the room.

Olivia just stood and watched him go tears falling, she knew something had happened she could tell by the look on his face. She had asked Fin at the hospital and all he had told her was she needed to ask Elliot.

She heard the bath running and Elliot moving around. She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. After everything that had happened over the last 2 weeks she refused to let Harris come between them. She walked down the hall way towards the bath room. She stood by the door and heard Elliot curse in pain from his ribs as he climbed into the bath. She went into the bedroom and removed her clothes and walked into the bathroom. Elliot lifted his head and opened his eyes.

"Liv?"

"Move forward," she told him climbing into the tub behind him and putting her legs either side of him, she wrapped her arm around his chest and pulled him towards her, so his back was resting against her chest. She moved her fingers in small circles over his chest as they both lay in the water in silence.

"I know what happened… in the basement," he told her breaking the silence. "Harris told me, he enjoyed telling me."

"I should have told you years ago, I'm sorry."

"I always thought the worse you know, I always thought he had….. He had raped you."

"No, he never got that far Fin arrived and stopped him. I was so scared El. I never thought I would be that scared again, until Lewis got Me." she told him picking up the sponge and gently rubbing it over his chest. "El we said we would talk to each other and not hold things back. You said you would talk to me cause you don't want to see a shrink." She felt him take a deep breath. "Please talk to me, what happened in that gym? I know I held back from telling you but after everything that has happened recently. I can't lose you over this."

Elliot took a deep breath and dropped his head back onto her chest. "The guards took me to the gym. Bushido and Harris punched and kicked me knocking me to the floor. Harris kept going on about how I owed him because he hadn't got what he wanted from you." he closed his eyes and took hold of Olivia's hand. "Bushido grabbed me from behind and held me on my knees… Harris he…he unzipped his trousers and started touching himself to make himself hard before he took himself fully out his trousers."

Olivia didn't try to stop the tears as he told her what happened she could feel his body shaking against her.

"Bushido put a knife to my throat and Harris told me if I bit him I was dead. I really thought this was it, I thought they were going to rape me. He was threatening me as he pushed himself towards my mouth, they were both laughing and I saw my chance. I elbowed Bushido grabbing the knife and slicing it down the full length of that fucker's dick."

Elliot started laughing to himself "You should of heard him, he was crying like a baby begging me to help him."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing, I stood over him with the knife, I really wanted to hurt him, I wanted to kill him, and I would have but Fin and Nick burst into the room."

Olivia kissed the side of his head "I'm sorry you had to go through that. You shouldn't have had to, if I had never…."

Elliot moved carefully and turned around in the bath to face her splashing water over the side, he pushed up from the side of the bath and hovered over her, his face inches from hers.

"Don't…. don't you dare say you're sorry for calling me, and bringing me back into your life. You needed my help and I came to you. You never asked me to do what I done to Lewis. You never asked me to punch Tucker. It was all my doing not yours, you have done nothing wrong baby, nothing at all."

"But….." Before she could say anything else Elliot dipped his head forward and kissed her lips. "I love you Liv more than you will ever know, and I don't regret anything or blame you for anything that I have done in the last few days."

"I still feel guilty, El. What happened in the prison with Harris."

"I'm glad it happened," he said kissing her neck. "I'm glad I finally got to face him." He kissed down along her collar bone and back up again sucking gently on her neck. He heard Olivia moan. "I'm glad I finally got to punish him for what he done to you, just like I did to Lewis." He moved his mouth over her breast and gently took her nipple "God I missed you and it's only been 24 hours." He told her as he lifted his head and looked at her.

"I missed you to," she said stroking the side of his face. "I was so scared when Tucker took you away, then when I found out who was in Rikers with you…."

"Hey I'm okay, and Harris is never gonna hurt anyone else like he did to you. I reckon it's gonna be a long time before he is even able to piss without screaming never mind anything else."

"I'm just glad you stopped him before he done anything, god the thought of anything happening to you," she said shaking her head.

"Hey stop. Nothing happened okay. I'm safe and I'm home. Yeah I'm still angry knowing what he done to you and the hell he put you through. But he is going to be locked away for a long time."

"Yeah I know," she said pulling him down to her and hugging him tight.

"Aaaahh Liv," he groaned. "My ribs."

"I don't care, I just need to hold you," she told him releasing her grip slightly, but not letting him move as they held onto each other. Lying in silence the water lapping over them.

"After what Harris done to me I couldn't be with anyone," she whispered.

"What you mean?"

Olivia nodded "Sex, I couldn't have sex. I would go on dates and have a great time. We would go back to his or mine and I would panic and freak out as soon as things got to heavy."

"How long was it before you were finally okay to have sex?" he asked lifting his head slightly and looking at her.

"It took a couple of years….. I still can't, you know go down on a guy… I tried once with Cassidy and just panicked when everything came flooding back to me."

Elliot looked up at her not saying a word as she took a deep breath.

"Harris ruined sex for me for a long time."

"And Lewis?" he asked putting his head back into the crook of her neck and she began to run her fingers through his hair.

"He tried, but this time I didn't keep it to myself, I told my best friend everything and he helped me through it. He was caring and sensitive and didn't put his needs first. You made me feel loved and special."

Elliot kissed her neck softly. "I'm sorry I was so quiet and moody when I got out the hospital. I was just so angry and pissed off, with everyone. But I shouldn't have taken it out on you, you didn't deserve that."

He pushed himself up and kissed her softly on the lips. "Nobody is ever going to hurt you again Liv. I promise you. And I'm going to make it my mission to proof to you that sex is one of the best, and most enjoyable things you can do in life," he smiled at her as he pushed his hips forward and the tip of his cock pushed against her pussy.

"And what if I need a lot of proof," she smiled at him lifting one leg out the water and onto the side of the bath to give him more access.

"Well I guess," he said in between kisses. "I will just have to keep going and going and going….." he mumbled into her mouth as he slipped his cock inside her.

"Oh god," she gasped as he buried himself deep inside her and slowly made love to her, the hot water splashing around them as he moved slowly in and out of her until they both climaxed together holding each other tight, their eyes locked together.

"God your amazing," he told her as he dropped his head onto her shoulder, still buried deep inside her. "I never knew I could love someone the way I love you. I thought it was words when people talked about soul mates, but your mine baby. Your my soul mate," he said kissing the side of her neck. "I should never have left you, I'm so sorry I did."

Olivia ran her fingers up and down his back make him shudder against her. "I never realised how much I needed you till you left. You complete me El, I need you to function, and you bring out the best in me. Not one man I have been with comes anywhere close. They have never made me feel safe the way you do."

"Well I'm going to keep you safe for the rest of our lives, no other man is getting anywhere near you, your mine and only mine."

"El I have always been yours, from the day we met."

He looked up at her "And I was yours, I was just too stupid to realise it."

"Yeah you were," she grinned at him.

"Hey you're not supposed to agree," he said pretending to sulk.

"Well come on El, you were split from Kathy for two years and never made a move, in fact you pissed me off so much I left."

"Yeah well I was scared. Scared if I told you how I felt, you would hate me cause you never felt the same. I couldn't bear to lose you as a friend so I kept it all to myself."

"Yeah like I said Stupid," she laughed.

Elliot shook his head "You know if we both weren't so beat up I would make you pay for that, but I'm too sore and tired at the moment."

"Come on," said Olivia. "Let's get out this tub and go to bed..."

Elliot looked at her and wiggled his eyebrows.

"To sleep," she told him kissing his nose.

They both carefully climbed out and dried each other, before walking into the bedroom and climbing into bed. Elliot pulled Olivia to him and wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck softly.

"I know I have said this a lot over the last few days, but I love you so, so much."

"I love you to El," she yawned closing her eyes and falling asleep wrapped in his arms.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Elliot woke up and climbed out of bed and headed into the kitchen to get a drink. He opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water.

"Hey," said Olivia from behind him. He turned around and closed the fridge smiling at her.

"Hey," he said as he watched her walking towards him. She looked him up and down her eyes resting on his erection.

"You need a hand with that?" she asked him kissing his chest and pushing him up against the fridge.

"Could do with more than a hand," he said putting his hands on her shoulders and pushing her down to her knees.

"El….. I ….."

"It's okay Liv, I promise you."

She looked up at him before opening her mouth and taking him in. He groaned and closed his eyes as he felt her lips around and pushed into her mouth resting his hand on her head and pulling her to him.

"God that feels so good," he moaned. "So fucking good."

She tried to pull back but he kept his hand on her head, "So good," he said as he pushed into her mouth. He opened his eyes as he felt his climax building.

"What the fuck!" he yelled.

Harris, Ray Schenkel and Gordon Ricketts were all sat on the couch watching. They all started clapping.

"Always knew you had it in you boy" laughed Schenkel.

"What you…. what's happening?" he asked. He looked at Olivia who was coward in the corner. "Liv?"

"I told you I couldn't do that… I told you I was scared to," she cried.

"But I…I …."

"How could you do that to me, " she cried.

"Always said you were just like us, just had to have the right setting for you," said Ricketts.

"Got to say you got further than I ever did," laughed Harris.

"It's always been in you Elliot, hidden away in the back of your mind."

"No I'm nothing like you," he said.

"Yes you are Elliot," said Lewis coming out the shadows. "Your just like us. You love inflicting pain as much as I did, your just like me. You enjoyed every minute of hurting me, I could see it in your face as you kicked, punched, stamped and shot me, got to say the salt in the wound was a nice touch."

"No… No….." he said shaking his head. "I'm nothing like you."

"Yes you are," said Harris. "You wanted to slice me up so bad and you wanted Olivia to suck your Dick as much as I did."

"Your just like us," said Schenkel. "I could see it in your eyes when you talked about touching young girls."

"No….. It was an act I could never do that, it was to catch you." he yelled at them.

"Bad on the inside, no matter how much you try to hide it….. You will always be like us," said Ricketts and they all started to laugh.

Elliot's eyes snapped open and he gasped for breath. Sweat covered his shaking body. He looked down at Olivia who was sleeping peacefully. He climbed out of bed and walked into the kitchen, his legs felt like jelly. He opened the cupboard and took out the bottle of whisky. He unscrewed the cap and took a drink taking it with him to the large window and sat down and looked down onto the street below.

Tears flowed down his face as he sat and cried. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Olivia woke up and reached out across the bed finding a cold empty spot where Elliot should have been. She grabbed one of Elliot's t-shirts and pulled it on before walking out the bedroom. She walked into the main living room and saw Elliot sat by the window.

"El…. Baby, you okay?" she asked walking over to him. He was still sitting hugging his knees rocking back and forwards, his body shaking, she could see the tears on his face and his red eyes.

"El," she said touching his shoulder, he flinched at her touch and she withdrew her hand. "El what's happened, is it the kids?" she asked.

He shook his head, but never spoke.

"Baby your scaring me, what's happened?" she asked him sitting down in front of him and pulling her legs up mirroring him.

"You should be scared of me," he told her.

"What you on about?"

"I'm just like them…. aren't I. Schenkel and Ricketts told me I was. Said I was just like them but hiding it, and their right, I am."

"Sweetheart, your nothing like them, they are monsters, why would you say this."

"Because I know now, I know what I am. I am a monster just like them. Tucker was right to lock me away."

"El you're not making any sense, you are not like them." Olivia looked at him wanting to hold him but not sure of how he might react, she had never seen him like this before. He sat in silence not looking at her, staring out the window.

"I wanted to hurt him," he said quietly. "Really hurt him. I wanted to slice him up. Make him beg me to stop, I wanted to make him scream and beg for his life."

"Who … Lewis?"

Elliot laughed "No , Harris. I mean, I already done Lewis, right. Made him scream, made him beg. Hurt him, I really hurt him."

"Elliot you done that to Lewis to make him pay for all the bad things he had done to me, to all those other women."

"Yeah but I enjoyed it…. I didn't feel anything when I was doing it. And I wanted to do the same thing to Harris. I wanted to hurt him. I was pissed off when Fin came in. I was pissed because I couldn't inflict the pain that I wanted to on him."

Olivia looked at him refusing to cry.

"You are nothing like them Elliot Stabler. You are a good man…"

"No I'm not Liv. There is something inside me, something evil. There always has been. Look at all the people I have beaten up, yelled at got angry at. I used to fantasise about killing perps. I wanted to kill Harris and I don't feel any guilt what so ever. I'm not safe to be around. What if I suddenly just freak out and take it out on you…."

"El, look at me."

He shook his head "I can't… please just leave me alone."

"I can't do that Stabler, I love you."

"Well you shouldn't."

"Yes I should," she said reaching forward and putting her fingers under his chin and lifting his head. "You are a good man Elliot Stabler." Elliot shook his head as more tears flowed. "Yes you are. This what your feeling, it's just all the stress from the last few days. I trust you with my life. I know you would never hurt me."

"But how can you know that," he cried. "How can you know for certain I would never just flip out and hurt you like I did to them."

"Because you are a kind and caring person. El the only people you have ever hurt or wanted to hurt have been child rapists, murderers and people who have hurt the people you love. Yes you have a temper but you would never use it against anyone you care for or love."

"But….."

"Lewis and Harris were evil people, the perps you wanted to hurt were evil people. You would never hurt anyone who didn't deserve it. You wanted to hurt Harris because you found out what he had done to me, and because Harris tried to ….. El he tried to rape you as well. If I could have broken free that night in the basement I would have felt exactly the same as you." She moved closer to him and took his hands in hers.

"I'm scared Liv, I'm scared everything they said to me is true, that I am like them."

"You're not Baby, you are nothing like them," she said stroking the side of his face.

"So why, why would I force you to… to go down on me."

Olivia looked at him confused. "Elliot you haven't, you wouldn't, you would never do something to me I didn't want you to, you're not that type of person."

"I did in here," he said tapping his head. "I dreamt I made you do it to me, as Harris, Schenkel, Lewis and Ricketts watched me."

"El it was a dream, sweetheart. You can't help what you dream about."

"But it's obvious I wanted you to do it, otherwise I wouldn't have dreamt it."

Olivia shook her head "Elliot we all have strange dreams it doesn't mean we want to carry them out, Honey. We had been talking about my fear of going down on a guy. Harris tried to make you…. it was playing on your mind….. I know in here," she said tapping his chest. "That you would never hurt me, I trust you more than I have ever trusted anyone in my life."

She wiped his tears away. "Is that what all this has been about, some stupid dream."

Elliot nodded "It seemed so real, I woke up shaking and sweating, I was scared Liv."

"It wasn't real El, I promise you. Hell I have had dreams of me sleeping with Casey and Munch at the same time, whilst Cragen sat at his desk and watched, but you didn't see me jumping Munch at the soonest opportunity."

Elliot looked at her and smiled "I guess not," he said as she moved closer. She pushed his legs down and moved forward wrapping her legs around his waist and sitting on his thighs. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight. She felt his arms go around her as he held her back and she smiled to herself, and kissed the side of his neck.

"I think I need to talk to someone," he whispered to her.

She pulled back and looked at him.

"I don't want to freak out again over a dream, I'm gonna call Haung, I trust him."

"I think that's a great idea," she smiled at him and kissed him softly. "I love you so much."

"I don't know why, but I'm glad you do, cause I don't know how I would live without you."

She kissed his neck and began to gently suck as she felt Elliot do the same thing to her shoulder. She felt him getting hard against her as she ran her fingers up and down his back. She lifted herself up and took hold of him and guided him into her, and sunk down on him impaling herself on him. They both moaned as they joined together and Olivia began to move her hips grinding herself onto him, squeezing him tight with her inner walls as she did. She moved her head and dropped her forehead against his as she rode him and felt him pushing up into her as their eyes locked.

"You feel so good El, so, so good, baby," she told him as they continued to move together. Elliot ran his fingers through her hair as he felt his the blood rush through his veins, he felt Olivia begin to shudder and grip him tight as they climaxed together and he released inside her, his hot seed pumping deep inside her.

"Let's go back to bed," she said to him as they began to relax. "And the next time you have a bad dream wake me up, okay."

"Okay," he said. "And the next time you dream about doin it with Casey….."

She climbed off him and smiled taking his hand.

"….. Feel free to share it with me," he smiled. "Just leave out the Munch and Cragen parts."

Olivia slapped his bare ass cheeks "Don't push it Stabler," she told him as they went back to bed.

Olivia watched Elliot as he slept. She knew admitting he needed to speak to someone was a big step for him. It was something they both needed to do after what they had been through before they could move forward and get on with their lives. She kissed his lips softly and he mumbled in his sleep. Olivia smiled as she watched him. Despite everything she had never felt so happy having him back in her life.