AN: thank you everyone who stuck through too chapter 3! I appreciate it sooo much. This chapter is dedicated to cherylle because she made me cry at lunch XD. Well this one is, in my opinion, tremendously better than chapter 2. So please read and cry and tell me what you think, physical stuff coming up sooner or later so look out for that ok? Thanks for reading! C:
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ATTACK ON TITAN/SHINGEKI NO KYOJIN OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OR THERED BE LESS TITANS AND MORE WIENERS.
Marco:
I was dizzy. I felt sick to my stomach. As soon as Jean left the room my head started summer salting with all the information I'd been given tonight. I'd saved Jean. But I'd also hurt him. Jean was weak and I'd left him alone for . . . how long did he say? Oh yeah . . . five weeks . . . Thirty seven days . . . eight hundred and eighty eight hours . . . Jean had been alone. And then there was my arm. I'd lost my arm. How can I get to the military police with Jean with only one arm? I worked my ass off and managed to graduate 7th in my squad, just behind Jean, so we could join the military police and move to Wall Rose together. Now what? If only I had seen the abnormal. I was dizzy with guilt, with loss, with the pain beginning to creep up my shoulder and cheek, causing the tears to fall freely for what seemed like the hundredth time today. How long have I relied on Jean, and now on Doctor Jaegar? How long will this injury cause me to rely on others? Am I even still a soldier or just a burden? I reached out with my left hand to carefully feel from my shoulder, up my neck, and to my face, where the scar should be. Although my finger tips take in every inch of the rough, uneven, marred area, half covered in bandages, the skin beneath feels nothing but a small tingle. The reality of it all crashes over me, bringing in a title wave of depression. Before I realize what's happening sobs a wracking through my body, pulling out desperate gasps for air and a pull from the tight skin on the right side of my face. I throw my arm over my mouth in a petty attempt to contain too horrible noises. Jean shouldn't hear this or have to worry; it would only make him feel guilty. I was useless to him now. Disfigured and scarred. He would leave for Wall Rose soon and I'll be alone with nothing else to live for. I never heard the footsteps coming over my forceful crying, didn't notice his presence until it was too late to try and hide. The one time in my life i didn't want to see him. Jean. Standing in the door way.
"Marco? I thought I heard something. Are you ok?" he finally takes in my shaking form with bewildered eyes as I try unsuccessfully to stop the tears. In an instant he rushes to my side, hands cupping my face and forcing me to look into his worried eyes. "Marco what happened? Why are you crying?" he tries to no avail to wipe the wet mess from my face, they're falling too fast for him to catch. I try to calm down enough to answer him and he patiently waits, his expression becoming more and more concerned. ". . . Marco?" he pleads with me for an answer. I was finally calming down enough to give it to him.
"J-Jean . . . I-I'm so u-useless . . . you should have l-let me d-die back there . . ." I manage to gasp out my words avoiding his eyes that I could feel burning into my face. When he spoke his heart broken tone forced me to look up at him,
". . . Marco . . . no . . ." his golden eyes screamed hurt at what I'd said and were watching as if I'd slapped him instead. He leaned in close, hands still around my face, trying to wipe away my tears, until he was only an inch away, before whispering, "I could never let you die, Marco. You saved me, you're all I have left." His words had caught me off guard but what he did next left me confused and with a whole new set of questions hanging on my tongue. Jean closed the distance between us and softly, cautiously, laid a chaste kiss on my lips. It was small and quick but nearly sent my heart soaring from my chest. What was Jean thinking? Why? I don't deserve anything from him. "Shhh . . . just calm down." Jean whispered as he pulled back to look at me. I looked away in embarrassment, unsure of how to react. After a moment he pulled tow little red pills from his pocket. "Take these, Doctor Jaegar said they'll help you sleep and help you with the pain. Tomorrow I'm aloud to take you home. Everything will be ok." He handed me the pills and I hastily dry swallowed them, in too much shock to speak. He helped usher me under the covers of the shabby bed, "Rest now Marco, you've had a long day." With that he got up to leave, giving me privacy to sleep. No. something compelled me to call out to him instead. I couldn't be alone. Not tonight.
"Jean!" he stopped in the doorway and looked back curiously, "Please don't leave me." His eyes softened as he silently walked back to me and shimmied up beside me. I scooted as close to his warm body as I could and grabbed his shirt for assurance that he was really there, burying my head in the crook of his shoulder. He wrapped his strong arms around me, knowing I would need the comfort tonight.
"Good night Marco." With that I proceeded to cry myself to sleep, nuzzled into my best friend, his pounding heartbeat lulling me to sleep.
I felt like I was suspended in time and space. Everything is moving in slow motion. I look up and there's Jean, held in midair by his 3D maneuvering gear. I can't take my eyes off him, relieved that he appears to be unharmed. But he's not looking at me, he's looking down and he's screaming my name. Confused, I follow his eyes to just below me and come face to face with the most grotesque titan I've ever seen. Time speeds back up again. There's a sickening snap and my body goes numb as I plummet to the ground far below. Jean eliminates the titan and races towards me, faster than I'd ever seen him move. The only thing I can feel is Jean's warm arms, one wrapped around my neck, supporting my head, the other wrapped around my midriff. The only thing I can see is Jean's face, contorted in pain, his brunette locks covered in red. The only thing I can hear is Jeans voice, screaming in anguish. Oh god did the titan get him? Is he hurt? Then it hits me, and I take a moment to let it sink in. the red staining the smooth sandy brown hair is blood, my blood. The tears and terrifying screams coming from him weren't of physical pain, but emotional, towards seeing me hurt. I reach up to my cheek and feel the hot sticky mess, then move my hand to Jean's face. I smiled serenely, relieved he wasn't hurt, as I ran my fingers down his jaw line and caught his attention long enough to choke out,
"Jean . . . don't cry . . . you're ok." I try my best to beam at him but everything is getting fuzzy. I must look terrible because Jean looks horrified as he breathes out my name.
"M-Marco . . ." his breathing is uneven but my visions getting blurry, I feel nauseated now. "M-Marco?" Uh oh. Everything is beginning to fade to black. "M-Marco!" my eyelids flutter closed and my arm drops to my side but I can still hear his screaming. "MARCO! . . . MARCO!"
"Marco!" I bolt upright, drenched in sweat and tears, frantically searching to find out where I am. I look over to find a very frightened looking Jean starring at me with wide eyes, hand firmly clasped on my shoulder. I run my fingers through the damp black hair, now matted to my face.
"Jean. You're alright." I shakily breathe out before I fling myself on him, my only arm wrapped around his back and holding to his shirt for dear life. My face pressed tight into his chest, listening to his heart beat erratically was all I needed to confirm he is ok. He is here. We are fine. Jean was not satisfied with this though, still completely worried. He grabbed my shoulders and gently pushed me back, searching my face for answers to what was going on.
"Marco what's wrong? You were crying and mumbling in your sleep." At this his face flushed bright red for some odd reason. "I was worried so I woke you up and you attack me? What happened?" he's demanding a response but I take a moment to put all my thoughts in order and wipe my eyes before I give him one.
"I just had a nightmare. Of that day . . . I remember everything now. The abnormal. Falling. All the blood . . . you crying." His mouth falls open in shock.
"You remember it?" he whispered. I give him a curt nod and his features harden. "You shouldn't have had to remember it. Jaegar said you wouldn't." he hastily throws the blanket off and stomps to the door never even looking up.
"Jean? What-" I'm more than confused at his reaction but he doesn't allow me to voice my questions.
"Marco." He snaps. "Get yourself as ready as you can. Doctor Jaegar will help with whatever you can't do alone. Then we're leaving." With that he stalks out of the room leaving me in a stunned silence. He never even glanced in my direction. I play everything over in my head trying to figure out what just happened. Where did I go wrong? What did I do? What did I say? Why did Jean shut down? I can't contemplate long before Doctor Jaegar walks in and I have to push all my questions aside for the time being. If Jean wants to be an ass then so be it. I don't care. Today I get to go back home.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
The back to my house in wall Sina was agonizingly long and tense with neither Jean nor I talking. I refused to cave to him and ask him what's wrong when I did absolutely nothing to bring this about. So when we got here he helped me into my bedroom and stiffly moved off to the bathroom to wash up. I sat looking around the familiar room I'd grown accustom to and missed in the last few month of training. I thought about how I had been sharing this home with Jean for years since my parents died. How lonely would this home be when Jean left for Wall Rose? This house would be empty without him. I need to talk to him; I don't want to waste any time we had left not talking to him.
"Jean!" I yelled. "Can you please come here?" after a moment he walked into the room and my heart stopped. He was standing in the door way, looking at the floor, but I was looking at him. He had removed his shirt and his body was mine to behold. Small beads of water were rolling down his broad chest from where he'd been washing his face. His sandy hair was damp and framing his face perfectly. He looked beautiful. Wait what was I thinking? I needed to calm down. This was my best friend and we needed to talk. I averted my eyes face blushing bright red. "Jean what happened back at Jaegar's? Why did you get angry? What did I do?" he didn't answer my just slowly walked over to where I was sitting over on my bed. Sitting beside me, the bed sinking in and scooting me closer to him as he leaned over, laying his head on my shoulder.
"Marco." As he said my name a chill ran through my body and his voice cracked. Was he crying? "I'm just so worried about you." He brought his hand up to rest on my knee. "I thought I was gonna lose you in Trost, Marco." My shoulder was wet, he was definitely crying now. "I didn't want you to remember the hell that you went through like I had to." His hand had moved up my leg to mid thigh. "I was so scared Marco, you're my whole world." My heart was threatening to rip from my chest now and I could only stare at the top of his head in disbelief. He turned his head into my neck and I couldn't see his soft pink lips almost brushing across my skin. "Marco" he breathed out, warm breath ghosting across my jugular.
"Y-Yes Jean?" I whispered, unable to say more. His other arm was now running across my stomach, attaching itself to my hipbone"
"I've always thought of you as more than a friend." Me inched closer and pressed that impossibly soft mouth into the skin of my neck. Oh fuck, my hand and unconsciously moved to tangle in his hair. He pulled back and instead moved centimeters away from my face. I couldn't breathe. What was happening? My best friend was crying and running his hand up my thigh. I was so confused, I was turned on. He nervously smiled at me before he whispered, "Marco . . . I think . . . I love you." And brought his lips crashing onto mine in a mind blowing, dizzying kiss.
AN: thanks for reading and make sure you review please c: the next chapter is very physical so please stick around xD thank you