CHAPTER 7

I lay in bed, staring out at the darkened quarters. It was late, although how late, I didn't know. Riker had returned from rehearsal some time before, and I had been lying in my bed ever since. I hadn't had the energy to talk to Riker when he had gotten back, so I had copped out and pretended to be asleep. It's easy to fake sleep when you're in a cat form.

The dream kept coming back to me when I slept, so I was trying to ward off sleep. I didn't want to relive that particular part of my childhood. Not after I'd spent so long trying to get away from it. Nine years is a long time, but not long enough to forget something.

Suddenly, I stood up, raising my ears. It was dark in the room, but I strained my ears to hear something, anything. I thought that I'd heard a noise from the other room. It had sounded like Riker saying something.

There it was again. Riker was definitely speaking, but I couldn't tell what he was saying. I couldn't even tell if he was saying actual words or just mumbling.

Standing up, I carefully made my way towards the bedroom, shifting as I went.

Tip-toeing over to the bed, I paused and listened. Then, I slowly smiled. Riker was still asleep. He was lying on his bed: eyes clothes, breath coming steadily, and a blanket up to his shoulders. He must have been talking in his sleep. I was turning to go when Riker suddenly jerked, causing me to step back. He began to mumble again, incoherently forming words and noises.

"No. Stop. Stop, that's an order!" There were disjointed mutterings, then, "Lieutenant! Tasha!"

Whatever he was dreaming about, it was upsetting him. I had a feeling that it wasn't about me. Quickly climbing partway onto the bed, I placed a hand on Riker's shoulder.

"Riker," I whispered, shaking him gently. I knew what it was like to be trapped in bad dreams that you couldn't escape, and I didn't intend to let Riker stay in his. "Riker, wake up." He didn't. "Will!"

He jerked awake, sitting partway up as he stared at me. His eyes were startled, and didn't focus on my face. I could tell that he was still far away in his dream.

I removed my hand from his shoulder as he slowly came back to reality. He looked around the room, as if looking for whatever demons had been haunting him. Then his gaze returned to me.

"Tasha?" he asked, frowning. I wasn't sure if he recognized me or if he thought that I was the Tasha he was dreaming about.

"Yes, it's me. It's Tasha Lawrence," I clarified. "You were dreaming, so I woke you up."

"Oh." Riker rose into a sitting position, leaning back against the wall. I followed suit, moving back to the other side of the bed and reclining down on my knees and then sitting on my legs.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

He nodded and wiped his face with his hand.

He didn't look okay, though; he looked like hell. His face was covered in a light sheen of sweat, and he was still breathing hard. It didn't feel right leaving him like that.

"Bad dream?" I asked, worried.

"Yeah," Riker answered, absentmindedly running his hand through his hair. He sighed. "I haven't dreamed about that day in a long time."

I didn't answer, waiting for him to continue. When he didn't, I asked, "You dreamed about Tasha?"

Riker nodded. "About the day she died."

I didn't know how to respond.

"She was our chief security officer," Riker continued. "Tasha Yar. She was one of the strongest people I knew. I thought she could survive anything. And then she was gone, just like that."

I moved to sit beside Riker at the head of the bed. I'm not sure if he even noticed.

"It's strange, but I haven't thought about her in a long time. But tonight…it's like it happened all over again."

I looked down, knowing that it was my fault. Somehow, I had reminded Riker of this other woman, this Tasha Yar. And she was dead.

Carefully, I raised a hand and placed it on Riker's shoulder. He looked over at me, seeming to see me for the first time.

"Sorry, I'm rambling," he said. "You don't want to hear about this."

"No, it's alright," I said. "You don't have to apologize, not if it helps to talk about it."

"I just realized that we don't talk about her any more," Riker responded. "We just stopped even mentioning her. Why do you think that is?"

"Maybe it's easier to just forget. To act like it didn't hurt you, and eventually that it didn't even happen. That way you don't have to deal with it." Riker looked at me. "You're not the only one who has bad dreams," I told him.

"Yeah?" Riker asked.

"Yeah." I paused. "I thought that I'd forgotten all about it, but recently…" I shook my head. I realized that the dreams had started in just the last few days, ever since… "Ever since I came on board," I said, surprised. "That's when I started having the dreams again." I wished that I'd never started having them again. Unlike Riker, I'd been happy to forget the past.

"You okay?" Now it was Riker's turn to ask the question. I looked up at him.

"I spend all my time trying not to think about the past," I answered. "I didn't choose to live like this because I liked to travel, there's more to it than that. I started running for a lot of reasons."

Riker paused. "Maybe you should stop running," he said. "Settle down somewhere."

"Maybe," I allowed, although I didn't think it likely. "I'm not sure if I know how." Suddenly I smiled.

I hopped up on the bed. "Come on," I said, grabbing onto Riker's hand.

"What?" he asked, but he allowed me to pull him out of the bed. "Where are we going?"

"I'm going to make you Kali-tal, a Sandorian delicacy," I promised him, leading him over the replicator.

"It's the middle of the night!" Riker protested. I grinned at him.

"Trust me, it's worth it. Now how do you program this thing?"

By the time we went to bed, it was nearer morning than night. In short, I'd talked to him about myself, and had told him more than I'd told anyone. Many of the things we talked about, I hadn't thought of in years, so talking about them again was like being there all over again. By the time I went to bed, I barely had the energy to shift before I fell asleep.

I slept in late the next day, tired from the long night. For the first time in a while, I didn't dream.

Climbing out of bed, I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and take a shower. I had replicated a toothbrush the day before. It had been fantastic to brush my teeth again. Showers were also a luxury.

One of the great things about being a shape-shifter is that we can create whatever clothing we want. We don't have to buy clothing, or replicate it. We can just think about it, and then we're wearing it. I have no idea how it works, just as I have no idea how shape-shifting works. My species hasn't put much research into it, and I didn't have the resources to do the research myself. Sandorians have found a better solution: ignore it.

After I'd created suitable clothing, I went back out to the quarters. Riker had been in bed when I got into the shower, but when I left the restroom I found him at the replicator.

It was strange, seeing Riker again after the previous night. I had talked to him about things that I hadn't told anyone else, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. It had been an impulse, but I still didn't know if it had been a bad one. I also didn't know how Riker felt about it.

I had to keep reminding myself that I had only met Riker, truly met him, two days before. Yesterday our relationship had been awkward, and I wasn't sure how it was going to be today. I kept telling myself that I didn't know him hardly at all, yet after last night, I felt like I did. Something about being with someone when he was that vulnerable made the relationship seem so much stronger.

"Morning," Riker said, not turning towards me. He was tapping buttons on the replicator.

"Morning," I answered, drawing closer to the panel. "What are you making?"

"Oskoid," Riker said. As he spoke, he hit one final button and a bowl of veiny, leafy greens appeared.

"What is it?" I asked, looking at it apprehensively. It didn't look very appetizing, and I had never heard of 'Oskoid.'

Riker held it out to me. "Try it."

I didn't particularly enjoy eating foods when I didn't know what they were, but I carefully lifted one of the leaves and tried it. It was actually delicious.

"This is good," I told Riker, surprised. "What is it?"

"It's a Betazoidal delicacy."

"Hmm." I tried another leaf. "I've never heard of it."

"I first had it when I was stationed on Betazed," Riker told me, setting the bowl on the table.

"You were stationed on Betazed?" I asked, surprised. I myself had never been to the planet, as there were too many telepaths for comfort, but I had heard it was beautiful.

"Yeah, a long time ago."

We continued the conversation for a while, discussing different things. It was weird, just standing around talking. The entire thing, from when Riker had first discovered me to now, still seemed surreal. But it was nice.