The sound of thunder racketing through the night brought me back into consciousness. I drowsily opened my eyes and found I was laying atop a layer of silky, spongy grass. It was an exquisite jade green and the blades tickled my arms pleasantly. I fluttered my eyes open further and trailed my gaze up to the sky. A bubbling grey mass of clouds had accumulated and it leered down at the world below menacingly. I could only barely tell it was night time from the thin shards of moonlight that managed to break through the veil above. The light gave the ground an ethereal sheen, making it look like the earth had been dipped in liquid silver. Above me there were gnarled-looking trees with sparsely decorated branches. They shuddered violently in the bitter and unrelenting gusts of wind that frequently buffeted into my side. The leaves that had vacated the trees scuttled along the grass, making a dry rustling sound as they did so. I heard a crunching sound as one of them was stepped on, the sound alike to little bones being crushed beneath someone's foot. With a start, I scrambled to my feet, quickly attuned and aware. I pivoted around, searching for the source of the noise. There he was, cloaked in the darkness that the trees shadows provided. Sebastian. He slowly stepped forward, taking lazy strides towards me until he was close enough to reach out and grab me. I straightened my back and kept my ground, not moving an inch. I glared at him scornfully and didn't break eye contact, as much as my body was yearning to do so.
"Where's Simon?" I demanded immediately, not wasting time for him to antagonise me
"What, the leech?" he asked nonchalantly, clearly not engaged with the conversation as he inspected his nails "It's safe for now,"
It, not Simon. I refused to let this bother me- I would not play this game by his rules.
"Well then, you have nothing keeping me here so I can just go," I said, and whirled on my heel and began to turn away. Sebastian clamped his hand down on my shoulder firmly to stop me, but there deliberately wasn't enough pressure to keep me from walking away. A threat, not a demand. I didn't turn my head to face him but my feet faltered and came to a stop. A numbing chill worked its way down my spine, crystallising my limbs so they were frozen icicles.
"I can keep you here, you just don't realise it," Sebastian breathed, making the hairs on my neck stand up in alarm. Suddenly a needle-sharp pain seared through my chest, ripping through me like a burning hot dagger. I involuntarily let out a gasp of shock and pain, clawing at my chest as if trying to rip out the agony. Instead, it spread and intensified, a deadly poison pulsating in my veins.
"Sebastian- I... I think that..." I could barely breathe now, my throat was constricting me "That something went horribly wrong for you as a child, didn't it?" the last words caused me almost unbearable pain, but it was worth it. Sebastian's face flashed with hurt, which was swiftly replaced with its usual sadistic, cruel default. But from that split second that he had cracked, I could tell I was right. I felt my legs buckle and my knees hit the ground with a thud. Every inch, every nerve of my being which screaming in torment. Laura. My cries were becoming tighter as the poison cut off the air in my lungs. Laura, it's not real. Blood begin to stream from my nose, leaking down my neck. The grass that had once felt so soft was now like a thousand pins embedding themselves into my bare skin. Please, try and remember it's not real. Sebastian stood imposingly above me, a cruel smile twisting his lips. How could a face so angelic and beautiful be so grotesque at the same time? Laura, wake up!
As soon as my eyelids lifted open I was blasted by a beam of brilliant white light. I blinked several times and allowed my vision to adjust. My head throbbed and the world was spinning. Five people were leaning over me, their faces turned down to mine. They looked anxious, creases forming between all of their brows. I sat up abruptly, disconcerted by their expressions. My sight was no longer foggy and I could see who surrounded me with clarity now- Clary, Jace, Magnus, Alec and... Simon. A hot flush washed down my body and self-consciously wiped my sweaty palms on the covers of the bed I was on. I was in Simon's bedroom I presumed. I was wearing the clothes I had first had on when I'd come to the apartment, but this time they were clean and without a fleck of blood- somebody must have washed them for me. It did worry me that someone had changed me while I was unconscious, as nice as their intentions had been.
"Brilliant, she's not dead!" Magnus said, rubbing his hands together in glee "I believe you owe me a whole ton of glitter Herondale,"
"Damn it," Jace grumbled, resentfully pulling out a hefty amount of money and slapping it onto Magnus' open palm. The payment for the glitter I imagined.
"You could just use your magic and steal this stuff, so why bother making me pay?" Jace whined, crossing his arms over his chest broodingly. He was probably contemplating all the ways he could kill Magnus with a kitchen knife.
"Because it's just so much more fun annoying you dim-witted Shadowhunters," Magnus replied with a wink as he stuffed the money into his pocket.
"Well, it's nice to know that the possibility of me being dead or alive has aroused a debate," I said, my voice sounding hoarse and pained. I rolled my eyes with exaggerated exasperation. Clary and Simon exchanged amused glances. Alec, using me as a distraction, covertly took the money back from Magnus and pressed it into Jace's palm. Jace smirked, folded the paper carefully and tucked it back into his pocket.
"You're probably wondering what happened," Clary said, sympathy on her face.
"It's... I don't remember very much," I said, massaging my forehead as I did so. The headache was a persistent pain and made everything much harder to comprehend.
"Was it even real?" I asked,
"Yes, it was real," Simon answered, his eyes dancing around the room, looking anywhere but at me.
"What exactly was it?"
"Sebastian, we believe, was conducting an experiment on you," Magnus said, tapping his foot uncomfortably. I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling exhausted and confused. These days my emotions were getting on top of me, blurring the lines between reality and surrealism. I recollected the cold stare of Sebastian's eyes, the predatory and vicious shine they held. But there was something else in his eyes too- pain. And that kind of pain was the kind that twisted you up inside, a poison that flowered in your heart, tainting it. I almost felt sorry for him. Then I remembered how those eyes made me feel. As though I were chained to the bottom of the ocean, drowning in their depth, feeling the life run dry from my veins. I shuddered and turned my attention back to the others who had patiently been waiting for my response.
"Umm... right, what for exactly?" I inquired quietly, looking at Simon with watchful eyes. He was still purposefully avoiding my eye contact.
"It's probably because of your ability to, well you know, set people on fire," Jace said, his face lighting up in delight at the last words. Quite clearly he liked the idea of things burning to a crisp. I remembered Clary telling me something like Jace had been infused with Heavenly Fire, so perhaps he was just curious to see if I was the same as him.
"I can do other stuff too," I said slowly, testing how the words felt in my mouth, trying to sound as modest as possible "I cut off Sebastian's air supply the other day..."
"Oh, joy," Magnus chirped, but from the tone of his voice I could tell he was bored "Well, as much as I love discussing the different methods to kill people, there is a more pressing subject at hand," I raised an eyebrow at him, confused. Clary muttered under her breath something along the lines of "Damn it, another one," which earned her a humoured look from Simon. I frowned, disgruntled, and turned my attention back to Jace who had been speaking.
"So, from what we know, Sebastian now has a spell linking his mind to yours," Jace announced, his brow furrowed as he did so.
"Does that mean he can control me?" I asked, suddenly panicked. Jace shook his head, and gave me a somewhat reassuring smile.
"It's just that I...Simon, why were you there?" I blurted out abruptly, regretting the words before they even slipped out of my mouth. There was a long, awkward pause before Simon finally answered me.
"We went looking for you and when we found Sebastian he thought I would have been of more use elsewhere," he said the sentence very quickly, not using a single word that would have been excessive. I must have looked quizzical, because Simon gave a huff of impatience before his further explanation. I felt like a child being chastised as he went on "What I mean is, is that he thought that by torturing me physically and you mentally, he would be able to get you to extract your... power," A rock hard lump had formed in my throat and all I did was close my eyes and nod my head. Tears were threatening to crack my exterior, so I kept my head bowed down and my eyes squeezed tightly shut. Eventually, everyone realised I was tired, and manoeuvred out of the room. When I opened them again, I was bluntly surprised to see Simon still there. He looked blank, his usually animated expression slack and displaying no emotion.
"Simon, please go away," I snapped; my tears on the verge on breaking free. It made me weak, to allow myself to be so easily controlled by my emotions. I gritted my teeth and gave Simon the most aggressive and hostile look I could conjure. Still, he refused to move and instead remained completely motionless.
"Get out!" I said seething, the words ripping themselves out of my throat like a growl. Simon simply crossed his arms, his whole demeanour petulant. I clambered out of the bed, infuriated, and stalked over to him.
"I want to be by myself, so GET out!" I was practically shouting at him now and I knew the others could hear me from outside but I didn't care. I just wanted to sleep, I just wanted to cry. My whole body felt heavy and sluggish, my veins dry of energy and acid burning in my limbs. Simon looked down at me, the brown curls on his head bouncing up and down as he did so. I very badly wanted to apologise to him, but I couldn't. I didn't care if it was the right thing to do, I wouldn't give in on this one. So instead, with all the energy I could muster, I threw myself at Simon. Taken by surprise he staggered backwards and threw his arms out to steady himself. There was a crash and to my horror I saw he had knocked down a photo frame. Millions of tiny shards of glass sprayed up into the air and were scattered across the floor. My stomach sunk as I comprehended what I had just done and I dropped to the floor and started brushing the shattered pieces together.
"Simon, I'm sorry!" I said, scooping the glass into my palm and straightening up into a standing position again "I didn't... I didn't think, I'm sorry," when I looked up and saw his expression it was as though my heart had cracked into tiny pieces, like the glass of the photo frame. Simon was leant against the wall, his head hung low, clutching two pieces of ripped paper in his hands. No matter how many times I apologised to him, I couldn't be take back by actions in the same way that the paper couldn't be put back together again.
"What the hell were you doing?" he whispered, his voice trembling. It would have hurt me less if he had been shouting- but he wasn't. He just sounded resigned, pained and filled with terrible sadness. All hurts that I had inflicted upon him because I'd been impetuous and stupid again. I had grown so accustomed to my own self hatred now that it was only a very numb ache. I went over to Simon and carefully took the pieces of paper out his hands. He let them slip through his fingers without protest. It was a photo of a young woman and Simon- there was a tear just down the middle, separating the two people apart. The woman was very beautiful; I could tell that just from this picture. She had high cheekbones, a flawless pale complexion and glossy inky black hair that cascaded down her back. She, like Sebastian, had black eyes but instead of ice in them I found that hers burnt brightly with flame and passion. Both she and Simon were smiling, their expressions blissful and dreamy. They were in love; I could see that quite clearly. Simon had an arm slung over one of her shoulders and was beaming a smile with delight so pure and raw that even my frozen heart thawed out at the sight of it.
"Simon..." I tried to shape the words in my mouth but there wasn't anything more I could say.
"No, no just don't, you don't have to say anything," he told me shortly, anger simmering beneath his calm exterior. For a few moments all we did was stand there and stare at each other. Then I burst into tears and dashed out of the room. The others were all clustered around together in the living room and I didn't dare meet their eyes. I simply rifled around the apartment until I found my shoes, stuffed them onto my feet and ran out of the apartment. I rubbed feverishly at my eyes to try and staunch the flood of water coming unrelentingly from them. All I did was cause destruction and pain. I was an idiot, I was selfish and I was reckless. Maybe my parents wanted to die, because then they wouldn't have to live with me. This thought sent another wave of tears streaming down my cheeks and I began to shake uncontrollably. I knew who the girl from Simons photograph was. It was Isabelle, the girl he had loved so much- until she had died. And I had only made the pain worse for him, by ripping apart a photo of her with him. Perhaps the only photo. I had destroyed everything in one action, in one split second. Now I will have to live with the consequences. I deserved to live with the consequences. After walking for what felt like days or years I realised I was lost in the twisting labyrinth of the New York streets. I careened off down an alleyway and slammed myself back against a wall, not caring for the blinding white pain that seared through my brain when my head came into contact with the hard stone. I stayed there for a while and just let the world recede away from me until finally fatigue took its toll and I fell to the ground.