I have been waaaay too long in updating this, and I ask you to not throw flaming pitchforks and/or Fletcher's empty cans of hairgel at me. This is a Valentine's Day chapter - about a month too late, I know, but it had to be done :) (There is also the return of Fletchcierge.)
Also, has anyone seen the Hunger Games? Come to my inbox so we can rave about its brilliance :)
12: 43 pm Erskine Ravel So I went to meet Antceratops Shudder at the Midnight Hotel for a Valentine's Day lunch and was waiting outside where it was supposed to appear in Roarhaven. When it showed up Anton walked out from the door, opened his arms and said ''Come to me.'' All the females in a half-mile radius immediately dropped everything and ran towards him.
12: 46 pm Antceratops Shudder: And if you're wondering, yes, that does include Madam Mist.
12: 46 pm Tanith Low: Is this some sort of weird everyone-wants-him-on-Valentine's-Day thing?
12: 48 pm Antceratops Shudder: Correction: EVERYONE wants me on EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE YEAR 24/7 364.
12: 49 pm Tanith Low: This is a leap year.
12: 49 pm Antceratops Shudder: Or 365, whatever. You just have to kill my buzz, don't you?
12: 49 pm Erskine Ravel: Tanith, I have no idea what strange pheromone it was. But he was wearing a T-shirt that said 'I make good babies'.
12: 49 pm Antceratops Shudder: I get ALL the bitches.
12: 50 pm Erskine Ravel: Naturally after he extricated himself from the mass of females, he walked down the street whistling Where Them Girls At.
12: 51 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: Who cares? It's Valentine's Day, and while the abundance of hearts and roses may make me feel slightly nauseous, I have a date ready to be wooed by my charming self, and you do not. (While you can't hear it, appreciate the smugness of my tone. Go on.)
12: 53 pm Valkyrie Cain: Better stop typing and start planning the wooing, that's my advice.
12: 53 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: I'm planning! I'm planning!
Skulduggery Pleasant is offline
12: 54 pm Erskine Ravel: So what's he doing for you today?
12: 56 pm Valkyrie Cain: Taking me to dinner at Butter. And he got me a weighted throwing knife.
12: 57 pm Dexter Vex: Epic romance, right there.
12: 57 pm Valkyrie Cain: What can I say? The guy knows me.
12: 58 pm Erskine Ravel: And Tanith? What are you and Ghastly doing?
12: 59 pm Ghastly Bespoke: Tanith is coming over to mine, and I am making her steak :)
1: 00 pm Erskine Ravel: And your dinner plans have nothing to do with the handcuffs I KNOW you took from the Gaol last week? ;D
1: 02 pm Tanith Low: ?
1: 03 pm Ghastly Bespoke: IGNORE HIM.
1: 09 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Dexter Vex, Fletcher Renn, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel
You will not believe this. Thrasher and Scapegrace are in the same pub Erskine and I are in and they're engaging in major PDA. My eyes can't stand it. I'm crying.
1: 10 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder, Dexter Vex, Fletcher Renn, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio and Skulduggery Pleasant
Oh please, these are tears of pride.
1: 12 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Dexter Vex, Fletcher Renn, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel
I WAS going to share the Valentine's sundae dessert dish with you, but you can order it on your own now. -.-
1: 12 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Antceratops Shudder, Dexter Vex, Fletcher Renn, Leo DiCaprio, Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel
Ignoring the giant elephant in the room, say hey to them from me.
1: 12 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Dexter Vex, Fletcher Renn, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel
What's the elephant in the room?
1: 13 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Antceratops Shudder, Dexter Vex, Fletcher Renn, Leo DiCaprio, Skulduggery Pleasant and Erskine Ravel
Your sexuality.
1: 24 pm Dexter Vex posted on Leo DiCaprio's Wall
I'm leaving the PM before it explodes with the force of the testosterone that was building up. What are you up to?
1: 26 pm Leo DiCaprio: Right now I'm with Fletcher going through scripts. He's kind of upset - when we got to the draft copy of a script for Romeo and Juliet 2 he burst into tears at the first mention of love.
1: 29 pm Fletcher Renn: I'm not upset, I've met a wonderful man called Toffee Popcorn and we're very happy together.
1: 31 pm Dexter Vex: Look, why don't you come out with us tonight? Leo, who's all going?
1: 35 pm Leo DiCaprio: You, me, Reia, Amara, Evangeline, Tariana, Erskine and Anton.
1: 37 pm Leo DiCaprio: Anyway, we're all going to the Rocpool Club. You should come along, it'll be fun :)
1: 40 pm Fletcher Renn: ...I guess Toffee will understand.
1: 42 pm Dexter Vex: Great - we're meeting at 8.30 in the club. And Fletcher?
1: 43 pm Fletcher Renn: Yeah?
1: 44 pm Dexter Vex: This time, don't wear the leather onesie.
2: 23 pm Antceratops Shudder Just finished lunch with Erskine Ravel, we're escaping before we see any more ofScapegrace's tongue down Thrasher's throat. If only Ghastly Bespoke and Skulduggery Pleasant were coming to the club with us...imagine the hilarity of Valentine's Days past!
Erskine Ravel and Dexter Vex like this
2: 26 pm Leo DiCaprio: What hilarity?
2: 29 pm Erskine Ravel: You didn't know Skulduggery and Ghastly when they were single. They always got really upset because they didn't have a girlfriend when this day rolled around each year...
2: 30 pm Antceratops Shudder: ...And we would find them at Ghastly's shop in VERY different moods.
2: 31 pm Leo DiCaprio: Like what?
2: 34 pm Erskine Ravel: Well, Ghastly always turned to gin in his hour of need.
2: 38 pm Antceratops Shudder: We would usually find him in the kitchen clutching empty cans singing stuff like ''POPPIN' BOTTLES IN DA ICE...LYKE A BLIZZARD!''
2: 38 pm Erskine Ravel: Skulduggery would be full-on emo, though. He'd usually sit on the couch growling 'I hate my life I hate it my life sux IT SUX IT SUX IT SUX IT SUX IT SUX IT SUX IT SUUUUUUCKS'
2: 40 pm Valkyrie Cain: Seriously? xD
2: 41 pm Erskine Ravel: Oh yeah. And that's not even geting started on Ghastly's room of kinks.
2: 43 pm Tanith Low: 'Room of kinks'?
2: 44 pm Ghastly Bespoke: SHUT UP RIGHT NOW DON'T TYPE ANOTHER WORD.
2: 46 pm Antceratops Shudder: Basically he turned his basement into a dungeon of sexy sex.
Fletcher Renn likes this
2: 47 pm Erskine Ravel: It may even put Anton's paedo cupboard to shame.
2: 50 pm Ghastly Bespoke: I was at a fragile time in my life!
2: 50 pm Ghastly Bespoke: It was just a hobby!
2: 50 pm Ghastly Bespoke: You don't know how hard it was for me!
2: 51 pm Antceratops Shudder: If I had a euro for every time I said that...
2: 52 pm Tanith Low: Don't, Anton. Just don't.
3: 03 pm Fletcher Renn has created the page 'Ghastly's sex dungeon'
Antceratops Shudder, Thurid Guild, Tanith Low and sixty-eight others like this
3: 07 pm Ghastlyy Bespoke: You LIKED this, Tanith?
3: 08 pm Tanith Low: Well, it's kind of hot...want to give me a tour and try out those handcuffs Erskine talked about? ;)
3: 11 pm Ghastly Bespoke: Be at mine as soon as you can.
Tanith Low is offline
Ghastly Bespoke is offline
3: 14 pm Leo DiCaprio: A bald, embellished-loafer-wearing tailor is going to get more than me on Valentine's Day. I can't believe it.
3: 15 pm Thurid Guild: Well...;)
3: 18 pm Leo DiCaprio: No, Thurid. Never going to happen.
3: 23 pm Antceratops Shudder: Ha! This page still doesn't have as many likes as Anton Shudder's paedo cupboard!
3: 25 pm Dexter Vex: I believe a challenge is in order. ;)
3: 29 pm Dexter Vex created the poll 'Where would you rather go: Anton's Paedo Cupboard or Ghastly's Sex Dungeon?'
97 people voted for Anton's Paedo Cupboard
85 people voted for Ghastly's Sex Dungeon
3: 48 pm Antceratops Shudder: OH YEAH. My cupboard should be made the Seveth Wonder of the World...of course, my hot bod is the Sixth.
3: 53 pm Evangeline Evergreen: You've spent nearly all of Valentine's Day posting things like this? I feel sorry for you guys. I really do.
3: 58 pm Antceratops Shudder: Can't wait to see you tonight either, babe. Wear something nice. Or don't wear anything at all. Your choice ;)
4: 02 pm Evangeline Evergreen: Sure, I'm going in this really clingy revealing swimsuit, rolling with the club's rockpool theme and all.
4: 04 pm Antceratops Shudder: REALLY?
4: 06 pm Evangeline Evergreen: No, you pervert.
Evangeline Evergreen is offline
4: 08 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: You know you've really reached a low point when your libido is working against you.
4: 11 pm Antceratops Shudder: Shut it.
8: 53 pm Dexter Vex checked in at Rocpool
9: 02 pm Dexter Vex: I can't believe this. Fletcher Renn showed up wearing his leather onsie.
9: 04 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: I'm just pleased I don't have to be there when the inevitable national incident unfolds once the Garda catch sight of Fletcher's indecent exposure.
9: 06 pm Amara Calla: I thought you were on your date with Valkyrie?
9: 09 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: She went to the bathroom. I was checking my email account on my phone when Google Alerts told me the term 'leather onsie' had been posted on FaceBook.
9: 11 pm Dexter Vex: You have 'leather onsie' on google alert?
9: 14 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: Well, I don't want a repeat of the last time the leather onsie ended up making news.
9: 17 pm Amara Calla: I don't blame you.
9: 20 pm Fletcher Renn: Look, I didn't know I was teleporting into a nursing home, OK?
9: 21 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: Don't blame your restraining order on us.
9: 35 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder and Ghastly Bespoke
Subject: I'M IN A RAGE THIS IS THE MADDEST I'VE EVER BEEN (since the time with Freddie at Christmas)
Look at the bar! Look! Look! There's a man hitting on Tariana! On the day that couples are meant to spend together! A guy! A full-grown walking douchebag! Flirting with my girlfriend!
WE MUST STOP HIM
9: 36 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel and Antceratops Shudder
Did you honestly just say 'douchebag'?
9: 38 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Antceratops Shudder and Ghastly Bespoke
And she looks so great in that dress. Great. Just add lust to the long list of emotions I'm experiencing right now: burning jealousy, a thirst for vengeance against the Douchebag, the pain of watching the one I love laugh with another, and fiery drunkeness. Just seeing Tariana smile at the jokes of my arch-enemy makes me want to vomit.
Hey! I have an arch enemy. Like a superhero. Bitchin'.
9: 38 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel and Ghastly Bespoke
You're just a walking, talking soap opera.
9: 41 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel and Antceratops Shudder
And now 'Bitchin'.' Either you've been hanging out with Anton for too long or the fiery drunkness you talked about is really kicking in.
9: 42 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel and Ghastly Bespoke
Erskine's drawn a picture of the douchebag-guy lying on the ground with his head cut off. And him standing with one foot on top of it saying ''This is my dominion.'' I don't know what it means, but it's funny as fuck.
9: 42 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel and Ghastly Bespoke
And I thought you were having a 24-hour sexathon with Tanith?
9: 45 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel and Antceratops Shudder
It's not a sexathon! Remove your brain from the gutter it takes permanent residence in.
About half an hour ago she 'went to the bathroom'. I think she's in there texting Valkyrie about our respective dates.
9: 46 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel and Ghastly Bespoke
That's interesting and all, but I've got to go stop Erskine from killing that mortal. I would get Dexter and Leo to help but they're consoling Fletcher about being single on Valentine's day. Loner.
9: 48 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel and Antceratops Shudder
You're single too, Anton.
9: 51 pm PM message: Antceratops Shudder to Erskine Ravel and Ghastly Bespoke
Only until I get Erskine sobered up, then I'm making my way through the stack of phone numbers I've got from girls in this club. Last time I picked up chicks here I ended up in a ten-way. ;)
9: 52 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Erskine Ravel and Antceratops Shudder
I'm going now. :L
10: 04 pm Fletcher Renn posted on Dexter Vex's Wall
Where are you? Get back here with Leo! I need help1
10: 06 pm Dexter Vex: I guess that 1 wasn't intentional?
10: 07 pm Fletcher Renn: I dropped my mobile into my glass of shandy, whatever. But I need help! And not of the shoulder-to-lean-on kind. The concierge that was obsessed with me is here!
10: 09 pm Leo DiCaprio: Really?
10: 12 pm Antceratops Shudder: Ahhhh, so you aren't alone after all. Bless.
10: 14 pm Fletcher Renn: See the counter under the statue of the mermaid? The guy with the blonde hair slicked back talking to Tariana? That's him.
10: 15 pm Antceratops Shudder: This isn't going to end well.
10: 17 pm Dexter Vex: What's up?
10: 20 pm Antceratops Shudder: Erskine already wants to blow the guy's head off for flirting with Tara. That's why he's been staggering around for the past ten minutes shouting 'Draw your sword like a real man, you scoundrel!'
10: 21 pm Evangeline Evergreen: So basically we have to keep the concierge away from Fletcher and Erskine away from the concierge.
10: 22 pm Fletcher Renn: I moved hotels after the awkward stalking moment on Christmas Day so I don't know if he's still obsessed with me. But I don't want to risk it.
10: 22 pm Erskine Ravel: YOURE TALKING ABOUT THE DOUCHEBAG I KNEW IT. ILL RIP HIM LIMB FROM LIMB
10: 23 pm Dexter Vex: I love how you forget to use apostrophes when you're drunk.
10: 25 pm Leo DiCaprio: Erskine, even I can hear you from halfway across the club. You really don't want to draw this kind of attention.
10: 25 pm Fletcher Renn: Seriously, he's going to start looking up if you carry on like this
10: 25 pm Erskine Ravel: I dont know why Im typing this all out on facebook while yelling it but its kind of relaxing, especially while I consider ways of ending the Douchebags life as painfully as possible
10: 26 pm Fletcher Renn: He's just seen me, oh God...
10: 26 pm Dexter Vex: More importantly he's just seen you in that leather onsie, and from the heart shapes I can practically see popping up in his eyes, I think he's still slightly in love with you. And I can't be sure, but I think he's drooling.
10: 27 pm Leo DiCaprio: He's making his way towards you. I think you better escape.
10: 28 pm Fletcher Renn: I'll escape out the back door. Wish me luck!
Fletcher Renn is offline
10: 31 pm Amara Calla: And off he goes into the night.
10: 32 pm Antceratops Shudder: Would it be bad of me to point out the total ironicy of someone being interested in Fletcher on Valentine's day that he ends up running away from?
10: 33 pm Evangeline Evergreen: Don't worry. This will all just end up in some hilarious anecdote we'll share over the years.
10: 34 pm Erskine Ravel: Wheres the Douchebag? I have nunchucks
Tariana Ravelicious Grace has signed on
10: 37 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: I stay off facebook for one night and this happens.
10: 39 pm Erskine Ravel: NUNCHUCKS, Tariana, NUNCHUCKS
10: 40 pm Antceratops Shudder: Where the hell did you get them from?
10: 40 pm Antceratops Shudder: ...I think I want a pair
10: 42 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: I actually think I'll head home, I feel a headache coming on. This weird guy was asking if I really was friends with Fletcher, saying he tracked him down to the club and had been researching him. Super weird. Is it OK if you guys take care of drunk, apostrophe-dropping, nunchuck-weilding Erskine right now? I feel awful leaving on Valentine's Day but I really don't feel well :L
10: 43 pm Leo DiCaprio: Of course :) Feel better soon!
10: 45 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: Thanks :) Night everyone x
Tariana Ravelicious Grace is offline
10: 47 pm Erskine Ravel: Dont go! I can love you so much better than the Douchebag ever could!
10: 50 pm Dexter Vex Has an emotionally unstable, in-need-of-a-grammar-Nazi Erskine Ravel just fled a club after his girlfriend? Did we follow him? Am I currently filming his heartfelt version of What Makes You Beautiful on my iPod? The answer to all these questions is yes.
China Sorrows, Veevee Scapegrace, Billy-Ray Sanguine and twelve others like this
10: 51 pm Leo DiCaprio: Shouldn't we try to stop him? :/
10: 51 pm Amara Calla: Well, the crowd is loving it :}
10: 52 pm Leo DiCaprio: ...And now she's walking away. Ouch. I think the singing might have got too much for her headache to bear.
11: 01 pm Dexter Vex has uploaded the video Human Life at it's Lowest
Thurid Guild, Ghastly Bespoke, Philomena Random and fifty-seven others like this
11: 08 pm Valkyrie Cain: If only I had been there.
11: 19 pm Ghastly Bespoke: You do know someone posted this on youtube? It's got almost a million hits!
11: 21 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: I TOLD you Fletcher's leather onsie would cause a national incident, however indirectly.
11: 22 pm Dexter Vex: What did they call it on youtube?
11: 22 pm Ghastly Bespoke: Something like 'Singing Drunk Gets Rejected by Girlfriend'.
11: 25 pm Finbar Wrong: I totally knew he would end up walking into that lampost. Psychic abilities, man.
11: 26 pm China Sorrows: But I don't think any of us prepared for that grand finale of throwing up on the dog.
11: 26 pm Tanith Low: Pause at 2: 06, you can see Anton laughing at him from the club doors xD
11: 27 pm Leo DiCaprio: The video's gone viral...Barack Obama just tweeted about it.
11: 30 pm Erskine Ravel: This isn't happening O_o I sung One Direction while drunk to my girlfriend. My life is over.
11: 31 pm Dexter Vex: Look on the bright side - most of the people writing comments seemed to think you were really good looking until you vomited on Lassie.
11: 34 pm Fletcher Renn: This is the best thing I've seen since High School Musical on stage :')
11: 35 pm Leo DiCaprio: What happened to crazy-ass concierge/the Douchebag?
11: 37 pm Fletcher Renn: He chased me to the park and fell into a ditch. No-one can catch the Flerminator.
11: 39 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Yes, the Paedo King returned! I got FORTY-TWO phone numbers last night, and I think I wrote down the rough estimates of Evangeline's bra size down somewhere. Tonight has been fantastic. Long live my reign. (Also, Erskine - I'm sorry that people are laughing at that video of you. The Hotel is back in Ireland next week, so you could maybe come over and have a beer. Dexter - for posting the aforementioned video, you win the internet.)
11: 41 pm Dexter Vex: To be honest, the thing I'm most scared about is how next year's Valentine's Day could ever top this.
11: 44 pm Tanith Low: Maybe a rematch of the paedo cupboard and sex dungeon?
11: 45 pm Tanith Low: But after what I've seen, Ghastly's dungeon wins all the way. ;)
11: 47 pm Ghastly Bespoke: Sssh. It'll be our secret.
11: 48 pm Ghastly Bespoke: And don't worry; I kept the handuffs.
11: 48 pm Tanith Low: I love you more with every minute :)
3: 12 am Antceratops Shudder Just woke up and realised that if Erskine and One Direction teamed up for a duet their name would be One Erection. Brilliant.