This chapter contains some fandom references, so for those that don't know, Kurt and Blaine are two characters from Glee, Peeta and Katniss are from The Hunger Games, the lyrics Valkyrie and Tanith post on Skulduggery's Wall are from Lady Gaga's Bad Romance and Arthur and Cobb are in my fabulous Leonardo's movie Inception.
8: 06 pm Ghastly Bespoke I just saw a Nazi driving past at 88 mph...He was probably going Back to the Fuhrer.
8: 09 pm Dexter Vex: And this is why we don't let you make jokes.
8: 11 pm Erskine Ravel: Ghastly, I know we were kept up pretty late last night, but are you sure you got some sleep?
8: 16 pm Ghastly Bespoke: I tried. There were things needing stitching and Tanith wanting steak and a shirt I had to sew.
8: 19 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: Did you finish the shirt? I really need it for tomorrow.
8: 21 pm Ghastly Bespoke: I finished it, at GREAT cost to my wellbeing and health, might I add. Did you even see I was making Nazi jokes?
Leo DiCaprio likes this
8: 24 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: I apologize...Your Lordship.
8: 27 pm Valkyrie Cain: he really is sorry, Your Grace.
8: 33 pm Dexter Vex: Your Eminence, he is not fit to even look at you, lest his eyes be burned out by your wrath. Leave the shirts to be sewen by a lesser mortal. We are not worthy.
Valkyrie Cain likes this
8: 36 pm Fletcher Renn: Come on ppl leave Ghastly alone!
8: 38 pm Dexter Vex: HOW DARE YOU.
8: 39 pm Valkyrie Cain: His Lordship only deserves the highest compliments available, and even then they don't do justice to his glory.
8: 41 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: Truly, he is a God among men. And we are but his humble disciples.
8: 45 pm Ghastly Bespoke: You're never going to stop with all this, are you?
8: 46 pm Valkyrie Cain: No.
8: 46 pm Dexter Vex: Never.
9: 28 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder has made a note: Possible Business Idea
So I was thinking of creating an internet site.
I just finished reading this amazing book series and it ends on a cliffhanger so you don't know what happens to the characters and I was left going 'WHAT? WHAT HAPPENS? WHAT IS THIS LIFE?'
And a revolutionary, monumental, fucking orgasmic idea struck me.
I could create something on the internet for all those in my position, those left cursing at the ending of a book, or even a TV show or a film. Or maybe people could simply write about storylines they wished happened to their favourite characters, or create stories where these characters they secretly dreamed were together end up a couple.
Maybe they could imagine alternate storylines for the things like heart-stopping cliffhangers or put their characters in settings from other books or films. Stories could be funny, or full of action, or lame and romantic.
People could really be happy - instead of having that empty hollow feeling when a storyline turns out bad or things don't turn out the way they want it to, they could write up ways to fulfill their dreams of what happened and read the works of others that think like them.
And the name for the brilliant site?
Fanfock.
9: 31 pm Ghastly Bespoke: OK, how can you even use italics on facebook?
9: 31 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: You know I have connections. But come on, what did you think?
9: 36 pm Tanith Low: ...You want to call it Fanfock?
9: 37 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Damn right I do.
9: 44 pm Valkyrie Cain: 'Fanfock'?
9: 45 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: You have to sort of bark it out, kind of in a German accent. FANFOCK!
9: 48 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: Congratulations. I think that entire note was the most serious you've sounded in two centuries.
9: 50 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Don't any of you think I've come up with something seriously badass? I mean, this is an entirely new idea that I've come up with, writing about your favourite fictional characters, creating scenarios for them...
9: 53 pm Reia Kellyn: Oh, you'd be surprised.
9: 55 pm Erskine Ravel: Well done, Anton. Just read this and it's actually a pretty good idea :) It's great to see you do something other than chase skirts and you know you've got my support 100 per cent.
Antceratops Paedo King Shudder likes this
9: 55 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: THANK YOU! It's pretty good to know I can come to you for advice, bro.
9: 57 pm Erskine Ravel: *bumps fist* I've got to get some sleep - long day tomorrow - but this sounds really promising! I'll text you later about it.
Erskine Ravel is offline
10: 04 pm Leo DiCaprio: Oh my God. Does this mean that people could actually...write an alternate ending to Titanic?
10: 09 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Sure, don't see why not
10: 11 pm Leo DiCaprio: Then I'm funding this project. Any money you need, you've got it. You, Anton, are a wish granter.
10: 12 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: That's the first time anyone male and outside of my bedroom has said that, and you know...it feels pretty damn good.
Skulduggery Pleasant likes the page Bentley R-Type Continental
10: 33 pm Fletcher Renn: Your obsession is getting weird.
10: 41 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder
Subject: Fanfock
So, I know you said people could write things in Fanfock that they always secretly dreamed about. How about, for example, pairings that they loved?
10: 42 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Skulduggery Pleasant
Remember time zones, dude. It's almost 4 AM here in . But Antceratops can go all night, in more ways than one.
And yeah, that was an idea I had
10: 45 pm PM message: Skulduggery Pleasant to Antceratops Paedo King Shudder
Even pairings that others would find strange...characters from books with characters from other books? Or different species? Or...people and inanimate objects? For instance, cars? And say they weren't paired with people exactly...like, for example,skeletons?
10: 48 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Skulduggery Pleasant
I think I'm too tired for that to make sense, but yeah, I guess so.
10: 53 pm Skulduggery Pleasant Fanfock is rapidly becoming a better and better idea.
12: 42 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder I've decided to ask people to send me different stories so I can start making up preliminary Fanfock categories. I'll post an example to show you how it's done.
FANFOCK. (By Anton.)
The moooooon was briight toniiiight.
''The moooooon is briight toniiiight,'' Fletcher said.
''I know,'' said Skulduggery.
They looked at the moon.
It was bright.
''The moooon is briight toniiiight,'' said Valkyrie.
''STFU Val, we already covered that,'' said Fletcher.
Valduggery kissed.
THE END.
P.S. Ghanith were having sex on the moon.
1: 02 am Valkyrie Cain: This was beautiful.
1: 04 am Skulduggery Pleasant: I...I'm crying. THANK YOU.
1: 11 am Fletcher Renn: FUCK YOU, ANTON, AND YOUR PERFECT WRITING ABILITY. FUCK YOU.
1: 14 am Ghastly Bespoke: I have no words.
1: 19 am Erskine Ravel: Anton Shudder, next Poet Laureate. The way you say things like 'Ghanith were having sex' and 'It was briight' ring out true to the world.
1: 24 am Tanith Low: Have my underwear
1: 35 Solomown Wreath: A compelling tale - the dialouge was poetic. The characterization was spot on and I got the symbolism you were insinuating with the moon. Anton, never stop.
1: 37 pm Fletcher Renn: FANFOCK 4EVER IT SHALL NEVER DIE
1: 42 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Wait. Are you all making fun of me?
1: 45 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: We would never.
1: 48 pm Leo DiCaprio: Of course we wouldn't! Your story was moving ;D
1: 49 pm Dexter Vex: I get chills every time I read it.
1: 52 pm Tanith Low: your talent jumps off of the computer screen - I'm humbled to consider you my friend
1: 56 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: I hate you all.
Tanith Low and Dexter Vex like this
5: 13 pm Erskine Ravel Though Antceratops Paedo King Shudder is still mad at me for laughing at his writing attempts, he forwarded me some of the emails he's been receiving. Someone just submitted a fanfock called 'Confessions of a Teenage Death Eater'. Holy God.
Antceratops Paedo King Shudder likes this
5: 16 pm PM message: Valkyrie Cain to Tanith Low
So I guess Anton didn't like your story about Draco Malfoy? xD
5: 18 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Valkyrie Cain
Shut it.
6: 05 pm Dexter Vex posted on Antceratops Paedo King Shudder's Wall
I only understood about half of that text you just sent me. What are 'OTPs' and 'shippers'?
6: 09 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: What is an OTP? Is it a disease? Has Fletcher contracted a new strain of Gingerus Dandruffus?
6: 13 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: There was a kinda boom in the amount of fanfock submissions and a lot of them are from fangirls that love pairing people together. What I figured is that a pairing is also called a ship, and an OTP stands for One True Pairing, a ship that people seem to be ready to fight to the death over. Like, all OTPs are ships but not all ships are OTPs.
6: 15 pm Valkyrie Cain: Skulduggery if you don't stop typing away and start helping me with this casework I will STEAL YOUR HAT.
6: 19 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: Fine, I'm going offline. The things I do for you.
Skulduggery Pleasant is offline
6: 19 pm Dexter Vex: ...Well, we know who wears the pants in this relationship
8: 25 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder created a poll 'Do you think stories on Fanfock should be rated?'
Six people voted no
Sixty-eight people voted yes
8: 49 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: So yeah, I think I'll go with different ratings for stories. They'll all be graded with different letters - they go from B for Boring to S for Sexytimes.
8: 56 pm Erskine Ravel: Got any more fanfocks for us to look over?
9: 02 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Thanks for offering, bro. I just emailed you all this really weird Jesus/Noah Bible fanfock the writer called 'Noah and the Wood that Wasn't the Ark'
9: 10 pm Fletcher Renn: ...That was the most disturbing thing I've ever read :o
9: 10 pm Leo DiCaprio: I'll never be innocent again.
9: 12 pm Dexter Vex: Jesus fucking christ
9: 14 pm Erskine Ravel: It's more like jesus fucking noah
Dexter Vex, Ghastly Bespoke and Leo DiCaprio like this
9: 26 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder posted on Tanith Low's Wall
Is it you that's submitting all these Harry Potter stories? It's the most popular category by far.
9: 28 pm Tanith Low: No! I've not written any fanfock!
9: 32 pm Valkyrie Cain: Tanith, I've seen the files in your computer saved 'HP Fanfock'
Tanith Low is offline
9: 35 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Checking all these Harry Potter fanfocks is bloody exhausting, and only a handful are fun reading. Why couldn't he just have been The Boy Who Got Laid A Lot?
9: 35 pm Valkyrie Cain: Some of the lines you come up with really are fascinating. What's your brain filled with?
9: 38 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Dancing naked girls, mostly.
9: 38 pm Valkyrie Cain: That explains a lot.
10: 31 pm Leo DiCaprio Really I should be going over scripts but I'm sorta obsessed with the fanfock stories Anton is sending me. A summary for a Glee Kurt/Blaine pairing story:
About three things I was absolutely positive.
First, Blaine Anderson was a Warbler.
Second, there was a part of him - and I don't know how dominant that part might be - that was a total BAMF.
And third, I was completely and irrevocably in love with him.
Tariana Ravelicious Grace, Amara Calla and Reia Kellyn like this
10: 35 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: I would read that story.
10: 41 pm Tanith Low: Whether to ship Peeta/Katniss or Peeta/Bread. Hmmmm.
10: 43 pm Erskine Ravel: You think that's hard? Try having to choose between Valith or Chinith. That's hard.
10: 45 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: I ship Sheveryone. Shudder/Eveyone. Seriously.
Erskine Ravel likes this
10: 45 pm Tanith Low: Ghastly is asleep on the couch so he can't help me make this decision. God, it's difficult.
10: 45 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Come to me and I'll treat you the way a real man should
10: 46 pm Ghastly Bespoke: I'm awake enough to be able to punch your teeth out of you try anything with my girlfriend.
Tanith Low likes this
10: 48 Fletcher Renn: But come on Ghastly, you're an ELDER. As in, old. Maybe Tanith needs loving from someone a little younger ;)
10: 51 pm Tanith Low: I have no words to describe you right now, Fletch
10: 52 pm Ghastly Bespoke: He's a scoundrel.
10: 53 pm Dexter Vex: A despicable cad.
10: 53 pm Leo DiCaprio: Truly deplorable.
10: 53 pm Erskine Ravel: Boil-brained clotpole.
10: 55 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: He's a cheeky shit.
10: 59 pm Ghastly Bespoke: Agreed.
9: 27 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder Digest this over your morning coffee - one of the business partners of Twitter just messaged me saying he would be interested in funding Fanfock as it 'shows great promise'. It's official. I've surpassed my own level of awesome. So I'll now give you a choice of these descriptions to describe me.
A hotel-owning BAMF
Owner of the best hotel in the world
Fierce as fuck
Creator of a bitching website
Pimpin' daily
All of the above
9: 31 am Skulduggery Pleasant: I'm going with 'arrogant playboy'.
9: 33 am Valkyrie Cain: Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?
9: 33 am Valkyrie Cain: I mean, it was you I saw in the bathroom last night trying out poses with you hat? ;)
9: 33 am Skulduggery Pleasant: Shut up
9: 35 am Tanith Low: These mental images. Of Skulduggery posing. They are glorious
9: 36 am Skulduggery Pleasant: Shut up now
9: 37 am Valkyrie Cain posted on Skulduggery Pleasant's Wall
WALK WALK FASHION BABY
9: 37 am Tanith Low: WORK IT MOVE THAT BITCH CRAZY
9: 39 am Skulduggery Pleasant: That's it. Valkyrie, I'm not picking you up for work today. Tanith, I honestly don't know what I'll do with you. Maybe I'll hit you with a stick. It feels like a stick-hitting day.
9: 41 am Valkyrie Cain: Nooooooo. You cannot. The Toxic Twins will drag me over to their house and either give me another makeover or get me to teach them magic. I don't know what's worse
9: 42 am Tanith Low: Ghastly Bespoke! Skulduggery is threatening me. I'm working today so I can't give hit him with his stick. Set the hounds on him.
9: 44 am Ghastly Bespoke: You've really got to stop tagging me in your comments just to inform me to beat up people. I have serious work to do, like pinging bits through the door of Erskine's office, and running the Irish national community, things like that. Sort it out yourself, kids. And we don't have hounds.
9: 46 am Tanith Low: I think I want some hounds now.
9: 45 am Valkyrie Cain: Ha! I'll just get Fletcher to Teleport me to the Sanctuary!
Valkyrie Cain is offline
9: 45 am Skulduggery Pleasant: ...Blast.
Skulduggery Pleasant is offline
3: 12 pm Leo DiCaprio posted on Antceratops Paedo King Shudder's Wall
On my lunch break - I had some really good ideas for Fanfock! I know a couple of investors that would really like to talk to you about business :)
3: 16 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Thanks Leo, but I actually sold Fanfock a couple of hours ago.
3: 16 pm Leo DiCaprio: WHAT?
3: 17 pm Fletcher Renn: Why would you do that?
3: 17 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: Though the subject of Fanfock is all we've talked about these past few days and posts about it are clogging up my news feed, I too wonder why you would sell it.
3: 20 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Don't get me wrong, I'm totally proud of my site and I think it's really going places. It's just I've been kind of neglecting the Hotel with all the Fanfock stuff that's been going on, and that's not chill. I still have majority shares in Fanfock and I'll have a say in decisions, but I'm handing over the helm to someone else.
3: 22 pm Leo DiCaprio: Wow. I'm really proud of you - it takes a big person with a lot of courage to put trust of their business in someone else! (This doesn't mean Fanfock will stop running, does it? Because I've got some pretty great ideas for Titanic stories. And a few Arthur/Cobb Inception ones.)
3: 25 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: I don't have a lot of courage right now, I'm lying in my cupboard with a bottle of whisky and a box of Kleenex. And it'll still be running, no worries there.
3: 26 pm Fletcher Renn: Why didn't you wait for a year or two to sell it, when it was more popular? You would have got more money for it
3: 26 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: I live by my family motto, Fletcher - We give to the less fortunate.
3: 27 pm Fletcher Renn: Do you mean like that time you took me to a soup kitchen in downtown Dublin and gave me a stack of photos of yourself to hand out to the people there?
3: 29 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Exactly. Just because people are poor doesn't mean they can't have (pictures of) pretty things. It's kind of a family motto.
3: 31 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: I thought your family motto was 'Coitus unto Morti'?
3: 32 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: And I think you'll agree that they're both fine laws to live by.
3: 32 pm Leo DiCaprio: Coitus unto Morti?
3: 33 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Loosely translated, it means 'sex until death'.
3: 34 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: Amen to that.