This is definitely not my favourite chapter, but I edited it as much as I could :L Feedback is always appreciated, even it is just telling me how much this chapter fails. And you'd be right.
Please forgive me the numerous typos and mistakes in punctuation - I'm just trying to stay true to what a boisterous group of Dead Men, Leonardo and Fletcher would type like while drunk.
10: 13 am Erskine Ravel I had to race someone to the waffle maker at the Sanctuary's breakfast. #hungergames
Dexter Vex, Tanith Low, Amara Calla and sixteen others like this
10: 15 am Staven Weeper: I think you bruised my windpipe :(
10: 24 am Erskine Ravel: You snooze, you lose.
10: 26 am Tanith Low: We should TOTALLY hold our own Hunger Games!
10: 28 am Fletcher Renn: Great, I'll order twenty rounds of chicken supreme buckets from KFC right now.
10: 29 am Tanith Low: No, like the book Hunger Games! Without the bloody, vicious killing, that is. We can just all rough each other up a bit.
10: 32 am Thurid Guild: Do any of you actually do any work at all? All you seem to do is flirt, pretend to have homosexual relations, stalk one another and and clutter my news feed.
China Sorrows, Solomown Wreath and Finbar Wrong like this
10: 33 am Erskine Ravel: Why do you always pop up when food is mentioned? Back to your skulking.
Thurid Guild is offline
10: 36 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: I'm up for this Hunger Games thing ;)
10: 40 am Tanith Low: Anton, you wouldn't last a day in the arena :L
10: 42 am Fletcher Renn: It's pretty obvious I would win anyway
10: 56 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: No. I would win because I'd fuck my way out of there.
11: 01 am Erskine Ravel: The sad thing is he's probably right.
3: 38 pm Erskine Ravel In lieu of our version of the Hunger Games, I've decided to throw a Boiiiishh night out. A few of us just held a practice Games behind the Sanctuary and Anton's muttering of 'man oh man I'm going to fuck erryone up' convinced me he's enough of a danger to society without giving him permission to attack people.
3: 42 pm Tanith Low: You held it without me?!
3: 47 pm Erskine Ravel: Well, Ghastly and I needed a reason to get out of a deathly boring meeting.
3: 49 pm Dexter Vex: I thought it would be a good chance to brush up on my fight training.
3: 52 pm Fletcher Renn: Erskine told me it would be a chance for me to practice my combat skills.
3: 50 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Uh, I was bored.
3: 53 pm Tanith Low: Hmm.
3: 54 pm Erskine Ravel: But for the first time we've done the responsible thing and decided it would be a supremely bad idea to hold a Hunger Games. I think the responsibility of being Elders has rubbed off on us!
3: 57 pm Tanith Low: And your newfound responsility has led to you plan a likely drink-fuelled night out?
3: 57 pm Erskine Ravel: Baby steps, Tanith. Baby steps.
8: 26 pm Dexter Vex So I had this guy by the throat, against a wall
8: 30 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: DEXTER'S WRITING GAY PORN.
8: 31 pm Dexter Vex: Shut up! I pressed the enter key by mistake
8: 34 pm Dexter Vex: So I saw a mage I knew Erskine put an arrest warrant out for and I chased him for half an hour until I managed to pin him to the wall. I was just about to cuff him when I remembered what Fletcher said during our practice Hunger Games and started laughing so hard he escaped. Oops.
Antceratops Paedo King Shudder likes this
8: 38 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: This is why you leave the detective work to Valkyrie and I, Dexter. What did Fletcher say?
8: 43 pm Dexter Vex: Well, when we started the practice Games thing, Erskine pointed to Fletcher, yelled 'GET HIM!' and charged towards where he was standing, but Fletcher headbutted him in the face and said 'Not today whore'
8: 45 pm Dexter Vex has created the page '"Not today whore" - Fletcher Renn'
Leo DiCaprio, Finbar Wrong, Dexter Vex and thirty-eight others like the page '"Not today whore" - Fletcher Renn'
9: 19 pm Fletcher Renn: No one's ever created a facebook page for me before! :D
9: 22 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: That's not actually true - there's a page insulting your hairgel. And a Fletcher Renn Hate Group that nobody can ever claim I created.
9: 24 pm Fletcher Renn: :(
6: 43 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke
Just to clarify we're meeting in an hour at the Alchemy Club, are we all good with that?
6: 46 pm PM message: Leo DiCaprio to Erskine Ravel, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke
I think we're all good to go
6: 48 pm PM message: Dexter VEX to Erskine Ravel, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke
Created a playlist for tonight, give me one moment to upload it (with some Sinatra just for you, Skulduggery)
6: 52 pm PM message: Dexter VEX to Erskine Ravel, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke
Dexter's get psyched playlist on Spotify
1. I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas
2. You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi
3. Paradise City - Guns & Roses
4. Dancing With Myself - Billy Idol
5. Ridin' Solo - Jason Derulo
6. Ready To Go - Panic! At the Disco
7. Dream On - Aerosmith
8. Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
9. Crazy In Love - Beyonce feat. Jay Z
10. I Don't Feel Like Dancing - Scissor Sisters
11. My Way - Frank Sinatra
12. Jumpin' Jack Flash - Rolling Stones
13. All Fired Up - The Saturdays
14. Boys Are Back In Town - Thin Lizzy
6: 58 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke
Pretty good playlist, Dexter...but remember when you used to always put the Macarena on your playlists? And that one time you actually included Party In the USA by that Cyrus girl?
7: 00 pm PM message: Fletcher Renn to Erskine Ravel, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke
Hey! She is a GODDESS.
7: 02 pm PM message: Leo DiCaprio to Erskine Ravel, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke
Believe me, I've been to some of the same parties as her...and you would not believe the tales I have. There's this one that involves her, a cup and a Jonas Brother...but no. I'll have to have a few drinks inside me before I ever share THAT story.
7: 03 pm PM message: Leo DiCaprio to Erskine Ravel, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke
On a side note, Dexter, why is your surname now a lot more VEX-ish?
7: 05 pm PM message: Dexter VEX to Erskine Ravel, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke
Dramatic impact mostly, but I've changed it in anticipation of drunk me logging onto facebook later tonight. I'm hoping that that Mr. Hyde side of my personality will remember in some part of his brain that I'd altered my name on here and thus won't change it to something like Dexboi Vex-McLovin'.
7: 08 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke
In all fairness, Dexboi McLovin' was the most hilarious alter ego I've ever seen - and my best friend literally has an evil demon version of himself living inside his body.
7: 09 pm PM message: Dexter VEX to Erskine Ravel, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke
NO. There will be none of Dexboi tonight. At least...I hope not.
7: 12 pm PM message: Erskine Ravel to Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke
Well, Anton's just texted me saying he's picked up four cans of neon body paint. Consider yourselves forewarned.
7: 15 pm PM message: Antceratops Paedo King Shudder to Erskine Ravel, Leo DiCaprio, Fletcher Renn, Dexter VEX, Skulduggery Pleasant and Ghastly Bespoke
As Kesha once said, the party don't start till I walk in.
7: 34 pm Tanith Low posted on Valkyrie Cain's Wall
Ghastly just left for the Boiiiish night. Want to come over? I have wine and the Lumineers' Ho Hey playing on itunes.
7: 36 pm Valkyrie Cain: Sounds good. I've got to the point where I don't even bat an eyelash when one of the guys walks into my bedroom covered in blood and feathers after a night out any more.
7:37 pm Tanith Low: Or when I get a call saying one of them's been found in a ditch ten miles away after their night of heavy parting.
7: 37 pm Valkyrie Cain: Or when Erskine starts rubbing himself against my leg meowing like a cat.
7: 39 Tanith Low: Or when I go to my kitchen the next morning and find out they've eaten all the chocolate wrappers in the sweets tin. Like, they unwrapped all the little chocolates and left them in the box, just ate the wrappings they were in.
7: 41 pm Valkyrie Cain: Or when I walk in them sitting in a circle in a darkened room, Anton holding a Satanic Bible, halfway through a pagan ritual.
7: 43 pm Tanith Low: That actually happened to you?
7: 44 pm Valkyrie Cain: Sadly, yes.
7: 44 pm Tanith Low: We need to find new friends.
7: 45 pm Valkyrie Cain: We really do. :/
8: 20 pm Dexter VEX Fletcher may or may not be singing 'Whaddaya Want From Me' to his refection. I may or may not be filming it.
Skulduggery Pleasant, China Sorrows, Erkine Ravel and forty-two others like this
8: 26 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: Not even an hour into the night and Fletcher's singing is already breaking out. Will someone please hashtag this for me?
8: 27 pm Anteratops Paedo King Shudder: #fletcherisalightweight
8: 27 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: Thank you.
8: 31 pm Fletcher Renn: Your name isn't Sklduggery any more. Youre now called...Banana-Man.
8: 34 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: Sorry but not sorry. Hey! DON'T YOU DARE COME TOWARDS ME WITH THAT MARKER PEN.
8: 38 pm Valkyrie Cain: Be nice, Fletcher.
8: 40 pm Fletcher Renn: Val, face it: I'm a rascal.
8: 44 pm Dexter VEX: Do you know what I've just realised? There should be a relationship status for 'In a Skul Crew with'
8: 45 pm Fletcher Renn: oh my goD YES
8: 47 pm Fletcher Renn: Can this be a thing or
8: 50 pm Dexter VEX: I would answer you but I'm kind of preoccupied with what the hell Erskine, Anton and Leo are doing
8: 51 pm Dexter VEX: It's literally a threesome on the dancefloor...for no reason
8: 54 pm Dexter VEX: How much alcohol have they TAKEN?
8: 56 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: This is just a rough estimate, but I think they're consuming vodka at a ratio of 3:1 compared to us.
8: 59 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Bazinga.
9: 02 pm Dexter VEX: Oh don't start. You were just two steps away from dry humping your best friend and one of the most prolific actors in the world.
Leo DiCaprio likes this
9: 05 pm Erskine Ravel: Don't want to alarm you but I was looking at the music viodeos on the TVs and oh my gosh Ghastly looks so like Pitbull
9: 08 pm Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: GHASTLY IS PITBULL OMG
9: 22 pm Dexter VEX Just been checking out the Pittly Effect and it's so legit
9: 22 pm Tanith Low: The Pittly Effect?
9: 23 pm Dexter VEX: As in, you put a picture of Ghastly next to a picture of Pitbull and there's no difference at all
9: 25 pm Ghastly Bespoke: I don't look like Pitbull! Besides he's an awful rapper. And sexist at that. And wears AWFUL shoes. Awful.
9: 26 pm Dexter VEX: Don't be so hard on yourself. We like you, no matter how awful your music/footwear/attitude to women is.
9: 26 pm Ghastly Bespoke: H8 u
9: 56 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Ghastly Bespoke
So how's the night going? :) Apart from being compared to a mediocre rapper
10: 09 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Tanith Low
Uh, Dexter's singing Hot n Cold in Ukranian and Erskine's tryig to get everyone dancing to Kickstarts. I'm trying to forget I ever wrote the words 'H8 u' by getting even more drunk. It's working
10: 11 pm PM message: Tanith Low to Ghastly Bespoke
So I guess you're still at the Alchemy Club then?
10: 13 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Tanith Low
Yup
10: 14 pm PM message: Ghastly Bespoke to Tanith Low
Gotta go Anton' s taken out the body paint
Ghastly Bespoke is offline
11: 43 pm Erskine Ravel Haha Fletcher Renn dropped his apple off a bridge and is now singing The One That Got Away. I really love boisshh nights out
11: 45 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: Why did you leave the club? Bad things always happen when you leave the club.
11: 49 pm DexBOI McLovin': We're sneaking into a field near Roarhaven
11: 50 pm DexBOI McLovin': Wifi from the sanctuary oh yeah
11: 52 pm Leo DiCaprio: I can't be sure but I think there's cows in this field
11: 53 pm Skulduggery Pleasant: My deductive powers might be wrong but I think they're bulls.
11: 55 pm Erskine Ravel: Oh they're looking over here I'm jst gonna run away nofefjrfnr'###
11: 57 pm Tariana Ravelicous Grace: Erskine? Did you pass out again?
11: 58 pm DexBOI McLovin': Hahahahaha he tried to run away from the bulls and slipped in the mud and now he's groining
11: 59 pm Tariana Ravelicious Grace: GROINING? That's it. I'm going to bed. Try not to die
Tariana Ravelicious Grace is offline
12: 01 am DexBOI McLovin': I meant groaning! Groaning...oh. You;re gone. Ah well.
12: 08 am Leo DiCaprio I love how Erskine Ravel breaks his arm and all he does is look at in surprise and say 'Oh, I'm bleeding'
Erskine Ravel, Skulduggery Pleasant, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder and four others like this
12: 12 am Fletcher Renn: I think the body paint is stoping Skul from setting his arm.
12: 14 am DexBOI McLovin': It's like we're living in a Katy Perry song.
12: 27 am Ghastly Bespoke I punched a bull.
12: 29 am Finbar Wrong: Whut?
12: 33 am Ghastly Bespoke: It hurt Erskine so I punched it
12: 35 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: We should start calling him Punchbull
12: 38 am DexBOI McLovin': HAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHA YES
12: 39 am Valkyrie Cain: Oh my God how you haven't died yet is beyond me.
12: 41 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: I'm drunk, not stupid
12: 43 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Wait. Where's Fletcher?
12: 49 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'
So where have you all gone
12: 53 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'
Im not in the field anymore
12: 54 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'
There's trees everywhere
12: 58 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'
One of them looks like Skulduggery
1: 05 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'
Hahahahahahahahahaha
1: 07 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'
Shit I've fallen over
1: 11 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'
Guys
1: 14 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'
Help
1: 19 am PM message: Fletcher Renn to Skulduggery Pleasant, Ghastly Bespoke, Leo DiCaprio, Antceratops Paedo King Shudder, Erskine Ravel and DexBOI McLovin'
Help
1: 31 am DexBOI McLovin': Where's mah vodka
1: 56 am Ghastly Bespoke posted on Skulduggery Pleasant's Wall
Is that you I see lying in the bushes?
1: 59 am Skulduggery Pleasant: I'm having a staring contest with a hedgeheog
2:01 am Skulduggery Pleasant: He's winning
2: 25 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder Time flies when you're passed out in a lake
Erskine Ravel and Leo DiCaprio like this
2: 29 am Erskine Ravel: Is that where you got to?
2: 34 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Yeah, I was looking for Fletcher but then I fell and the lake was there and I was in it
2: 35 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: I was in the lake but out of consciousness
2: 37 am Erskine Ravel: Cool. My arm's broken.
2: 39 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Awesome. Does it hurt?
2: 39 am Erskine Ravel: Want to head over to the sanctuary and get painkillers
2: 41 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: No
2: 41 am Erskine Ravel: There might be girls working late in the officess
2: 43 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Ok
3: 09 am Skulduggery Pleasant Erskine, Anton and Erskine are missing. Leo is dancing in the mud. Ghastly is massaging Dexter. I am typing.
3: 12 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Erskine and I are at the Sanctuary. He's getting his arm fixed. I'm lying on the couch sipping slushee like it's Jack Daniels and I'm a relapsing alcoholic.
3: 13 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Thats not entirely true, I'm also taking Erskine's painkillers and chatting with girls
3: 15 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Cant be sure if it's the painkillers talking but the girls have snakes for hair
3: 21 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Now Erskine killed a zombie
3: 24 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: NOT THRASHER AND SCAPEGRACE DON'T WORRY
3: 26 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: Nye was keeping a zombie for some experiment thing and Erskine found it
3: 30 am Erskine Ravel: Tonight we are relatively young
so I set its face on fire
its body burns brighter
than the sun
3: 31 am Antceratops Paedo King Shudder: What a lovely poem
3: 48 am Dexboi McLovin' Ghastly just kissed the bull l o l
3: 53 am Valkyrie Cain: WHAT IS HAPPENING?
3: 56 am Dexboi McLovin': Night night don't let the bulls bite
Dexboi McLovin' is offline
3: 58 am Valkyrie Cain: Oh, I fucking give up.