This is technically the last chapter, but of course I wrote an epilogue because I am cheesy. I will post it tomorrow. Hope you've all recovered nicely from the season finale. I know I haven't!
Returning to Plainville, for the first time pretty much ever, was bittersweet. Dean missed his family with an ache he hadn't felt in years. Castiel mentioned that he missed Dean's family as well as they pulled the Impala (thank God he had her back) into the parking lot of Cas's apartment complex. Castiel missing them made Dean miss them even more.
"Sam's a great kid." Castiel commented as they lugged their suitcases up the stairs to Castiel's apartment.
"Cas, he's not a kid. He's two years younger than you."
Cas frowned a little. "But still. You know, he and I talked a lot. Turns out he doesn't sleep much either. He said he gets too much during the day."
"You had private conversations with my brother?" Dean asked. He actually felt a little ill at the prospect.
Castiel just nodded and didn't answer. They arrived at the door and went inside. Dean was dying to know what the two of them discussed.
"So, what'd you guys talk about?" He asked, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a beer from the fridge.
"Unsurprisingly, we talked about two subjects and only those two subjects. You, of course, and our… issues."
"Issues? Me?" Dean said, raising an eyebrow. "I don't know what I want to hear about first. Both so juicy." He threw himself on the couch, exhausted after the goodbyes, the plane ride, and the drive. Mostly exhausted by the plane ride though. He didn't like flying.
"Nothing bad about you. I was right about him though. He worships the ground you walk on, wants to be just like you. Wants your life, except the whole having sex with men part, which he made very clear." Cas said, chuckling a little.
Dean sighed. "He's so much smarter than me. He could do so much."
"He will, Dean. I know it. I can tell. I told him about the hospitalizations, the medications, the therapy. It actually felt good to talk to someone who gets it. The ironic part is that although I am technically more 'stable' than Sam, he is actually far more accepting of his illness than I am of my own problems. It gave me a lot to think about, I guess."
"What do you mean?" Dean asked. Cas didn't talk about the clinical aspect or the cause of his issues that much, even though recently he'd been more open about them recently than he had in the beginning of their relationship. Castiel's issues mostly came out in spurts, when aspects of daily life made him uncomfortable or miserable enough that he'd discuss them with Dean.
"Until this year, I was so closed off, so fucking pathetic. I mean, you didn't know me before. I was a goddamn hermit. I had no friends. Sat here alone all of the time. Dwelled on everything, and wished so desperately I could be normal."
"You're not pathetic, Cas. Who's to say what's normal, anyway? No one I know is normal. Hell, I don't even know the meaning of the word." Dean said.
"I was, though. But it was of my own volition. I chose to isolate, chose to do nothing but work and sit in this apartment alone, always sketching and watching movies, avoiding people like the plague." He said, sounding unhappy about it.
"What changed?" Dean asked, taking a long swig of his beer.
"You are what changed, you moron. I met you, and then I met your friends and your family. It brought me out of this self-imposed seclusion. You brought me back into the world, made me see that there is more than school and loneliness."
"I guess we helped each other. It's definitely mutual. Sam said about a thousand times that you're the reason I came home." He said, loosely wrapping an arm around Castiel's shoulder.
"And?"
"It's true."
Castiel just smiled a little bit, that familiar distant look on his face, which reminded Dean that there was so much he didn't know about him. Maybe he really had been pathetic. Dean couldn't know. He ached to know more about Castiel and Sam's discussion about mental health. It was a perspective they clearly shared and one Dean knew nothing about.
"New Years Eve tomorrow." Castiel commented, changing the subject, just as Dean was beginning to get curious. "Got any plans?"
"Gabe is having another party."
"Sounds like fun. We going?"
"Duh. Charlie insists there is something we have to see and we had such a good time last time, then why the hell not?"
"Good. It'll be fun." Castiel said. "Hey, Dean. There is something I wanted to discuss, before everything gets crazy again with school and Jo and Charlie."
Dean leaned over and kissed him deeply on the lips. "First, I wanted to do that." He murmured. "In case you're mad."
Castiel just laughed. "I'm not mad, you goof, but I will take that." He kissed him back, and for a minute Dean just wanted him to shut up, since they really hadn't been alone in days. Castiel pulled away though and continued. "A few days ago you asked me something and I didn't think it was appropriate to bring it up until now. You asked me if I could come with you. To school, I mean. To wherever you go to school."
Dean nodded a little bit. He remembered and he'd been dying to bring it up too. He felt cold though, half expecting Cas to tell him that there was no way that it would happen, that they'd have to break up or try a long distance relationship if Dean decided to leave Plainville. Dean had been dreading this conversation and he desperately wanted to return to the kissing. He still hadn't told Cas that he'd started applying to grad school, although now it seemed like he would have to be honest. He also knew that he wanted Cas to come with him, wherever he went. He wished that he could just go to Collins College for his next degree, but the program he was interested in did not exist at such a small school, nor were similar programs ranked as well as the programs at other schools that Dean was looking into attending.
"I'll come with you. If you still want me to come, that is." Castiel said, looking down a little bit, smiling shyly.
Dean's eyes widened. Okay, maybe he'd been more than half-expecting Cas to dump him or propose they engage in a long distance relationship.
"You will?" Dean sat up, reenergized, ecstatic. "Oh God, Cas. Thank God. Thank you. But what about… everything you have here?" He asked, kicking himself mentally for asking the second part of the question.
Cas sighed a little bit. "I won't lie. I love this town. I like my job. But I don't want to teach, not forever. I'm good at it, but it's not a career for me. Plus, being an adjunct isn't the greatest gig in the world. The pay sucks, I have to buy my own health insurance and there isn't much stability. I think it's time for me to move on to the next thing."
"Which is?" Dean asked. He really had no idea what Castiel's clear plans were beyond teaching. Dean almost only knew him as a teacher.
"The next step is a new home, a new career. If I can't find a job I like right away, I'm sure I could find a position at whatever school you attend. Obviously, you're a large factor in my decision. I don't think I could stand being away from you, not by a long shot, but it's time to move on with my life in all areas." He sighed and leaned against Dean.
Dean couldn't help it. He grabbed him and kissed him again, all tongue this time, sloppy because he was so excited. Castiel kissed him back, with less tongue, and then straddled him, more aggressive than Dean was, as usual. This was beginning to not surprise him anymore.
After an hour of "we're moving away together" sex, they went to bed. As he watched Castiel curl into his usual fetal position, he thought about how much had changed since he'd barreled over Cas in the quad. He had never imagined he'd leave Plainville in a relationship, let alone with a boy who would follow him anywhere. He'd certainly diverged from the path he'd set for himself, but it was so good that he didn't even mind not knowing what was next.
While Halloween was Castiel's favorite holiday, New Year's Eve was Dean's. Not because it was an excuse to get fucked up and kiss anyone you wanted at midnight, but because it was a fresh start. He knew it was hokey, but Dean was more sentimental than he'd ever let anyone see.
It was in the evening, five or six hours before midnight and they were standing in Jo's bedroom, staring at Charlie's right thigh. Charlie was outrageous and Dean was used to it. He thought he was so used to it, that she would never shock him again. He was wrong.
"I can't believe it. I can't believe you did it." Jo said in disbelief. "How bored were you while we were gone?"
"Pretty bored." Charlie admitted, grinning at them. "But isn't it fucking awesome?"
"It's actually pretty awesome." Dean agreed.
"It's very detailed." Castiel said in awe. "The colors are amazing. This is a piece of art, my friend." He reached in and stroked her skin. Normally this would piss Dean off, but right now he didn't care.
Over winter break, Charlie had gotten the tattoo she'd been talking about forever. Princess Leia in a slave bikini straddling a 20-sided dice. Not only had she gotten the tattoo, but it was huge, colorful and took up most of her right thigh.
"How long did it take?" Dean asked. "Don't tattoos that size normally take hours?"
"I was bored." She intoned.
"Well, you are officially more of a bad ass than I am." Jo said, her eyes taking in the slave bikini. "I'd never have the balls to get something that huge."
Charlie grinned and let her skirt fall down. "I told you guys you'd love it. It's not as ridiculous as you thought, eh?"
"It totally is. In fact, it's more ridiculous." Dean said.
Charlie scowled at him, but didn't lose her trademark smile, instead choosing to give him the finger.
"It's actually pretty hot." Jo said, licking her lips.
"Girls with tattoos are totally hot." Charlie said. "Now I am one of them. Maybe I should try out to be a Suicide Girl."
"I meant the tattoo, not you." Jo said, smirking at her.
"Is Anna gonna be around tonight? Because you know, there is another redhead in town." Charlie said, wagging her eyebrows perversely.
Jo stared for a minute, as if she was deciding what to say, but then smiled back at her, smoldering as much as she could. Dean felt sick. His sisters were flirting, but they'd already started drinking before he and Castiel had arrived, so he paid it no mind.
Castiel watched this interaction with fascination. Dean grabbed his hand and led him into the living room.
"The flirting we just witnessed between them- are they being serious?" Castiel hissed. "I think that's a terrible idea."
"No, Cas, they're not being serious. They always get drunk and flirt. I just think it's amped up a little bit because Charlie was just flashing her inner thigh and effectively, her lacy black underwear." Dean said, shaking her head.
"Do you think Charlie is attractive?" Castiel asked, trying to keep his voice low, as if the question were offensive. "Because you know, I didn't even notice the underwear."
"I still do like girls, Cas. Not those two though. Not like that. They're like my obnoxious younger sisters. For that reason, I don't find them hot. I only noticed the underwear because seeing it creeped me out a little bit." He said, feigning a shudder.
Cas frowned a little bit. "Well, okay. I suppose it'd be wrong of me to assume that they are attracted to each other just because they are both lesbians. I hate it when people assume that about me and my friends who just so happen to be gay. I suppose it'd also be wrong of me to assume that you are no longer attracted to women just because we're together."
Dean just laughed again. "Oh, Cas. You take everything so seriously. Don't worry about any women though. As long as I've got you, they hardly cross my mind."
To prove his point, he leaned in and pulled the smaller man close. He kissed him, licking into his mouth. He slid his hands done Cas's side, over his hips and then into his back pockets, squeezing his ass. Castiel groaned a little bit and rutted against him, running his own hands up the back of Dean's shirt, fingers running over taut muscles. They stood there, kissing and grinding almost obscenely. Dean had to pull away before Jo came out and humiliated them even further.
"In that blazer, you're like a piece of candy. Formal wear makes you look positively edible." Dean murmured. "Gotta keep it clean though, for the lesbians."
"I guess this was just a preview for later then?" Castiel replied, his voice slightly choked and breathy.
"Think of it as an appetizer."
"What's dessert? Maybe chocolate? A whipped cream bikini, perhaps?"
Dean chuckled at the visual and at Castiel's lame attempt at flirting. "We could try that. Since you're edible and all." He kissed him again to prove his point.
On cue, Jo and Charlie came out of the bedroom, Jo making vomiting noises, which were also on cue.
"Hands to yourselves! You're making me sick!" She yelled.
Dean groaned and pulled away. "You are the most immature person I have ever met."
Jo gave them a serene smile.
"It's just because we were at his mother's house for a week." Castiel explained, as if Jo were actually offended. "Making up for lost time."
"Making up for lost time? Sam told me you two were like dogs in heat and he eventually had to wear ear plugs to bed." Jo said, her smile becoming more Cheshire cat-like and evil.
Dean flushed. "Enough."
"We look awesome." Charlie said, mercifully changing the subject.
Castiel examined their outfits. "Occasionally I wish it were acceptable for me to dress in drag constantly." He said thoughtfully. "I mean, Charlie, that corset? That swirly skirt? Fabulous. Jo, you may be wearing a tutu, but you make it hot. The two of you look awesome. Dean and I look boring."
"Speak for yourself." Dean deadpanned. "I look awesome. Little Joey Potter looks stupid."
"Tutus were actually featured in New York Fashion Week this fall. They're all the rage, the frillier, the better. Jo actually is very chic right now." Castiel said, ignoring Dean in a very Jo-like manner.
"Thanks, Cas! I think my outfit is a lot of fun. You'd look awesome in a tutu." Jo said, sounding genuine for once.
"How about not." Dean interjected.
Jo ignored him too. "One more thing though—Charlie, How did we not realize he was gay right away?" Jo asked her friend with the Princess Leia tattoo.
Charlie just shrugged. "Who knows? Kind of baffles me now, especially considering Dean and his knowledge of New York Fashion Week."
"You're telling me." Castiel said, grinning at them. "I mean, seriously, it makes me wonder about your intelligence or at least your gaydar."
That shut Jo right up and they left the apartment to load into the Impala and head to Gabe's house for his New Year's Eve party. On the way, they stopped at the liquor store and picked up a few bottles of wine, a bottle of Honey Brown, and other party favors. They arrived at Gabe's around 7:30, earlier than usual, but it was New Year's Eve and Jo had made noise about getting there early in case Anna happened to be in town. Dean was beginning to suspect that Jo's fascination with Anna extended beyond hooking up during holiday parties, but he didn't say anything because he wasn't as immature as she was. At least he usually wasn't.
Gabe answered them at the door, sporting a truly a ridiculous purple velour suit. "Ladies and germs! Welcome! You're early, but I'd expect nothing less.
"Hey Gabe." Charlie said. "What time are we on tonight? I'm trying to decide how much alcohol is socially acceptable for our set."
"I'd say 10:30 or 11. Imbibe as much as you want, darling, it's the New Year!" He said. He turned to Jo and gave her a huge smile. "Jo, I love the tutu. You are such a pretty little ballerina."
"Gabe, your flirting is beginning to get creepy." She said, smirking at him. "Is your sister here? I'm much more interested in her."
"Jo, you are no White Swan, thus my affections. I like your bite!" He said, winking at her. "Since you are immune to my charms, you can have my sister. Anna will be here later. She has to stop by some event for work, then she's driving up."
Jo's eyes lit up for just a second and nodded. "Good, good."
Gabe led them to his enormous dining room and they sat down around the table, and Gabe and Charlie's other band mates were there too, as well as Meg, the girl had flirted so incessantly with Castiel during Halloween. Castiel noticed her immediately, and his face tightened up into a mask at the sight of her, especially when she leered at him with the same look she'd given him at Halloween. She opened her mouth to say something, but shut it when Dean glared at her in a way that said "Back off bitch, he's mine." To further claim his territory, Dean reached over and grabbed his hand, this time not caring who saw them together. Castiel actually relaxed under his touch, a marked change from how he reacted while they were in Lawrence. Dean supposed holding hands in front of their peers was a little different than holding hands in front of his mom, or somehow their roles had reversed during the short trip home and now Castiel was the one embarrassed by public displays of affection.
Meg's face changed and she smirked a little bit. "So, you guys are like a thing now? Officially?"
"Yes, Meg. We're a thing." He smiled at her, sweet as honey, keeping the Bitch, please look plastered on his face just in case.
"Good to know. Hey, Cas, sorry for acting like such a moron last time we hung out. Admittedly, I was pretty high." She said, shrugging.
"I-it's okay." He stuttered. "I suppose I'm flattered."
She just nodded and turned her attentions to Nick, Charlie's drummer, their resident drug dealer, and once again, he didn't seem to mind a bit. After all, he was the devil. Right now, he was taking Meg's attention from Castiel and for this reason, Dean was beginning to forgive him for the mushrooms he sold Charlie and Jo, the mushrooms that had caused him to miss Bon Jovi.
The rest of the evening continued in this fashion, easy, light-hearted, and less wild than the Halloween party. As Dean sat around the table with Charlie's friends and later as more people from Plainville poured into Gabe's house and he, Charlie, Jo and Cas did a round of whiskey shots to commemorate the end of the year, he realized that he was going to miss this. Usually celebrating the end of the year was clichéd and pointless, but this really was the end of this chapter of his life.
Dean had one semester of college left, and really, it hardly would be like college at all since he'd be working at the hospital three or four days a week. Since he'd be interning at night and going to labs during the day, there was a chance he wouldn't get to attend many more parties (not that he'd gone to many to begin with) and more importantly, he'd have fewer evenings on the couch with Jo and Dr. Sexy MD, fewer on-campus lunches at the student center and less opportunities for the youthful exuberance that had made up his four and a half years at Collins College.
Although he was roughly three years from 30, Dean was growing the fuck up and strangely, it was for a second time. He'd run away to college, 2000 miles away, a little bit older than most in age and spirit, having grown up way too fast, spending what he thought were his best years caring for a sick brother. During his time at college, he'd digressed, which was supposedly the opposite of what was supposed to happen. He ran so far, so fast, that he'd become a little bit less of a man, more of a child. .
Until, one day, he'd literally run someone over and he finally had to slow down.
Castiel had grabbed a hold of him with a fixed and strange stare that brought him back to earth and made him see what life had to offer him. Castiel had shown him the beauty of what had been in front of him all along. His family, his friends and the enormous amounts of love he had to offer them. Castiel had made him unafraid.
Dean, despite being the overgrown man-child that he knew himself to be, had inadvertently done something similar for Castiel.
Castiel had been stuck, covering his eyes, hiding because he was convinced the world was out to get him, convinced he was too broken to be loved by anyone. Dean had shown him that it wasn't and that he could be loved. Dean had shown him that he could be loved because of who is, not despite who he is.
More than anything, in the short five months they'd known each other, they'd opened each other's eyes, and in the process of facing their demons and popping their bubbles, they'd given each other the world.