NOTE: This chapter was written by guest author Ben, the admin of a Facebook page called "Katawa Shoujo trivia and facts". I had a lot of trouble getting into Rin's head, so I asked him for help, and (in my opinion) he did a spectacular job. If you are a KS fan, you should go and like his page not only because he deserves it, but also because it's got tons of really interesting facts about the game that I'm sure most of you didn't know.
The sky is perfect. It's always different, but always perfect in its difference. I am a sky expert. An expert on the sky. I like to think that.
I sense that collar thingy around my neck. It's cold. I don't like it. There was a bag. The bad man gave it to me. It was heavy and big. I can't carry it. I have no arms. I don't regret that, I can do most of things. I can paint. I want to paint. But I can't here.
I walk in an empty street. I saw nobody since I left the group. I wonder how they are doing. Emi is probably running around. I smile a bit. She's always running, a real horse. I want to paint. Anything. But I can't.
Rin Tezuka is a weird person. I hear that a lot. I'm thoughtless and random, and I creep people out. I can't think about four things at the same time. I don't understand a lot of things. Words. I am bad with words. They keep escaping me. People avoid me. That doesn't disturb be too much, but I feel like an alien. Maybe I am an alien. From a butterfly planet. I love butterflies. They are pretty and colorful, and people look at them. But in the end they are so small and lost in their horde (is that the word?) that everyone forgets about them.
I didn't understand all of what the man called Raiden said, but it was about us dying. I don't know how death is. People who experience it don't talk about it. Or maybe ghosts do, but they never talked to me. One person will live. It won't be me. I can't fight, or run. I can paint. Painting isn't for killing people. I don't know why I paint exactly, but it's not for that. I paint because it's the only time when I feel like I'm feeling... something. An emotion. I feel alive.
The game. Is this even a game? I don't like games. Emi tried to play games with me, but I'm not competitive enough, she likes to say. She talks a lot. She talks like she runs, she doesn't stop. She's like a fly buzzing around. Sometimes annoying, but she's still interesting. We do things we can't, just because we can. She runs without legs. I paint without arms. We are alike. She always pampers me too much, but I'm happy I met her. She doesn't understand me, but she is here. That is important. Being here. Am I here? My mind is elsewhere. Underwater. I wouldn't like Emi to die. She knows death better than me.
I need to paint. I can't. That's frustrating. I'm going to die here, probably. I never thought about death. I don't like to think. And I don't like dead things, especially with eyes. Will I be as creepy as them if I die? Like a rubber duck? How does it feel to be dead? I'm thinking too much. No good. I need to think about nothing. Even if nothing is something. I enter a house. Empty.
Nothing in here. It's like this whole town was a painting. You see it, but if you get into it you realize it's empty. Or maybe you fill it up yourself. Am I like this empty house? Must I fill it with my mind? I feel dizzy. Butterflies in my head, always. I want to take a nap now. I can sleep anywhere, those two mean girls are always telling me to stop it. They were here too. I am sure the deaf one could win. She is a mean person. She hurts.
I sit under the stairs. The ground is cold and dusty. I kick my sandals and draw in the dust. Finally I can do something. And think about nothing.
... Is that death? That's how I see it. I shouldn't think about it. Thinking is bad. Every time I try to, everything becomes messy. People don't understand me, but I don't understand myself either. I'm bad with words. People always end up getting mad at me, even Emi. My thoughts are like butterfly vomit, they just go through my mouth in a complete mess, and I can't help it. I wish I understood why I am like this, but I don't. So people get mad, they get hurt, and I'm alone again.
Alone. I paint so that people can see me. But they don't.
I shiver. I don't want to die without meeting my real self. Why did this have to happen? What am I doing here?
Hisao... I didn't know him much, but he disappeared just like that. He was like me, his disability wouldn't let him survive here. Am I going to explode too? I'm thinking too much again. I must sleep. Everything will be better. Dreams are good. They are messy too, but in a comfortable way. I like them. I'm free in them, I can fly. I close my eyes.
Stars. They shine from far away, out of everyone's reach. They don't always appear either, but they are here, maybe shouting that they want to be seen and understood. The Sun hides them. I'm a little star, far from this world. Sometimes people look at me, but they quickly forget me as the Sun appears. My Sun is my brain, hiding my starry brightness by making my thoughts messy. Then people don't see me anymore.
But sometimes I find the right words. And I shine. But I'm just a star lost in the sky. Nobody notices, and nobody understands. My Sun is too bright.
I turn into a butterfly. There are some others. I see an Emi butterfly, but also Hisao, the blind girl and the Mystery Toilet Girl, the deaf duo, Takashi and others who were in that bus, I think. We fly together. We're alike. We understand each other. They fly towards me. They want to hug me. Butterflies can't hug. I can't either. But they try.
A big hand takes Hisao and crushes it. Our horde splits, leaving me alone. The big hand approaches me. I try to fly, but I don't have wings anymore. I fall on the ground. The hand app-
Loud noises. I wake up, startled. I slept. What are these noises? They come from far away but are as loud as a horde of Emis.
I... I don't want to die. I want to live and to paint, because that's what I do. But if the man was right, I'm over. I can't do anything. Why do I have no arms? I regret it for the first time. It's unfair. I feel a bitter taste in my mouth. I bite my lips. I didn't regret who I was. Now that I am useless, I do. I shouldn't. Bad. Calm down. Stop thinking. You are Rin. You must... do something. Paint. Maybe. Try to do a thing you can't do, because you can.
I walk to the door, but my legs won't support me. I fall on the ground. My back hurts. My body is made of slugs. I don't... No. I have to accept it. It is the end. I must die. I can't escape, I can't fight, I can't paint. I'm already dead. I stand up and manage to get outside. It's probably late in the afternoon. I see no one. I decide to go over the loud sound I just heard. I feel I have to do it. I am over. My life ends here, without getting to know myself. Without finding someone that would say "I understand how you feel". So I walk.
I see something in the distance. I approach. It's... It's Misha and Shizune. They are lying down on the ground, but they aren't asleep.
They are... dead.
They experienced this new perspective. Maybe they're happy now. Misha is full of holes and Shizune has two wounds. Blood everywhere. It's the first time I see something like this. Blood... Paint. Painting. It's why I live. Maybe I can live a bit more.
So I sit beside them. I kick my sandals. I put my toe into the lake of blood next to their bodies. And I paint on the ground. I paint again. I paint Emi. I feel alive. I feel...
What is this? I feel something running down my cheeks. Am I... crying? I never cry, why is this happening? My thoughts are even more messy. Blood... I don't want to die. No. I stand up. I smell the scent of death. I throw up. Why... My vision is blurry. I don't want to be like them. No no no. I laugh. I never laugh. Why am I laughing? Because... I am already dead. I died long ago, I died a little every day. Each person who rejected me was a part of me dying. Now it is over.
The sun is setting. There is a cliff not far... I must fly. Fly away. Like the butterfly I am. I want to do this. Feel alive, one last time. So I walk again. My collar thingy starts to beep. Beep beep beep. Quiet, you're worse than Emi. Beep beep beep. Emi, don't die. Beep beep beep.
I start to run towards the edge. I never run. . Emi tried to make me but I never did. I trip but keep going. Beep beep beep. I want to fly away. To be alive for a bit. To be... myself... To...
I'm almost here. I start deploying my short arms. I can fly.
BLAM
What was... My belly hurts. I stop and look at it. It's red. The same red I used to paint my final work. It hurts. I am melting. I look behind me. A man with a big weapon is pointing it at me. Emi... I don't want to die. I want to be alive one last time. I run again.
BLAM
My chest... I fall to the ground, feeling my world disappearing. It was my world. Only mine.
Emi...
I... wanted someone to be with me. To feel something.
My eyes close. A new perspective...
STUDENT #11: RIN TEZUKA – DEAD
11 REMAIN