Hey thar. Not much to say really, business first as always, Erestor is SORT of angsty but getting better :) the sky is not purple currently it's grey, I own NOTHING. Timelines are all sorts of fucked up and screwed, and frankly, I don't care it's A/U I also just realized that Yes, Celebrian is missing…we love her, in her own place…but in here I want to go completely off-script and say that her marriage to Elrond was broken when she left, because while her leaving hurt him and their children they all want Elrond to be happy so he's always been free to seek other people ENJOY!
It took Erestor long moments to recover, blinking rapidly he tried desperately not to let his tears fall. He gulped thickly past the tears and the thick wad of emotion lodged in his throat. "I…w..wh…y..you?" he gulped.
"Do you need Ada?" Estel asked as he pressed a rumpled handkerchief to a small seeping wound to the base of his tutor's wrist.
Feeling Estel's warm hands on his cold flesh snapped him back to reality and he gently pushed the young boy off him and fixed his sleeves. Picking the little boy up he settled him in his lap and turned his body to lean against the cabinet behind him. "I do not need your Ada penneth" he said quietly.
"Oh…ok.." Estel replied, as if he was not quite convinced. He shifted in Erestor's lap and looked up at him expectantly.
"But….why?" he asked, in his quiet little voice, eyes begging to be told the truth.
"Well…" Erestor frowned as he tried to carefully sort through his thoughts, to find an accurate way to explain.
"Were you sad?" Estel asked quietly.
"In a very extreme sort of way, yes" Erestor explained.
Taking a deep breath, and letting it out very slowly, he nodded once and drew himself up, rolling his shoulders, he looked Estel in the eyes and took on his gentle but serious teaching-tone. "Sometimes, when a person is very sad, or very angry at himself, he must do something to make it visible, because it becomes too large and roiling to keep within his heart" he began
"Like drawing a picture?" Estel asked.
"Yes, but there are times when drawing a picture is not enough, when the sadness or the anger is nigh on overwhelming. When this sadness brings pain and confusion, then comes fear which brings with it more pain, and yet more confusion and sadness. It turns around and around in a person's mind, creating a sense of inescapability. The sadness is not created by others, but by the elf himself, and so it continues" Erestor broke off, to give the little boy a chance to take in his words.
Estel was quite literally chewing on the problem, his bottom lip in his teeth he worked it over "So…" he said at last, lifting wide grey eyes.
"The inside of your mind hurts your heart, and then your heart gets so hurt that you don't wanna get hurt anymore inside your heart so you hurt your arm?" Estel asked, always surprising Erestor with his sharp mind, his ability to grasp complicated concepts and make them simplistic due in no small part no doubt, to his heritage.
"That is a good way of understanding it" the elven councilor said, slowly.
"Oh…well…how do you make your heart stop hurting?" Estel asked quietly.
A deep voice intruded then, on their conversation, coming from a source neither had expected "That would depend on what kind of hurt, a person's heart is doing" Elrond's beautiful voice laced over the room.
Sheer terror filled Erestor from top to bottom. His eyes felt like they were burning, his hands were made of ice, he couldn't feel his ears, his heart felt too big, his vision swam and Estel seemed like he was a million miles away.
"Oh, I just heard some people at the party talkin' about heart pains, and stuff and I was asking 'Restor what that means." Estel said, after just a heartbeat.
"I see" Elrond said and bent over to scoop his son from the advisor's lap.
Erestor was still in shock, he could feel Elrond's eyes on him, but he only managed to force a smile to his lips with a nod of his head. Though he still couldn't feel his body.
He was remotely aware of Elrond looking at him strangely but Estel garnered his father's attention by saying loudly "I don't never wanna be in love Ada, it sounds like a bunch of silly"
Erestor cleared his throat and in a sort of almost automated tone he said "You do not EVER WANT TO be in love." He corrected his student.
Elrond laughed loudly as Estel pulled a face "yeah yeah" he said and he hugged his father as the half-elf lord spun to properly face his advisor, with Estel on his hip.
"I was worried for a moment there" Elrond said with his warm smile, his sparkling eyes twinkled as he reached out a free hand to pull him to his feet.
The councilor gulped thickly and took his hand, getting to his feet "well it has been a rather long night" he said softly.
"Indeed…I was actually coming here to see if you were still slaving away" the lord replied neatly.
"Well…." Erestor had no reply he just shrugged one shoulder. Elrond still had his hand and it was damn near impossible to think.
"You really should not corral yourself in here all the time Erestor, it really is not healthy. You organized everything that I have seen this night-it is beautiful, even for the small feast that it is. It is beautiful-and yet you insist on not attending, not seeing the fruits of your labours." Elrond said, it was a lecture that Erestor had heard at least six times since his inception in Imladris.
"But the more I get done the more I will be able to enjoy later" Erestor threw out, passively as he moved away, taking back his hand to retake his seat at his desk.
"You say that each time mellon nin" Elrond said, pausing to look at the beautiful, darkling as he sat, quill in hand. The delicate grip he had on the instrument was enough to distract the elf lord, but of course Erestor would only be furious to know.
"Well perhaps one day it will be true" Erestor said, sweeping his head to the side he peered at Elrond through his dark hair.
"Perhaps" Elrond said softly, and for half a second he thought that he saw something in Erestor's eyes, but then the cold, calm look came back over his snow-white face and Elrond sighed.
"It is time for little boys to be in bed I think" he said after the smallest second of melancholy.
Estel groaned "But the party!" he whined
"There will be others, at more reasonable hours. Now say goodnight to Master Erestor" Elrond chastised lightly.
"Aaaw, night night 'Restor" Estel said holding out his arms, Erestor rose fluidly, damn near causing a groan to rise from Elrond's throat. The councilor hugged the little boy and they shared half a moment as their eyes locked neatly together.
Estel felt a thrill of joy run along his spine, he was sharing a very large secret with Erestor, only he knew. He also knew without knowing how he knew, that this was a secret that he could never share with anyone else. "I will see you tomorrow, penneth, as your lessons do not stop for company" the elder said with the tiniest brush of fingertips along Estel's cheek.
"Bleh" Estel said and Elrond couldn't help but laugh as he bowed his head to his friend and slipped out of the room.
"What were you talking with Erestor about?" He asked his son, sternly, feeling as if there was much more to the situation then either was saying.
"I told you Ada, about love and stuff…broken hearts that's all…why don't you believe me?" Estel asked quietly, big eyes wider than ever.
Which only served to make Elrond more suspicious, though he said nothing. "I do penneth nin. I love you, and I believe you" he repeated quietly, soothing his head full of dark curls.
He carried his youngest to his bedroom and set his feet on the floor, "But if there was something that you were…" he was broken off by Estel looking at him, very sharply.
"Ok Ada" he said and then set his jaw.
"I will. I would. If I had something." He said with his lips pressed together as he tugged off his clothes.
Elrond sighed and let the subject drop as he helped him into his night shirt, he knew as a father that half of Estel's attitude was from being forced away from the celebrations.
"I love you penneth" he said quietly as he helped the youngling into his bed. He tucked him in and sat gracefully on the side of his bed.
"I love you too Ada" he said quietly, feeling sort of sleepy in spite of his protests.
"I will come to get you for breakfast my beautiful son." Elrond said taking his hand and holding it briefly.
"Ok, Ada. Night night" he said, and rolled over, closing his eyes, his young mind began to mull over the problems…Erestor had never taught him how to help someone heal the heart pain, but hurting himself seemed to make Erestor better…but he was only better if he was hurt…and he hurt himself, because he wanted to be better.. But pain always felt bad to Estel….he fell asleep faster than he could have ever thought possible, desperate to understand, at a place in his life he couldn't.
Elrond stayed with him and sighed once more, stroking Estel's back and arms idly, mind caught up on the image in his mind of Erestor's graceful form. His long, silky hair, his snow-white skin, the advisor was so strong, so intelligent, so capable and yet he always seemed so far away, so disconnected, and no matter what Elrond did, the advisor never seemed to accept much of anything, always pushing himself further away.
He frowned as something wet and sticky came into contact with his fingertips. Glancing down he looked at his hand and a tiny drop of half coagulated blood stuck there. As gently as he could, he pulled Estel's arm further towards him and saw a smear of blood very small. His years of experience told him it was transfer, from someone else's wound.
He stroked two fingers down on either side of the 'wound', and discovered something that Estel had hidden from him while changing, his rumpled white handkerchief. Stained with blood. In five or six neatly blotted lines. He frowned heavily and bit his bottom lip. What in the name of Mordor…was this?