I guess I was write...get it, write? Haha. Ok. Tolkien owns it, I'm borrowing them for a lark. Enjoy.
Erestor took in a sharp breath and held it, his brown eyes going wide. Elrond's grey eyes, wide awake now snapped on him and his mouth pressed together, anger sparking deep within his soul. "why?" Elrond demanded, frozen in the doorway.
Erestor gulped and shook his head, completely unable to speak, horrified he looked imploringly at Glorfindel who crossed his arms powerfully over his bare chest and stared right back at his friend.
"Why?" Elrond shouted, hands fisting at his sides.
Erestor opened his mouth and then closed it again, pressing his lips together. Elrond took his own breath and lowered his face to the ground.
"Elrond" Erestor spoke, and when Elrond raised his head again, crystalline tears fell from his eyes-as rain began to fall outside.
"I love you. With every fibre of my being...and..." he broke off and covered his face with his hands.
Glorfindel's mouth fell open and he blinked rapidly. "Oh..wha.." he broke off and shook his head.
"I love you Erestor. Why can't you let me in? I could have helped you?" he whispered and gulped past his tears, the rain intensified out the window.
"You've broken my heart Erestor." he whispered and crossed his arms over his chest and then looked him in the eyes.
Erestor gulped. "I.."
"don't say you're sorry. I'm sick of hearing it" Elrond whispered, unable to tear his broken-hearted gaze away.
"What..."
"Can you do? I don't know. I've never asked you to stop this torture..I've never forced you to do anything...but...you're hurt so badly...and it hurts...so m uch" his voice was breaking and he couldn't keep it strong anymore. "that you couldn't come to me. To tell me..." he whispered.
Erestor crept closer as Glorfindel laid a hand on his lord's shoulder. "I thought..."
"I know you did" Elrond said and he cleared his throat. "But it isn't true, I would never think those things about you. Only you think those things about you" he said, his voice gaining strength as the rain continued to pound outside.
"I won't ask what I can do." Erestor said.
"Good." Elrond looked up at him and spread his hands out questioningly, suddenly at a loss for words, a compassionate look came over his face as he pulled them back to place against his chest, letting his grey eyes slide shut he took a deep breath and let it out through his nose.
With all the speed of the warrior he used to be the tall elf Lord snatched one of Glorfindel's ever ready knives from the table and slashed himself deeply on his left forearm, blood immediately sprung forth and fllowed down his darker skin and he reared his chin with all the pride and elegance of the creature he was.
"Elrond" Glorfindel and Erestor said together, both in different kinds of shock.
He said nothing in response and laid the knife down carefully. "Now I know." he said after a very long moment.
Silence reigned in the room and no one knew what to say or do. Erestor licked his lips, his eyes were wide and sharp and gleaming. He crept forward and grabbed Elrond's wrist, leaning forward he licked along the edge of the bleeding wound.
Glorfindel wrinkled his nose in complete disgust and confusion ."What..." he began but Elrond shook his head, prompting him to silence.
"You're not exactly Erestor anymore, are you?" he spoke with calm authority and careful judgement..
Erestor gasped and looked up at him, his eyes wide his mouth open, blood gleaming on his lips. "No...and Yes" he whispered in return.
"You are the darkness within him that tells him he is worthless. That he is otherwordly, unreal, cowardly, disgusting. You compell him to these dark and unspeakable acts so that he feels as if he has paid for the darkness within him. Even now you drink my blood because you know that Erestor wants me to be within him. Since he wants my soul entwined with his you have no choice but to voice that desire as well. But of course to allow Erestor to love, to make love, to be in love you twist it, you make it tainted. So that he will realize how unworthy he truly is-according to you" Elrond's voice was laced with something dark and sure, his voice grew in thick tone and intensity as he spoke. His skin paled a l ittle as his blood continued to flow, though thankfully at a slower rate.
Erestor stood there, his mouth hanging open, Elrond's blood flowing between his fingers.
"What?" Glorfindel asked.
"Hush" Elrond prompted sharply then turned his eyes back to Erestor. "Well?" he asked, clicking his fingers sharply, causing blood to spray across Erestor's untouched pale face.
"How...did you come to this? How can you so neatly and concisely tell me what I am?" he asked in that queer, angry, chiding voice that Elrond has borne witness to twice before. That animal that stared at him through his hair and scuttled about.
"I am not only lover, but friend, healer, Lord and Loremaster. I have seen darkness of the darkest kind, I can recognize it's taint. You are not Erestor, but not-not Erestor. You are the broken part of him that cannot allow him to exist because of how horrible he believes he is. He cannot be a broken elf all the time, no no, he has duties you push him to exhaustion to complete. So he rent his mind in two. The darkness took it's own actions and voice, and the capable counselor we see each day is the other half. But there's a third voice. A voice laid dorment until now. That is Erestor as lover. I have seen it. I have tasted it. I have touched it and felt it. I have seen and felt his flesh go from cold to warm beneath me. His hair goes from barrier to handhold, his robes go from safe hiding place to teasing conclave. I have felt it and you cannot control it." Elrond broke off taking in another deep breath, cupping Erestor's cheeks one in each hand as he knelt on the floor breathing hard.
"You have no control over this. And that frightens you. So you make up these lies. Telling him he is a whore, unworthy, whatever else you've carved into his flesh. But that voice, friend and lover grows ever stronger in opposition to you. Erestor wages a war each and every day, and you. Will. Not. Win" Elrond breathe in his face, getting closer to him with each word.
"No. I...I have to..UNWORTHY" Erestor cried out and threw himself backwards.
Glorfindel, who had up until then stood there with his mouth open reared his chin. "Erestor is a good elf, he can return to us as he should be. I have seen smiles play about his lips and laughter tease his throat. You release him immediately or I will plague your life with difficulties" He said laying a hand on his shoulder.
Erestor looked up at them, a flutter flickered in his eyes and then he stood up, shaking from top to toe, looking completely confused. "Elrond...I'm..."
Elrond placed two warm fingers against his dry lips. "Don't say it Erestor. I have come to find what is wrong, and I will work to the end of my days to fix it. I understand now...I understand everything" he said, wiping the blood away as he spoke.
Erestor took a deep breath and gulped thickly "My mind...you how?" showing the scholar in him he reached out and touched a strand of Elron'd dark hair. "How can you define it so?"
Elrond kissed his forehead soundly and pulled him to his feet, ignoring the trickles of his own blood. "I only realized it just now" he said with a warm smile against his flesh.
Glorfindel released a sigh of relief as the tension was easing in the room. "So what do we do?"
Elrond shrugged "I'm not sure" he said and sighed slightly.
Erestor shook his head "Perhaps there is no solution to be sought this eve. Perhaps...having defined the problem we can return to our slumbers and begin again tomorrow" he suggested, spreading his hands out imploringly.
"I agree with that notion-but let me tie off your wound first" Glorfindel said, rummaging nearby for the supplies he kept for similar reasons.
Elrond managed a tired laugh and held out his arm while Glorfindel tidied the wound and tied it up. When it was finished he stood up and clapped Glorfindel on the shoulder. "You're a wise and capable elf and I thank you for your assistance and silence in regards to this matter."
The blonde smiled back "Of course My Lord. You are both my friends, and I would not break confidence on either matter unless given permission to do so" he said with friendly deference and a small bow.
Erestor patted his friend's arm as he walked by, clutching the larger robes about his form as Elrond nodded once following him out.
"Elrond?" Erestor asked as they walked.
The other looked at him "Do you want to be alone?" he asked in a quiet voice.
"Not really, my lover...I've been too long alone as it is" he said, leaning over to dust a kiss on the top of his dark haired head as they headed back to the cooridor that held Elrond's rooms.