Erik fell to his knees beside the lake, completely wracked with guilt. Tears of shame and guilt burned his eyes. He nearly killed her. He nearly killed Katja and the baby without even realizing it. What kind of monster nearly killed his pregnant wife? He never should have stayed in Germany. He knew that staying would only to lead to her pain, but he did it anyway. Trying and failing to cope with the rush of emotions, Erik raked his fingernails across his wrists, purposely drawing lines of blood. He continued to claw at his arm, the crimson not being punishment enough for hurting Katja.
A pair of arms wrapped around him. "Erik?" Katja whispered. Her voice was hoarse and instantly Erik was afraid he had damaged it permanently. When he dared to look up, he saw the marks on her neck from his hands and tears in her eyes. She fell to her knees beside him, and when she whispered his name again, her voice was small. "Erik?"
"I'm sorry!" he all but sobbed. "I didn't mean to! He hurt you! I was trying to stop him. But then I woke up and I was the one hurting you."
"It was an accident," she replied, hugging him in attempt to comfort him. "Simply an accident. You didn't mean to hurt me and I know you didn't."
"I could have killed you!" Erik roared. He lowered his head as tears of shame began to leak out of his eyes. "I could have killed you and the baby! You'd be dead and I wouldn't have even known what I had done until it was too late!"
"But you didn't. You were able to stop yourself in time. The baby and I are going to be just fine."
"Listen to you!" he cried. "I've hurt your beautiful voice!"
Katja shook her head. "I'll be okay I promise. Don't worry about me. I'm worried about you. There's something besides the baby that's bothering you."
"It doesn't matter." Erik didn't want her to know that Nadir had him worried over nothing. "What matters is that I hurt you! I can't keep you safe like I promised your family if I'm the one hurting you!"
She cradled his head against her breast, stroking his hair. "Listen. What do you hear?" Erik closed his eyes and did as he was told, but all he could hear was the heartbeat he had nearly silenced forever. "I'm still here. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
He stood as an idea struck him. "Yes you are."
"What do you mean?" she asked in bewilderment.
"Go inside and get dressed," Erik ordered. "I'm going to take you to your parents. You'll be safe from me there. I won't be able to hurt you."
"No!" she shouted. "Erik, I want to stay with you! If I wanted to leave because of what you did, I would have gone straight there! I wouldn't have come to you!" Katja stood as well, clearly about to argue more with him when she spotted the blood on his wrists. "Oh my God!" she gasped. "Did you do this to yourself?" He couldn't meet her eyes. "Oh Erik, why?"
"I hurt you," he offered as his only explanation. Katja shook her head sadly, tears sliding down her face before pulling him towards the house. His wife led him into the kitchen and ordered him to sit in a chair. She ran for some bandages, and when she returned, she sat before him and silently began to dress his wounds.
"Erik, I want you to tell me what's going on," she finally said as she finished binding his wrists, her voice unbelievably controlled and emotionless.
"There's nothing wrong," he lied.
There was a moment of tense silence between them, before it was broken by Katja suddenly standing and a sharp smack. Erik's hand flew up to his stinging cheek. "Quit lying to me!" she screamed. "You keep saying there's nothing wrong but obviously there is!"
"Katja…"
"Don't," she snapped. "Whatever you're hiding, tell me. Erik, whatever it is, I can handle it. I promise."
He pulled off his mask and rubbed his face, trying to decide whether or not to tell her what Nadir had told him. Finally Erik sighed. "Nadir didn't exactly come to offer his wedding congratulations, it just happened to be part of the timing. While in Paris, he visited my old home, which had been broken into and ransacked. At the time, I dismissed it as an animal, but now I'm not so sure. And as you pointed out, I have, very unwisely, advertised my history at the Populaire. If someone in Paris were to somehow learn of our arrival in Germany, it wouldn't be hard to find us."
His wife stared at him in shock for a while as his confession sank in. "Do you think we could be in danger?" she asked quietly.
"Maybe," he replied honestly. "I don't know. And it's the not knowing… "
"Is that why…?" Katja didn't finish the question.
Erik nodded. "In my dream I was on my way home from work. You screamed, like the day Fredrick frightened you. But this time it was real. By the time I got inside, it was too late. It was my fault. I had taken too long coming home. But since I couldn't save you, I wanted to make him pay."
Katja slowly sank back down her chair. "Who would be after you Erik?"
He thought for a long while then shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, I certainly had enemies, but the Phantom died in the destruction of the Populaire. Everyone but Nadir forgot that I had ever existed."
"So what are we going to do?" Katja asked.
"I told you, I'm going to take you to your parents," Erik answered.
"What? No!"
"You'll be out of harm's way there until I can figure out what's going on. No one will hurt you while you're there, me included."
She shook her head. "I'm not going. Not without you."
"It's for the best," he replied, trying to soothe her. She might have had consoled him directly after the accident, but now Erik was back in his usual position of having to comfort her.
"I made a promise," Katja countered, clearly trying not to cry. "To stand by you, for better or for worse until death do us part. Does that mean nothing to you?"
"That's why I want to keep you safe," Erik explained.
Katja shook her head. "I'm not leaving you. If you make me leave…" She tugged her wedding ring off and placed it on the table between them with tears streaming down her face. "If you make me leave, then our baby will grow up without a father," she whispered. "Because I won't be coming back."
Erik felt the world come crashing down around him. Katja had given him a horrible ultimatum. He wanted to keep her out of danger, but he didn't want to lose her either. He weighed his options carefully. It was possible that there was nothing he needed to be worried about, and it wouldn't be worth losing her over nothing. But if something were to happen to her, Erik would never be able to forgive himself.
Finally he took her hand and slipped the ring back on her finger. "You win. I care about your safety, but I also promised your father that I'd do whatever I could to keep you happy, so I'm not going to make you go if you don't want to. Please Katja, don't make me regret this."
He was quick to embrace Katja as she burst into a fresh wave of tears, this time of relief. There were no more words as he held her, trying to soothe her. He pressed his lips to the top of her head, kissing her gently. As Katja began to regain control of herself, Erik realized how little sleep they had gotten tonight. It was probably part of the reason she was so emotional. It was still in the early hours of the morning; dawn wouldn't be for a few more hours. "You need to go back to bed."
"You do too," she replied. "Come on."
"I'll sleep out here. I'm not going to risk hurting you again." When she started to argue, Erik silenced her by holding up his hand. "I won't risk it. Not until I know for sure that I will never hurt you again."
Erik expected more of a fight from her, but she must have been just as exhausted as he was. "Fine," she sighed. "But I'm going to make some tea first. Do you want some?"
He shrugged. "Sure. But I can make it."
She shook her head. "I'll do it. It'll help calm my nerves." Erik nodded and retreated into the music room. He soon heard Katja bustling around in the kitchen and not long after that, the whistle of the teapot.
A few minutes later she walked into the room, a teacup in each hand. He stood and reached for one, but she handed him the other. Erik didn't question it, Katja preferred her tea with milk and sugar, but he took it with lemon. He took a long drink then studied the tea remaining in his cup. Something didn't taste quite right.
Suddenly the cup slipped from his hands as the room began to spin. "Erik?" She draped his arm over her shoulders and led him towards the bedroom.
As they passed the kitchen, Erik saw a bottle sitting next to the stove. A bottle of laudanum. "You…you…?" he sputtered, but his mind was cloudy. He was relying more and more on Katja to stay on his feet.
"I'm sorry," she whispered as she opened the bedroom door. She led him to the bed where he collapsed. Katja sat beside him and kissed him softly. "I need you to see that I'm not afraid of you. You aren't going to hurt me. I trust you."
Just as his eyes drifted shut, he could feel Katja nestling in his arms. "Sometimes I think I'd hate you if I didn't love you so much," Erik murmured.
"Welcome to my world," Katja replied before everything went black.