A/N: I have been absent from the Twilight fandom for a while now, but I stumbled upon some of old stories. This one was almost completed so I decided to finish it and post it, and hopefully you all enjoy it. I have a few others that I might finish if my muse allows it. The inspiration for this story came from Augustana's song "Boston" so if you wish to listen to it while reading all the better. Like always please review and enjoy!
The news came to us at night. I didn't care; it wasn't any of my business, but Leah cared and so I went. She was outside of the house when I arrived. I knew she hadn't gone in yet. She watched what was happening inside through the window; she could see the shadows behind the soft, yellow curtains. The same curtains she had picked out.
"Hey," I whispered as I neared her causing her to flinch. She was thinking about him and her and what they used to be; you just didn't catch Leah unaware, not after Sam.
"I didn't hear you arrive," She mumbled.
"You going in?" I jerked my chin towards the door. She nods before turning back to look at the window. "You want to go in now?" She shakes her head.
"I just need some time," she replied. I nodded and turned away from Leah, giving her the privacy she needed. It didn't take long for her to begin her path towards the door. I followed her noticing the way she stood tall, held her head high. Before knocking on the door I glanced at her, she had placed her usual hard stare. After Sam she was never willing to let anyone see anything other than her strength. Even with the hardness and the distance, Leah was beautiful. I remembered old bonfires watching sixteen-year-old Leah dancing and laughing; I remembered how I had believed that she was so out of reach. She would never look at me, I was only fourteen. But here we were now, years later, and still Leah was out of reach. She caught me looking at her and her jaw clenched. She lifted her fist and banged it against the peeling door, so methodically; she wanted this over with. Jared opened the door and only stared at us.
"Hey guys," his smile was hesitant, his voice held a hint of surprise.
"Hey Jared, how is it going?" I asked as I begin to make my way in the door. Leah acknowledges him with a stiff nod. My hand sought hers as we entered and were met with Sam's entire pack. The conversations ended at the sight of us, all eyes fixed on Leah. The silence could choke you, Leah's hand squeezed mine; we both knew what they were thinking.
"Colin, inform Sam that she's here," Jared said. Colin had been the one standing closest to the hallway leading to the bedroom. It all sounded so planned.
"Sam told us Emily needed some rest; no one's been in to see her yet. He wanted to wait until Leah got here," Jared said. Leah snorted at the last part making Jared glance at her, annoyance flashing in his eyes. I saw Paul smirk from the couch, everyone else shifted uncomfortably in their seats. The rest of Sam's pack was too young, or joined too late, to know the complete story of Leah and Sam.
"That's very thoughtful of him," Leah scoffed.
"I don't get why you came," Paul stood from his seat and made his way towards us. Leah glared at him causing his smirk to widen. "I mean, you claim to hate us all, so why come to this? Are you really that much of a masochist?"
"I'm impressed, Paul, I never knew you knew more than monosyllabic words. Rachel must be teaching you something; I guess she doesn't want an idiot for a husband," Leah replied innocently. The smirk on Paul's face was completely wiped off and replaced with a murderous expression.
"Bitch," Paul growled and Leah could only smile at the word.
"I know," Leah simply stated, satisfied smirk still in place, but I knew it was about to turn ugly when Paul's eyes sparked with a sort of sick glee.
"No, you can't be a bitch, you're barren. You're useless to the pack," Paul cackled and Leah's body completely tensed.
"Enough!" The voice carried itself throughout the room, the authority behind it unmistakable. Colin had returned with Sam, who had witnessed the entire thing as could be seen in the way he looked angrily at Paul. "This is my home and I invited them here, you will treat Leah with respect." The last bit caused Leah to turn her attention to Sam; I knew she was desperately trying not to let the anger overtake her. I placed my hand on her lower back and guided her to where Sam stood.
"Hey, Sam, how's Emily?" I asked.
"She's fine now," Sam said; he looked exhausted. His gaze went back to Leah. "Emily and I really appreciate you could come."
Leah looked at Sam dead in the eyes. Her dark eyes not letting his go before she responded, "I'm not here for either of you." I knew that must have hurt him, some deep part of him that still cared for Leah, but if it did he didn't let it show. He simply nodded his head and turned to lead us to the bedroom.
"We'll have to be really quiet, she's sleeping," Sam said before he opened the door. The room's light was dim, only the bedside table lamps were on. Emily lay in the bed; Old Quil and Sue were towards the side of the room cleaning up. Both stopped what they were doing when we entered, Sue watching her daughter carefully as we made our way to the bed. In Emily's arms laid a bundle that we could see Emily was cooing at.
"Emily, Leah's here," Sam softly said. Emily's smiling face turned up towards us, the glow of a mother surrounding her. Leah looked at her cousin with a stony face.
"Leah, you came," Emily's smile grew even more.
"I'm not here for you," Leah said causing Emily's smile to falter.
"Oh, well..." Emily stuttered. She smoothed down the blanket that covered the bundle in her arms. "Do you want to meet her?" Leah continued to stare at her cousin. The tension was thick in the room as we waited for her answer, but she said nothing. She only stepped closer to the bed. Emily pulled the bundle a little bit away from her as she pulled down the blanket from the top. The round face of a new born child looked back at us. The silence was worse in here than it had been when we arrived at the house. Leah wouldn't attack the baby, but I didn't know if she would burst. She only stared at the mother and child in bed, and I knew that she was seeing herself in Emily's place. This was meant to be her life; she was meant to have that child in her arms.
"What's her name?" I asked hoping to relieve some of the anxiety in the room. The question made Emily's smile brighten, but Sam looked a little uneasy. I knew this was not going to be good.
"What do you expect, Jacob? They named the child Leah," Leah's voice was even and calm. That scared me more than if she had burst out of her skin. I could deal with an angry Leah, but the blank expression and the level voice did not reveal anything.
"Leah, honey," Sue stepped forward, but Leah stepped away. This was killing her; I knew it had to be and it sparked anger in me.
"We love you, Leah," Emily said, holding her child close to her chest. The hint of fear of what Leah was capable of was laced through her words. "We wanted to show it to you in some way."
"Right," Leah nodded. She continued to keep her stiff stance, but her fists clenched.
"I tried to tell her no, Leah. I told her this was not a good idea," Sue frantically said. I could see the fear in Sue's eyes that Leah would do something desperate, that she would lose her only daughter. But Leah either didn't hear her or simply ignored her mother. The smile that had graced Emily's face had completely disappeared.
"Leah..." Sam whispered and Leah's gaze turned away from his child towards him. And from where I stood, I could see the buried love Sam held for Leah in his eyes. It was then when I realized why he had agreed to the name, and I wasn't the only one. Leah's composure collapsed at that moment. Her face crumbled; the pain that had been hidden for so long bled through the stony façade. The hand she raised to push her hair behind her ear trembled, but not the phasing type of tremble. Her arms went around her torso, a move I recognized from another broken girl, and she ran.
"Leah!" Sue called out, the fear more evident now. And I felt my own anger toward Sam and Emily escalate.
"What is wrong with you," I snarled switching my gaze between the couple. Emily began to cry at Leah's exit and Sam rushed to her side.
"Jacob don't do this right now," Sam ordered.
"This is the perfect time," I countered. "You're both sick. Haven't you had enough torturing her? Can you really be that stupid to name your daughter after the girl you two destroyed?"
"I-I-I j-j-just wanted t-t-to make it up to h-h-her," Emily stuttered through her tears.
"I told you Emily, I told you this was too much," Sue practically sobbed. Old Quil walked up to Sue, placing an arm around her shoulders as he led her to a chair in the corner of the room. Sue's angry expression was fixed on the couple on the bed. "Why couldn't you just be happy with how things were? You can't fix this, you never could." Emily continued to cry silently, holding her child tightly to her chest.
"Jacob, go to her," Old Quil said as he tried to calm Sue down. "Go to Leah." I glanced at Sam quickly before turning my back on the two crying women and running out of the house. The living room had been filled with hushed whispers that I knew were about Leah from the way everyone became silent at my entrance. Not paying attention to anyone I walked out of the house. Once in the street, I turned towards the edge of the forest, pulling off my clothes as I entered the darkness.
My mind was empty when I phased, this meant Leah must have phased back into her human form. I lifted my snout into the air in hopes of catching her scent; there was no other way of finding her. Sue would kill me if I didn't bring Leah back. The familiar scent of pine, moist dirt, and her vanilla shampoo filled my senses when a breeze blew. I ran in the direction the scent had come from, hoping that Leah had not done something reckless. It wasn't long before I found her, and what I saw was worse than I imagined. I expected rage, broken trees, blood, dead rabbits, a freakin' battleground. But in place of the horrific image, there lay Leah in midst of fallen leaves just staring into the sky, or what little of it that could be seen through the tree branches. And from her mouth I heard the most anguished sobs break free. This was Leah broken; this was Leah with the last of her sanity ripped away from her. I made sure to be quiet when I phased; I didn't know how to approach her. Putting on my pants and shirt, I made my way out from behind the trees. Leah's sobs quieted.
"Leah," I cautiously whispered. She didn't reply, but her body stilled. I walked up to where she lay on the floor. The trail of tears on her cheeks glistened with the moonlight. And even with how pathetic and tragic she looked naked on the dirt floor of the forest with her eyes red and puffy from crying, I couldn't help but think of how beautiful she looked.
"How do I survive this Jacob?" She finally said her voice soft. She avoided looking at me, keeping her gaze straight on the sky. From the sound of her voice I knew she wanted to give up, to finally submit to all that had been fighting against her. There was only so much she could take.
"Like all the other shit you've survived," I replied. My voice so much louder than hers had been. Finally she moved, shaking her head no as she turned to me.
"I can't survive this, Jake," Leah did nothing to hide her vulnerability.
"You will survive this, Leah. You will survive because you're strong. Because you won't go down without a fight, that's just who you are," I said.
"You don't understand Jacob; you don't know what it is like for me to see them like that," She said her eyes filling with tears as she spoke. She sat up hugging her knees against her torso, trying so hard to keep herself from falling apart into a million pieces. "And no one cares; I'm just the stupid ex-girlfriend who can't get over the past. The pathetic little girl who is angry that life didn't go her way."
"You know what they say to me? 'Leah, why can't you be happy for Emily, she's your family?' 'Leah, it's been years.' 'Leah, they're meant to be together. How can you not see that?' I can't live with that anymore. I can't do this anymore; I don't want to be that girl for the rest of my life."
"I think I'll go away, maybe that's what I need. A new place, somewhere the sun shines and there's no rain. Somewhere people don't recognize my face. Somewhere the whispers and stares don't follow me. I just need to feel free and normal for once," Leah said softly. "How did you like Canada, Jake? Was it nice to be away from La Push?" I could see the complete defeat on her face, never before had I seen such a look on her. Contempt, sure. Anger, most definitely. But defeat was not a word you used when it came to Leah, maybe she's forgotten that.
"That's not you Leah. You're too stubborn to let them break you so easily."
"That's it Jake, I have resisted it for so long. There's only so much I can take. Through this whole ordeal I have lost myself and I can't afford to lose my sanity too."
"I have known you for years and you have never been a coward," I couldn't let her give up so easily. She was better than I was, she could make it unlike me.
"Jake if there is one thing that my whole screwed up life has taught me is to know when you're fighting a losing battle. And I can see now that I never had a chance. I surrender and maybe fate will take pity on me and let me finally rest at peace." She stood up and she finally became aware of her nudity. Her arms went across her body to hide her most intimate parts. I pulled off my shirt and handed it to her. She showed as much gratitude as she was able to let herself before slipping it on. It reached her mid-thigh and while I had always known Leah was one of the prettiest girls on the rez, seeing her in my clothes pulled at my heartstrings. I felt fourteen again, realizing that Leah was still out of my league.
"If you leave, I'm going with you," I blurted. She gave me a hard stare. Her dark eyes were narrowed as if she were trying to figure out what sort of joke I was planning.
"You can't leave," She stated simply.
"I can't leave or you just don't want me to tag along," I asked bluntly. "I thought we were friends."
"Jake, don't kid yourself," Her statement felt like a knife at my back.
"Wow, that's a bit harsh, Leah, even for you," I swallowed the lump that became stuck in my throat.
"You don't even like me, you barely even tolerate me," Leah said before turning away from me. She couldn't be farther from the truth and this caused me to explode with anger.
"How can you say that?" I growled as I pulled her back by the elbow. It was obvious that I caught her by surprise from the look on her face. "I have been here for you, through everything. I have accepted you for what you are. While everyone else saw this bitter, angry shrew, I only saw you. A girl who had been hurt and broken beyond repair, but still held on despite it all. So while you pushed everyone away, I stayed and I fought because I knew that one day all that pushing would stop."
Leah could only shake her head. "No, you hate me. We fight all the time. I can't stand you and you can't stand me. We get on each other's nerves and are constantly at each other's throats."
I held on tighter to her arm, not ready to let her get away. I could see it in her eyes that she was desperate to escape. "When it comes to you there is no other way to get close to you, Leah. I have to push and shove right back because that's the only way that you let anyone in. And you can continue to fight me, but you have to know that whatever you do I'll be right there. I'll be waiting until you are ready to let me in."
The silence afterwards nearly killed me. I knew that in those couple of silent minutes Leah was lying to herself, she was denying every single word that I had said. She was not willing to put her heart on the line again.
"You have to let me go, Jake," When she looked me in the eyes I knew there was no way I could win, so I let go. Like Leah had said you know when you're fighting a losing battle. With one last look back she walked into the darkness of the trees.
The next day was hell, I didn't know if Leah had gone through with her plans. I spent the entire morning trying to distract myself in the garage by working on the Rabbit. To be honest the effort did not work. Every time the phone rang I thought maybe it was Seth or Sue calling to say that Leah had disappeared. Dad had rolled into the garage a dozen times just to check up on me. I hadn't told him about the conversation Leah and I had, but he could see the worry and anger I was not good at hiding. The last time he walked in I practically bit off his head for his comment.
"Hey Jake," I lifted my head too soon as I rolled out from under the car.
"Ow, shit, motherfu…" I rubbed my forehead for a bit before looking up at my dad, who had a smile on his face. "Hey dad, what's up? Did someone call for me?"
"Oh no, nothing to worry about," He said, the smile being replaced by a more thoughtful expression. "It's just that I wanted to talk to you for a bit."
"Oh, yeah sure. What about?" I picked up the red, greasy rag I had been using to clean my hands from the ground.
"Son, I know that you want to help Leah. I mean you have a knack for wanting to fix people, especially broken girls," Dad said slowly.
"Dad, Leah is not Bella," I said through gritted teeth. I really did not want to have this conversation. I threw down the rag and lay back down.
"Jake, I know, but don't you see that the situation is similar," Dad said. I sat up fast this time avoiding hitting my head.
"No it's not," I glared at him. My dad just sighed.
"But it is Jake, this girl was left behind by the boy that she loved and she has been unable to handle it. The only difference is that while Bella slipped into a zombie state, Leah lashed out at everyone and everything." He said. "I love Leah; I have always seen her as my own daughter, especially after Harry's death. It has hurt to see her change so drastically; she didn't deserve any of what she got in life."
"None of us did," I muttered. Dad nodded his head.
"Yes, you're right. Now, I understand that you feel you know what Leah needs because you're her Alpha and her friend, but don't you think that the only person who can actually know that is Leah herself?" Dad asked.
"So are you telling me to let her go?" I shook my head.
"Yeah, I am. She needs this," He replied.
"You can't say that. You don't know what she needs. You don't know Leah like I do," I spit out.
"Jake, calm down. It is obvious how close you two have gotten these last few months, but you have to know that keeping Leah trapped here will not help," He said as he began to turn around to leave the garage. "She needs to be given control over her life again. You need to let her fix herself because that is the only way she will be able accept who she is. Leah is strong enough to save herself."
He was almost out of the garage when I finally replied, "Dad, I love her."
He stopped and turned around to look at me. He smiled at me; the smile showed a mixture of emotions: happiness, pride, sympathy. "I know, son, I know. That's why you'll do the right thing for her."
The conversation with my dad left me with an even more bitter taste in my mouth. Nothing, not even the Rabbit, could keep Leah off my mind. It was finally when I busted my hand while trying to loosen a bolt that I gave up trying to distract myself. I grabbed the red rag to stop the bleeding and made up my mind to go to the Clearwater house to speak with Leah. However, when I turned she was opening the garage door. We stared at each other, the silence thick with the tension of the night before.
"I'm sorry for not knocking, but Billy said I could just come in," Her timidity surprised me. Her long hair was pulled up into a ponytail and she was wearing some of Seth's cut-offs with her dad's old flannel shirt. Her eyes and nose were red from crying. The sight of her left my heart beating crazily, in a way I was in shock at seeing her there.
"Jake, why aren't you saying anything?" She asked. Her anxiety was obvious in the way that she kept pulling at the loose thread on the hem of her shirt. And with that I couldn't hold myself back, I walked up to her and pulled her into my arms. Her body tensed at the first contact, but she quickly relaxed into my hold.
"I'm sorry, it's just I thought you would be long gone by now," I said into her neck. I felt her hands snake up my back and hold onto my shirt. She nodded her head against my shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Jake," Leah's lips moved against the skin of my neck. I pulled back, cupping her face with both hands. She gave me a watery smile.
"Leah," I whispered as I stopped a tear with my thumb. Her dark eyes shone with all the emotions she had been holding back these last couple of years. The barrier Leah had built around herself was gone. "It's ok. I understand now."
Her hands came up to meet mine for a second before she pulled my face to hers. All I could feel was her warm lips on mine and her fingers in my hair. We stayed that way until the need for breath forced us to separate. Leah smiled softly at me before she stepped back, giving me the opportunity to catch my breath and pull myself together. She continued to hold onto my hand, though, as she began to pull me towards the driver's side of the Rabbit.
"Did you really mean everything you said last night?" Leah asked softly while she sat down in the driver's seat and stared at our hands.
"Yeah, I did. I care about you. I'll even go as far to say that I love you," I replied. I watched her as she swallowed thickly and pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
"Jake, that's a pretty strong statement to make," She said as she looked up at me.
"It's what I feel, and I'm not going to belittle or lie about my feelings for you. You can't dictate my emotions, and I have every right to feel this way about you. You'll just have to learn to accept it, even if you don't like it," As I spoke, a smile began to take hold of Leah's face.
"What about my time away? How will that affect everything you have told me? I don't want to keep on pushing you. I want to be able to give whatever is left of my heart to you as easily and entirely as you have been able to give me yours. But in order for me to do that I need to spend some time away from this place. I need to put myself back together before anything can start between us, because it would not be fair to you to have only pieces of me," I knew that whatever I said next could make or break it for me. I had to be careful.
"Simple, I'll wait for you," I shrugged. This caused Leah's eyes to soften a bit, which meant that there was a large possibility that I might be able to get through to her. "And when you're ready, you'll come back and we'll figure out the rest of it then, together."