Chapter Eight

Too late to call? J

Jane had promised Maura she would call her but things with Tommy had taken longer than she anticipated. She wasn't sure if Maura was still awake. So she sent the text message for her instead. She then started to drive home.

I'm still awake. Are you ok? M

Jane looked down at the message and smiled. Just looking at a message from Maura made Jane feel better. She became suddenly aware of just how much she wanted, or maybe in her case needed, to hear Maura's voice. Instead of texting back her answer she dialed Maura's number.

"Hi," Maura greeted as she answered.

The sound of a simple one syllable word from Maura was exactly what Jane needed in that moment. "Hi," she tentatively replied back. She put her phone on speaker once she knew Maura was awake enough to talk with her.

"Is everything alright with your brother?" Maura asked not sure if Jane wanted to talk about it or not.

"He's all tucked in and out of trouble for tonight at least," she answered not trying to hide her frustrations. "I'm sorry I had to leave you the way that I did." She hated that Tommy's issues had interrupted some of her time with Maura.

"That's okay," Maura didn't miss the tone of Jane's words so she tried to reassure her. "He's your family and he was in trouble." One of the things she found she liked most about Jane as she had gotten to know her is just how much Jane would do for someone she cared about. Maura had been able to witness several interactions Jane had with family or friends that seemed to repeatedly demonstrate this.

A silence fell between the two that Maura let linger for a few moments. She wished she was sitting in front of Jane so she could see her instead of just talking over the phone. Maura still didn't feel as if she had a good grasp on people interactions and didn't want to miss any clue or social cues from Jane at a time like this. She was sure a conversation like this one would be easier in person than over the phone. "Are you ok?" Maura asked finally needing to check in with Jane.

"Yeah, I'm just..." she stopped not really sure how to proceed.

After a pause that didn't appear to be lifting anytime soon Maura spoke. "Just what?" When silence continued to greet Maura she pressed a little further. "Jane, I hope you know that you can talk to me about anything. I may not always have an answer for you but I'll always want to listen and try to help."

Jane went to say something but the words wouldn't come to her. She felt herself getting close to losing the hold she usually kept on her emotions. Normally, she did a good job of keeping everything tightly in check. Years on the force had helped Jane to be able to process most situations without letting her emotions get the best of her. But she felt that her control on her emotions was slipping.

"Jane?"

The sweet, soft sound of Maura's voice was having a deep effect on Jane. She felt the tears start to build up in her eyes but she was trying to will herself to make them stop. To make them go away. But it wasn't working and Jane recognized that she was about to be overrun with a swell of emotions. As the tears continued to build she was smart enough to pull the car over as her vision was starting to blur. She put the car in park and looked down at the phone in her lap.

"Jane? Are you ok?" Maura repeated with rising concern.

A single sob slipped out from Jane and she tried to stop it. It produced a choky sort of gargled noise that Maura immediately recognized. She knew Jane was fighting herself trying not to cry and she had a feeling Jane was going to lose that fight. And soon.

"Jane, listen to me. I know you can hear my voice. It's ok to cry. It is. But please at least pull the car over. I don't want you to get hurt. Ok? Can you do that? Please pull over and stop the car. Please." Maura was starting to panic. If she knew where Jane was she would have jumped into her car and driven out to her. If Jane was this upset Maura didn't want her to get into any kind of an accident.

Jane heard Maura's request and the concern in her tone. She now could add guilt to the slew of emotions coursing through her. She knew she was freaking Maura out with her behaviour and that was the last thing she had wanted to do. She needed to try to compose herself at least to reassure Maura she wasn't driving down the road like a crazy woman.

"I...parked," she got out hoping that would help settle Maura's anxiety level.

Maura released the breath she was holding. Any words coming from Jane in that moment immediately made Maura feel less panicked. Acknowledging that the car was stopped made her feel even better. Imminent danger seemed to have been avoided.

"Good. Ok. I heard that. Jane, I'm right here. You can talk to me. Or you can cry. Or you can just sit there and compose yourself. It's up to you. The only thing I don't want you to do is hang up the phone. I'm not going anywhere. Even if you don't want to talk. Just don't hang up." She couldn't lose the only connection she had with Jane in that moment.

The warmth and compassion Jane felt from just Maura's voice was overwhelming to her. Maura was reaching her in a way no one had ever gotten through to her before. Jane generally did everything she could to not show any vulnerability or weakness to others but she didn't seem to have that hesitation with Maura. It became the last straw and Jane soon found herself crying freely with the tears that had once been threatening now streaming down her cheeks.

She didn't cry for long. Just long enough to work through some of her pent up frustrations. She suddenly felt ridiculous sitting in her car crying. She knew she needed to compose herself. She wasn't even sure why all of this had such an effect on her. It wasn't like this was the first time she had ever played babysitter/nursemaid to Tommy when he was drunk. She took a few deep breaths trying to ease the tightness she felt in her chest and finally she started to feel as if she was regaining some of her control.

"I'm sorry," she said into the phone after a few more minutes of silence.

"Jane, don't ever apologize for what you are feeling," Maura responded gently.

"I'm just so frustrated and mad and worried about him," Jane said.

"Those are all legitimate feelings Jane. He's your brother. I've been witness to how close you all are as a family. Seeing him struggle has to be hurting all of you."

"I don't know what else to do," Jane admitted. And she didn't. Talking to him hadn't worked. Yelling at him hadn't worked. Trying to ignore the problem hadn't worked. She just didn't know what to do.

"And he has never been to rehab?" Maura asked.

"Like I told you, he tried AA once after his first DUI and he was forced into a program after his second arrest. It wasn't very intense and I'm pretty sure he drank the entire time he was supposed to have stopped. So I would say no. Part of me wants to force him into a program," she sighed.

"Alcoholism is a tricky disease Jane. I don't know of a single program or treatment option that doesn't require the patient to be a willing participant. So if your brother isn't willing to seek treatment nothing forced upon him will ever stand a chance at a long-term success. You said he denies that he even has a drinking problem, didn't you?"

"Yeah," Jane admitted. "According to Tommy he has everything under control and he can quit anytime he wants."

Jane had calmed down enough to feel comfortable starting to drive home again. She wanted to get out of the car. To be in her own place and in her bed. She really wanted to day to be over. She wiped the remaining tears away from her cheeks and she started to drive again.

"Are you sure you are okay to be driving again?" Maura asked.

Jane couldn't help but suddenly smile. "How'd you know I started driving again?"

"I could hear the car was moving," Maura answered but was more concerned with whether it was a good idea for Jane to be mobile again. "Are you alright to drive because I can come and get you."

Jane was touched by the offer. "I'm alright. Thank you though," she said sweetly.

"You can come over if you want," Maura offered not sure if Jane wanted company or if she just wanted some time alone. She at least wanted her to know she could come over if she didn't feel like being alone.

"I appreciate that offer Maura, more than you could possibly know. But I'm almost home and I'm tired. I think it's best that I just try to get some sleep."

Maura completely understood. "That's quite alright but you have to stay on the phone with me until I know for sure you made it all the way home. Deal?"

Had anyone seen the look on Jane's face in the moment they would have seen someone who may have just fallen in love. "Deal," she replied. She wanted to say more but couldn't for a moment. So she changed the subject. "Is there anything specific you would like to do Friday night?" Their first official date was set for Friday but Jane had not yet finalized all of the details.

"Nothing specific but if you need suggestions I'm sure we can come up with some together," Maura replied recognizing the change of subject but allowing Jane to control the conversation as she needed.

Jane chuckled. "I don't need suggestions Doc. I was merely asking if there was something specific you really wanted to do. If not, then you are at my mercy for this date."

Maura smiled for the first time since they started talking on the phone. "Then I believe I will leave myself in your capable hands."

Maura heard Jane's car pull to a stop and heard her car door open. She knew the detective had made it home and their conversation was coming to an end.

"You're home," she pointed out.

"I'm home," Jane confirmed. They both were quiet for a moment until Jane spoke again. "Thank you."

"For what?"

Jane shook her head. Maura truly didn't understand what she had just done for her. "For being you." It was the only answer that was worthy of how Jane felt.

Maura didn't know what to say to that. So she just left it alone. "Good night Jane."

"Good night Maura. I'll see you tomorrow."

R&I

The rest of the week passed without major incident. There didn't seem to be any added drama with Tommy. Jane and Korsak had a new case that occupied most of their time but late Thursday night they caught a break when a witness came forward and helped them identify a suspect. Jane worked through the night gathering enough information to secure an arrest warrant for the suspect.

They made their move in the predawn hours of Friday morning. The arrest of the suspect occurred without incident. Once at the station, Jane was able to break the suspect and get the confession after about an hour of questioning. She was happy to have closed the case but she was also extremely happy that she cleared the case prior to her date with Maura that night.

Looking over at Korsak she spoke, "Can you wrap up some of this paperwork? I'm beat and I need to get some sleep."

Korsak nodded. He wondered when Jane's all-nighter was going to catch up with her. "Go. I've got this," he said with a sympathetic smile. "You're off this weekend too so get some rest and try to have some fun this weekend. You need to de-stress a little."

Jane smiled. Korsak's concern was sweet. He did not know she had a date later that night with Maura. She wasn't in the habit of sharing details of her personal life with her partner and had no desire to change that now. "Tonight's out but do you want to have drinks tomorrow night maybe?"

He smiled. "Robber at 7?"

Clearly that was a yes. "I think that can be arranged." Jane knew she was lucky. She actually liked her partner. They got along at work and Jane trusted him with her life but she also sincerely liked the man and considered him a friend. They both seemed to be alone more than they were ever with anyone so each seemed to make it a point to get the other one out of the house at least once a week.

"Tomorrow it is then." Jane went to grab her blazer to head home when he added one more comment. "You should see if Dr. Isles wants to join us. She might have plans but you should ask if she wants to have a drink with us."

Korsak had found he enjoyed the time he had spent with the ME since she started at the station. There was no mistaking her talent and skills. She had been the best ME he had ever worked with. He also found he wasn't thrown with her ramblings as much as he was when he first met her. He seemed to have just gotten used to that part of her personality and once he did that he truly enjoyed her company.

"I'll check with her and see if she wants to go out," Jane said with a smile. "See you tomorrow." She made her way to the elevators and decided to stop by the morgue before she went home.

She found Maura in her office and before she knocked she took in the sight in front of her. Maura was wearing black scrubs that should have indicated to Jane that she was either just finished an autopsy or was just about to start one. But she didn't really expend any energy on that thought choosing instead to just admire the view. There was no arguing that Maura was a beautiful woman but Jane was becoming completely convinced that there was no better look for Maura than when she was wearing her scrubs.

She took in Maura for a few more seconds before knocking on her door. "Hey Doc," she greeted with a smile.

Maura looked up smiling at the sound of Jane's voice but the smile quickly left her face when she took in Jane's condition. "Periorbital hyperpigmentation is a distinct physiological sign of fatigue," was her greeting for Jane.

"Huh?" Jane asked confused.

"Dark circles under your eyes," Maura pointed out. "The hours you are working aren't allowing for you to get a sufficient amount of sleep."

"Occupational hazard,' Jane acknowledged. Long hours were just part of the job.

"Should we reschedule our plans for tonight?" she asked in a slightly disappointed tone. But Jane looked like she was exhausted and Maura knew she had been at the station all night.

"Not a chance Maura," Jane answered instantaneously. "I'm heading home to get some sleep so I'll be well rested and ready for tonight." She smiled when she saw Maura relax and smile. They both were looking forward to tonight. "I just wanted to tell you I was leaving but I'll be picking you up at 8 tonight."

"Where are we going?" Maura asked. Up till now Jane hadn't given Maura any hints.

"It's a surprise," Jane teased knowing that Maura was going nuts not knowing.

"But how am I supposed to know how to dress if I don't know where we are going?" She didn't know what she should plan to wear.

Jane chuckled. She should have known that would be Maura's chief source of anxiety. "Casual but not too casual," Jane offered.

"What does that mean?" Maura asked slightly confused.

Jane smiled. "The best I can tell you is that I won't be showing up in jeans and a t-shirt but you aren't going to find me in a dress on your doorstep either. My advice is that you dress in any manner that makes you the most comfortable and you will be just fine."

"That's all you are going to tell me?" she asked trying to get more information out of Jane.

"Yep," Jane replied with a grin. "I'll see you tonight at 8." She walked away towards the elevators.

"Jane? Jane that wasn't very helpful advice," is what she heard as the elevator doors closed. She didn't stop the laugh that came.

R&I

Jane made her way back to her apartment. She was exhausted from working all night but she was nervous and excited about her date with Maura. She was hoping she could get herself to get at least a few hours of sleep. She didn't want to have lack of sleep be a factor in her first date with Maura.

She took a quick shower and climbed into bed. She did a mental run down to make sure all the details and plans for the night were in place as best she could manage. She wanted their date to be special. To be perfect. Maura deserved nothing less than perfection.

Once she was satisfied that she had planned the evening as best she possibly could she burrowed into her covers and tried to slow her thoughts. It took some time but eventually sleep won out for Jane and she didn't wake until her alarm was sounding.

Date night had finally arrived.