******* Please forgive me for the long delay in posting. I have been quite ill and I'm finally feeling well enough to write again. I hope you all continue to read and enjoy and I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a safe and healthy holiday season ********
Less than two hours after the thugs first injected Steve they returned. Without a word being spoken, another needle pierced his flesh and a second gram of meth entered his bloodstream.
They left and as soon as the door had closed behind them Steve struggled against his restraints. His left wrist had begun to bleed and Matt noticed that blood was also dripping from his chest, streaking down across his abdomen and groin as the ropes binding him dug into his flesh. "STEVE….STEVE…..stop struggling man, you're hurting yourself"
The SEAL was cursing and slamming his head back against the fencing as the 'rush' effects from the meth began to hit him.
"Oh shit….shit…..God damn it…."
"Steve…..I'm so sorry"
Hearing the fear in Matt's voice brought Steve's mind back into focus, "Matt….it's gonna' be alright. You need to stay strong okay? I'm gonna' need your help. You have to stay strong"
"I've messed everything up Steve. Danny must be so ashamed of me"
"HEY, we don't have time for a pity party. If you want to get through this thing alive you need to do whatever I say, do you understand me?"
"Yeah, I understand…..How are you feeling?"
"Honestly, I'm fucking pissed off. I will say though….I'm not feeling much pain"
"It sure can take that away can't it?"
Steve's glare turned serious, "It sounds like you have some experience with this shit Matthew?"
"I don't want to talk about it, okay?"
"Yeah right…..Does Danny know?"
Matt hesitated before responding softly, "No….and he doesn't need to know Steve. It's in my past. I haven't used since my college days"
Steve looked at Matt's face and he saw the pain, "Matt….tell me about it"
After briefly hesitating, Matt told him everything. How he started dabbling with coke in the last semester of his sophomore year. How he had transferred to Miami to hide the drug use from his family. And he told Steve about Darah.
"I loved her Steve…she was twenty two years old….I killed her"
"You didn't kill her Matt…the damn drugs killed her"
"She never….NEVER would have taken coke…she did it because I did it. Damn it Steve, I took a sweet, innocent girl who have never even touched a drink of alcohol, and in six months she was dead…..I'll never forget that moment….." Steve's eyes welled with tears as he watched Matt. He was shocked at what he was hearing, but it answered questions he had always had about the younger Williams' brother. Danny had told Steve tale after tale of a young, confident Matthew and yet from the first time they had met he had seen a side of Matt that just didn't jive with Danny's view of his brother. Matt continued, "She was cradled in the crook of my arm, I kissed her forehead and she was cold…..so horribly cold…why couldn't it have been me Steve. She didn't deserve to die"
The drugs coursing through Steve's body would typically cause a euphoric feeling but as he listened to Matt bare his soul the drugs created an effect far from euphoria. The meth made him overly emotional and he struggled to maintain his composure and…..his rising anger.
A few minutes passed before Steve spoke softly, "Matt….you can't change the past"
"I know that Steve. I hate myself for what I've done….and I can never, ever forgive myself" Tears flowed down the young man's cheeks as he remembered Darah, his beautiful Darah.
Steve continued, "Matt, how were you able to keep this from your family? From Danny?"
"The night Darah OD'd we were at a party. There were more than twenty people in the house. The police interviewed all of us and her death was ruled accidental. It was my first offense and I was sentenced to court ordered drug treatment. A few weeks before she died I had told Danny about her. I was going to ask her to marry me….." Matt sighed deeply as he resumed, "I was twenty credits short of graduating when this happened and Danny was going through his Police Academy training at the time. The treatment program was three months long and I had to put my classes on hold. I quit the drugs Steve…..cold turkey man. I have not touched any of that crap since that night and I never will again. I may not have died that night, but I was destroyed. I talked to Mom and Danny while I was in treatment. They didn't suspect anything was wrong and after I got out of treatment I called Danny and asked him to come get me"
Steve asked softly, "What did you tell him?"
"I told him that Darah had been killed in a car accident and that I had dropped out of school. I told him I didn't want to bother him during his Academy training. He helped me through that horrible time Steve and I've still never told him the truth"
"Why not?"
"Why not? Jesus Steve this is Danny we're talking about, Mister 'by-the-book', super cop. I was ashamed…..I still am ashamed…"
"Matthew, look at me. HEY, look at me!" Matt raised his head and looked up at the battered SEAL who added, "Listen to me kid. When we get out of this, you need to tell him"
"I can't tell him…..shit I can't believe I'm telling you"
"Matt, he loves you man. He needs to know the truth and you need to come clean. Your brother is a great man and an amazing confidant. I have told him things….Let me tell you Matt, Danny has saved my life more times than I can count. You're right in calling him a super cop but he's much more than that. The things I've done, that I've been ordered to do in defense of my country…" his voice tailed off, "Please don't misunderstand me. I love my country and I don't regret anything that I've done but sometimes it's not easy…."
"Steve, you're a hero. The things you've done in your life are amazing. I'm nothing like you! I'm the exact opposite of you. I'm a coward"
"You're not a coward Matt. You're a human being who made a horrible mistake. Like I said, you can't change your past but you can't let it consume you either. I've had moments when my past has almost consumed me….Danny has helped me through some very dark times, the nightmares that never end….Danny loves you, let him help you"
Their conversation ended abruptly as they heard the men again descending the steps, drawing near.
505050505050505050505050
The three detectives sat in stunned silence each deep in their own thoughts of their beloved friend.
Eventually Chin fell asleep and leaving Kono at his side he moved to the corner of the room to try to reach Joe.
Reaching his voice mail he decided against leaving a message. Sitting at a table by the bedroom window he placed his face in his hands. He rubbed his thumbs on his temples in an effort to ease his throbbing headache. He hadn't eaten all day and he felt horribly nauseated.
As if his thoughts had been expressed, a few minutes later Governor Denning appeared in the room with sandwiches, fruit and bottles of lemonade for Danny and Kono. He moved to the table and Kono joined them.
Denning motioned towards the bed, "How's Chin doing?"
Danny answered softly, "Physically, he's stable…..he's going to be fine"
Denning nodded, "Thought you might be hungry" He placed Turkey and Cheese sandwiches on Ciabatta bread, strawberries and pineapple chunks, and the drinks in front of each of them.
The detectives looked at each other and couldn't help but laugh. Denning's eyes darted between the two as their laughter was now mixed with tears. Danny's voice cracked with emotion as he stated, "I hate fucking pineapples"
Kono smiled through her tears adding, "Steve would always get you to eat them…somehow"
Danny wiped his tears as he added quietly, "Even now….he got me"
Kono looked to the Governor, "Thank You Sir for the food, but I don't think I can eat"
Danny took hold of her hand, "You need to eat sweetheart, we need to keep our strength up"
As they nibbled on the food they talked about Steve. The Governor let them know that they still hadn't found anything at the crash site.
He then asked Danny, "Have you been able to reach Joe White?"
"No…not yet"
"I spoke with the pilot's wife. Nothing will be released to the media about this until you want it to be"
"Thank You. Your support is greatly appreciated"
The Governor stayed and visited for a short time and a little before seven Danny prepared to go meet with Rachel.
Standing at the foot of Chin's bed the pair embraced. Danny asked, "Are you going to be okay here?"
"Yeah….I've got him. How are you going to tell Gracie?"
"All I know is that it's going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do…..she adored him"
"I know…I know"
"You call me if you need me, or if he needs anything"
"I will Danny"
Danny leaned in and kissed Kono's cheek, "I love you sweetheart, you know that right?"
"I love you too Danny"
Moments later Danny was pulling out of the hospital parking lot oblivious of the vehicle that followed him.
********* Lot's more to follow, hope you're still enjoying ***********