Disclaimer: I own very little, especially not CSI NY.

Author: Lily Moonlight

Notes: Thank you very much for reviews, please continue! They're a great help and I love knowing what you think. Thanks very much to Ballettmaus for her help, and for keeping me in touch with reality :D Thanks also to cmaddict, Brinchen86, sarramaks and Blue Shadowdancer who read an early draft of this. As previously, there will be a short extra scene for all reviewers. Thanks to everyone who sent comments on last chapter's :) I did, by the way, write the majority of this chapter, including the ending, in September ;)

Once Upon A Time In The Old West

Chapter 26: Broken Star

Mac:

I reach Stella in a flash, take hold of her and try and lift her to her feet, all the time repeatin' her name and that everything's gonna be all right. Tryin' to convince myself of that as much as her. Manage to get her standin', but then she sorta sinks in my arms. Seems like her last spark of defiance has burned away, 'cause I reckon the destruction of the saloon has taken her spirit right along with it. I'm holdin' her up best I can, but fear and exhaustion are gettin' a grip of me, startin' to drain my strength. Feel sick with worry; somehow, I gotta get her indoors and get help.

"Stella, come on, you only got a few more yards to go." I urge her, turnin' her round in my arms so she's facin' me. Her face is blank, dead white; her eyes are lookin' at me but they ain't seein' me. Never seen her like this, never, and I realise with a jolt, that I'm afraid for her. Want her to shout or scream or cry... Heck, even if she'd fainted, I'd know better what to do, but this... this has got me beat. This ain't somethin' I know how to deal with. I gotta do somethin' though, and the sooner the better. All I can think to do is hold her, just hold her. With one arm round her back, and the other round her head, I draw her to my chest, holdin' onto her. Her arms hang limply at her sides even as mine are locked round her, and the fear inside me grows. Can't hear a sound from her other than the rapid beatin' of her heart and her breathin' comin' fast and shallow. Her breath's soft against my neck as I murmur what I hope are comfortin' words into her ear, tellin' her she's all right, that it's all gonna be fine. Wish I could make that true for her right now. Truth is, I ain't certain at all about that; she ain't all right by any stretch of the imagination.

Even as I'm thinkin' that, I'm aware of my strength disappearin' fast and my leg, though I've been tryin' to ignore it, achin' in a way that I ain't gonna be able to ignore for much longer. Still holdin' Stella to me, I take a step backwards, twistin' my head to see how much further we gotta go to the Hammerbacks' front door. Ain't too far; reckon I can keep goin' that much further anyhow. Movin' myself about, so I'm at Stella's side, I put my arm round her and try and place her arm round my waist. I'm havin' to hold it there, however, 'cause she ain't makin' any effort to. Least she keeps on walkin'. Costin' me a fair bit of pain in my leg to keep puttin' one foot in front of the other I gotta say; limpin' kinda' heavily now and each step feels like a stab through my muscles. But it ain't far...

"Stella, I'm gonna have to rest for a moment," I say, graspin' hold of the rail at the end of the Hammerbacks' porch soon as I'm near enough to. Don't provoke no comment from her. Soon as I let go of her she stands motionless, starin' at nothin', the flames that are devourin' the saloon lightin' up the night sky behind her. For a moment though, I gotta concentrate on myself and draw in a few deep breaths, tryin' to stop the sensation of everythin' whirlin' round me. Last thing I want is to go passin' out. Focusin' on breathin' for a few moments seems to help, and despite my legs feelin' like lead, I put my arm round Stella's waist again and take another step. Soon as I do that, one of the best sounds I've heard in a long time strikes my ears; footsteps hurryin' along the boardwalk towards us and the voices of the Hammerbacks.

"Mr Taylor!" Mrs Hammerback exclaims in dismay as she reaches us. "Miss Stella! Oh my poor loves!"

Her husband takes in the situation immediately. "Miss Stella?" he says gently, touchin' her shoulder. I feel a spark of relief when she raises her head a fraction at his voice, but she still don't say a word, and after studyin' her for a moment, Hammerback looks at me seriously.

"I suggest, however we can manage it, that the best thing we can do is bring her to our house, so we can look after her there."

"That was what I was intent on doin'," I say, hearin' my voice soundin' as rough as sandstone.

He glances over his shoulder at the still burnin' remains of the saloon, and then gives me an appraisin' look. "It seems you've been through quite the ordeal, both of you."

Mrs Hammerback places a plump arm round Stella's waist after she's glanced at the wreck of the saloon, and turned away from it with sorrow cut into her face. "We'll look after the both of you, it's no trouble at all, is it, Sidney?"

"Most certainly not, my dear," he says, and then turns back to me, peerin' over the top of his spectacles. "These weather conditions are not the sort to be out in for longer than absolutely necessary. May I suggest we offer you some assistance to get inside?"

"We can walk," I rasp, lettin' go of the rail and refusin' to believe I'm swayin'. Feel fairly certain I can walk and I know Stella ain't gonna want to be carried.

Hammerback gives me a sceptical sorta' look as he takes hold of my arm. "It won't do either of you any harm to have a helping hand."

"Soon have you safe indoors, my love," Mrs Hammerback gives Stella's cheek a caress with the back of her hand, but she don't give any indication she felt it. She's still starin' unseeingly, and as I catch the concerned look the Hammerbacks give each other, it makes the unease in me grow.

The walk of a few yards to their house seems to take days. Mrs Hammerback leads the way with a firm arm around Stella's waist, while I gotta admit, I'm grateful for the arm Hammerback's placed round my shoulders. Despite lookin' as if she's gonna crumble to the ground at any moment, Stella manages to stay on her feet. Reckon, if I'm honest, that it wouldn't take much for my legs to give way.

Mrs Hammerback pushes the front door open and guides Stella through, and Hammerback and I follow close behind, after I take a moment to catch my breath and lean against the doorframe.

Once inside, we're greeted with a fire in the hearth and candles set round the front parlour. Sight of them flames, however small, makes me wince. It provokes a sudden intake of breath from Stella, and she stops and stands stock-still soon as we get in there.

Mrs Hammerback enfolds her in an embrace though, and in a voice as soft as fallin' snow tells her that she's no need to worry, that everything's safe and that it's fire that ain't gonna cause no harm. Feelin' at this point too exhausted to speak, I just let my hand drift up and down her arm hopin' Mrs Hammerback's words are gonna sink in. Takes a little time, but then she allows us to lead her forward, still without sayin' a word.

We get her sittin' on the couch and I sit down next to her, thankful to have the weight taken off my leg. Can't recall feelin' this weary ever before. We're near enough to the fire to get the warmth of it, but far enough away from it so Stella ain't caused any more distress. Soon as we're settled, the Hammerbacks leave us – Hammerback, after bringin' us a glass of water each, to check on the situation outside and let Don and Hawkes know how we are, and his wife to fetch us somethin' to eat. Suddenly feel real awkward, and unsure of what to do. Instinct tells me to put my arms around Stella, but at the moment, she looks even too fragile for that; I'm afraid of breakin' her. Feel responsible somehow, 'cause I wasn't able to save the Saloon and prevent her from havin' to see her home destroyed. Guilt's a crushin' thing to feel, but I gotta ignore that; gotta focus on her. And I know that there weren't nothin' I could do, there ain't no good reason for me feelin' guilty. Just wish there'd been some way I could've prevented all this, stopped her havin' to suffer everythin' she has.

Movin' as close to her as I can so our shoulders are touchin', I try again to speak to her.

"Stella?" When she don't respond, I shift myself round, ignorin' the twinge of my damaged ribs, so I'm sittin' sideways to her. "Guess I can't imagine what you're feelin' right now, but..."

She turns then, finally; turns her head round to face me and when I see the look in her eyes, my voice dies stone dead. It's a look I ain't capable of describin'; desolation ain't the half of it. It brings a rush of feelings through me, near overwhelmin', and I clutch hold of her hand to try and anchor both of us. Can feel her fingers are icy cold - guess she lost the gloves she had on this mornin' somewhere along the way - so I start chafin' them, attemptin' to get some warmth in them. She looks down at what I'm doin' before her gaze turns away again to a point in the distance. All the shine and jewel of her eyes has dulled; saw no life when I looked in them. Feels like a blow to my chest. Gotten used over the years to Stella's emotions, gotten to love them too; her anger, the passions she can fly into, all the thrill and joy that bubbles up in her when something's pleased her. So to see her like this, seemin' like all the life and emotion's been ripped out of her in one fell swoop... Damn, that's a devastatin' thing to behold.

Can't bear sittin' here doin' nothin', watchin' her like that, so I take up one of the glasses of water. Bein' in all that smoke and heat ain't done either of us no good; my throat's feelin' desert dry and sorta' scorched on the inside and the thought of ice cold water inside it's a temptin' one indeed. Seems it ain't so temptin' to Stella though as when I offer her the glass she don't make no effort to take it.

"Stella, you gotta take a sip at least," I tell her, puttin' the glass close to her hand. "You need to drink somethin'." My words don't make no difference to her. Her gaze remains in the distance and her hands stay where they are, lyin' in her lap. After makin' a few more futile pleas for her to drink, I decide I'm gonna take a sip myself. Maybe that'll go some way to encouragin' her to do the same. Only intend to take a few sips but before I know it, the glass is empty. Sure felt good, feel a whole sight better after that.

As I'm settin' the glass down, Mrs Hammerback returns, her skirts rustlin' round her. She's got a couple of blankets over her arm and's carryin' a tray holdin' two bowls of what's gotta be steamin' hot stew, spoons and two mugs of rich smellin' coffee. Her face falls a little at the sight of Stella, but she don't lose the determined set of her mouth.

"Dear me my loves, this won't do. This won't do at all. Let's get both of you warmed up and comfortable."

After strugglin' to my feet at her entrance, I reach for the tray and she shakes her head, givin' me a warm smile. "You're a true gentleman, my love, but you've no need to stand up for me and I've got the tray balanced nicely." Then she gives me somethin' of a stern look. "Sit yourself back down and rest your leg. Don't think I haven't noticed how that's paining you." Waitin' till I've sat down, she bends, with a slight creakin' of joints, and sets the tray on the table beside the couch. Soon as she's got her hands free, she wraps one of the blankets round my shoulders. Feel kinda' self-conscious about any sorta' fuss bein' made of me, but I ain't wantin' to offend her by protestin'. After gettin' it arranged to her satisfaction, she shakes out the second blanket which releases a waft of roses and lavender. "This is just the thing for keeping you warm and cosy, Miss Stella, my sweetheart," she says, drapin' it over her knees and tuckin' it round her. "Just the thing you need. Now how about that coat you're wearing? We'll be best taking it off, as it'll be soaked through and no good for getting you warm. Don't want you taking a chill, now do we?"

Her voice is patient and kindly and all her actions gentle. She starts easin' the coat off Stella's shoulders, with Stella makin' no move to help or hinder. Still tryin' to gather my strength, I'm aware I ain't doin' much helpin' myself, though hopefully I ain't hinderin'... truth is, I'm feelin' helpless, and that ain't a feelin' I'm used to. The shock of everythin' seems to have stolen Stella away, and a ghost of a woman's been left in her place. The fact I still don't seem able to reach her, either through words or touch is causin' me worse pain than anythin'.

But I know that doin' nothin' probably ain't gonna help much at all, and I ain't gonna have got this far only to abandon Stella. Reckon Mrs Hammerback realises that as after gettin' the coat off of Stella's shoulders, she pauses, and with a glance at me, steps back.

"Maybe Miss Stella would prefer you to do this, if you're able to," she says with an encouragin' smile. I ain't so sure about Stella preferrin' me; nevertheless, I guess it ain't gonna hurt to try. So assurin' Mrs Hammerback I'm able to, I start takin' Stella's arms out of my coat, all the while tellin' her that I hope she ain't mindin' what I'm doin'. She don't say anythin' to confirm or deny it, her gaze stays where it is; somewhere that ain't here. After I've got my coat removed from her, Mrs Hammerback takes it from me and hangs it over the back of a chair, shakin' her head at how damp with snow it is. Realise at that point, that whatever Stella stuffed in the pocket is still in there. Gonna have to leave it there for now; I ain't gonna go pryin'.

Feelin' kinda' unsure about what's gonna be good for her, I fluff some cushions up behind her. Don't gain any sorta' reaction though. Mrs Hammerback's excused herself to the kitchen to fill up the empty glass of water, so after hesitatin' for a moment, I reach for the tray. Maybe gettin' some food down Stella is gonna help. Know for a fact she ain't eaten a bite since first thing this mornin'. Can always try encouragin' her to drink somethin' again after that. Takin' up one of the bowls of stew from off the tray and bein' a little more insistent, I place it along with a spoon in her hands. "If you ain't wantin' to drink anythin' yet, maybe you can eat a few mouthfuls of this," I say, hopin' I can persuade her.

Mrs Hammerback returns and looks on approvingly. "Get some of that down you as Mr Taylor suggests, my lovely. Do you the power of good it will, and warm you right through."

Both of us wait for a moment to see if Stella's gonna do anythin'. But she just sits there, starin' into space, as steam drifts up from the bowl.

"Just have a little," I urge. "Just a spoonful."

Mrs Hammerback pulls up a stool and sits in front of her, claspin' her hands around her knees. "Won't you taste just one spoonful for us, my lovely?"

Response we get is the same as before. Nothin'. We stay in the same position for several minutes, till it becomes clear, even after a whole host of encouragin' words from both Mrs Hammerback and me, that Stella ain't gonna touch a mouthful of food.

Sighin' deeply, Mrs Hammerback takes the bowl and spoon from her. "Maybe you'd best have a few mouthfuls yourself, Mr Taylor along with some coffee. Can't see good victuals going to waste, and maybe if Miss Stella sees you trying some, she'll be more willing to herself."

I'm sorta' hesitant to eat and drink any more when Stella ain't doin' so; don't seem right somehow. However, reckon Mrs Hammerback's speakin' sense. She passes me the bowl and spoon and the rich fragrance of meat, vegetables and gravy makes my mouth water. Few moments later and I'm scrapin' out the last spoonful. Darn it, but that was good stew. There ain't a soul in town that can surpass Mrs Hammerback for cookin'. Makes me realise just how hungry I was; can't in fact recall when Ilast ate somethin'; guess it was at breakfast this mornin' with Stella. Wipe my mouth once I've finished and give my compliments to the good lady who made the stew, who beams in return.

"Does my heart good to see a man enjoying his food like that, my love! Now then, take one of those mugs of coffee for yourself else they'll be getting cold."

Take a few sips and feel a little more life returnin' to me. Nothin' like coffee and hot food to revive a body.

Obviously with the same thought in mind, Mrs Hammerback's holdin' the other mug of coffee out to Stella, waitin' to see if she'll take it, but she don't. So, feelin' I oughtta try somethin' else to help, I set my own mug down on the floor. Takin' the other one from Mrs Hammerback, I bend Stella's fingers as gently as I can round it and start tryin' to reason with her again. "Stella, take a sip, please. You ain't eaten or drunk a thing for hours, and you need to. You're gonna do yourself no good if you don't get somethin' inside you."

Don't get no reaction whatsoever, even as I put my hand round hers and lift the mug closer to her mouth. Finally, startin' to despair, I place the rim against her lips. They're pressed together though and I ain't gonna be able, or willin', to force her to drink.

Still gotta have one more try at least. "All you gotta do is take one sip, it ain't askin' much, and you're gonna feel a whole lot better if you at least drink somethin'. If you ain't wantin' any water, least have a sip of coffee, please, Stella..."

Then Mrs Hammerback's hand touches my arm. "Mr Taylor, if I may be so bold, perhaps if we leave Miss Stella alone for a little time? Might do more harm than good keeping on at her."

I hesitate, knowin' she's a woman of sound advice, but still I want to help and gettin' Stella to eat and drink has gotta be a start; least thing I can do till she's willin' and ready to talk to me.

But I know Mrs Hammerback's right; Stella at least ain't lost her stubbornness and if she don't want to eat or drink, then she ain't gonna. So, a little reluctantly, I take the mug away and keep it between my own hands, recallin' words said not so long ago about victuals not bein' wasted, and knowin' that coffee's somethin' I'm in need of.

Mrs Hammerback heaves herself to her feet, sighin' heavily as she rests a comfortin' hand on Stella's shoulder.

"You've had a bad time, my love, and it's not surprising you're feeling like you can't speak or do anything else. But you need to know that we're all here around you, none of us are going to leave you on your own, and unless I'm very much mistaken, Mr Taylor here's not going to be leaving your side."

She knows as well as I do, that fact ain't in any doubt, but I answer it so Stella knows it loud and clear.

"I ain't goin' anywhere."

Mrs Hammerback nods. "You're a gentleman with a good heart, Mr Taylor. A good and true heart. I know this is hard for you, seeing Miss Stella like this, knowing how much she means to you." Her hand's on my arm again, givin' me a little comfort.

All this time, Stella ain't given any kinda response, not a sign she's taken in anythin' we've been sayin', and it makes my heart heavier than lead. Got a weight of worry and sadness layin' on me that ain't gonna be lifted till I know Stella's all right. My head sinks onto my chest then, feels almost too heavy to hold up. Next thing I know, I got a warm palm restin' on my cheek and Mrs Hammerback's voice speakin' softly to me.

"Don't you fret, my love. My guess is she's suffering a shock after everything that's happened these last few days. She's in the safest place she can be here, with people who love her taking care of her. If she gets a good night's sleep, she'll be feeling more like herself tomorrow, and no doubt ready to eat and drink a little something. Have faith that between your words and my cooking we'll be able to tempt her with something by the morning."

All I can manage is a weak sorta' smile, but she pats my arm and nods approvingly. "Now then, here's what I suggest. I'll fetch another few blankets to get Miss Stella comfortable on the couch here, and fix you up a pillow and a blanket for sleeping in front of the fire. I know I can trust you to be a gentleman." Her eyes glint at me, and not for the first time, it strikes me that Mrs Hammerback is a woman of the world.

Without another word she hurries out of the room. I take a few more sips of coffee, and a little hesitantly, reach across and lay my hand over Stella's. Still feels cold, way too cold for my likin', so I start kinda' rubbin' my thumb over the back of it. Can't take my eyes from her, searchin' her face for any kinda' response. But all that happens is her gaze drops to the floor and her head lowers. Regardless, I keep my hand where it is, lettin' her know I'm there.

Mrs Hammerback soon returns, givin' us a look of warmest sympathy. More blankets and pillows are heaped in her arms, so I get to my feet, wincin' a little at the pain that shoots through my leg but managin' to hide it, and take them from her. She smiles her thanks and we pick out a patchwork knit blanket which she tells me she made herself, and decide that's gonna be the best one for Stella.

That big old couch we've been sittin' on is a comfortable one; stuffed generously with horsehair and long enough for even Don Flack to lay out on without his feet hangin' over the edge, so it's gonna be the best place for her to sleep. Mrs Hammerback and me get a couple of pillows arranged at one end without Stella so much as liftin' her head to notice what we're doin'. Soon as that's done, we tell her we're gonna get her settled so she can sleep. Gentle as we can, we unbutton her boots and take them off before movin' her round and liftin' her legs up onto the couch. Get her arranged so she's as comfortable as possible, lyin' on her back with her head restin' on the pillows. We don't meet with any resistance; she just submits to bein' moved and that scares me all over again. Mrs Hammerback seems to take it in her stride as she fusses over the state of Stella's dress, mutterin' to herself that it's near enough ruined with smoke and dirt and burns before she lays the blankets over and makes sure they're coverin' her. When she's done that, she kneels down beside Stella and gazes tenderly at her, strokin' her hair before she kisses her forehead.

After risin' to her feet she gets me a pillow and a blanket fixed up by the fire and tells me, with a knowin' twinkle in her eye, not to be awake all night.

"I expect my Sidney will be in soon, but he can creep through places quiet as a mouse so he won't disturb you," she says as she blows out all but two candles. "I'll just fetch some plain bread and butter; nothing fancy, but just the thing if Miss Stella decides she's hungry in a little while."

With a smile she pats my arm before hurryin' through to the kitchen. It only takes her a few minutes to reappear with a plate heaped with delicate slices of bread and butter. "Make sure you get some sleep, Mr Taylor," she says, handin' the plate to me. "You need it as much as anyone, despite what you might think. Even though I know you're not a man for sleeping much, take heed of a wise woman's words, and give it a try at least. Miss Stella will be all right. Now goodnight my love and sleep as well as you can."

She turns to leave, not before givin' Stella another kiss on the forehead and a murmured 'goodnight'. I watch her out of the room until the last swish of her skirt has disappeared through the door.

Immediately my eyes are drawn back to the figure on the couch, the firelight castin' flickerin' shadows over her face.

Crouchin' down once I've put the plate on the table, I adjust the blanket over her. Lettin' my fingertips graze her temple, I say the only words I can think of. "Stella, I'm sorry..." Know I'm repeatin' myself, but there don't seem to be anythin' else to say.

Soon as those words are outta my mouth, she finally looks at me and holds my gaze. Feel a spark of hope which is extinguished a moment later when she shifts onto her side and turns her back to me. My fingers hover over her, but my mouth's run dry of anythin' to say, so I try layin' my hand on her shoulder. Sends a pang into my heart when she shrugs me off and curls round into herself, tuckin' her knees up and pressin' her face into the pillow. Gotta confess, it takes me aback a little; guess though she just ain't ready to accept any comfort from me. I gotta be patient, give her time to recover herself.

Withdraw my hand; however, I ain't able to move away from her. Pull the blanket a little further up and make sure it's tucked round her enough for warmth. Last thing she needs is to catch cold. Feel real unsure of myself now; don't know what else to do but sorta stand there, just watchin' her whilst the fire crackles in the hearth and the grandfather clock in the corner of the room ticks weightily.

Come to the realisation though that, in her present state of mind, bein' watched might be upsettin', so sighin' a little heavily, I take myself over to the fire and sit on the blanket. Sittin' there, listenin' to the sound of her breathin' calms some of my fears. She's alive, she's safe... just gotta try and assure myself that though it might take time, she's gonna be all right, she's gonna get through this. And I'm gonna do whatever I can to help her.

Hammerback comes in a little while later, lets me know in an undertone that the remains of the saloon are still smoulderin', but the worst of the fire's out. Also lets me know everyone's safe in their houses, that Don might look in shortly and that Hawkes is gonna come check on us in the mornin', before he whispers a goodnight to Stella and myself and retires to bed.

Not much longer after that I hear Stella's breathin' start to slow and even out. I'm thankful to see when I get up from my place by the fire and tiptoe over that her eyes have closed and she's asleep. Can't resist just restin' my hand on the top of her head; guess I got a hope she might feel some comfort from it. Truth is, there ain't much more I can do for the time bein' except keep a vigil while she's sleepin'.

Got time to ponder as I'm sittin' in the glow of the fire, and I come to a conclusion that burns itself into my heart. More than I reckon she knows, Stella takes care of me; takes much of my care away from me too. And so, though I may not have spoken any vows out loud yet, I'm vowin' now that I'm gonna take care of her for the rest of our lives.

Many thanks for reading, please let me know what you think with a review :) I'm a little nervous about this chapter. Lily x