Show of good faith, two chapters in one day! Enjoy and thanks for reviewing.
She finds herself standing in a large, dimly lit chapel. There is a ceremony of some sort going on in the chapel. She can hear the music. She isn't sure why she is here until she turns to see her father, smiling warmly but sadly at her. He says nothing, just offers her his arm.
It is then that she looks down at herself. She's in a bridal gown. She looks for a mirror along the wall and finds a decorative one, the backing of a large candelabra. She wonders how she got there, can't quite remember anything about events that transpired earlier in the day. Yet, here they are, just Kate and her father.
"Everyone else is inside, Katie." He smiles to her, "It's time."
She takes a deep breath and links her arm in his, a vivid red bouquet of roses in her hand as the doors open.
The chapel is filled with friends and family on both sides, she recognizes some, but doesn't most. The music is playing. It's Cannon in D Major, one she swore she wouldn't use if she ever got married, she told herself it was too overdone. Yet the violins carried it beautifully as she made her way down the aisle.
As she approached the front of the chapel she ventured a glance at her groom, something inside telling her she knew who it would be, the happiness at the thought fills her. She looks up and is hit with a full force of panic and confusion. There, standing at the altar waiting for her, is Josh.
Kate turns to her dad in confusion, as if he has an answer for her. He simply whispers, "you have to live with your decisions Katie."
He ushers her to the alter and joins her hands with Josh and stands, dazed and in a panic. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. Kate looks around to see if she can make sense of anything else, if she can find a clue to help her understand what is happening.
Then she sees him. He's sitting in the third row on the Bride's side, towards the aisle. He has a sad, but resigned look on his face. It is one that looks familiar to her as of late. "Castle?" She calls to him,
"Kate." Josh calls her attention back to the altar. "You made your decision." He told her with some authority. She looked back for Castle once again, but he wouldn't make eye contact with her anymore, he simply stood, hands in his pockets as he made his way down the aisle towards the chapel door.
"Castle, please. Castle NO! Please Don't leave Castle, I made a mistake!" Her hands are pulled back towards josh and she feels as if her feet are cemented to the floor.
She looks up to find another familiar face has joined them, As Captain Victoria Gates begins to officiate the ceremony.
"Dearly Beloved…We are gathered here this day to…"
Kate tuned it out as she looked at Castle's fleeing form one last time. She screamed.
"No! Please, Castle! I was wrong! I made a mistake. Please don't let it be too late. Please don't let it be too late."
She awoke in a sweat, panic heavy on her heart. It was a dream she'd had several times, although details often changed, such as the groom, the major theme was always the same, she was marrying the wrong man. Last night it had been Josh, other nights Will would be there. Sometimes she wouldn't recognize the man at all, aside from an acknowledgement that it wasn't Castle. It was never Castle. In her dreams she was doing the wrong thing and was trapped in the decisions she'd made. It always left her filled with a sense of dread and regret. It took a cool shower to fully wake her and a cup of coffee to bring her fully back . She was in the kitchen sipping from her mug when he joined her.
"Did you sleep well last night?" Came his polite conversation.
"I've been having nightmares." She admitted. Before their relationship she wouldn't have been so open, but he knew her better now, and he knew that when her sleep was disturbed it was because of nightmares. There was no reason lying about it.
"Want to talk about it?" Castle offered.
"Not really, not much can change when your dreams make your mistakes in real life abundantly clear."
"Ah yes, I've had those dreams. The worst are when you're met with your regrets." He spoke knowingly.
"Especially when there's little you can do to fix them." Kate hoped that Castle would take the subtexts to know that she was reaching out to him. His reply came swiftly,
"Sometimes the only things we can do with our regrets, Kate, is learn from them and move on with our lives." He smiled sadly but politely at her before making his way back to his bedroom. The intent behind his message was clear to her, he was telling her that he was going to move on. He has to, she told herself.
"We've got a busy day ahead of us. Several busy days if we're going to pull this off." Castle mentioned before he closed his bedroom door once again, leaving Beckett alone with her coffee and her thoughts.
The following days and weeks brought a flurry of activities for Castle and Beckett, as they planned their "wedding". With the date set just three weeks away, they became quickly inundated with details. Beckett found herself unprepared for the sheer level of detail that went into planning such an event, and found that Alice Reed did little to improve her first impression. Luckily, Miller Moss acted more in an applied role, and although he was mildly creepy, he wasn't as self-absorbed and judgmental as his colleague.
Because there was a time crunch, it was decided that the best approach would be one of divide and conquer, with Castle and the boys taking on some tasks while Beckett, Alexis and Lanie handled others. Martha and Jim helped as necessary with additional details. Kate was somewhat relieved to learn that she would be doing a good amount of the planning without Castle, as if gave her time to think. What she hadn't anticipated was the way she would feel the first time she saw her reflection in a wedding gown.
In order to keep up appearances, she met with Miller Moss and several staff from the Wingate at the dress shop they contracted with. The wave of white dresses was quite overwhelming, a variety of styles and fabrics, lining the walls and compiled in various sections around the suite. Again, she thought of Rick, thought about an alternate reality where this was all real, where she was selecting the gown that she would wear when she committed herself to the love of her life, for the rest of her life.
"Kate, darling, you would look exquisite in this one, don't you think?" She was startled from her musings by Martha, holding beautiful satin gown with lace capped sleeves. It was indeed beautiful and Kate nodded sadly. As if reading her mind, Martha tossed the dress over her arm and led Kate by the hand to the appropriate dressing room.
"It's best that we get this part over with quickly, dear." Martha ushered her.
Once inside the small room Kate was instructed to strip to her strapless bra and panties, where she placed an underskirt especially designed for bridal gowns on. The attendant then helped her into the dress, weaving the intricate ribbon of the lattice work backing the gown. She was amazed by how heavy the garment was, and it took several seconds to adjust before she could walk in it.
She adjusted the sweetheart neckline and ran her fingers across the crystal beadwork that adorned the front of the dress, down to where it cinched at her waist. The dress fit perfectly and in the small mirror she could see that the top of the dress looked spectacular. She nodded to the attendant and made her way to where her family and friends waited.
It was then, in front of her father, Lanie, Alexis and Martha that she saw herself completely for the first time, from head to toe and from all sides. She saw the long satin skirt flow out and down into a moderate train and she gasped. She was stunning.
She made eye contact with her father first and was able to see that despite knowing it was a charade, he was having a difficult time. "You're beautiful Katie." He looked as if he wanted to say more, but was silent.
Please, dad. Please don't bring up mom. She silently begged, don't mention her when we know this isn't real; this can't be real. He must have understood her silent plea because he remained quiet, allowing Martha and Lanie to take over. They examined her from all sides, commenting on the shape of the dress,
"I swear that this dress was made for you." Lanie commented.
"You are a sight, Katherine." Martha added, squeezing her hand before adding for Kate's benefit alone, "and any man would be lucky." Before she took a step back the older woman leaned in and whispered, "but I'm biased and you know that." Kate smiled to herself sadly, wishing once again for things to be different.
"Thank you Martha."
"Now for the important part." Miller Moss cut in, carrying in his hands an intricate lace veil. He stepped up to her and moved to place the attached comb into her hair.
"Our clients are always amazed by how much the veil transforms the dress. It really pulls it all together and suddenly, you're a bride!" He was cheerful as he arranged the lace around Kate's shoulders, finally stepping back when satisfied.
"That's better!"
He stepped back out of the way and allowed Kate to take in her appearance once again. It took her breath away. It was exactly how she imagined she would look on her wedding day.
"So, is this your dress?" He pushed rather quickly. Kate simply nodded affirmatively, not that it actually mattered, but yes. She nodded affirmatively, but couldn't find words.
In that moment she was reminded of her dream once again, walking down the aisle to a man she didn't love while the man she did stood by. It reinforced for her that the only man she could be a bride for was Rick. Overwhelmed by the reality of it, she felt a lump rise in her throat.
Sensing her mood, Martha and Lanie both approached, placing an arm around Kate. "It's ok sweetie! Of course you're emotional. It's the happiest day of your life!" Lanie tried to cover the tears that threatened to slip from Kate's eyes.
There wasn't too much concern regardless, as the bridal shop regularly saw weeping brides, parents and bridal parties for a variety of reasons. Kate's emotional reaction was par for the course as far as they were concerned.
She squeezed Lanie's hand and nodded, smiling softly. "Thanks, I guess the moment just caught up to me."
"If you're ready to change, I'll help you out of the dress." It was the first sentence Alexis uttered since they'd arrived. Kate nodded, allowing the red-head to carry the train as they walked back to the dressing room.
Once the two were alone in the dressing room Alexis began the job of un-weaving the ribbons to loosen the back of her dress. They sat in silence for several moments, Kate desperately trying to gain ground with her emotions and Alexis giving her room to collect herself. Finally the dress was loose enough for Kate to step out of it.
She stood, holding the front of the dress against her chest to cover herself, and faced Alexis.
"Thank you." She smiled softly, reaching out to squeeze Alexis' arm with gratitude.
"No problem. "Alexis paused, hesitated, and then softly spoke, "For what it's worth Kate, I wish this was real too. It should be real." Her words took Beckett by surprise for a moment, but she simply acknowledged Alexis and offered,
"I'm going to make it right Alexis. I don't know how, but I'm going to make it right. After everything he's done for me, I'll make it up to him."
She paused and then admitted to herself, to Alexis, "because I love him. I always have and I always will. I know that, and I'm not going to be afraid of it anymore."