A/N: Well as promised, a non-breakup one. Though this one has about the same amount of angst...just in a much different way. Should also point it, that it's slightly AU, and has spoilers for Mr. Yin Presents, and Mr. Yang in 3D. If you squint real hard, you'll see the intertwined fluff.
Chapter Four: Beside You
When your tears are spent on your last pretense
And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense
Juliet felt the tears cease, if only slightly. Two days. It had been two long horrifyingly long days since Mr. Yin had taken her. Two days since she had last seen Shawn, and two days since she had last slept. Fear kept her going, along with the seemingly never ending supply of caffeine. If she had it her way she wouldn't sleep again. Then again, the nightmares came with or without sleep. The noises, as slight and nature as they were, made her jump. The lights never went out, afraid that if she was alone in the dark for too long that he might appear again.
After she had cried herself out on her partner's shoulder a mere two days earlier, she had thought she'd be fine. She'd get up and dust herself off. Get back to work. Everything would be fine. Yet they weren't. She was terrified of everything, and she hated feeling like that. Like a defenseless girl, when she was very much the opposite. She'd never been the damsel in distress type of girl. She had always known how to take care of herself. How to handle herself, and yet here she was crying, fearful that he might return for her.
Sighing, she knew what she really needed, but refused to say the words out loud. She needed Shawn. His carefree nature, and incessant need to make her laugh at all costs. More so, she needed his kind heart, the best part of him, and yet the thing he hid the most. No one, except maybe Gus, had seen that other side of Shawn. The kind, caring, need to be there for you, guy. A small smile broke through the tears at just the thought of Shawn hugging her, holding her. Telling her that everything would be okay. That was what she needed the most. Well that, and a good night's sleep, but she didn't see either of those things happening.
When it's in your spine, like you've walked for miles
And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while
Juliet stood just outside her bedroom. Her eyes staring straight at her bed, her body longing just to lay down on it. If only for a little while. Just to rest her burning eyes. She closed her eyes for a moment, a defeated sigh left her mouth at the sound of the doorbell. Glancing at her watch, and at the door.
"Who could that be?" She mumbled aloud, as she walked slowly toward the door.
A thought entered her mind as she realized that it was far too late for anyone she knew to be there. She grabbed the gun she had placed on her counter-top two days earlier, and edged herself closer and closer to the door. Once she was close enough she peeked through the peep hole and fought against the smile that tried to fight it's way onto her tired lips. Dropping the gun to the ground and throwing the door open, Juliet crashed into Shawn's unsuspecting arms.
"What are you doing here?"
She didn't stop to think about anything else. The fact that Abigail had only just broken up with him two days earlier, or the fact that both her and Abigail had almost died at the hands of a madman. Nothing other than the fact that she needed to feel his arms around her, entered her mind.
"The spirits told me that you needed me. Jules, are you alright."
The weariness of his voice brought her back to the present, and she lifted her head only enough to look into his eyes. They were bloodshot, and probably looked exactly like her own. He too, had not been sleeping.
And if your heart wears thin,
I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
"I wish I could say yes...but that would be a lie." She knew he'd see through it anyway. The burning of her eyes told her that they were probably bloodshot from lack of sleep.
He shook his head, his arms still very much around her as he moved them both into her apartment and shut the door. "You haven't been sleeping Jules."
She sighed contently, her head back against his chest. The thumping of his heart seemed to calm her. "Neither have you."
It was really more of a statement, and yet Shawn felt the need to answer a question she hadn't really asked. "No. I haven't. I was worried about you."
There, he had said it. Even after he had saved Abigail, as she was breaking up with him. As he was practically begging her to stay, all he could think about was how he wasn't there for Juliet. He knew he had made the correct choice. It was the only way that they would win at Mr. Yin's sick game, and yet he couldn't help the way his heart had broken when he showed up at the precinct the next day and Juliet's desk was devoid of her usual bubbly self.
He felt her relax more as he rubbed soothing circles on her back. "I went to the station yesterday. I felt..almost panicked when I didn't see you there..."
"Chief told me to take a few days off. I need time to really...deal with everything." She looked up as she spoke and she saw what he was talking about. The fear, doubt, and worry that was painfully etched on his beautiful face. His eyes scrunched in what appeared to be a constant state of worry. "I'm fine physically Shawn...just having some problems dealing...emotionally."
He shook his head, as he unwound his arms from around her frame. Fear struck her face, and he smiled softly. "Mind if we sit down? I'm sort of beat." She shook her head, as her hand extended toward his and tugged on it making him follow her.
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you
Once they were seated comfortably on Juliet's couch. One of his hands went to her cheek. His thumb massaged against her skin, as a tear slipped from his eye. "I am so sorry Jules..."
"Why?"
He shook his head, as he fought off more tears that had welled up in his eyes. Seeing her so scared broke his heart, and made him wonder why he had waited so long to come visit her. "Because I wasn't there for you Jules. I should have been!"
She shook her head, and put her hand against the one on her cheek. "No. You did the right thing Shawn. Know that. Embrace that, Shawn. Not only did you do what needed to be done, but you did something that no one else probably could have. You played his sick game, and you won."
A self-deprecating smile formed on his lips. "No I didn't. I mean, yeah I saved you, and Abby, but I saw him. I could have touched him Jules. I could have caught him, but I jumped into the water to save Abby." The look of utter hate was on his face, and she realized that it was for himself. He hated himself.
"Don't do that to yourself Shawn. Do not sell yourself short! You did the unthinkable. You saved both of our lives. It's more than anyone could have asked for, and you did it. I'm alive, and so is Abigail. If you would have gone after him, then Abigail would have died, and I know that you do not want that on your conscious."
He shook his head, as she wrapped his hand in hers and squeezed lightly. "I'm here for you Shawn. Always. Right here beside you."
A small smile played at the edge of his lips, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm here for you too Jules. Always. Right here beside you."
When you try to speak, but you make no sound
And the words you want are out of reach, but they've never been so loud
She followed Lassiter through the house, and waited at the door as he kicked it in. Shawn and Gus were zip-tied to a chair. Mr. Yin was dead on the chair in front of them, and Yang was standing over his dead body. Her eyes were drawn straight to Shawn though. Fear was etched on his face, and it brought her back to the night he visited her after the first Mr. Yin attack. She ran to Shawn's side, as Lassiter undid the ties around Gus's arms.
She wanted to run her fingers through his hair. Kiss him, and tell him that he was safe, but there were too many people around. Too many bystanders. He bobbed his mouth open and close a few times. No words ever escaped his lips. The fear still very apparent in his eyes, but something else was there too? Was it gratitude? No. It was love. She fought against the smile that wanted to cross her lips. Even though he hadn't spoken the words out loud, seeing that look in his eyes made her heart skip a beat and her knees weaken. He loved her, and she loved him as well.
And if your heart wears thin I will hold you up
And I will hide you when it gets too much
Juliet wondered around her apartment. Her eyes always glancing nonchalantly at her watch. Shawn should have been here by now. Worry was now pounding inside her chest, as the door slid open. He didn't utter a word as he juggled the two containers of pancakes, and what she could only assume to be pineapple smoothies. Though she had never been big on the taste of pineapple before she met Shawn, she had grown to love it's fruity taste. She walked toward him,and grabbed the two containers and sat them down on her kitchen table before turning back toward Shawn. He was still silent, and that was not like him.
"Talk to me." Her hands enclosed around his. She brought them to her lips and placed a kiss on them.
"I was so scared Jules." His eyes were wide, and she could tell that he wasn't seeing her. Not right now. He was back in that room with Gus. Back in that room with Yin. "It's over Shawn. To quote your words earlier, 'we did it.' He's dead, and he is never going to kill or hurt another person."
He shook his head, a sad smile on his lips. "First you...now Gus. I could have lost both of you, and it's all my fault." She saw the smile falter on his lips as a tear slipped down his cheek.
"But you didn't. I am here." she paused as she placed his hand on her chest, right over her heart. "Gus is here. We didn't die, and it's because of you. Whether or not you wanted it Shawn, you are a hero. I know that you're my hero..."
"I'm nobody's hero Jules. I just get lucky a bunch, and if it hadn't been for Yang, then me and Gus both would have died. He was going to inject something into Gus, and make me watch him die. I cannot get Gus's fear out of my head, all while telling me that it wasn't my fault! He was afraid that he was going to die, and told me that it wasn't my fault. It damn well was my fault Jules. I almost got my best friend killed." With that, the tears were flowing freely down his cheeks.
Juliet wrapped an arm around him, as she lead him to the couch and had him sit down. Deja vu flowed through her, as the last Yin attack brought back her very own fear. She couldn't give into it, not when Shawn needed her. "You didn't almost do anything Shawn. Yes, he targeted you, but it's not your fault that he did. It's not like you held up a giant sign that said 'sick psychopaths welcome'. This brought a small smile to his lips. "A joke Jules?" His eyebrow quirked. He leaned into her, and placed a kiss on her forehead.
I'll be right beside you
I'll be right beside you
Shawn smiled into her hair, inhaling her familiar scent. She always made him feel calm, and from what she had told him, he did the same for her.
"I'm here for you Jules. Always. Right here beside you." The familiar words brought a smile to her face, as her hand reached up and stroked his cheek.
"I'm here for you too Shawn. Always. Right here beside you." She felt him place a kiss on the top of her head. "Good, now let's eat some pancakes. Besides, that pineapple smoothie is really just sitting there going to waste." She smiled as her Shawn returned.