Disclaimer I own very little, especially not CSI NY.

Author Lily Moonlight

I'm getting a bit quicker with updates! Many thanks to Ballettmaus for her help with this, to afrozenheart412 for her extra thoughts on the chapter and the extra scenes, similarly to cmaddict and DNAisUnique and thanks to those who have given me pokes to update - much appreciated.

Thanks also to Jovi for your review - if you'd like the extra scene, please send me a PM :)

Dedicated to Blue Shadowdancer with thanks :D

Once Upon A Time In the Old West

Chapter 28: Sorrow at Dawn

Mac:

After closin' the door as quiet as I can, though it was kinda' hard to resist the urge to slam it, I'm left with my own thoughts. Fair to say, Don's left me with some things to think about.

Part of me sure was upset with him for sayin' what he did... maybe more than upset; annoyed in fact. I don't take kindly to folks pryin' into my affairs, even if it's such a person as my Deputy. Could be said that he spoke about things that ain't none of his business, things that are private between me and Stella. When he said what he did, I was real mad at first, thinkin' what right did he have to go sayin what he did?

Could be argued that he didn't have no right at all... but, if I'm bein' honest, there was a lot of truth in what he said, which left me feelin' kinda torn between wantin' to be real annoyed with him and real respectin' of him. And in the end, I wasn't able to stay annoyed with him.

Couldn't argue with him neither about losin' chances; the sorta chance for happiness me and Stella have got don't come to people often. Would be wrong to waste it or to lose it for no good reason other than we were stubborn, and maybe just a little bit afraid of our feelings. Don kinda' had a point too in talkin' about what it's gonna take before we sort things out between us. Can't be many folks that have lived through the sort of adventures me and Stella have, almost losin' our lives and each other several times in the last few years.

Guess I admire my Deputy for speakin' out the way he did, though he sure took a liberty in doin' so. I know myself well enough to admit I ain't the easiest person to approach. It ain't escaped my notice how some folks go kinda' timid when they gotta speak to me. Of course, that ain't ever been the case with Stella - don't think she even knows the meanin' of the word timid.

Don sure ain't a timid person neither, but I guess it took a fair amount of courage for him to say what he did. And I know he did it with the best of intentions.

Though he maybe don't realise it, bein' a modest sorta' man, Don's a real sound judge of character. Able to get folks weighed up and judged real quick and usually he's pretty much dead on accurate. He's a real good Deputy for a Sheriff to have, and though it ain't somethin' men speak about much, I've come to realise more and more in recent times he's someone I also value as a true friend. Since I've known him, he's done more than his duty many a time and done more than he needed to for me and Stella.

But standin' here thinkin' ain't gonna do much good, nor get much done. Clearly ain't gonna do my leg much good neither. Best thing for now is to go back in front of the fire, warm myself back up again and make sure Stella's still sleepin' and warm enough. The front door bein' open let a draught blow into the room and I don't want it havin' given her a chill. The flames in the fireplace have calmed back down, but they're still castin' all kinds of shadows on the walls. Sure ain't a sight I'm enjoyin' lookin' at, seein' them dancin' about; reminds me too much of the saloon. Even so, the sight of them's almost mesmerisin', watchin' the shapes they create, the way the light and the glow draws your eyes.

Watchin' the way the flames in the fireplace eat away at the coal and logs gets me thinkin' more and more about what happened. Feels almost impossible to look away and I find my memory slippin' back to a few hours ago, rememberin' the way the heat in the saloon near enough scorched my eyeballs. The flames in there got too close to us, way too close. And if I'd been just a minute or two slower findin' Stella... Reckon there's somethin' in Don's remark after he dragged us away from the saloon, about our escape bein' down to luck and guardian angels. Ain't many other explanations for how we got out alive. Maybe though the fact that me and Stella did get outta that saloon alive, against the odds, is another hint to us - we've been given another chance and we gotta make the most of it.

When she's ready to listen to me, that's how I'm gonna explain it to her. Entirely up to her what she decides, as long as she knows how I feel and what I want. All I want is that she's happy, and if she's happy bein' with me (which I don't reckon there's much doubt about) then there ain't any more happiness I need in life.

Reckon we've been in danger of relyin' too much on assumptions and on things we ain't said. When I told Don I was gonna make sure me and Stella ain't left it too late, I weren't speakin' nothin' but the truth. Guess what he said made me real clear in my mind about what I'd decided before he called in – to be speakin' things out loud and makin' vows, sooner rather than later.

Feel my leg givin' me a reminder about how it ain't happy with me standin' on it for all this time, so I ease myself back down where I was sittin' earlier. Gotta admit, though I wouldn't admit it to Don, a few hours sleep would likely do me good. Starin' at that fire sure makes your eyelids feel heavy...

Faint sound of movement from the couch lifts my eyelids right back up again and brings me wide awake in a second. Asleep Stella may be, but it sure ain't a peaceful sleep. She's shifted again, turnin' onto her right side which has left the blanket all kinda' bunched up round her. That ain't gonna be comfortable for her.

Gettin' to my feet ain't quite as much of a struggle as I thought it might be and I'm at her side in a few moments. Got a feelin' this ain't gonna be an easy night for her, likely not for me neither. But if it takes me stayin' awake all night to make sure she's all right, then so be it. There are worse things a man could suffer than the loss of a few hours sleep.

Manage to get the blanket straightened out and coverin' Stella again without wakin' her. Stay crouched at her side, just watchin' her for a moment, wonderin' how much good this sleep is doin' her. Her face ain't peaceful; there's distress in her features even with her eyes closed and her hands are kinda' clenched. I'm hopin' she manages some rest at least and that by the time she wakes up she's gonna be restored to herself in some measure. The way she's locked herself away, that ain't gonna do her no good in the long run. More you keep somethin' hidden away the more difficult it gets to deal with.

I know Stella ain't the kind to hide a problem away, or hide from it. Not for long anyhow. Guess what I really want is to be the one helpin' her solve any problems she's got, or preventin' them in the first place. I wasn't able to do that today, couldn't stop her home bein' destroyed, but if she'll let me, I want to help her dealin' with what she's gotta face. Whichever way I can.

Realise that I've been runnin' my fingers up and down her arm while I've been thinkin'. Funny how an action you weren't even aware of feels kinda' natural though. Maybe I'm takin' some reassurance in it myself, that she's there and real and alive under my fingertips. Sure hope she might take some comfort from it too.

Realisin' my leg ain't gonna hold out much longer with me crouchin' like this I drag over a small stool with a tapestry seat to rest on. Once I'm sittin' down, I'm able to concentrate a little more easily on my thoughts, and I find them returnin' to what Don spoke about.

Whatever else I think about him sayin' what he did, he sure weren't wrong when he called me and Stella two stubborn people. I ain't too proud, or stubborn, to admit that. Bein stubborn ain't all bad neither. Kept me, and Stella, goin' through some tough times; got us where we are today in fact. But if it's a thing that stops us from bein' happy, and is keepin' us where we are today, which ain't quite together yet, then we gotta do somethin' about it. We're close, real close, but there's still some way to go...

A sudden cracklin' and spittin' from the fire startles me out of my musings. One of the lumps of wood in there's burned down almost to its core and the remains have split in two. I turn immediately to Stella: the sound of it must have reached into her sleep and dreams because she stirs; starts sorta' twistin' about, even while she ain't awake. That look of distress is still lyin' on her features, which I ain't likin' to see, so I do my best to erase it by placin' my hand on her shoulder real gently and assurin' her she's all right.

But it seems to have the opposite effect and instead of assurin' her, it agitates her further. Still with her eyes closed, she pushes my hand away, mutterin' somethin' that sounds like 'let me go' and it's clear she's gettin' more distressed.

Only thing that seems right to do is take hold of her hand, just kinda' stroke the back of it with my thumb, keep on tellin' her she's all right, that there's nothin' she needs to be frightened of.

After a moment, she calms and stills, her face relaxin' a little. I've kept hold of one of her hands while the other's lyin' beside her face, uncurled from the fist it was in. All movement apart from the rise and fall of her breathin' is stopped and she looks like she's slipped into a deeper sleep. Let a sigh of relief pass my lips and feel my muscles loosen. Take the opportunity to study her face, as it's a sight I love, and that ain't somethin' I'm gonna hesitate to admit. Though maybe it's easier to admit it to myself alone in the small hours of the night than any other time. Her face has got real beauty in it; maybe unconventional beauty, but it's beauty all the same. Beauty that sometimes near enough steals my breath, especially when she smiles...

As I'm gazin' at Stella, it hits me again that this ain't how it should be. It shouldn't be this way at all; only gettin' to be at her side like this when hurt and disaster's befallen us, when her face is showin' the marks of all she's been through today. I want to be with her, at her side, watchin' her sleepin' in happy times too, times when we've said goodnight to each other at the end of a day full of joy, spent together; knowin' we got that night and the next day and all the days we got allotted to us to be spent together.

Seems we've spent too many hours at each other's side in unhappy circumstances; I've kept a vigil at her bedside more than once and she's done the same for me too. Sure, I know that's a part of carin' for each other and somethin' I wouldn't hesitate to do again if Stella needed me to, but the fact is, we ain't spent enough happy times together yet. And we're in danger of takin' each other's presence for granted, lettin' those happy times slip past us while we're delayin'...

The time for those thoughts soon runs out, because the peacefulness of her sleep don't last long. A poppin' sound comes from the fire along with a waft of smoke. Fear reappears in Stella's face and her hand pulls away from mine. Though she's still asleep, her mind ain't restin'. When I try takin' hold of her hand again, she snatches it away from me, almost like she's fightin' to break free from somethin', or someone. Then her hand flies out, catchin' me on the chin as she's mutterin' 'no, no' over and over, turnin' from side to side, her hands pushin' against somethin' invisible, tryin' to fight it off.

Tryin' to clasp her hands ain't the best move I make as she lashes out, scratchin' my arm with her fingernails. But I gotta do somethin' to try and wake her; bein' trapped in a nightmare as she seems to be ain't gonna do her no good at all.

"Stella, come on, it's me, it's Mac. You're safe, I ain't gonna hurt you..."

My words don't have no effect. All I can think is that she's dreamin' she's in the clutches of that bastard Baines again as her voice rises and becomes more insistent in her denial. Even asleep her physical strength ain't any less – I'm sittin' next to her now on the edge of the couch, holdin' her arms, tryin' to calm her fear, but she's battlin' against me almost as fiercely as she was when I tried to stop her runnin' back to the saloon. The only thing that's gonna help now is wakin' her, gettin' her free from the nightmare she's havin'.

Shakin' her real gently, I call out to her in a low voice, "Stella, wake up, come on, you're with me, you're safe. Wake up!"

She pulls in a sharp breath as her eyes blink open at last and grow wide with horror as she struggles to sit upright.

"Get off me!" she gasps, tryin' to wriggle away from me. "You ain't never gonna get me! Never, you hear me!"

Jerkin' in my grasp, tryin' to tear out of my arms, her breathing's ragged and her chest is heavin' as her fists are ready to strike me. But after I've uttered her name again and that it's me, finally she seems to recognise me. Wild-eyed still, her gaze fixed on me, she freezes; even her breath's held and as quick as I can I wrap my hands round hers, feelin' how cold they are, repeatin' that she's all right, she's safe, Baines ain't got her, she ain't trapped in the saloon...

Soon as I say that, the last glowin' embers of the log in the fireplace crumble and fall through the grate raisin' a shower of sparks. It draws both our eyes to the fire and tears a tremblin' cry from her lips; her hands pull free from mine and fly to her mouth and she shakes her head. In an instant I know she remembers and realisin' that the storm's about to erupt I wrap my arms round her and pull her against me.

"My home..." is all she manages to choke out before the tears overtake her and she breaks down and sobs into my shoulder.

Ain't got no idea how long we're there; Stella's in a state of grief I've never seen her in before, wrapped in my arms with me holdin' her, tryin' to give her what comfort I can. Ain't nothin' really can be said that's gonna help so I just keep my arms round her. Maybe the very fact she's allowin' herself to cry is gonna be the best help of all.

My face is pressed into her hair and the smell of smoke lingerin' in it's a stark reminder of the reason for her tears. Runnin' my hand up and down her back, tryin' to bring some calm to her, I'm struck again with the knowledge of how close we both were to dyin' in that fire. Makes me hold onto her even tighter.

Real gradually, the sobs shakin' her start lessenin' until she begins to recover herself. Finally, they cease, but she stays still, no doubt exhausted, her head lyin' on my shoulder and her arms round my neck. My hand moves up to her hair, my fingers combin' through the tangled curls gentle as I can while I speak real softly to her, askin' after a few minutes if she's feelin' any better.

Drawin' in a shudderin' breath, she lifts her head and wipes her eyes, noddin' that she's all right. Ain't got no handkerchiefs left to offer her, but I gotta do somethin' to help the fact her eyes are all red and swollen and her face is streaked with tears. After makin' sure she's all right for me to do so, I loosen my hold on her, helpin' her sit back against the pillows and get to my feet with the intention of fetchin' a cool, damp cloth from the kitchen. Soon as I stand up though and tell her what I'm doin', she catches hold of my hand, askin' me not be long with a real anxious look in her eyes. Pausin' for a moment I weigh up the situation, before decidin' that I'll go but be real quick. Suitin' my actions to my words, I limp through to the kitchen fast as I can.

Don't take me long to locate a clean cloth which I soak and wring out. Returnin' with it, I find Stella sittin' with her knees drawn up to her chest, her hands clasped round them, starin' out of the window into the darkness, her breath still hitchin' a little.

"You oughtta have somethin' to drink and eat," I say softly, not wantin' to startle her as I approach.

She turns and gives me a weak sorta' smile. "Don't... don't know if I could manage anythin'..." Hesitatin' for a moment, she considers before admittin', "Though I guess a sip of water might be good."

Easin' myself down next to her again, I let my hand rest over hers. "Martha left a glass of water and there's a few slices of bread and butter she prepared for you and all." Dabbin' gently at her face with the cloth, bein' mindful of the bruise that's formin' on her cheek, gives me a flash of memory from a few hours ago when we were standin' in the snow. Stella sighs and there's a quiver in it, rememberin' the moment too maybe, so I attempt to divert her. "You're lucky the food's still here and untouched. Don called round earlier and had his eyes on it."

The corners of her mouth lift. "He don't miss an opportunity for gettin' somethin' to eat, does he?" A thoughtful look crosses her face. "So he was here earlier? I remember hearin' voices, yours and his, kinda' in the middle of the dreams I was havin', wasn't sure if it was real or not..." Her expression shadows and her voice grows fainter. "I was tryin' to wake up, I know I was, but they... they wouldn't let me go, the dreams."

I clasp her hand tighter at the fear she's shown me a glimpse of and I put the cloth down on the table before brushin' my fingertip down her jaw. "They were only dreams," I say, "dreams that ain't able to hurt you. You're safe and outta harm's way."

Her eyes search mine and I can see the fear in them ain't gone yet. Underneath mine, her hand's clutchin' the edge of the blanket. "I was... I was dreamin' you were hurt as well," she whispers. "That Baines had hurt you... killed you..."

"I ain't hurt, Stella." I caress the back of her hand with my thumb, addin' when she looks at me kinda' sceptically and reaches up to touch my face, "Least, not much. And I definitely ain't killed. I'm safe and fine and here with you."

It draws a faint smile from her and for a moment we simply sit there, our gazes joined, reassurin' ourselves of each other's well-bein'.

When she asks me after a moment about Baines, I tell her all I know, which is that it ain't seemin' likely he's gonna be hurtin' anyone again. She don't say nothin' to that, just holds onto my hand a little tighter.

Practicalities though are in my mind too and recallin' the water and the bread and butter, I reach across to the small table that Martha left them on and pull it over.

While I'm doin' that, Stella looks around her, with somethin' of a puzzled expression on her face. "What are we doin' at the Hammerbacks'?" she asks as I pass her the glass of water. "When did we get here?"

I tell her, makin' sure the glass ain't gonna slip out of her hands which are still kinda' tremblin'.

She frowns as she says she don't remember and as gently as I can, I answer that it was likely because of the state she was in, "Don't reckon you were takin' in anythin' that was happenin'."

Liftin' the glass to her lips she takes several gulps from it, all the while her eyes are lookin' at me over the rim. "Don't recollect much after... after seein' the roof fall in." She sets the glass down with a shaky sigh. "I'm sorry..."

"You ain't got no reason to be sayin' sorry." I speak real firmly and as a way of endin' that part of the conversation, I hold out the plate of bread and butter. "Here, you oughtta eat a couple of slices at least. If you don't, Martha's gonna be offended."

I get another small smile in return for the one I've given her as she takes a slice and nibbles at it, alternatin' between that and sippin' at the water. I'm real thankful for that, that she's gettin' some food and drink down her at last.

"You gonna have some, Mac?" she asks as soon as she's finished the bread, the first sign of her usual self appearin' as a glint in her eye. "You look like you could use some feedin' up yourself."

"Reckon I could manage a slice or two," I grin. "As long as you have another one too."

"Sounds like a deal to me," she says and it's a fair sight indeed to see the beginnings of a proper smile back in her face. "Guess I am kinda' hungry."

I'm real pleased to see her eat two more slices and accept another glass of water when I fetch us both one from the kitchen. All this movin' around ain't pleasin' my leg, but I ignore its protests. Makin' sure of Stella's health is more important. Between us we clear the plate, which is no doubt gonna be a happy sight for Martha's eyes in the mornin'.

After finishin' eatin', I lean back, feelin', it's gotta be said, a whole sight better. Both of us are sittin' on the couch; me with my legs stretched out in front of me, feelin' the warmth from the fire on one side and Stella with her legs tucked under her, pressed into my side with my arm round her and her head on my shoulder. She's got the blanket wrapped round her too, somethin' I made sure of. Warm as the room is, her dress ain't made of thick material. One hand's holdin' mine while the other worries at the skirt of her dress and the scorch marks on it. Ain't been no words spoken between us for some minutes, but we've moved a little closer, each of us silent with our own thoughts. Mine thankin' God that Stella didn't suffer any more damage than a singed dress, 'cause it wouldn't have taken much for it to have gone up in flames takin' her with it. But it didn't and that's what matters, that's what I gotta focus on...

My eyes are half-closin' in the stillness when Stella sits upright and her fingers curl round my hand.

"Where's your coat?" she asks urgently, the grip on my hand tightenin'. "The one I was wearin', the one you put round me in the saloon. Where is it?"

Another memory flashes back to me; an image of the two of us in the saloon, and Stella stuffing the thing she'd had clutched to her chest into the pocket of my coat. I reassure her quickly that the coat's perfectly safe and point it out to her, dryin' over the back of a chair by the fire.

She breathes a sigh of relief, her eyes closin' for a second before they flash open and her gaze meets mine.

Decidin' the moment's right to be askin', I turn my hand so our palms are meetin' and my fingers are clasped round her wrist. "What did you go back for, Stella? What was so important you went runnin' back into the saloon with it burnin' down around you?" I ask her in a real soft voice, not wantin' it to sound like I'm reproachin' her.

She don't answer me at first. Instead, her gaze lowers to our hands. Much as I'm keen to know, I ain't gonna force her to tell me, it's gotta be her decision, which is what I say to her. That gains me another small smile before her eyes turn away from me again and her fingers fiddle restlessly with her dress.

But after a brief silence accompanied by the hissin' and murmurin' of the fire in the hearth, she squeezes my hand and makes a move to get up off of the couch. I try and get up faster, but my leg lets me down and don't allow me to. Pattin' my thigh gently, Stella, givin' me another glimpse of her usual self, sends me a stern look and tells me to stay where I am, that she ain't sick and she can manage to pick a coat up off a chair. Even if my leg weren't twingin' the way it is, I'd have to concede to her, so still with the blanket wrapped round her she fetches the coat and brings it back to the couch.

Once she's settled back next to me, she drapes it over our knees and slips her hand into the pocket; a small, sad kinda' smile flickers across her face as she draws out a crumpled lookin' item, the sight of which, I gotta admit, leaves me shocked. That really ain't what I was expectin' to see; the deeds for the saloon maybe, certainly not what she's got in her hands.

Holdin' it carefully, turnin' it this way and that, somethin' of a watery laugh breaks from her. "Guess you're wonderin' why I went back for this, huh?"

"You could say that," I answer, as I study the smoke-streaked but still smilin' rag doll, unable to keep the surprise out of my face and voice.

Stella looks at me, half-embarrassed. "You don't see why I risked my life to rescue a doll."

"No, I don't entirely see why," I admit, still strugglin' to understand her possible motives. "It's a doll... but - but I'm guessin' it ain't just a doll to you and that's maybe why."

A tremblin' sigh is all the answer I get while she lays the doll on her lap and smooths its dress and wild woolen curls, her eyes cast downwards. When she looks back up at me, it ain't hard to see the tears in her eyes.

"This is all I've got left, Mac; all I ever started out with, and all I'm left with now. When - when I was found as a baby, she was with me, so they told me. My mother made her for me, at least that's what I've always believed, and she's been with me through everythin'..." A tear slips down her cheek and she dashes it away as her mouth purses up in a way that tells me she's holdin' back from cryin' by sheer willpower alone. "She travelled half-way across the country with me, all the way out here; she's shared all my tears and smiles too, kept me company through everythin'." She pauses for a moment, droppin' her gaze before raisin' it to mine again, revealin' a trace of guilt. "I know you were mad at me about what I did," she says, pinchin' the blanket with her free hand, continuin' before I got a chance to say anythin', "And I guess you had a right to be. Wasn't thinkin' so much what I was doin', all I knew was I had to go back and get her..." Another tear tracks its way down her cheek and sniffin', she dashes it away. "I... I couldn't have left her to be all burned up..." Her voice breaks for a moment and I close my hand round hers, just lettin' her know I'm listenin'.

After she swipes away a few more tears she looks at me almost defiantly. "Guess you think I'm foolish and sentimental."

"That ain't what I think," I say firmly. "I'm never gonna think that about you. I was mad at first, but only because I'd gotten so worried..." I manage to catch another tear before it drips off her chin and continue, speakin' more softly now, "But even though I understand why you did what you did... to my way of thinkin', even somethin' as important as that doll is to you ain't ever gonna be as important as you are to me." I'm holdin' on real tight to her hand now, and she's starin' at me her eyes dazzlin' with tears in the firelight, her lips pressed tightly together. "Even if you'd lost that doll," I continue quietly, hearin' the whisperin' of the fire, "and even though she's somethin' special and unique, the fact you've still got your life counts for more than anythin' else. A doll ain't the same as a person; a person ain't able to be replaced. I know you think that doll ain't replaceable, but riskin' your life for it..." I pause and swallow, feelin' what's gotta be the remains of smoke in my throat for a moment and grippin' Stella's hand even tighter. "Stella, your life is the most important thing in my life. If I'd have lost you, I'd have lost everythin'. I could never have replaced you."

She ain't makin' any attempt now to wipe away the tears that are runnin' down her cheeks, so raisin' my hand, I brush a few away with the backs of my fingers. "I ain't condemin' you for what you did, Stella," I tell as gently as I can, "but you gotta know that had... had anythin' happened to you I would have lost the person who means more to me than' anythin' in the whole world."

In the silence, a sigh slips outta me; a whole lot of feelings have risen up with all I've spoken about and I gotta let them settle for a time.

Stella, still with her eyes brimmin', stares down at the doll in her hands, her fingers smoothin' its dress over and over without her bein' properly aware of what she's doin.

"I couldn't bear to lose you, I couldn't bear it..." I gotta say those last words, even though my voice falters on them; they're too important to remain unspoken.

"I'm sorry, Mac," she whispers finally, hoarse with tears. "I'm so sorry... when I saw you'd come in after me... I didn't think the fire had taken hold so much, thought I'd still have enough time, and - and I hadn't wanted you riskin' your life rushin' back in to find me..." Her hands cover her face and bowed forward a sob breaks from her that almost breaks my heart.

Next thing, she's in my arms again, her face buried into the crook of my neck.

"How could I have left you in there?" I murmur. "Even if it had been fallin' down around me, I'd have gone back in for you."

"Oh, Mac..." she half-chokes out, her shoulders heavin' with another wave of sobs. She's quick to bring them under control this time, but it's tired her out even more; though maybe that's gonna be good for her, maybe now she can get some real restful sleep.

When the last tears have been wiped away and she's joked half-heartedly about makin' my shirt all damp, the two of us just sit for a time, our arms round each other. It's soon clear she's strugglin' to keep her eyes open; they keep kinda' droppin' shut, no matter how often she forces them open again.

"Maybe you oughtta sleep?" I suggest, knowin' what she's gonna say to that, and unable to help a grin when she answers as I predicted with the protest that she ain't so tired she needs to sleep, before addin' that she ain't the only one who needs to. Strokin' the top of her arm, I smile down at her, thinkin' that sleep maybe ain't a bad idea for me and all. When I tell her that, she smiles real contentedly and strokes the back of my hand with her fingertips.

But my sympathy's with her as I guess part of her protest is to do with the fact she's scared about what she's gonna dream of. So another suggestion comes to mind. "Maybe we oughtta strike another deal, Stella," I say. "I agree to go to sleep if you do and all. I ain't gonna be far from you, and you ain't gonna be far from me if we need each other. What d'you think?"

Givin' me a frown, she looks up from where she's got her cheek pillowed against my chest. "Maybe... I guess – I guess knowin' you're here with me's gonna stop some of those dreams comin' back for me," she mumbles in between yawns.

"You're safe, ain't no need for you to fear dreams," I tell her, caressin' the back of her neck.

After there ain't no more words from her for a few minutes, I begin to think she's fallen asleep, but when I shift a little, she murmurs somethin' about what in the world she's gonna wear tomorrow.

Lookin' down curiously at her, she gazes up at me, her fingertips startin' to trace patterns on the back of my hand. "I ain't got nothin' but what I'm wearin' now. And this dress ain't really fit for wearin' anymore." She lifts a piece of the skirt and lets it fall again.

That causes me to frown, thinkin' about what I can do about that. Ain't really much good me offerin' her any of my clothes... However, inspiration strikes me after a moment. "Martha will no doubt have somethin' you can wear from one of her daughters," I say, hopin' that's the case. "You ain't got no need to worry, we'll get everythin' sorted out, I promise."

She looks up at me, her gaze fixed to mine, a crooked sorta' smile at the corners of her mouth. "I believe you," she says, but sighs a little sadly as she regards the doll in her lap. "Guess the resemblance between the two of us ain't never been so great; look at us – hair all messed up and tangled, dresses all scorched and spoiled..."

I tilt her chin up real gently with one finger. "You know, maybe Martha can do somethin' about that as well; reckon she'd be more than happy to make her a new little dress, fix her hair." I got no doubt that Martha will be happy to be asked; if Stella ain't looked upon as another daughter by her and her husband then I ain't the Sheriff of Hattanville.

Stiflin' another yawn, Stella looks wistful. "She's real good to me."

"She cares about you," I tell her. "It ain't a trouble for someone to do somethin' for a person they care about." I slide my arm further round her and she nestles closer into me, the smile stayin' on her face as her eyelids droop again.

Moment later, they open again and the smile's gone. "There's a whole lot I'm gonna have to do in the mornin', a whole lot..." her voice tails off as I'm guessin' she's considerin' the size of the task ahead of her.

"But you ain't gonna be doin' it alone; ain't no way you're gonna face what needs to be done alone. For a start, you got the folks in this town who ain't gonna be backwards in coming forwards, and you got me at your side to help you however you want and need."

Another sigh passes her lips and she presses my hand. "You're a good man, Mac. Real good."

The fact she thinks that gives me a strange sorta' feelin' – real pride, but maybe, maybe a kinda' fear as well, a worry that I got a whole lot to live up to and that I ain't gonna be able to be all she needs me to be... Guess all I can do though is meet each challenge as it comes and do the best I can, for her.

More time drifts by while I think all this and Stella's so still against me that she's gotta have fallen asleep. Start thinkin' about how I'm gonna try and move her to make sure she's sleepin' comfortably. May be all fine and good her sleepin' curled up like she is against me, but it ain't gonna be so good for her when she wakes up with a stiff neck in the mornin'.

As I make a move though, she stirs and mumbles real drowsily that she ain't asleep. I tell her she oughtta be and she lifts her head and blinks at me kinda' owlishly. Clearly more than half-asleep, she tells me firm as she can mange that she ain't sleepin' till she knows I'm sleepin too.

This ain't gonna get us anywhere, so pullin' the blanket closer round her, I assure her that I got myself a bed all set up by the fire and I'll be lyin' down on it soon as she's settled.

When I point it out to her, she glances at it, then turns her gaze back to me, considerin', all the while her fingers play with the doll in her lap kinda' nervously.

"I was... I was just kinda' wonderin'," she starts, droppin' her gaze then raisin' it again, "that if it ain't a problem for you, that maybe – maybe I could share some of your blankets..." she stops, lookin' shy.

I know what she's askin', and why, so I ain't gonna make her ask any further.

"It ain't a problem," I say firmly. "I'll be glad of it."

She gives me a grateful look and presses my hand again before both of us stir ourselves off the couch and make up a real comfortable place by the fire, spreadin' out the blankets and pillows we got.

By the time we're done, Stella ain't hardly able to keep her eyes open as she lies down with her back to the fire and I lie down next to her, her back against my chest, so I'm between her and the flames. Stretchin' my leg out, which feels real good, I make sure the blankets are round her and pull one over me and all.

Finally, she really is asleep and I can feel peace of mind about that; peace too from knowin' she's right here next to me, allowin' me to be there. Murmurin' a goodnight to her, I kiss the back of her head. At that, she turns round, turnin' this time towards me, so it feels only the natural thing to do to put my arm round her waist and draw her closer to me. Feels even more natural after that to whisper a final few words to her, tellin' her I love her. And though she ain't awake, I got a feelin' she might've heard me, 'cause the last thing I see before sleep drags my eyes shut is a smile on her lips and a look of peace in her face.

Thanks for reading; reviews very welcome and replied to as usual with an extra scene :) Lily x