A/N: Wait a second...a full on fluffy chapter...from me? Apparently it is possible...Now I am going to say just a few things. A.) I am by no means a fluff writer. I am just not that good at it. I fully enjoy writing lots of angst that may or may not end with fluff, however, I do not generally write plan out fluff. Though on occassion I will be stricken by my muse to write a fluff piece. B.) When I do write a fluff piece, please enjoy it, because generally I will not write them : I absolutely adore this song, even if it did make me write fluff *smiles* If you haven't heard, I beg you...give it a listen. Song is by Katherine McPhee Featuring Zachary Levi (for any of those Psych fans that also watches Chuck). Now, I'm done rambling. Enjoy this update, and I am literally begging you. REVIEW. It's like food to me...I need it to keep my muse alive! (that's probably a little dramatic, but hey, if it works, then dramatic I shall be!)
Oh lied, one last thing...the first part (above the line break) Jules side, (after the line break) Shawn's side. Just in case you get confused :)
Chapter Five: Terrified
You by the light
Is the greatest find
The wind blew with a quiet intensity. The waves crashed against the shore, and the sky was a bright blue. The sun shone straight onto the man sitting next to her. Shawn's head turned slightly, taking in the view of the ocean at work, and the sun sat his profile ablaze. Her breath caught in her throat. She had seen his face numerous times, and while he was quite handsome in his own right. The way that the sun settled on his face made her realize just how beautiful the features of his face were. His taunt jawline that curved ever so slightly. The way that his barely there scruff glistened in the light. Yet the most breath-taking part of all of this was the way that the sun made his eyes glow an almost honey color. The green seemed to almost all but disappear, except around the edges.
Juliet knew that she was staring at him, and yet she didn't feel as if she could stop. A smile that tugged at the edges of her lips. She felt a warming sensation in her heart, and butterflies in her stomach. She knew what the feeling meant, and even as she stared at the man sitting next to her, she fought against those feelings with everything in her. There was no way that she was in love with Shawn Spencer. Not that it would be a hard thing to do. Fall in love with him. It was more that she'd be breaking a promise that she made with herself a long time ago.
In a world full wrong you're the thing that's right
Finally made it through the lonely to the other side
Though, Shawn was unlike any of the other guys she had ever dated, she still didn't quite trust him with her heart. Not fully. There was something that screamed at her that he'd break her heart. Maybe not in the same way as all the other guys had, but it all hurt just the same way. Right?
She sighed contently as he took her hand. It seemed as if their hands melded together perfectly. It was in moments like this that she could forget about all the horrible things that she has seen. In moments like this, it was only her and Shawn. So why was it that she was fighting so hard against actually loving him? Against giving him all of herself. Her heart included? In the back of her mind she knew the answer to that question, but when things were as perfect as they were right in this moment, she tended to forget that reason. She tended to shove that reason so far back to the edges of her memory that it would sometimes take her forever to pull it back out.
The truth was, she had seen him with other woman. Not since they had been together mind you, but just in general. Even when he was with Abigail, and he seemed to take their relationship seriously, he still looked at other woman. She had heard stories of his love life prior to Abigail and herself. A different woman every week, and sometimes more than one. The truth of the matter, no matter how you phrase it, is that Shawn Spencer used to be a womanizer. What would make her think that he wouldn't get bored of her before long and revert back into his womanizing ways?
"Jules..." This brought her out of her thoughts, as she realized that he was staring right back at her. His green eyes pierced straight through hers. She had never felt so...exposed, as she did when he looked at her like that.
"Yeah Shawn." It was more of a formality than anything else. She just wanted to make sure that he knew she was listening. The look on his face turned dead serious, and she felt as her breath caught in her throat. She was afraid. Was he breaking up with her?
"I think...no. I am, in love with you." She felt her eyes go wide. She had not been expecting that. As far as she knew, Shawn Spencer hadn't uttered those words to anyone. At least not in a good long while. She felt her chest tighten up, as a tear slipped down her cheek.
You said it again my heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
She hoped that her quietness wouldn't be taken in the wrong way, as he turned his head back toward the ocean. "I've known it for a while now. I just...I was afraid to say it. To tell you that I love you. You're my entire world Jules."
She felt a smile cross her lips. All the worry from earlier. The thoughts of him leaving her, went straight out the window. He loved her. Shawn Spencer, lover of all women, had just told her that he was in love with her. She felt his hand tighten around hers. Looking down she took in their intertwined hands and felt her smile grow even larger. How badly she wanted to say it back, but she was afraid. Once she said it, she couldn't take it back. Not that she wanted to, but what if this was some sort of game with him? What if he only said it to see if she'd say it back?
"You don't have to say it back Jules. Even if you don't say it. I know you love me too. I can feel it when you kiss me."
She couldn't speak. Here he was pouring out his heart, and she was literally speechless.
And I'm in love and I'm terrified.
For the first time in the last time
In my only life.
She did love him. No matter how hard she tried to deny it. How hard she tried to fight against it, she did love him. Without even knowing it, she had given him her heart, and now here he was giving his to her, both literally and figuratively and she couldn't find the words to say it back.
Truth be told, she was scared...no that wasn't the right word, she was terrified. There had been other instances when she had thought she had been in love, and maybe she had, but none of them felt like this. This almost sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach that always got worse whenever he wasn't around. She had never wanted to spend so much time with anyone else she had dated, and yet here she was spending all of her free time with Shawn. Even time she shouldn't be spending with him, she was.
She took a deep breath. "I'm afraid Shawn. Well...more like terrified..."
His piercing green eyes looked at her again. "Why Jules?" He looked genuinely worried. "I've never felt like this before." He simply smiled, as he grazed his thumb against her cheek. "Me either. It is a scary feeling, but I know together we can do it."
She smiled, as he leaned forward. His lips grazed hers in a small kiss. Shaking her head, she pulled his lips back down to hers, this time deepening the kiss.
This could be good
It's already better than that
Shawn stared off toward the ocean. The way that the sunlight bent off the waves brought him a deep feeling of calmness. The words that he had promised himself that he would say. That he would utter to the woman sitting next to him. They had made his stomach flutter with feelings of nervousness. So the calming waves, was the only thing that he would look at right now because looking at her would cause the nervousness to return. Not only that, but it would cause the words that he so desperately wanted to say, to slip from his mind. It wouldn't be the first time that it had happen.
He had wanted to explain his feelings for her, a long while ago. Things kept happening, getting in the way. Things like, Lassiter walking into the room. That man he the worst timing known to man. Mostly though, it was those eyes. They're the color of the ocean, which brought him a calmness...a bit of inner peace, but then she'd smile at him, and those butterflies would return.
And nothing is worse than knowing
You're holding back
Though if he was honest with himself, the real reason he hadn't told her was the fact that he could feel her pull back. Pull away from him. It's not to say that she didn't care about him, or that she didn't love him. It was quite the opposite really. From what he could gather from the snippets of her past that he had heard. Whether those came directly from her, or from phone conversations that he might should not have been listening in on, she had been hurt...a lot. Though he knew his intentions were pure, he also knew that he couldn't sit there and tell her that it'd be easy.
Shawn gulped, the sound was deafening loud to himself, and out of the corner of his eye he saw that she was staring at him. Though, he had been able to feel her eyes on him prior, now it just seemed like she knew something was up.
He wanted to promise her that they'd always be happy. That they were made for each other, even with as cheesy as that sounded, but they were not promises that he could keep. He didn't know if they were made for each other, or that they'd always be happy. As much as he hated to admit it right now, he was not psychic, and he could not see their future together. He couldn't see if they were married, and happy as a family. No matter how badly he really wanted to see that.
I could be all that you needed
If you let me try
It was time. He needed to tell her, and maybe then she'd feel confident enough to tell him. Taking a deep breath before turning toward her. Even though her bright blue eyes were staring straight at him, he could see that she wasn't actually looking at him. She seemed to be caught up in her own thoughts.
"Jules..." There she was. Her eyes fixated on his, and he could tell that she was listening. He could also see the worry in her eyes.
"Yeah Shawn." He stole a single moment to look at their hands that were intertwined together, before looking back up. He knew this was the most serious that he had ever been, and he could tell that this fact alone scared her.
"I think...no. I am in love with you." He watched her expression carefully. Watching he saw her eyes go wide, and saw a single tear slip down her cheek. Was that a good thing...he knew he didn't regret telling her, but he did feel slightly self-conscious now that she hasn't spoken a word.
"You don't have to say it back Jules. Even if you don't say it. I know you love me too. I can feel it when you kiss me."
He studied her face. He saw a different mix of emotions cross her face, before she settled on one he wasn't expecting. It looked like fear. Like she was scared to death...of what? Him?
He heard her take a deep breath, "I'm afraid Shawn. Well...more like terrified..."
Stunned would have put what he was currently feeling lightly. He was...worried. Did she want to break up with him? "Why Jules?" He saw realization cross her features, and he knew that she knew that he was worried about her. "I've never felt like this before." He smiled at her, his thumb caressing her cheek. "Me either. It is a scary feeling, but I know together we can do it."
Slowly, a smile crossed her beautiful face, and he couldn't stop himself from leaning forward, pressing his lips to hers. It was a small, slow kiss. Too quickly, he pulled back, not wanting to push her. He smiled as he saw her shake her head, before pulling him back down, deepening the kiss. After what felt like an eternity to his burning lungs, he pulled back, resting his forehead against hers. "You know...I am in love with you too..." He smiled, his hand caressing her cheek. "Yeah Jules, I know."