Chapter Thirteen
"Jane?" Maura said hurriedly trailing after Jane. Jane had pushed herself away from the table and retreated into the kitchen but sensed that wasn't far enough removed from her current situation so she pushed open the back screen door and headed out of the house and into the backyard.
As Maura followed her trying to catch up she wondered if Jane was going to stop or just keep right on going. "Jane!" she said a little louder trying to get Jane to stop.
Jane made it halfway across the backyard before she realized she was outdoors. This caused her to stop. That allowed Maura to catch up with the fleeing detective.
But now that Maura had caught up with Jane she wasn't sure what to do or say. Hesitantly she placed her hand on Jane's shoulder once she was close enough to do so. She could feel Jane's entire body was trembling. It broke her heart.
"Are you alright?" Maura asked quietly.
"I just need a minute here," Jane answered. She was bouncing between rage and sadness and she just needed to get a handle on the emotions. Now that she was out of the house she regretted her sudden departure. She knew that was going to have to be explained. But she had felt herself about to confront her father and she couldn't do that to her mother. Fleeing seemed to be her best option.
Maura tightened her grip on Jane's shoulder finding herself again in the position of not knowing what exactly the right thing to do for Jane was in that moment. So she did the only thing she could do. She stood by Jane in silence.
"Italy. For their anniversary." Jane just let that statement linger out there for a minute. She turned to look at Maura suddenly wondering how she got so lucky to have the woman standing next to her in her life. "Maura, do you have any idea how long my mother has wanted to go to Italy?"
Maura didn't so she just shook her head.
Jane turned again and sat down on a bench swing that was in the backyard pulling Maura down onto the swing with her. "When I was twelve my folks had made plans to take a trip to Italy to celebrate their fifteenth wedding anniversary. My mother was so excited. I swear for an entire year leading up to the summer they were going to go on their trip all we heard about was Italy.
"All the things she was going to get to do and see when they got there. She spent the year practicing her Italian day after day. That's the only reason I even know the language. We heard it in the house every day for almost a year.
"Ma had this old spiral notebook. I think it was one of my old school notebooks. But she kept this notebook at the nightstand next to her bed and every time she had a thought or an idea about something to do with Italy she would write it down. I remember I looked through it once and it was completely filled with places and ideas she wanted to do or see. Things I'd never even heard of before but it was almost as if a new idea had occurred to her each night.
"And my father was excited too. He was never as outwardly demonstrative with his emotions as Ma but we could tell he was excited about the trip too. He had worked so hard to save up the extra money for the trip. I think I was the only one who understood just how many extra hours and side jobs he did in that year leading up to the trip. I helped him with at least half of them.
"But he never complained. Job after job. Week and week. He put in all the extra hours he could to get the money. I mean we were never poor. But we were never rich either. There was always enough for everything any of us needed when we were kids. Clothes, food, new toys, all the extra activities we each did. I never worried about not having the money to do something I wanted. But I never really thought we had 'extra' money for large vacations.
"And watching how hard my father had to work to get the money for the trip just seemed to confirm for me that this trip was a luxury for the two of them. Something special for them that was outside the normal day to day that we did."
"I take it they didn't get to take the trip?" Maura asked. She had listened to Jane talk without interrupting her for as long as she could. Despite the unfortunate circumstances that prompted the story Jane was telling, she found herself thinking she loved listening to Jane talk. She loved the sound and tone of Jane's voice. She knew she could listen to that voice for the rest of her life.
Jane nodded. "My grandmother got really sick about a month before they were supposed to leave for Italy. She had a heart attack. My mother was too afraid to travel that far away in case something happened so they agreed to postpone the trip. My aunt tried to get them to agree to still go but neither one wanted to leave with what was going on. My father insisted that they would just reschedule the trip for either later that summer or the next year.
"But then that next year just never came. Things, life really, just seemed to always get in the way. After a while my mother stopped speaking in Italian around the house. And eventually that old spiral notebook just disappeared. They never made it to Italy." Jane was quiet for a minute before speaking again. "Twenty years. My mother has been waiting to go to Italy for twenty years."
Maura knew that Jane was still conflicted over what to do about what her father was doing. After listening to Jane's story she now had the sense that Jane may have just added not wanting to take Italy away from her mother yet again to the list of concerns all of this was weighing on her. She went to say something but they were both startled by an interruption.
"Jane?" Both women looked up and saw Frank walking out of the house and towards them.
R&I
Maura felt Jane's entire body immediately tense up. Instinctively she reached down and took Jane's hand into hers.
Frank seemed to be walking towards the two women in slow motion. But then as if it had happened instantly he was standing in front of them both.
"Jane, are you ok?" he asked with a deep look of concern.
Jane stared at him but didn't speak. Maura stared at Jane. Frank stared at them both.
"Your mother was about to come out here and question you but I thought maybe I'd save you from that and check on you myself," he said. His tone was loving and casual. There was just a hint of humor behind his words. He was sure Jane wanted to be dealing with him more than her mother.
Jane still just stared at her father.
"Jane?" he looked between Jane and Maura not understanding anything about what was going on or what was wrong with his daughter. He was now starting to get concerned. "Maura, do you know what's going on here?" he turned his attention to the doctor hoping she could shed some light on his daughter's behavior.
That seemed to snap Jane out of her silence. "Don't involve her in this," she said. She didn't try to hide her sense of anger.
Frank turned back to look at Jane. He picked up on her tone. He just didn't understand it. "In that case, Maura might I have a few minutes alone with Jane?" he asked.
Maura felt Jane's hand tighten around hers. Maura was about to tell Frank she wasn't going anywhere but Jane spoke first. Maura was surprised by what she told her. "It's alright Maura. Why don't you go inside and collect our things. I think I should really go home now."
Maura looked at Jane not sure if she should leave the two of them alone. But Jane nodded her head to Maura and with that Maura squeezed Jane's hand one more time and stood up. "Jane, I'll get everything and let your mother know that we are going to be leaving." She then released Jane's hand and walked back towards the house. She stopped one time before getting too far away from Jane and looked at her. She wanted confirmation that Jane did want a few minutes alone with Frank. Jane nodded once more to Maura so she continued into the house.
Once Maura was to the porch Frank took her place next to Jane on the swing. He couldn't help but notice Jane flinch when he sat down. "Alright young lady," he started. "Out with it."
Jane looked straight ahead but didn't say anything for a minute. Frank just sat waiting. "I can wait here all day Jane," he said as a subtle way to remind Jane that he had more patience than she did.
Finally Jane spoke to him. It was the first time all night. "How could you?" was what she got out.
"How could I what? Wait for you all night?" he asked confused.
"How can you just act like there's nothing going on?" she asked again. "How can you come home every day and pretend like everything is just ok?"
He still had no idea what she was talking about and he was about to press her for more information but she cut him off.
"Who is she?" she asked in a flat, dead tone.
For the first time since he walked outside Jane noticed her father flinch. But he tried to recover. "Who are you talking about?"
"Pop, just don't. Don't treat me like I'm an idiot. And don't think I can't figure out who she is without your help. Just because I haven't tried yet doesn't mean I can't. Or I won't. Who is she?" She kept her stare straight ahead as she asked the questions.
"She's no one Jane," he answered.
Jane was somewhat surprised he had acknowledged her existence that quickly. "You'd jeopardize thirty four years of marriage for a no one? Please at least be able to sit there and tell me she's someone you love. Someone you just can't live without. That you don't know how it happened and you are trapped. Don't let this really be over someone you label a 'no one'."
Frank sat on the bench swing and appeared to be at a loss for words. Jane understood immediately how to interpret his silence. The woman really was a nobody. The very thought made her nauseous.
"Does Ma know?"
Frank shook his head. "Jane, your mother and I," he paused. "There are things about our relationship that you just don't know about."
"Does she know?" Jane asked again sterner.
Frank again shook his head staying quiet this time.
"How long?" Jane asked.
"There are problems in our life Jane that you just don't understand," he tried to rationalize with her.
"Damn it Pop! Just answer the question. How long has this been going on?" she needed to know. Was this a one time thing? Had it just happened? She needed answers.
"A couple of months," he admitted.
Jane was quiet for a minute but then asked what to her was the next most logical question. "Was she the first?"
The simple hesitation she witnessed from him gave her the only answer she needed. She suddenly felt lost. She could no longer recognize the man sitting next to her. She stood up and turned towards him.
"You have two choices Pop. Either you tell her. Or I will." Jane said in a cold tone.
"Jane," he started but he was cut off.
"You or me. But one of us is going to have that conversation," she warned.
Frank didn't know what to say or do. "Why?" he asked quietly.
"Because I love her enough not to lie to her," she answered back. "You or me. I'll give you until tomorrow to decide." With that she started to walk back towards the house leaving a stunned Frank sitting on the swing.
R&I
Maura's mind was racing as she walked back towards the house. She had no idea what she was going to tell Angela about what was going on and she was sure Angela would be standing at the door waiting for her. She wasn't good in situations like this. She couldn't lie. She would break out in hives if she lied and if the situation was stressful enough she was even prone to vasovagal incidents. As she drew closer the Rizzoli backdoor she was pretty sure she would be facing one if not both issues soon.
She didn't even make it through the door before a very worried Angela was in front of her. "Maura, what's wrong with Jane?"
Maura attempted to sidestep the woman to fully enter the kitchen. She needed to grab her purse. That may have been the only time in her life she ever wished she had never carried a purse. Jane never did. If she hadn't they could have just left without Maura having to come back into the house. Maura silently cursed her need for fashion accessories in that moment.
Maura thought maybe she could try a diversion. "Angela, have you seen my purse? Jane and I are going to be leaving soon," she tried. It was a pathetic attempt at a diversion but she had to try.
"It's on the kitchen counter. Leaving? What's wrong with Jane? She ran out of the room so fast. Do you know what's going on?" Angela shifted her gaze from Maura to the backyard watching Frank talk with Jane.
Maura flashed to something Jane had told her once when they were talking about how Jane handled Angela when she was a little over the top.
"Maura, the key to handling my mother sometimes is knowing how to give non-answer answers," Jane said.
"You mean lie?" Maura asked.
"No. Not lie exactly. Just an answer that really isn't an answer."
Maura looked confused. "I'm not exactly sure I understand what you mean," she admitted.
Jane sighed. "It all comes down to giving an answer that is technically true but excludes or overlooks certain pieces of information you would rather not share. It's the art of avoidance and misdirection."
Avoidance and misdirection. Both were definitely needed here. So Maura gave it her best shot. "Angela, Jane experienced a sudden release of cortisol, adrenaline and noradrenaline into her bloodstream that caused her heart rate, respiration rate and blood pressure to temporarily increase. The episode has passed but we both feel that she should head home and get some rest." All technically true. All physiological reactions to stress. Maura was almost proud of herself at her first attempt at a non-answer answer. Now she just hoped it would work.
Angela's head turned again towards the backyard. "My poor baby," she let out. "I knew she was getting sick. I even asked Frankie this morning if Jane was sick. She wasn't returning text messages all morning. She's exhausted. She works too many hours. She lets herself get run down."
Maura was suddenly taken by how quickly Angela kicked into gear. She was moving around the kitchen like a woman on a mission and before Maura could really piece together what Angela was doing she was being presented with several leftover containers of food and her purse.
"Will you please make sure that Jane gets home alright. And that she eats something again later. And that she gets some rest. She never lets me make a fuss over her but I think she would let you look after her. You are a doctor after all. She shouldn't have an issue if you tried to make sure she was taking care of herself.
"You're very good for her Maura," Angela acknowledged. "She's different around you. I know we haven't had a chance to spend much time together just the two of us, but I'd like to sometime. Lunch or something? I'd really like a chance to get to know you better."
Before Maura could even answer that Jane was suddenly in the kitchen. She was pale and a little shaky. Angela had her in a gentle embrace within seconds. "Oh honey, you need to go home and get into bed. Maura will drive you home. She has plenty of leftovers and she promises to look after you."
Jane's eyes opened wide with a questioning look at Maura trying to understand how Maura had diverted Angela in such a manner that she was insisting that Jane go home. Maura, for her part, simply shrugged and offered up the containers as proof of leftovers.
"Now go. You look worn out. Straight to bed young lady. Doctor's orders," she turned and smiled at Maura. Angela released Jane from the hug and walked her to the backdoor. Maura quietly followed. Angela gave Maura a hug before whispering. "Take care of her." Maura merely nodded and both Jane and Maura headed to the car.
"What's wrong with Janie?" Frankie asked as he entered the kitchen and watched his mother watching Jane and Maura get into their car.
"I told you she was sick," she replied back. "A mother knows these things." She turned to Frankie. "Now, help me clear the table."
"Ma," Frankie whined but started to do as he was told.
Neither seemed to notice that Frank hadn't gotten up from the bench swing in the backyard since Jane had walked away.
R&I
Maura looked over at Jane as she drove. Jane hadn't said anything since they had left the house. Maura didn't want to push her before she was ready to talk. "So, your place or mine?" she asked not exactly sure where Jane wanted to be.
In a quiet voice she answered. "Mine." Her tone was flat.
Maura nodded and couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. She was hoping Jane would come back to her place so she could keep an eye on her. But if Jane wanted to be alone at her own place Maura would take her.
As if sensing Maura's thoughts Jane added, "Will you stay with me?"
"Of course," she replied immediately. And immediately she felt better about taking Jane to her apartment.
The rest of the drive was filled with silence. Jane just stared out the window watching the world drift by. Maura pulled up to Jane's place and parked the car. They got out and Maura gathered all of the containers Angela had prepared before they both headed up the stairs.
Once inside Maura went into the kitchen to put away the leftovers and get them both a drink. She turned to ask Jane if she wanted water or beer but didn't see Jane in the living room. She put the containers away and then went looking for Jane.
She found her in her bedroom. Jane was laying on the bed curled up onto her side. The sight of her nearly broke Maura's heart.
She walked around to the other side of the bed and sat down. When Jane didn't protest she slid herself up completely against Jane's back letting one arm drape over her stomach and the other she allowed to lightly brush through Jane's hair. Jane grabbed the arm Maura draped across her stomach and she interlaced her fingers with Maura's. They both lay there quietly taking comfort in the presence of the other.
"I can't really talk about it tonight," Jane said apologetically. She knew Maura was wondering how the conversation with her father went.
Maura continued to run her fingers through Jane's hair. "You don't have to," she said reassuringly. "I'm here. Whenever you are ready." She felt Jane's hold on her hand tighten.
"Promise me something?" Jane asked.
"Anything," Maura replied.
"Promise me that we won't ever drift so far apart that we could hurt each other that way."
Maura wasn't expecting that but she gave an answer. "I promise I'll do everything in my power to never hurt you."
Jane let that linger for a minute before shifting on the bed and turning into Maura's arms. She was now looking directly into Maura's eyes. Eyes she knew she could easily get lost in if given half a chance. She let her hand gently stroke Maura's cheek before speaking.
"I'm in love with you." The ease in which she said it didn't seem to take either woman by surprise. "I need for you to know that. The past few months have been the happiest I've ever been and that's entirely because of you. You make me happy. I'm at a point where I can't even begin to imagine my life without you in it."
Maura kept her eyes locked in with Jane's. "I love you too," she replied. "I've never had anyone in my life who makes me feel the way that you do. Who makes me feel special. I don't ever want to be without you. As much as you make me happy, I love you because you make me whole."
Maura leaned in and captured Jane's lips with hers. The kiss grew in meaning and intensity. It was to become their first kiss as lovers.