Set your alarm. Get up bright and early. Pull on a baggy top and jogging pants. Go outside, no matter what the weather. Walk for ten minutes. Skip for five minutes. Jog for 15 minutes. Then turn around and walk back. Nice and early, with nobody around. Then get back home again. Get yourself a healthy morning snack to start the day, maybe fruit or yogurt? Go and pour yourself some water. Fresh water, ice cold. mhmm. Refreshing. Go upstaires. Turn on the shower. Wash your hair with nice smelling shampoo and vanilla scent conditioner. Wash yourself with body lotion. Come out of the shower. Dry yourself all over. Slather yourself in body butter. You smell nice, clean, innocent, pure, amazing. Put something cute and stylish on. A t-shirt, your favorite jeans. A bra and maching underwear. Towel dry your hair letting it hang damp to dry naturally. Go to the mirror. Look at what you see. Don't like it? Pick out three things that you love about yourself. Maybe your sparkling chocolate brown eyes, your tinted golden brown skin, your tinted rosey colored cheeks. Get a glass of pure apple juice. Grab your favorite book. Paint your nails. Listen to music on your ipod. Call your friends. Spend time with your family. Smile. Laugh. Play. Have Fun. Today will be perfect. no cutting, no purging, no crying, no feeling tired, depressed or worthless. Only loving, living and laughing. you can do this..

a smile slowly appereared on my face as i finished reading through the letter that my older sister, Audrina had sent me.

today will be perfect, no cutting, no purging, no crying, no feeling tired, depressed or worthless..

but of course it was easier said than done, my smile faded. I sighed and climbed out of bed. I fought back tears as I caught a glimpse of my reflection

in the mirror beside my bed, my heart slowly sank. 'you can do this' I whispered to myself as I pulled my closet open, it was raining and cold outside. A good excuse for baggy clothes, I threw on a white hoodie over an over-sized patterned t-shirt and slipped on some black ripped jeans. I looked over at the mirror and groaned. bed hair, i yanked a brush through my hair, i atleast wanted to look half decent. i brushed my hair out of my face, tying it up in a cute messy bun. I stepped out of my bedroom and headed downstaires. Only to throw myself on the sofa. I turned my head as I heard the front door slam shut.

''Hey lovely.'' Mia said, entering the living room.

''Hey,'' I chucked a smile on my face as Mia leaned down and wrapped her arms around me, hugging me tightly.

Instantly, I felt an ache shoot right through my body, As Mia hugged me tighter, the pain got worse, nearly unbearable.

''Ow.. careful.'' I mumbled as I removed my arms from Mia's neck and lay back on a pillow.

''Gabby, what's wrong?''

''N.. no.. nothing, my body's just been aching these past few days, It's nothing serious though. A little bit of pain, I can handle that. Don't worry.'' I looked away.

These sort of moments usually caused arguements.. arguements about my bulimia. Of course, I try to avoid talking about it as much as I can because I don't want Mia to worry about me but Mia is the most caring person I know.. I know that she would'nt let this slip that easily.

''Then, why the hell does your body ache when I hug you? that's not normal, Gabby! Something is really wrong.. please don't tell me you're..'' Mia's voice trailed off.

Tears immediantley escaped my eyes as I pushed the words out of my dry mouth, ''I'm really sorry..''

''But you promised..'' Mia looked at me, shaking her head in disbelief.

I could tell she was disappointed and ashamed of me. It was written all over her face. It broke my heart but I knew i could'nt do anything at all. Not a single thing, even if I wanted too.

''You promised me that you'd stop doing this to yourself, you'd stop hurting yourself, you'd stop putting yourself through all this pain Gabs.. I can't bare it, I just can't watch you slowly kill yourself each day.. your so strong Gabriella, you can fight this. I'll help you as much as I can, you can't let this destroy you!'' Mia gave me a reassuring smile through her tears.

''But I can't.. don't you get it? I'm not strong enough to fight this, I thought I was but I'm not.. I can't control it anymore, It helps me get through each day Mia. It's the way I cope with everything, the anger, the stress of my whole life.. I just can't give it up, I've try everyday.. I try and I fail.'' At this point, my hands were shaking from all the crying, I was breathing heavily, my fragile and weak body was trembling.

Mia walked over to me, she pulled me in for a hug, locking me in her embrace and stroking my hair. ''Hey, ssh.. how about we give it a few more weeks and If your still not getting any better we sign you into a treatment center?''

My immediate reaction was to push Mia away, ''What? NO! Mia, they don't help people like me. they make it worse! they'll send me crazy!''

''You don't have a choice Gabby, If you can't do this by yourself or with help from me.. What else am I supposed to be? I refuse to stand here any longer just to watch you do this to yourself!''

''That's not for you to decide, Mia!'' I was now on the verge of tears, once again. ''God.. do you think that all of this is SO easy for me? that everyday's not a struggle for me? I've been fighting this battle for the past 6 years. I'm not ready to end it, I'm a stronger person because of all of this! what is so fucking wrong with wanting to be perfect?'' I could barely speak.

''IT'S CRAZY BECAUSE YOU ALREADY ARE PERFECT OKAY. You're beautiful, you're flawless, you're special. You are perfect Gabriella Montez! what's the point of trying to be everything that you already are?''

I felt tears fall uncontrolably down my cheeks, I rushed over to Mia and wrapped my arms around her. I breathed in her scent, Vanilla. I smiled through my tears, playing with her hair. we stood there for another 5 minutes before I decided to let go and wipe away the last of my falling tears.

''Don't ever, ever, ever give up. okay?'' she smiled weakly, wiping away my tears with her thumb.

I nodded. ''I won't,'' I felt myself giggle as Mia turned around to face me. ''Oh my god..''

''What?'' Mia frowned at me before she walked over to a mirror, She bursted out laughing. ''I look like I have raccoon eyes! Oh god..'' She giggled,

grabbed a makeup wipe and started to rub down her cheek were the smudged mascara had gone too. After a few minutes, she chucked the wipe

into a bin and looked over at me. ''Do I look better?''

''Muchly.'' I nodded and smiled.

''Wanna join me on a trip to the video store?'' Mia asked.

''Um, I thought we we're gunna go to the Juice bar? y'know this'll be like the third time we've stayed in over this week.''

''Well, I know your not comfortable with hanging around a bunch of people and It's no fun without my bestfriend there with me, So I'm willing to make some sacrafises. It's not a big deal and It does'nt bother me.'' Mia smiled, fixing her hair.

''Such a sweetheart!'' I giggled. ''but seriously, I wanna go. it'll be fun and besides your with me so nothing bad could possibly happen, right?''

''Defientley not babe!'' Mia smiled, pulling me in for a gentle cuddle and toke my hand in hers. ''Time for some fun!'' she giggled as we headed out of the house.

But already, I'd started to regret what I'd just agreed too..