Chapter Fifteen

"Excuse me Dr. Isles?" came a voice from the doorway to the lab.

Maura had been in the middle of attempting to extract a bullet from the lung of the nineteen year old male that was lying on her table. She didn't look up at the figure in the doorway as her attention was much too focused on the task at hand.

Jane, who had been observing the autopsy of her latest assigned case, did turn and look at the young man standing in the doorway. She wasn't familiar with him but she hadn't gotten a chance to meet all of the lab staff as of yet. Since she started dating Maura she found she spent more and more time in the morgue and the faces of the lab techs were all starting to become more and more familiar.

Finally Maura had successfully removed the bullet and placed it in a container closing the lid. She handed it to Jane. "9 millimeter," she noted and then turned her attention to the man at the door. "Did you need something Mr. Allister?"

The man's face flushed a little having been called 'Mr.' by the doctor but he spoke. "I was just going to let you know that all of the lab results you inquired about this morning are now ready and are available in the system. I also placed a hard copy on your desk." He had come to know that Dr. Isles liked to look at some of the lab reports on paper instead of just on a computer screen.

Maura nodded. "Thank you Mr. Allister," she acknowledged.

The man was about to turn and walk away when he spun back to ask a question. "Dr. Isles?"

"Yes," she replied.

"I was wondering if it would be possible to observe your next autopsy from the beginning," he asked eagerly.

Maura smiled. She enjoyed helping along in the teaching process whenever she could. "I can't make any guarantees but if we can find a situation in which you have the free time I'm sure that can be arranged."

The man beamed at that answer. "Thank you Doctor," he said and again turned to leave.

Jane was about to speak when the man came back one last time, "I'm sorry Dr. Isles but did you know that there is a man out here getting sick into one of the trashcans?"

Both Jane and Maura had to fight not to start laughing. "Yes Mr. Allister, I am aware of where and what Detective Frost is doing. Thank you," she dismissed the young man.

Once the door closed for good Jane let out the snicker she had been holding in. Poor Frost. His transition from Robbery to Homicide had been painful on his stomach. "Jane, you shouldn't laugh at him. Nausea is a perfectly natural reaction when you aren't accustomed to witnessing an autopsy."

"It's not just autopsies Maura. He loses his lunch at the sight of any blood," she commented still snickering. She had only spent a few days with Detective Frost to that point and she would be the first one to admit that she liked the guy but he really needed to harden his stomach if he was going to make it in Homicide. "Who was that kid?" she asked trying to get herself to stop laughing at her probable future partner.

"Jackson Allister. He's a new intern here," Maura answered.

Jane peaked her head up. "Allister? As in the Allister family?" The family was second only to the Kennedys in Massachusetts for power and notoriety.

Maura nodded. "He's a fourth year medical student at Harvard and is doing an internship here to help determine if pathology is a discipline he wants to pursue."

Jane thought about that for a minute and was impressed that someone of his background was still trying to do something with his life more than enjoy the money he was born into. "Let me know if find anything more on this kid," she said nodding to the kid on the table. "I should go check on Frost."

R&I

Two years ago

Jackson Allister III had a privileged existence. Born into wealth and power he had spent his life having people tell him how great and wonderful he was. How much he was destined to achieve. All the good he would do for the world. To anyone watching it seemed to be the ideal life. The charmed life. The perfect life.

But it wasn't ideal. It wasn't charmed. And it certainly wasn't perfect. For Jackson, life was void. Empty. Hollow. Meaningless. He never found anything he felt passion for. Never could connect with anything or anyone for that matter. His family talked around him or at him. Never with him or to him.

His friends weren't his own. They were status figures all meticulously selected by his mother or occasionally his father. All meant to continue to grow the family network and increase the contacts he was to have in life. All placed into his life for a reason other than simple companionship. Pawns on a chessboard in a game of life in which he wasn't even a player.

He had no romance. No love to speak of. The girls he dated seemed to be empty shells without context or character but had the right last names or placements in the social strata that so dominated his life. Jackson played his role. He wined and dined as he was expected to. He ever slept with a few of them. More to ensure it got around that he had an active sex life than for any real desire for the physical activities. Again, outside appearances were vital in his world.

But without passion or a connection to another living soul, Jackson Allister III often felt as if he was just going through the motions. His life had become a series of tedious tasks that just seemed to propel him from one day to the next. It was a sad existence for him and he was looking for something, anything, to change that in his life.

And then, one day, he found that anything. And he found it in the most unexpected place. Jackson was a smart kid. A product of his privilege and wealth. He attended all the right schools and took all the right classes. He could have been anything he wanted to be in life if he had ever been inspired to do something more than pass from one class to the next.

The path his life took through college was not of his choosing. He mindlessly followed in his father's footsteps. Not from a desire to do so but more for the sake of convenience. It seemed to make his life easier. His father was proud and happy. Something new to gloat about on the golf course with his equally vain cohorts. His son, the future doctor, was a chip off the ol' block.

Harvard Medical School was just assumed. By everyone. Almost as if it was his birthright. It didn't seem to matter to him that he would have earned entrance into the esteemed university on his own merits. His own merits weren't necessary. Harvard had been holding a place for him since he was born.

So when Jackson stopped into the medical school bookstore to pick up a coursebook that had been sold out during his previous visit he hadn't expected to have his entire life change as a direct result. However, by the end of his time spent in that bookstore that day he would leave understanding that his life was never going to be the same again.

He simply had asked a clerk for a textbook. That's how it had started. Simple. Innocent. Easy. The clerk was an older gentleman but Jackson usually didn't make it a habit to review or remark about help. Only, there seemed to be something different about this clerk. Something about his eyes made Jackson take notice and then remarkably he started up a conversation with the man.

He had only meant to ask a question or two to pass the time while the clerk looked to see if the textbook in question was available in stock. But one question turned into twenty. It happened that quickly. The store clerk was just so inviting and open. And frank. Seeming not to care one fraction that he was chatting with Jackson Allister III. The name, the status, the power made no difference to this curious man.

Two hours after he entered the medical school bookstore Jackson Allister III left feeling alive for the first time in his life. He had finally met someone he connected with and he understood that nothing in his life would ever be the same. He left counting down the hours before he would get a chance to see and talk with Charles Hoyt again.

R&I

Jane sat watching Maura frantically pace back and forth. She had never seen Maura act this way before. Maura was nothing if not confident in all things she did. But nevertheless she found herself sitting on the couch in Maura's family room helplessly watching the woman she loved have a near panic attack. They still had two hours before they needed to even leave for the airport. Nothing she tried seemed to be able to get Maura to relax. Jane wasn't sure Maura was going to survive the two hours.

"Come on Maura," Jane pleaded again. "At least sit down for a few minutes. You are wearing out a path on the carpet."

Maura stopped looking down afraid she had done something to damage the carpet. It wasn't until she thought about it that she realized that it was just a figure of speech. She looked over at Jane and sighed. "I'm sorry," she said and finally walked over to the couch to sit down.

As soon as she sat down Jane grabbed her and pulled her in tight. She wasn't going to let the woman go for at least a little while so the hold she had on her was a strong one.

"Can I ask why you are so nervous?" she tried to gently tread into this subject not wanting to push Maura too hard.

Maura was quiet for a minute. "I am. I shouldn't be. But I am. It's silly I know," she said.

"It's not silly Maura. It's how you feel. I'm not exactly sure why but it's not silly," Jane answered back. She hated it when Maura tried to belittle her own feelings.

"I get like this every time I know I'm going to see them. We are together so infrequently that I find I let my fears build up and that manifests itself into the anxiety you see before you," she said releasing a heavy sigh

Jane looked at Maura with sympathy. "I understand that but what I guess I don't understand is what you seem to be afraid of about spending time with your parents in the first place," Jane said. She just didn't understand Maura's reaction to seeing her parents again. To Jane, Maura was acting as if the visit was going to be a disaster.

"I guess I'm always worried that they will be disappointed with me. Disappointed with what I've done with my life. With who I've become," she gave a quiet answer. Deep down she was always afraid that she hadn't turned out good enough for them to completely love and accept.

"Oh Maura," Jane said and sighed. She gently placed her hand under Maura's chin and turned up her face so Maura was looking directly into Jane's eyes. "In a million years you could never be a disappointment. You are simply too wonderful for that to even be an option."

The love Maura saw in Jane's eyes as she said that melted Maura's heart. "I love you," she said. It was the only thing she could think of to say in that moment.

Jane leaned into Maura capturing her lips for a long, passionate kiss. Jane stopped only when the need for oxygen became an issue. She pulled back a bit and even though she was a little breathless she spoke, "I love you too. More than I ever thought was possible. I need to say something but I don't really have much of a right to. Will you let me anyway?"

That peaked Maura's curiosity. They'd never needed permission to tell each other anything before. Not knowing what Jane was thinking she just nodded her consent.

Jane cleared her throat but kept her eyes locked in on Maura's. "I do love you. I hope you know that. And because I love you I want the very best for you. I always will want that. But that's causing some problems for me right now. Problems because I don't ever want you upset or hurt. And Maura, I'm worried. I'm worried that seeing your parents tonight will somehow hurt and upset you.

"I know I don't have a right to make a judgement about people I haven't ever met and I've tried really, really hard not to. But I'm failing here Maura. I want to judge them so badly. I want to just corner them both and go after them because for the life of me I can't understand how they can live with themselves with how they have treated you all of your life. I want to shake them both until they can tell me how they can be so foolish that they can't see what they had in front of them the whole time.

"I hate what they have done to you. I hate it. I hate that they left you to grow up on your own. I hate that they weren't there to comfort you when you were sick or scared. I hate that they weren't there to encourage you and support you through all the things you tried or wanted to try. But what I think I really hate the most is how they managed to decide that their lives were so much more important than yours that it was just acceptable and normal to let you play second fiddle to their needs.

"Somewhere along the way you've managed to conclude that their failures with you were somehow your fault. That it was you who wasn't worthy of their time or their love. Like there was something wrong with you and their behavior with you was justified and explainable. I hate that you feel that way.

"But as much as I don't understand them I also feel sorry for them. Sorry that they missed out on getting to see you grow into the person you are today. Sorry that they have not allowed themselves to have their lives truly enriched by simply interacting with you on a consistent basis. Sorry that they seem to think their days are better without hearing your voice or seeing your smile. They've missed out on experiencing such an amazing person that even though it's entirely their own fault for that I can't help but feel sorry for what they are missing out on.

"Maura, it's not my place to even say most of this. I just can't help it. I can't sit back and see the woman I love, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, hurt by two people who were supposed to love and care for you. I'm not asking you to not see them. I'm not asking you to not want them in your life. In fact I'm not asking you to do anything but hear me when I say this.

"I just need you to know that you deserved better from them than what you received. That the shortcomings in your relationship were on them and not you. That they have failed you not the other way around. That they are the true disappointment here not you. I need you to know that no matter what happens tonight, tomorrow or thirty years from now that I will always be here for you. I will always love you. I will always want you. And I will always, always chose you.

"Somehow, I got lucky enough to get to know you. I got the chance to experience what you have to offer in this world and I get to have your love in my life every day. I'm a better person because of you. I'm happy because of you. I will always know and appreciate how amazing you are. You have changed my life Maura and that is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me.

"I want you to be with your parents but I don't want you to spend another second thinking you have done something wrong with them. They need to learn to open their eyes and see what is right in front of them. They need to see you. They need to realize how many years they have wasted and that they should be moving Heaven and Earth to make it up to you.

"I'll behave at dinner tonight. I promise you that. Tonight is not the place for me to express my opinion but I can't go into a dinner with them without you knowing that I see how they've hurt you. I see how they've let you down. If they are too self absorbed to see you, really see you, then it will be their loss. Just please know that you will always have me in your corner. At the end of the day, when it's time to go home, your home is here with me."

Maura was at first too stunned to speak. Then she was too moved. But finally she was letting rational thought return to her. She leaned in and lightly kissed Jane but pulled back before Jane could make the kiss advance. Instead, she stood up and reached out for Jane's hand. Jane extended it without question and soon they were both standing.

A fraction of a second later Maura was leading Jane towards the stairs.

"Maura?" Jane said quietly.

"We have two hours before we need to leave for the airport. I'm not wasting a single minute more on talking," was Maura's reply as she led Jane towards the bedroom.

Who was Jane to argue with that?