Chapter 7

It was late afternoon by the time that Russell, Ike and Dana had left. Alex was again staring out the window, wishing for the New York skyline and hoping that she would wake from some hideous nightmare. She turned around and watched the sedated form of Olivia breathe. She was alive and healing. It was a consolation but not enough.

Alex took stock of the injuries that she could see. Liv's right arm was immobilized. Her left eye was blackened but Alex could tell that the swelling had gone down dramatically. It was the bruises and cuts on Liv's legs that made Alex wince. The cuts weren't that deep in some places, but she saw the stitches in others. The blue-green and various yellowing bruises only made Alex's imagination run wild with ideas of the torture that Liv survived.

Alex stared at Liv's face. The pain was obvious. The hurt was underlying. She would have to wait for the doctor's to allow Liv to be awake before she would know how deep the wounds actually went. It was not a thought that Alex reveled in.

She watched as the nurses would come in and check the instruments, take notes, shift Liv in the bed some and then leave. Alex's heart broke a little more each time a nurse or doctor came in and left, leaving Liv sleeping in that hospital bed. She knew that it was for Liv's health, but she was scared that the longer Liv stated "out," the harder it would be to bring her back.

"Liv, I don't know if you can hear me, but I hope that you know that I am here. Come back to me, Liv," Alex told her, "I am not leaving you this time. I'm going to stay by your side."

Alex made her way back to Olivia's bed. She picked up Liv's hand and held it between both her hands. Alex began to silently pray. Liv had been brought back to her. She wasn't willing to lose her again. There was so much that they needed to say to each other, so much that…Alex stopped herself. She knew that thinking the worst wouldn't help.

"Any change?" Dana asked, coming into the room.

"Not since earlier."

"I got you the apartment. Here are the keys," Dana said, lying them down on the table across the room, "Anyone of the agents can get you there. I'll have a car brought around if you need one for anything."

"I'm staying here."

"Alex…"

"Dana, I am not letting her go, again. Just bring me a blanket and pillow. I'll be fine."

"Okay," Dana answered, knowing that Alex wasn't going to move from her vigil over Liv.

Alex pulled the chair closer to the hospital bed. She sighed and retook Liv's hand. She searched Liv's sleeping face trying to find some recognition, some evidence that Liv knew she was there.

Alex awoke later. She glanced outside to see that it was dark. She turned back to Liv, trying to figure out what woke her. She still held Liv's hand with hers, willing Liv to get better. That is when she saw it. It was a slight tremor. Liv's hands were shaking, fitfully. Alex immediately covered the hand that she was holding with her other hand, too.

"Alex, no…no…You'll be alright, sweetheart. Stay with me. Come on, Alex, stay with me," Liv stated in a fitful moan.

Alex held her hand tighter. She rubbed her thumbs over the back of Liv's hand. She watched Liv's face screw up in pain and horror only to subside and relax moments later.

"Liv, hun, I'm okay. I am here with you. You're safe. I'm safe," Alex told her.

She felt the tension in Liv subside. She relaxed back herself. She stood to stretch, but caught herself eyeing Liv's sedated form.

Liv was leaner. She'd lost weight. She looked good besides the injuries. Alex remembered when she met Liv years ago, her hair was just a little longer. It was short, but stylish. The red and blond highlights that naturally peppered Liv's hair were back from the Southern sun. She looked ten years younger, again. Alex smiled.

What she would give to go back to those first days in the precinct and ask Liv out? She could only wonder what their future would have been if they could have admitted to themselves how they felt about each other. But, now, Alex had Liv back. Once they got through all the debriefings and meetings, Alex was going to have a long talk with her. They had to talk about everything. Alex had decided that it was, now, there time. Alex knew the importance of living in the now and not waiting…Liv was proof of what would happen if they continued to do that.

Liv stirred in the hospital bed. Alex wanted to call the nurse immediately. She wondered if the drugs were beginning to wear off. She didn't want Liv to be in any pain, but she did want Liv to wake up so Olivia would know that Alex was at her side. Liv stirred again, and the sheet fell further down her torso, exposing her left arm.

Alex gasped when she saw the wounds and the markings. She knew about Liv's bullet wounds and knife wounds. She had seen the scars on her neck and back. She had never seen the tattoos that lined her arm from her shoulder to her elbow on her left arm.

"What happened to you, Liv? I need you to tell me. I need to know where we go from here."

There was no answer. Liv still laid there, out. Alex's mind was racing. There were so many questions and so few answers from the information they had. She kept thinking back to the briefing that she had with Russell and Ike. She knew that she couldn't rush to any conclusions, no matter how bad she wanted to. She would have to treat this like it was any other case. She would have to do her research and use the information that she received.

Dana came in, again, like she had every day to check on Liv and Alex. She watched the young blond as she held Liv's hand. She hadn't moved much since Dana's last check.

"Alex?"

"Dana," she replied.

"Any change?"

"Swelling is going down. The doctors are hoping that she'll wake soon. They have stopped giving her the sedatives. I am just hoping she'll wake soon and remember who she is."

"I know, Darling."

"You're not here because of Liv, are you?" Alex asked, noting the worry on Dana's face.

"No, I'm not. I actually need to talk to you. There seems to be a slight issue with the case. It was a very unexpected issue and one that I am sure that we can't ignore. It may be hard for you to deal with, but we actually need your help with it," Dana told her.

"What is it?"

"Well, you are a lawyer in the state of New York. I need you to help us with the legal ramifications of Liv taking Alexander home with her. According to everything we have found in Georgia, all Olivia would have to do is testify that she was Julie Seabrook while undercover and the legal documents that Frankie filled would be validated and transferred into Olivia's name instead. We need to find out how that will stand in New York. I am sure that she going to want to change the birth certificate. The poor boy is going to have too many names to choose from when he is older," Dana explained.

"As far as I know the paperwork would transfer to New York and be accepted. Liv would have to file for a New York adoption birth certificate. It would list her as the adoptive mother and still carry all the information that any of them from Georgia. We would have to list Frankie as the birth mother. Do you know who the father was? Or is?" Alex asked, amazingly calm about the situation, when she was screaming in her head.

"I am sure that it is in our notes. I can look for you. Is there anything else you would need?"

"I don't know. I'll have to make some calls. If there is anything else I'll need, I'll let you know. I won't file everything with New York County until Liv wakes up and lets us know the full name that she wants the baby to have," Alex stated.

"Well, we have another briefing with the ATF in an hour. You can come if you want. It would do you good to leave this room for a while," Dana told her.

"No, I think I'll stay. I want to be here when she wakes up. I want her to see a friendly face first. I hope that Russell and Ike understand."

"I am sure they do. Get some sleep. I'll be back later if we have any new information for anything international. Call me, if anything changes," Dana stated as she left the room.

She could tell that the baby was going to be a sore subject with Alex. She couldn't really blame her. The fact that Liv was still planning on being the baby's mother even though it was a very fucked up and complicated situation wasn't helping anyone. Alex would have to come to terms with it. Dana just hoped that she could and still be there for Olivia.

Alex was sitting on the window seat of the bay window in Olivia's hospital room. She was staring at the window, taking the only break she would allow herself during her vigil over Olivia. She could only hope that her presence was felt and helped Olivia heal. She turned back out the window and stared at the foreign Virginian landscape.

It reminded her of the night she and Liv stayed up during the Connors case. The night she went back to New York to testify. She watched the skyline, noting the lack of buildings. She hugged her mug of hot tea as she remembered their conversation.

"Alex?" Liv asked her.

"Yeah."

"Are you happy in Wisconsin?" Live asked, the pain in her voice evident.

"Alex is not happy. Emily is okay. It isn't New York."

"Never thought you could miss the craziness of the City, did you?"

"It is just so…quiet…boring and utterly predictable. I work for an insurance company. There is not excitement in that. There is no thrill of the case and testimony in court. But, I am safe. I'm alive and I know that you are still fighting for me…here."

"Do you think that you could make a life there?" Liv asked, sipping on a glass of wine.

"I could if I let myself. I want to come home so much that I think I sabotage my chances. I mean I'm dating someone, remember? But, it isn't Alex that he calls out. He calls out 'Emily'."

"I'm sorry."

"It isn't your fault. It is mine. If I hadn't pushed so far, so much, I would still be at home. I wouldn't have missed my mother's funeral. I would still be trying cases for you."

"But, you wouldn't be happy about it," Liv stated.

"Why not?"

"Because, you would have backed down. I know that it is the one thing you can't do. You stand up for your principles, and justice. You don't care if it hurts you as long as justice is found, whatever the outcome may be."

"I know," Alex stated, "It's my biggest flaw. I have to win. I have to push and push. You know selling insurance is a cake walk against prosecuting SVU crimes."

"I am sure."

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"You found someone, yet?"

"Nope. Every time I think I do, they can't handle the job. Stabler is the only real man in my life right now. But, then again, I'm not throwing myself out there," Olivia answered.

"I know what you mean. Too many long hours in the office, too many faces and names, too many crimes you are trying to solve and find justice for, what were we thinking? We lived for the victims, punishing ourselves for their justice, for their day in court. Why? Is it worth it?"

"Yes, I guess. It's all I know. I deal with the fact that I'm never going to find someone who can deal with my job. There is only one thing that makes me feel incomplete, now."

"What's that?"

"I want a child."

"Wow, can't say I saw that coming. A kid? Really? I guess that just surprises me," Alex stated.

"Why?"

"Because of all the evil that we see every day."

"I know that, but that gives me more reason that I should make a difference. If I can change one person's life, then I have done something. That is what I tell myself every night when I go home. I want to change my perspective. I want to believe in humanity, again. I want to know that I can love someone so much that I would die for them," Olivia stated.

"And a child is the only way you can have that?" Alex questioned, inching closer to her.

"No, it isn't. But, I want a child. It's selfish and stupid in my line of work, but I want to know that when I'm gone, I made a difference. I want to know that my legacy will continue, even if my child doesn't follow in my footsteps," Liv told her.

"You've thought about this for a while?"

"Every time the case is a kid, I do."

"Liv…"

"Don't say it, Alex. Don't. I can't leave SVU any more than you can stop being a lawyer. We can't be someone we aren't. Maybe one day, I'll find the perfect person to be with and have kids. Maybe I'll adopt and live in the country. Who knows?"

"I know. I know. Don't give up on your dreams, Liv. Someday it'll happen. You'll be a great mother. You know how I know that?" Alex asked her.

"How?"

"Because one day, I know that I'll come home, back to New York and everything will make sense again. The world will start to make sense. We will have finally found peace and know that we did the right thing every day," Alex answered.

"You make it sound like we'd both be retired by then," Olivia replied.

"Maybe, one day, we'll have time off without fearing for the other shoe to drop."

Alex laughed, silently. She gripped her mug tighter and tried to take a sip. She, then, realized that her cup was empty. She turned to go refill it with water.

"Alex…Alex, is that you?"