Chapter Seventeen
Jane sat on the couch quietly staring at a TV screen that wasn't even turned on. Vince sat in chair across from her doing his best to be in the room for Jane without drawing any attention to the fact that he was in the room. Neither had said a word in over twenty minutes. Jane's attention stirred when she heard the sounds of feet descending the stairs. She immediately stood up and Vince mimicked his partner's behavior.
"Doc?" Jane asked as the older gentleman came down the last of the stairs.
He walked up to Jane and put his hand on her elbow trying to reassure her. "I've given her a very strong sedative. She will sleep through the night." Jane nodded to that comment. Angela had broken down into such hysterics that Jane felt she had no choice but to call in their family doctor. "When she wakes up tomorrow, if she's still too upset, you just give me a call and I can be here in ten minutes."
Jane hoped she wouldn't need to make that call a second time. "Thank you," she answered numbly. "Is there anything I should be watching for tonight?" She wasn't sure what being sedated that heavily entailed and was suddenly concerned about breathing and other issues.
"No, I promise she'll just sleep for tonight. I think someone needs to stay here tonight but that's more to be around when she does wake up tomorrow," he said gently.
"I'm staying," Jane answered. "You don't have to worry about that."
The doctor nodded. "Jane," he said, "I'm sorry for your loss."
Jane barely nodded acknowledgement of that statement. The three stood in the living room and let an eerie silence fill the space.
The next sound anyone heard was the backdoor opening and closing. Within seconds Maura was making her way from the kitchen into the living room and heading straight to Jane. They were in each other's arms in seconds. Maura didn't say a word but just held onto Jane as tight as she could. She was trying to stop the violent trembling she felt from Jane.
Korsak knew they needed a moment together so he escorted the doctor out and decided to walk him to his car to allow Jane time with Maura without him.
The two stood encapsulated in an embrace for what felt like forever. Neither saying a word. Outside of Jane's body tremors there was no other sign of sorrow. Her tears had yet to fall that night and Jane was determined to keep it that way for the time being. She wanted to be strong for her mother. But she couldn't seem to keep her body from shaking in Maura's arms.
Finally after a few minutes Maura spoke. "What do you need?" she asked wanting to do for Jane anything she could in that moment.
"Ummm...I..." she pulled slightly from her embrace but refused to release Maura. "Maura...I need..." she paused. "I need you to...I need it to be you. I don't...no one else...please don't let anyone else..." She was having a hard time finishing her thoughts.
But Maura understood them. "I've already called and informed them that I will be handling the," and she paused almost afraid to say to word outloud. She hated given finality to the situation for Jane. But she finished her thought, "autopsy myself. As soon as I know you and your family are settled I'm heading to the station." She knew Jane wouldn't want anyone but her handling Tommy's autopsy.
Normally Maura would recuse herself. Ask a colleague to handle it considering it was the brother of the woman she loved. But this was Jane. This was Jane's family and Maura knew her well enough to know she would want Maura to be the one. So she called and instructed the morgue to hold off until she could get there.
"Thank you," Jane got out still refusing to let go of her hold on Maura.
Maura let Jane cling to her. She would let that happen for as long as Jane needed. After a few more minutes Jane lessened her hold on Maura again and Maura took the opportunity to maneuver herself and Jane over to the couch. She sat down pulling Jane down with her still not releasing her from the hold connecting the two.
"Angela?" Maura asked.
"The doctor just left. He's sedated her for the night. Maura," she spoke in a tight, strained voice. "I couldn't get her to stop crying. She just wouldn't respond to me. I didn't know what else to do so I called our doctor."
Maura nodded her understanding. She would have recommended the same if she had been here. "Sometimes the body and the mind need help handling overt stress. She'll sleep through the night. Honestly Jane, it will be the best thing for her," Maura tried to reassure Jane's decision.
Maura wanted to ask about Frank but with everything that had been going on before all of this started she found she couldn't bring him up.
Jane, as if reading Maura's thoughts, spoke. "Frankie went to tell Pop." She let that linger in the air and was grateful when Maura didn't ask or comment about that further. She wasn't in a place where dealing with her father was a good idea. Maybe tomorrow. But not tonight.
Korsak reentered the house having delayed his return inside for as long as he was comfortable. He also entered with an unexpected visitor. Frost.
Jane looked up at seeing Frost enter the house. The simple fact that he had found out where she was and come over spoke volumes about the character of her future partner. She was beyond touched but for the time being she did nothing but nod a small acknowledgement to him. He knew what that meant. It was all he needed from her. He stayed over by Korsak not saying a word. He just wanted to be there for his partner. Even if he was still only designated an unofficial partner for Jane.
"We both want to go to the accident site," Jane said after a few minutes. The whole room understood that 'we' meant both her and Frankie.
Korsak spoke for the first time in almost an hour. "Jane, Cavanaugh has given specific directions not to allow you or Frankie within 100 yards of the accident site."
She knew. She would have done the same thing. Some things in life people just shouldn't see. There really was no reason to see the one car accident scene. It wasn't going to bring her brother back.
"Maura?" Jane said.
"Yes?" she replied in a quiet tone. She still had wrapped up in her arms as they sat on the couch.
"Can you go take care of Tommy?" she asked quietly.
"Are you sure you're ready for me to leave?" she asked. She didn't want to leave Jane unless Jane was certain.
"I don't want him just down there. Waiting. Please. Go take care of him," she said.
Maura understood and nodded. She placed a gentle kiss onto Jane's forehead, let Jane's hold on her linger for a few seconds more and then stood up. "I'll come back here after I've seen to everything," she confirmed.
Jane stood up too and shook her head. "No, Maura your parents are in town. You can go home afterwards. You should be at the house for them."
Maura looked at Jane. This wasn't going to be a debate. "I'm going to come back here once I've taken care of everything. My parents are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. My place is here with you." It was a resolved tone Jane had yet to hear from Maura. She didn't push. Instead she walked Maura to the door kissing her lightly before letting her leave.
R&I
Frankie fished around in his pocket for his keys. Normally this wasn't a difficult task but he found that his hands were still trembling so grasping the keyring in his pocket was a small challenge. Once he got a hold of his keys it took him longer than it should to find the one that would unlock the front door to his brother's apartment. If he was thinking clearly he would have just tried knocking. But as it was he wasn't. So he didn't. He, instead, let himself into the apartment with the key once he was finally able to secure it in his hands.
Entering the apartment he had to struggle to maintain his composure. He was hit with a rush of emotions and memories of the last time he had been in his brother's apartment. They had battled it out in Madden football three weeks ago. It turned into an all night video game marathon with both brothers seemingly winning and losing in equal turns. It had been a good night.
Clearing his throat he called out. "Pop?" he wasn't even sure if his father was there. They hadn't spoken since his mother kicked him out of the house.
"Frankie?" he heard a voice call out from what he guessed was the bathroom.
"Yeah Pop," he acknowledged.
Frank was suddenly excited and relieved to hear his son's voice. Frankie hadn't wanted to speak with him since everything had come out about his affair. He was now suddenly hopeful that Frankie wanted to talk. Or that he was at least willing to listen to him. "I'll be right out," Frank hollered.
When he didn't hear anything in return he thought it best to at least try to get a conversation going. If he started talking then maybe it would compel Frankie to stay and have a long heart to heart.
"Hey, do you know where your brother is? I can't find my car keys and I think he took my car. I mean, I know his license is suspended and he shouldn't be driving and all. I don't really mind if he borrows the car but I would have prefered if he had at least asked me first. Please don't tell Jane that he took the car. Come to think of it, considering you are a cop too, I probably shouldn't even say any of this to you. Forget I mentioned it," he was saying as he walked into the living room. He had hoped that maybe Frankie would laugh a little about Tommy's borrowing the car.
But he didn't hear Frankie laugh. In fact he didn't hear Frankie say a word. He got fully into the living room and looked at Frankie. He couldn't describe the look on Frankie's face. Pain. Sorrow. Maybe even anger. The first thing he thought of was that Frankie was about to confront him about the affair.
He knew he had hurt his family with his affair. Affairs if he was going to be honest with himself. He wasn't even surprised that Frankie seemed to take it the hardest of the three kids. So he should have expected that the biggest emotional confrontation about it all was to come from Frankie. Frank resigned himself to the impending fight. He deserved it after all.
"Frankie look, I'm sorry about what's going on with your mother," was all Frank managed to get out before Frankie cut him off.
"Pop," he said. His voice was tight. Dead. It took Frank by surprise. "Pop, there's been an accident," he said.
"Your mother?" Frank asked almost as a reflex.
"No not Ma," he said. "It's Tommy."
The very tone coming from Frankie told Frank everything he needed to know. "What happened?" he asked.
Frankie cleared his throat again before speaking. "Umm, it looks like he lost control of his car, your car, and crashed into a barricade on a median." Frankie paused for a minute. "They need tests to confirm but they are pretty sure...pretty sure he was drunk."
The two men stood across the living room from each other. No more than five feet separated them but Frankie felt utterly alone in that moment.
"Was anyone...else?" Frank started to ask.
Frankie shook his head. "Single MVA," he said.
Suddenly the totality of what Frankie was saying to Frank hit him. His son. His youngest child. He looked at his other son who was standing in the middle of the room looking as if it was taking everything he had to remain standing upright. "Are you...are they sure?" he asked. Maybe there was a mistake. Maybe it wasn't Tommy.
Frankie nodded. "They are sure. Detective Korsak made a positive ID," he answered.
They both looked at each other for a moment before Frank spoke again. "What was he doing driving?"
Frankie shook his head. "I don't know Pop. I thought he was working."
Neither mentioned the drinking. Neither in a position in that moment to acknowledge that Tommy fell off the wagon. That would come later.
Finally Frank cracked. Tears started to fall down his cheeks. Seeing his father standing in front of him crying was all it took for Frankie to breakdown too. They closed the five feet that was separating them in a manner of seconds. Father and son soon seeking solace in the embrace.
R&I
Maura prided herself on her ability to stay clinically detached while performing autopsies. In the years she had been a medical examiner she had seen all manner of trauma and tragedy. Victims of all ages. It would be easy for anyone to allow the emotions surrounding the circumstances to affect them when handling the things Maura had to handle.
But emotions cloud judgement. Emotions sway perspective. And all of that can force a person to overlook the science. It can cause mistakes. So over the years Maura had trained herself to not let the emotions get in the way. It wasn't that she didn't feel. It was that she wouldn't let what she felt impede what she had to do.
Standing over the body of Tommy Rizzoli Maura was struggling to maintain her clinical detachment. There were just times her job was anything but easy.
This was something the doctor had never encountered in her career before. Not the autopsy or the condition of the young man in front of her. She had seen numerous MVA fatalities. What was different for this one was the personal involvement she had with the man. And his family.
Looking down at the sight in front of her Maura suddenly understood just how much her life had changed because of Jane Rizzoli. She now had a friend. A best friend. A lover. Someone in her life to care for. Who cared for her. But opening herself to that love also meant opening herself to sorrow. Standing in her lab that night it became clear to her that she couldn't have one without the other.
Letting someone in. Letting Jane love her and being able to love her back was an incredible gift. She understood the hardship that Jane and her family were facing with this tragedy. She wished in that moment she could protect Jane from it but she understood that she could not. Grief and loss are the dark side of love. One doesn't exist without the other.
Maura hadn't experienced true love in her life before Jane. But in the three months she had come to know the detective her life was forever altered. She found the one who accepted her and included her in her life. She found the one she was meant to be with. The one who befriended her. The one who cared for her. The one who loved her. The one she loved with equal passion.
But, tonight, because of that love Maura now faced a sorrow and emotional conflict she had never had to deal with before. Taking a deep breath Maura knew she needed to find that clinical detachment. She had a job to perform. She needed to handle this for Jane. For the Rizzolis. For Tommy.
She cleared her throat and started. "Autopsy notes for Thomas Michael Rizzoli. Procedure conducted by Dr. Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts."
R&I
The days seemed to pass quickly and drag on at the same time for Jane. There were times where she felt like the day would never end but there were times where she felt like time was passing too quickly and things were happening too fast. The odd coexistence of the two kept Jane on edge for most of the week.
Things were easier on her when she had things to do. Tasks to complete. Places to go. People to see. Arrangements to make. It kept her busy. It kept her moving. At times she felt like it kept her sane.
But the busy times couldn't last forever. Eventually all the plans were made. All the tasks completed. All the people had been contacted. Eventually Jane ran out of things to do. It was during those moments she thanked whatever deity in the skies above that she had Maura in her life.
Maura had been wonderful. She handled Tommy's autopsy with respect and care. Jane knew she would do nothing less. But what Jane had only recently discovered was the extra care Maura had arranged for him. Maura had arranged for a tech to stay with Tommy until he was released to the funeral director. She later even apologized for not staying with him herself but she had wanted to return to Jane's side as quickly as she could. She just hadn't wanted to leave Tommy alone and unattended while he was in her care.
The thought touched Jane deeply. But that wasn't the only thing Maura had done for her or her family. When the morning came and Angela woke up she had another 'episode'. She demanded that Jane take her to the morgue so she could see Tommy. No one felt that was a wise idea and it was Maura who stepped in and spoke with Angela to calm her down.
Jane had never seen such a sight before. Maybe because it involved her mother. Or Maura. But most of her believed it was because she watched two woman she loved bonding in a way she knew no other situation would allow.
Maura. For someone who continually claimed not to be good around people she was exactly what was needed in that moment. For someone who consistently doubted her instincts during interactions she comforted a grieving mother was grace and compassion. For someone who seemed to be out of touch with her impact on others, she offered solace and closure for not only Angela but the rest of the family as well. Sparing everyone the heartbreak of seeing Tommy before he was ready to be seen.
She comforted them all with her words. Her answers. Her observations. And the thing Jane would never, ever be able to thank her for no matter how hard or long she tried was Maura's ability to acknowledge that Tommy was intoxicated at the time of the accident but doing so in such a manner as to not dwell, reproach or place blame on what happened. Somehow, Maura had managed to allow Angela and Frank to have and view their son for who he was and not define him by what he had done. She was still not sure how Maura managed that but she had.
As the days leading up to the funeral all seemed to merge together, it became obvious to all that Jane and Maura were involved with each other. Watching closely enough gave anyone who dared a sense that the two absolutely adored each other. The love the two had for each other was unmistakable. Those who saw it appreciated what they were seeing and all seemed happy for the two. And everyone was glad Jane had Maura for support as they all tried to deal with the sudden loss.
Jane spent more and more time at Maura's place. The week started with Jane staying with Angela but on nights where Frankie was staying at the house Jane would slip away and always end up at Maura's. Seeking silent comfort and always finding what she sought. After a few days Jane had acquired a key. After a few more she had graduated to dresser drawer and closet space.
The transition wasn't discussed. There was no conscious conversation about cohabitation. It just seemed to happen. It felt right and natural and there appeared to be a silent agreement between the two that it was no longer acceptable for one to sleep away from the other. They belonged together and neither seemed willing to abandon the comfort of waking up wrapped in the warmth of the other.
If the tragedy of the loss of Tommy had showed them anything it seemed to illustrated that life was too uncertain to waste precious time that may not be as infinite as they all once thought.
R&I
Emotional upheaval added into an already shaky existence has the possibility of two outcomes. It can make an unstable situation better. Or it can make the situation worse. It was too soon to tell for Frank and Angela but the stalemate between the two seemed to have temporarily halted. As angry as Angela was about Frank's affairs, it was their son. A son they nurtured and cared for together for Tommy's entire twenty seven years.
She included Frank in everything. There was just no way not to. Arrangements. Discussions. Visitations. Everything. There seemed to be a polite cease fire between the two and Jane was sure there were even a few shared moments of grief and sorrow. She was certain because they had happened for her too.
Try as she did that first night to avoid her father by morning she was open to seeing him. A part of her desperately needed to see him. She was too tired to fight it. She couldn't get herself to go to Tommy's apartment but she had Frank over to her place. The minute she opened the door they were embracing. Crying. Supporting. She had needed him and he was there. It was enough in that moment.
They all knew. At some point Frank and Angela would need to work at whatever was going to happen in their marriage. But none of that seemed to matter much For the time being. The time would come. The issues would face reckoning but for the moment, the Rizzolis were a family facing a tragedy together. The rest would take care of itself at some point down the road.
For each knew one certainty. No matter the grief. No matter the loss. Life, in all its splendor and heartache, would go on whether they liked that particular fact or not.