Chapter Ten - Scars

Liv let Alex gather her up. She tucked her head under Alex's chin. She felt the blonde's quiet strength and buried her own fears. Alex was holding her. In Liv's brain, it didn't matter why, only that it was happening. She allowed herself to be positioned with her right arm across her body and safely placed under Alex's bosom. She held onto Alex with all the strength she had in her left arm.

Alex held Liv, letting the sobs rack her body. She was amazed at the power Liv still conveyed and possessed as she was wrapped around Alex broken. Alex did the only thing she could. She held her. She whispered over and over that everything was going to be okay, that she wasn't leaving and that they'd get through it all together.

Liv buried herself further into the blonde, not caring at the moment if made her seem weak. She couldn't let go of Alex. Too many emotions ran through her mind and she couldn't stop herself. She needed Alex. She had always needed Alex, even if the need was one-sided.

Somewhere in the night, Liv's emotional being took over her rationale. She didn't know how she did it and Alex wouldn't be able to explain it, but Liv picked Alex up off the floor with her left arm, carefully avoiding using her right. Alex just stared into Liv's eyes trying to find something, anything to help her soothe Liv. Liv melted into Alex, again.

Alex didn't know who started the kiss, but caught up in the moment, she didn't care. It was raw, needy and…magnificent. Alex tried to be good, but her body and years of pent up frustration with Liv pushed the red flags away. She moaned into Liv's mouth.

Liv pulled back, but only far enough to see the complete trust and love that Alex had for her shining through Alex's baby blues. Liv's restraint or resolve, she wasn't sure, broke. In an adrenaline filled "fight or flight" moment, Liv picked Alex up with her arm and deposited her on the bed. Olivia's eyes burned with want and need. Alex could see it as much as she felt it. Alex wasn't sure what to do as Liv loomed over her, holding herself up with her left arm.

Alex didn't have time to respond or think clearly. Liv descended into the crook of Alex's neck and kissed her pulse point. Alex put her hands in Liv's hair, burying them there, keeping Liv at her throat. Liv kissed her way up the column of Alex's throat to her ear. She gently bit the lobe and earned another moan from Alex. Olivia made her way around Alex's cheek before she actually pulled to look at Alex.

Olivia looked down at Alex puzzled. Alex looked positively ravishing laying beneath her, lips slightly parted, pupils dilated and full of passion, and breathing heavily. Liv looked deeper into Alex's expression, trying to read something.

Suddenly, Liv pulled back and sat on the edge of the bed. She hung her head and began to cry. Alex immediately swung herself around so she was holding Liv from behind, her legs draped over and around Liv's.

"I'm sorry," Liv managed to say between sobs.

"For what?"

"What just happened."

"Why, Liv? Did you not want to kiss me? Talk to me," Alex begged.

"I can't. I can't. I can't do this, not again," Liv answered.

"What can't you do?"

"I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. I don't know what I did it."

"I do," Alex answered.

"You do, what?"

"I know why you did it."

"Okay, why?" Liv asked, standing up, not trusting herself to be that close to Alex anymore.

"Liv, you're hurting. You left without telling me that you loved me to my face. You wrote me a letter. I don't know what happened to you in Atlanta. I know that you'll tell me when you are ready. But, you're hurting. You feel like you've lost control. You know you care for me. You know I care for you. You let whatever walls you'd built up while you were undercover fall down around me. You know you can trust me, that I'm one of the ones who will understand what you are going through," Alex explained, "Because, I've been there, too."

"Alex, I…"

"Liv, don't. Just remember that I love you. I came here to help you. We've hurt each other in the past. Let's move on and just see what happens. It's time for us to stop being afraid," Alex added.

"But, what about Frankie?" Liv asked, starting to cry again.

"You did what you had to do to survive. I'd be lying if I didn't say it hurt, but I understand. We need to get you better. I know you will need time but I need you to know, I'll be waiting, right here, beside you."

"I don't deserve you," Liv mumbled.

"Why?"

"I'm not even in your league. I've got no money. I'm a detective and I've got nothing to show for it, a few scars and no life."

"Olivia Benson! You are a decorated member of the NYPD. You've been there for me so many times, I've lost count. You fight for your victims no matter the personal sacrifice. Don't sit there and have a personal pity party."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You are rediscovering who you are, who you were and who you are going to be. You are allowed to be emotional. You are allowed to break down. You're human, Liv."

"I know."

"Well, good. I'm sure you're hungry and tired. Let's get some food and then, I'll put you to bed. How does that sound?"

"Good. Thank you, Alex. I mean it."

"Look, I know things are going to rough. You are going to do and say things I won't like. It'll be okay. Just promise me one thing," Alex stated.

"What?"

"That you'll tell me the truth no matter if it'll hurt me."

"Alex…"

"Liv, promise me that. We've lied to each other for too long. Promise me that you'll tell me how you feel. I…we need the truth between us, now," Alex said.

"I know. You're right. But, I don't know how long it will take."

"I understand that, Liv. We both have scars that need to heal. I love you."

"I must have done something right in a past life," Liv replied, still not ready to be that close to Alex.

"Nope, just this one," Alex answered, kissing Liv on the cheek, and pulling her into the kitchen.