A/N: A Tissue maybe needed!

It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen

All dressed in white

Going to the church that night

A smile etched on her face. Her gown, long and flowing, touched the ground only barely. Gus stood beside her, having promised Shawn that he'd watch after her. Gus's hands were clasped tightly in front of himself. His black tux was perfect, not a single wrinkle.

Her hands behind her, as she readjusted her dress. It was no longer was digging into her side. The flower arrangement was in her hand.

She couldn't believe that she was marrying Shawn Spencer. Actually, she couldn't believe she let herself fall for him enough to marry him.

"Gus... is this really happening?"

The question was simple enough, but Gus had a look that seemed to mirror fear.

"I'm not backing out, Gus! I just... can't believe it."

A small smile played on Gus's features. The look of terror fell instantly away, as a calm exterior took over. "Why, yes it is happening. You're marrying my best friend..." Gus sighed. His cool guy speech fell away. Even if at the beginning he hadn't been very close to Juliet... well that had changed. The closer she got to Shawn, the closer he got to her. She was like family now, and would technically be family in about an hour.

"Look, Juliet. Shawn's a great guy. He's been my best friend for so long, I can't count it on two hands. He's amazing, and he has a heart of gold. Don't let him fool you on that, Juliet. He does. I just never saw him settling down. At least not like this. He's always been the bachelor. The guy that you go to when you and your girlfriend are fighting to hide you until things cool down... I guess what I'm saying is... I'm glad it's you, Juliet."

She felt tears flush against her close eyelids, and told herself not to cry. The hour spent in the makeup chair had been pure hell. In fact, she wouldn't be surprised if it was what the government used to torture information out of people. Juliet really didn't want to go through that again.

"Let's get moving toward the church. We don't want him thinking you stood him up..." Gus smile suavely.

And when the church doors opened up wide

She put her veil down

Trying to hide the tears

Gus handed Juliet off to her father. The look in his eyes was sympathy, and though she knew he had never been a big fan of Shawn, or his antics, her father knew that Shawn did indeed love her. So she knew that the look in her father's eyes was not due to the fact that she was marrying the man that she was head over heels in love with. Something was wrong, and according to that look, it was something horrible.

"Dad..." She hadn't realized that she had choked the word out. It was like she knew what he was going to say before he said it.

"I'm sorry, kiddo."

Juliet shook her head. It couldn't be. He couldn't be. It was a dream... a horrible nightmare that she would wake up from any moment. Blinking her eyes repeatedly hoping it would pull her from this nightmare, she felt the first tear slip from her eye and fall to her cheek.

"There was an accident... He..." Her father coughed awkwardly around the words that seemed to be caught in his throat. "He never made it to the hospital..."

The doors in front of her opened up wide. The church full of people looked on in agony. All of them had been briefed apparently. Gus had sunk to the floor beneath him, tears streaming steadily down his face. Then the person she most wanted to see was standing beside Gus, a hand upon his shoulder. Crimson stained his white dress shirt. She was angry and hurt. Juliet couldn't stop herself. She was no longer in control of her body. Her feet padded loudly down the aisle as she came to a bare footed stop in front of the man that was supposed to be her father in law. A man that had became like a second father to her.

"Why didn't you call me!" She couldn't stop the tears now, nor did she want to.

"It happened so fast sweetheart... I couldn't leave him..."

"You didn't have too..." Now she was sobbing uncontrollably. "You could have used your cell... why Henry?" Her voice broke over her words. They didn't come off angry, instead they sounded broken.

Tears were fresh in his eyes. He clapped his hands together, just now noticing that they were still caked in Shawn's blood. Henry felt sick to his stomach at the sight.

"Juliet..."

She fell to her knees as sobs coursed through her body. It hurt so bad that it made her cry harder.

Baby why'd you leave me

Why'd you have to go?

I was counting on forever, now I'll never know

Juliet stood in the doorway. Unable to force herself to move. They had given her ten minutes, and she was wasting it. She was wasting her goodbye. Tears started to slowly trickle down her cheeks. Today was supposed to be the happiest day of her life. It was the day that Juliet O'Hara married the man that she loved. The day she married Shawn Spencer. Yet, it seemed that someone... some greater force was holding a grudge against her.

As she stood staring at the pale, lifeless body of her fiancee, she felt herself fall to the floor. Juliet didn't care that it hurt, nor did she care that it would probably bruise, causing her pain much later. The only thing that mattered was the man laying on the table.

Juliet couldn't make herself get up. She didn't want to. Getting up meant seeing him... and seeing him meant remembering him like this. Cold and lifeless. That wasn't Shawn. He was full of life and energy. He was her ray of sunshine on a cloudy day, and now he was gone.

According to Henry, it had happened so fast... to fast. The green light, the bright lights.

"He didn't really have time to do anything. It was just so fast. Shawn did the only thing he could. He slammed on the brakes, sent the car into a tailspin, until the other car hit us. We flipped twice, but Shawn's side of the car took the brunt of the impact..."

He had done the only thing he could to save his father's life. The firefighters had even said so, as they used the jaws of life to cut Shawn from the pile of wreckage.

"If the car had impacted on the passenger side... I would have been killed. Shawn knew that... It's the only thing I can think of as to why he would have done that..."

It didn't surprise her that Shawn was so selfless that he'd give up his own life to save his father's.

I can't even breathe

Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now

This can't be happening to me

This is just a dream

Juliet felt a hand on her shoulder, the tears in her eyes had subsided. She hadn't realized just how long she had been sitting there on the floor. Her flowing white dress sprawled out on either side of her. Looking up, she saw that Carlton had knelt down beside her. His face held a certain pallor, and was set in a frown.

"He's-"

"I know," Lassiter cut her off. Saying the words aloud would only bring on more hysterics, and right now what he needed was to get her up off the floor. Guster had promised to take her home, though with his tear streaked face Lassiter was more than a little worried about her getting there safely.

Juliet felt Lassiter lock his hand under her arm and start lifting.

"Get off!" Juliet whispered harshly. Her hand batted at his.

Sighing, Lassiter knelt beside her, making sure they were eye level. "Juliet, I need you to get up off the floor. They..." He couldn't say the words. If it was anyone else. Hell if it was Guster who had plastered himself to the floor, he could say it. However, he couldn't force himself to say the words that would break his partner's already shattered heart.

She sniffled loudly, her blue eyes clouded over from the river of tears she had cried. "I know. I just... I can't force myself to leave him."

Lassiter shook his head, even though he didn't fully understand. Carlton had never been in her situation. Forced to say goodbye to someone that was already gone. Someone that you loved more than anyone else.

"Do you want me to-"

Juliet simply shook her head. "I'll go." It was merely a whisper, as she held out her hand.

Lassiter stood up before grabbing hold of it. He made sure that his body was blocking the lifeless on behind him before pulling Juliet to her feet. Wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulders, he led her from the room. She paused at the door, her eyes fixated on the two broken men in front of her. Carlton used the time to take a final glance behind him.

The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray

Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt

Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard

Juliet sat in the front six chairs, along with Shawn's family, Lassiter and the chief. Tears clouded her vision, as she looked from Henry, whose face was dry but solemn. To Madeline, who held a handkerchief to her eyes. To Gus, who had tear tracks down his cheeks. Followed by the chief, who mirrored Shawn's mom, with a handkerchief of her own. Before resting on Lassiter's face. His face was void of emotion, and a chuckle bubbled into Juliet's throat.

A memory from long ago. Not too long after she had moved to Santa Barbara, and Shawn had once again been flirting with her. Carlton had walked by and grunted in their direction. Juliet had thought it to be weird at the time, but Shawn simply cracked a lop-sided smile. He leaned in close and whispered 'Just ignore Lassipants. He's emotionally constipated.'

At the time, Juliet had labeled Shawn as a weirdo, and went on about her day. It had taken almost a year, but she came to realize that Shawn's antics were just who he was. It was how he functioned, and it was how he cheered you up.

Tears slipped down her cheeks at a furious pace. It had been two days since Shawn had left her, and Juliet still felt just as empty and broken as she had that night. Every night she curled up on his side of the bed, clinging to his pillow like a lifeline. Juliet knew it was unhealthy, and that she needed to start the healing process. Yet, she couldn't force herself to do it. She hadn't returned to work yet, though the chief told her to take as much personal time as she needed. If she was being honest though, Juliet felt no will to return to work. Most days, she was lucky if she felt a will to remove herself from bed.

Juliet realized that she had missed everything that the preacher had said. He stood now, quiet, as he examined the large crowd in front of him.

"Now, let us bow our heads and pray."

His voice was soft, and Juliet obeyed his order. Her head bowed, but no prayer left her mouth. It wasn't that she had lost her faith in God, more so that she hadn't been able to say much of anything since that night. It was like when Shawn left, he took her voice with him.

Juliet waited until everyone in her row lifted their heads, and followed suit.

Then they handed her a folded up flag

And she held on to all she had left of him

Oh, and what could have been

A hand reached out and landed on her shoulder. Juliet wanted to jump, but willed herself to keep still. She looked in the direction it had came from, and saw that it was Gus. His eyes had dried up considerably, and he motioned with his head. Turning to face the direction that his head was tilted toward, a breath caught in her throat. Officers from the SBPD, ones that she had worked with many times, were folding up a flag, in honor of Shawn's memory.

Vaguely she remembered Chief Vick mentioning that Shawn would receive a police officer's burial. However, at the time, Juliet had just chalked it up to some random mumbling about things she didn't care about. Though in her current state, everything was something she didn't care about.

Yet, she felt tears spring to her eyes at knowing that even though he was technically a member of the SBPD, and his methods might have been a little unorthodox. In spite of that, the chief saw it fitting to give Shawn one of the highest honors he could be given.

Juliet watched, as tears blurred her vision, as Buzz McNabb walked slowly toward her. He held the folded up flag carefully in his hands, as he approached. With a nod of his head, he handed the flag to her, before backing carefully away from her. Juliet had seen the tears in his eyes, and knew that he too was hurting from the loss of Shawn.

Clinging the flag to her chest, Juliet felt the pieces of Shawn that she had been clinging to. The memories... those tiny moments, starting to slip away.

And then the guns rang one last shot

And it felt like a bullet in her heart

If Juliet had been thinking straight, she would have known what would have come next. She had been to a funeral like this before. However, she wasn't thinking clearly, so when the sound of gunfire rang in the air Juliet felt herself jump in her chair. Fighting the urge to crawl under her chair, Juliet closed her eyes and enter her happy place. Though, her happy place wasn't technically a place anymore. It wasn't the usual smiles and laughter of her and Shawn. It was just Shawn. Just his beautiful, shining face. Like a still photograph. That's how she wanted to remember him. Laughing, with a smile on his face. Not in the cold, lifeless way that she had seen him at the hospital, or the far too pale and peaceful way he looked in his casket.

Juliet had been keeping track of the shots, even though she wasn't paying full attention to them, so when the final shot rang out, she felt the final piece of her heart break. She didn't cry, mostly because she had cried every last tear she held inside of herself. It was mostly a feeling of despair, as if it hadn't been real until that last shot rang out. Slowly, mostly on auto-pilot, she followed her row of co-workers and family up to the casket. With a shaking hand, she reached out and grabbed hold of Gus's. Juliet didn't trust herself seeing him that close up and not falling apart. A single white rose clasped in her other hand, and one by one she watched as her family and friends said their final goodbye to Shawn. Slowly, the casket was closed, and one by one they laid their rose atop, before moving to stand in front of their seat one final time.

Finally, with a dull thud, and a clickity-clack, Shawn's casket was lowered slowly into the ground. With her eyes closed, Juliet said her final goodbye.

this is just a dream

Just a dream

With a shuddering gasp, Juliet jerked herself into a sitting position. Sweat glistened off her face, as her body shudder from fear. His side of the bed was empty, and she felt a rush of tears slam against her closed eyelids. She gasped for breath, as the realness of the dream overcame her.

Slowly, Juliet pulled the covers from her body, and dangled her legs over the edge of their over sized bed. With slight difficulty her feet landed on the floor beneath her. On unsteady legs, Juliet creeped from the bedroom into the bathroom. Her face was red, with a sheen of sweat. Her eyes puffy and bloodshot. Closing them, and taking a deep breath, she forced the tears to stop. With relative ease, she leaned forward and turned on the facet. Sticking her hands underneath, she let the hot water rush over top of them for a moment, before splashing herself in the face.

Quickly, she toweled off her face, and exited the bathroom. Snagging her cell phone from her nightstand, and Shawn's pillow from the bed, Juliet let her body sink to the floor. Clutching the pillow tightly to her chest, and making sure that her emotions were in check, she hit the correct speed dial and waited.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end was groggy, but a smile crossed Juliet's lips.

Before she could stop it, tears flowed freely down her cheeks. "Thank god." It was merely a whisper, but she knew that Shawn would hear her anyway.

"Jules, babe, are you okay?" The grogginess was almost completely gone from his voice, and it now echoed concern.

"I just... I had a bad dream." She sighed out her relief at the realization that it was in fact just a dream. "But Shawn promise me that you'll let your dad drive himself to the church."

Juliet heard Shawn chuckle on the other end. "Whatever you want sweetheart. Whatever you need."

A/N: I couldn't bring myself to actually go through with killing Shawn this time... It was just too painful.