Chapter Twelve - Blues
Alex and Dana made their way into the conference room. Ike and Russell were already there, waiting. There were files all over the table and Ike and Russell were looking over one. Alex and Dana took their seats, when door opened and someone else came in.
"Sorry, I'm late," Abbie said, as she took her seat.
"You're fine. We are ready to go over the paper work. Now, Russell, tell me everything that we need to know concerning the parentage of our young Alexander," Dana commanded.
"We have dug into everything that we could find in Julie's and Frankie's stuff. We found some sparse medical files and the ultrasounds. There was nothing that told us who his father was. We don't know where to begin except with the gang. He may have been a gang member under D. J.'s control. We just don't know," Russell told them.
"This could be a problem later, but I doubt it," Abbie stated.
"Because if she didn't tell anyone who the father was, it could be argued that she was raped or that it was from a donation. She did make the legal documents to protect and create Julie as the guardian and parent in her absence or demise," Alex replied, pushing the files to Abbie.
"So, what does the AG say about it?" Abbie asked.
"He doesn't want to deal with it. He has actually signed off on a new birth certificate for Alexander that we used for extraction and to protect him from the Goldings. The official position of the great state of Georgia is that will give the FBI any documentation that we need in regards to the minor in question with no challenges or problems," Dana added.
"So, Georgia doesn't care about its native son? Isn't that wonderful? How is Olivia handling it?" Abbie inquired.
"She is undecided at this time," Dana said.
"She is still trying to figure everything out. She took quite a beating in the warehouse and she isn't sure what she remembers clearly. Liv is fighting her mind at the moment to find some truth in what she believes happened. She is mentally and emotionally drained and broken," Alex replied.
"How long was she under?" Abbie questioned.
"She was on the op for eighteen months, but she was actually under for fifteen months," Ike said.
"Do we have a timeline?" Abbie asked.
"Yes, we do. I recruited Olivia in New York in November. She reported to me in D.C. around Thanksgiving. She was given the information for the operation and the marks. She officially became a deputized agent on December twelfth. By January, she was in Atlanta for her final preparations with Ike before she would be turned over to Russell for final and continuing reporting. Russell was her handler in op," Dana explained.
"Okay, so Russell was the closet to her for about fifteen months. I am going to need to know what happened while she was under in order to validate the documentation. I can't just go to State and have Alexander declared legally Olivia's son. I am going to need to know everything that I can, so when I file my reports with State, they won't have any reason to question anything. I need to know anything that could possibly question the legality of her claim," Abbie said.
"That is why we are here," Alex added.
"I reviewed everything in the documentation when Julie gave it to me. She seemed to be worried about it. She didn't let Russell even know about it, because she didn't think that it would hold weight in court. She was worried that it would cause her problems and she could be held on false witness charges. She called me to set up a private meet," Ike explained.
"Did she do that often?" Dana asked.
"No, only three times that I know of. I know that she had another contact. I don't know how many times they met," Ike replied.
"Twice," Dana told them.
"She met with the unknown contact twice?" Abbie asked.
"Yes, and both times were authorized by me."
"Who was the contact?" Abbie asked.
"Another undercover agent."
"Where is this agent now?"
"Dead," Dana said flatly.
Abbie and Alex turned and stared at Dana. Ike and Russell looked just as surprised as they were. Abbie gave Alex a look before asking, "Do I want to know more?"
"She was my former partner. She has been working all over the South. She was on vacation at Cumberland Island off the coast of Georgia. She had been in to the bars to see Olivia and give her any new intel that we had. She went in under total cover once into the bar to give Olivia a pair of boots," Dana explained.
"What was so special about these boots?" Abbie asked.
"They had a GPS device built into them. It was a way for us to track her without any detection. They were a prototype. Sally, my partner, went in as Olivia's former girlfriends to give her back her biker boots. Sally was going in undercover as part of Olivia's Julie cover," Dana stated.
"Alright, well, that doesn't matter right now. We need to focus on the child. Do we have anything that would disprove the documents as fake?"
"No," Ike told her, "I got the lawyer who drafted them to sign an affidavit about their authenticity. He signed it readily. He told me that he would come in and sign whatever he needs to in order to help us in this matter. He doesn't want any problems."
"Has he been vetted by the rest of his office?" Alex asked.
"Yes, they all stated that Julie and Frankie were there. They knew that the documents were good and would testify to that effect if needed. They also attested that Frankie had been using the lawyer for other legal issues after her breakup with Robin. She wanted to make sure that she was protected," Russell stated.
"What does that have to do with the baby?" Dana asked.
"Frankie was afraid of Robin and what she might do to her. She had been working with the lawyer in order to change her name and find a way to get out of Atlanta. She was about to run when she met Julie. Julie was the reason she stayed," Ike added.
"Frankie stayed in that situation because of Olivia?" Alex questioned.
"She literally ran into Julie at the bar one night. Julie told me that she was crying and scared. They went for coffee and talked. Frankie had seen her at the bar, so she knew who Julie was. Frankie hung around because she fell for Julie," Russell replied.
"So, you're saying that Benson used Frankie's love against her so we could get the gang?" Abbie asked and then stated, "Cause the Benson I know couldn't do that. I'm sorry, Alex, but you know that's true, too."
"I know," Alex replied, quietly.
"I think I have enough. I'll go to State and make sure that we are covered legally for the parentage for Alexander. I'm sure that we are going to have to get a New York state birth certificate based on federal adoption papers from the State Department. Alex, can you facilitate that?" Abbie asked her, not waiting for an answer, before moving on, "I've got what I need. The only other thing that we need is the knowledge that Olivia is planning on keeping the child. Once we know this, I will need to know what name she is going to him."
"We should know in a couple of days," Dana stated.
"Good. I'll be back in town then. We should all meet then, with Olivia next time. I want to know how she is doing. I would like to see her for myself. Call me later, Alex, maybe we can meet up before so Friday at three PM? Good. I'll see y'all later," Abbie replied, picking up the files on the table and leaving the conference room.
"Alright, boys, we'll meet tomorrow to go over what we know on the whereabouts of the Goldings. Until then, I want to know everything that you have on Frankie Stone Mitchell. We'll meet back here tomorrow at two PM. We will continue meetings everyday at two PM until Olivia feels comfortable to join us. I'll give you a new assignment to see how we will proceed with our investigation. We've got new eyes and ears on the ground, but we still have nothing."
"Yes, ma'am," Russell and Ike both said, gathering their things and leaving the room.
Alex and Dana grabbed the remaining files and documents. Alex looked over the birth certificates and other files, the copies that were left, that pertained to Alexander. She couldn't find anything wrong with them except that they stated Julie Seabrook and not Olivia Benson. The other files she skimmed had Liv's picture or stats but they were all for Julie Seabrook. It was like a bizarre sense of déjà vu.
"You'll get her back," Dana said, watching her.
"I hope so."
"You will. I can already see the Benson I know showing through. How are you dealing with the baby idea?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know?" Dana asked, strikingly concerned.
"I know that I need to know. I understand that. It doesn't make it any easier."
"No, it doesn't, but she needs you to support her."
"I plan on it. No matter what decision she makes, she knows that I'm going leave her. She knows that she has my support. I love her, Dana. I'm not going to lose her, again. I'll have to deal with her decision."
"What will you do if she does decide to keep Alexander?" Dana asked.
"Love him as much as I love her. I owe him nothing less. He is named after me. I will support him as much and if not more than I will support her," Alex replied, tears forming in her eyes.
"Good, now, let's go see him. I'll have Olivia brought over to my house. She is still with Huang. Hopefully, he'll get her to open up more about the operation," Dana told her, reaching out to squeeze Alex's hand.
"Good afternoon, Olivia," George Huang said in greeting her in his makeshift office at the FBI academy in Quantico.
"Afternoon, Huang," Olivia replied.
"Please sit down."
Olivia crossed the threshold into the office and took a seat in a brown leather chair. She noticed that Huang had done his best to make the office seem hospitable and comforting. She wasn't happy about being there and she knew that it wasn't Huang's fault, but that didn't make it any easier for her. She could feel the warmth of the leather. She could smell the faint traces of a lemon cleaner.
"How are you feeling?" Huang asked her, noting that Olivia was gripping the chair.
"Don't do that to me, Huang. I know the game. I know why I'm here."
"Why are you here?" he asked.
"To help me through my debriefings."
"Is that all?"
"Yes," Liv answered, strongly.
"Liv, I've reviewed your operation. It was extensive and delicate. I am sure that there were parts and things that you did that you aren't happy about. We should talk about those."
"Why?"
"To help you readjust," he replied.
"Readjust to what? I know who I am. I know what I've done. I'm the one who has to live with it. I am the one who has to deal with the choices that I made or didn't make. I have to worry about Alexander, not just myself," Liv yelled at him.
"Alexander? Who is Alexander? Why do you have to worry about him?"
"He is my son."
"You bore him?" Huang questioned.
"No, Frankie did. I delivered him. He is my responsibility now. Frankie is gone. I am the only mother he has known. I can't let him down. I have to protect him from Robin and D. J."
"Are they after him?"
"I don't know. We were extracted from Atlanta. I'm sure they want me dead. They made that much obvious. I can't help but think that they would be after Alexander, now."
"What happened to make you think that they want you dead?" Huang asked.
Olivia gripped the arms of the chair harder. She shot Huang a look, staring him down as he sat across from her behind the desk. She noticed that he wasn't actually taken a lot of notes. She could see the blank paper of the note pad in front of him.
"You've read the file. I'm sure that you know what happened. You had to have seen the hospital photos. Come on, George. You know I'm not crazy. I have a legitimate fear that they are after me and him," Liv said, getting louder with each phrase.
"I have seen the photos. You were beaten pretty badly. I see that most of the bruises have faded and your wounds have healed. It isn't your body that I am worried about, though, Liv. This wasn't like a normal undercover sting you might have done in Manhattan. This was a deep undercover job. You had to completely become someone else. That affects you."
"You don't think I know that," Liv said, standing forcefully and starting to pace the office, "I know that. Do you know what it is like to lose someone? To watch them die in your arms as you are powerless to stop it?"
"Yes."
"I do, too."
"I know. Frankie would have been the third death for you. But, I sense there is more to this. Do you want to tell me about it?" Huang asked.
"No."
"Liv, sit down. Tell me why you don't want to talk about it. What was it about Frankie that is hurting you so much?"
Liv stared at him. He leaned back in his chair and waited for her to sit back down. He watched pace a few more times. She raised her hand and gestured in the air, punching it, pointing at him, and finally just trying to grasp at something. She sighed in frustration, but Huang said nothing. She wanted to run, but knew it would only keep them there longer.
"Liv?"
"What?" she almost hissed back at him.
She didn't want to be there. She didn't want to be talking about this. She didn't want think about it anymore. She had Alex back. Her nightmares were over.
"Why was Frankie different?" he probed.
"Because she was just like Alex," she quietly admitted as she sat back down.
He noted the comment on his notepad and watched her. He saw her fingers as she white knuckled the chair. He watched her as her tear-filled eyes met his.
"Why did she remind you of Alex?"
"She looked just like her, except her eyes. They were brown. She didn't have Alex's upbringing. She didn't have Alex's money or wardrobe. She had Alex's confidence and her charisma. She was easy to love, because it was like loving Alex."
"Does her death remind you of Alex's brush with death that sent her into Wit Sec?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I couldn't stop it."
"You couldn't stop it."
"No, I tried to staunch the bleeding with Alex, but we were told she died. I thought she died in my arms. We, Elliot and I, found out that she was still alive but had to leave for her own protection. She took my heart with her. I felt lost. Alex helped me stay grounded. I threw myself into the job. I didn't have a choice. Then, later, Sonya bled out in my hands. There was no one there to help me. Alex was missing in action. She was back but not available."
"So, you feel lost without Alex?"
"Sometimes, she keeps me grounded. She is my polar opposite. And, I don't deserve her."
"Why?"
"Because I couldn't protect her. I cheated on her. And, now, she is here trying to help me pick up my life and live again. The woman is a fucking saint."
"And, what does that make you?" Huang asked.
"I'm a warrior. I go into the belly of beast to protect the innocent. I was born of fire and I fight it with my every fiber. Alex is, well, Alex. She is an angel sent to make sure that justice prevails. She fights the fight without having to get into the trenches. She isn't soiled or stained like I am. She isn't scared," Olivia answered.
"Isn't she? Have you ever asked her? Do you think she feels the same way you do?"
"She left didn't she?"
"Is that a fair assessment of the situation?"
"I don't know. I don't know what she thinks about me. She's told me that she loves me and that she is here for me. I don't understand why she would do that for me. I don't know how she can love me after everything that happened."
"Do you think that she loves you despite what happened?" Huang asked.
"Yes."
"How does that make you feel?"
"Ashamed."
"Why?"
"Because I don't think that I have done anything to deserve it. She's told me that I have, but I let her walk away. I didn't fight for her when she went to the Congo. I let her go and didn't tell her. Then, Elliot left and my security net was gone. Dana offered me the op and I took it. It was the only way I could feel like I had control over what was going on in my life. If I made the decisions, if I made the choice to run, then I had control over what happened to me," Liv stated.
"What changed?"
"Frankie. She changed everything. It was almost like I had a second chance and this time I could make it right. This time I could save her. This time I would be worthy."
"Olivia, she died from complications in child birth. There was nothing anyone could have done. She was lucky that you were there to protect her and deliver the baby. You can't blame yourself," George told her.
"Why not? It is my fault she was there. If I hadn't stopped her from leaving Atlanta, she might still be alive. Her death is on my hands."
"Olivia, let's change pace here for a second."
"Fine, what do you want to talk about?"
"How did it feel to hold Alexander?"
"Wonderful."
"Why did you name him Alexander?"
"Frankie wanted me to name him that."
"But why did she pick that name?"
"Because of me."
"Liv, are you afraid of him?"
"Afraid of who?" she asked in response.
"Are you afraid of Alexander?"
"Yes!"
"Can you tell me why?" Huang inquired.
"Because Frankie gave him to me. He will be a constant reminder of what I did to both Frankie and Alex. He is my punishment and my penance. I want to keep him, but then, I just think I am selfish for wanting to do that," Liv answered.
"Why does wanting to keep him make you feel selfish?"
"Because I want a child of my own."
"But, according to the paperwork that you signed, that Frankie signed, he is your son."
"He isn't my son. He is Julie Seabrook's son. He was never meant to be mine. I am not Julie Seabrook. His name isn't Alexander Benson," Liv told him.
"But, it could be. Olivia, he is your son now. Frankie thought enough of you to make him yours. Isn't that enough reason to care for him?"
"It should be, but it isn't. I don't want to ruin him. He needs someone who can love him all the time. I have so much baggage and I'm alone. I don't think I'll be enough. I can't be enough for him. He needs all the love that he can get," Liv stated.
"And, you don't?"
"I've had my chances. I blew it. I don't need to wreck his life because of mine."
"So, you are just going to give up? You're going to let him go into foster care, because you have some misguided self-loathing. Olivia, wake up and see the world around you. We are all here to help you because we love you. That boy knows other mother but you. You were the first one to hold him. You were the one who named him. You were the one that saved him. I am sure that you would have died for him, too."
"Yes," Liv whispered.
"Then, do yourself a favor. I want you to stand up. I want you to look into the mirror over there on the wall and I want you to tell yourself that you will care for that boy and mean it. You will find a way to make it work, you always do. But, if you can't convince yourself that you are deserving enough to keep him, to love him, to raise him, then you don't deserve him."
Olivia stood up. Huang could see the fire in her eyes. He knew that he struck a nerve, but he also knew that he had to do it. He could tell that Olivia was still fighting the persona that was Julie Seabrook. He knew what their therapy sessions would be about. He would have to help her separate Julie from Olivia.
"Liv?"
"Yes?"
"Do you want to see Alexander?"
"Yes."
"Then, I need to know what you want."
"What do you mean?"
"Do you want to keep him?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to love him?"
"More than anything," Liv told him.
"Why?"
"Because he is my son. He will be my son. His name is Alexander Donald Benson and I am his mother," Olivia told him, as tears of joy for her son streamed down her cheeks.