Huge thanks to auntof3, Nadreth, and red2013 for the reviews and to everyone else who alerted this.

Early the next morning Esposito opened his eyes to see Ryan passed out only a few inches away. His eyes wandered over his long lashes sitting against his bruised cheeks and the small healing cuts scattered across his brow. His hand rose to touch him but he paused a hair's breadth away, the pads on his fingers warming from their proximity to his bedmate's skin. He wasn't his to touch anymore and even though he wanted to ignore that fact he would never take advantage of the fact Ryan was asleep. Pushing away his feelings of longing and guilt he climbed carefully from the bed and fixed the blanket before leaving the room and silently closing the door behind him. As an afterthought he reentered the room and found some pj pants for him, since his pants were sure to be uncomfortable with the wound on his stomach, and laid them on the bed for when he woke. They would definitely be too large but beggars can't be choosers.

Coffee was of course the first thing he accomplished and only after he had a full cup did he start to wake up. Last night had been horrible, from having to wake up Ryan every few hours to give him pain pills to him waking up screaming from nightmares about the attack and God knows what else. When he tried to comfort him he would push him away physically and emotionally so all he could do was lie there and watch him suffer, it was draining on many levels.

In the morning silence he sat and thought about everything that had happened with Ryan. He needed to find out who had attacked him but he didn't want to pressure him too much right now, his fragile emotional state making him be more patient than he usually was. His phone beeped and he grabbed it and read the text from Beckett, she hadn't found anything that could help track Ryan's attacker and they had hit yet another dead end on their recent double homicide.

Small sounds alerted him to the fact Ryan was awake and he waited patiently not wanting to crowd him or make him feel rushed. He glanced up when Ryan stumbled out of the bedroom and couldn't help but grin at how absolutely adorable he looked with his out of control bed head and dressed in a pair of his sweatpants that were just a hair too large and drug across the carpet behind him. It was male pride thing, he could admit it, but he liked to see Ryan wearing his clothes even though he mostly swam in them. Ignoring the splotches of black and blue and every other sickly color of the rainbow splashed across his skin along with patches of gauze he took a moment to appreciate how smooth Ryan's skin was as it stretched and glided over lean muscle. His eyes drifted down from his narrow neck to his firm chest and stomach and down the thin line of hair from his naval that disappeared into his low slung boxers. Realizing he had just jumped from adorable to fuckable he forced his attention away, the last thing Ryan needed right now was to be jumped. Bad choice of words.

Ryan trudged into the kitchen and just stood there with hooded eyes that kept drifting shut. "'m tired Javi."

Taking pity on him he got all his meds together and led him to a chair to sit down, "It's always tough sleeping with injuries. You want some coffee?"

He shook his head, "No caffeine. Chocolate milk."

Fighting a laugh at the request he nodded and turned to see if he even had anything to make it with, he lucked out. He set down the glass and watched his friend stare at it before looking up with huge doe like eyes, "Bendy straw?"

Huffing in fake annoyance he found one next to the plastic bags in his cabinet and handed it to Ryan who snatched it and happily sucked down his chocolate milk after swallowing all his medication. Esposito yearned to touch him but refrained since he wasn't sure if they were together or not right now. All he wanted to do was keep him safe from harm, not because he couldn't handle himself but because he just seemed like he needed someone to. Ryan was small, even smaller than him, which was unfortunately saying something and even though he was cocky it was still easy to see the vulnerability he carried everyday. The bartender needed attention and loved any affection thrown his way, only proving he was more insecure than he let on. "Do you want something to eat?"

He nodded, "Please and thanks for the sweats. I might just have to steal these, they're pretty comfy."

Esposito smiled softly, for them not being together it sure felt like they still were. Hopefully Ryan and he would work through everything soon because he had no idea how he was supposed to live in such close quarters and not touch him.

"So there's some things I need from my apartment. Personal stuff," Ryan said cautiously after finishing off his bowl of cereal.

Esposito turned to face him better and nodded, "No problem. Just tell me what you need and I'll grab it."

"No, I need to get it."

He frowned a little but agreed that they would go together and get whatever he needed. "Alright, well let's get you dressed then we'll go get what you need."

A short time later Ryan entered his apartment and focused on not looking at all the blood, after all it wasn't the first time his life force had been splattered across his home. It almost seemed natural to see his own blood outside of his body. He instantly went to the bedroom and over to the dresser before pressing his back against it and trying to shove it aside.

"Don't hurt yourself, I'll do that," Javier insisted and finished moving it out of the way. "A hidey-hole?" he asked in disbelief when he noticed the large empty space.

Ryan nodded and with his hand that wasn't bandaged he reached into the wall between his bedroom and the living room and pulled out a box and a few hard gun cases in varying sizes. Esposito took the offered objects and laid them on the bed, a frown covering his face when he realized they were all locked. "Kev what's in these?"

Ryan's eyes snapped to his for only a second before he looked away. Both men knew exactly what was in the cases but neither wanted it to be confirmed, neither wanted to shatter the extremely delicate truce that had seemed to be called between the lawman and the outlaw. It almost hurt that Javier had even asked but his brief moment of eye contact had confirmed that even though he had vocalized the question he did not want an answer.

"Things that I don't want in the wrong hands and personal stuff," he finally answered vaguely as he walked over to the night stand and dug his hand to the very back where he pulled out a wad of cash and stuffed it into his pocket before grabbing a gold chain that he slid over his neck and pulled under his shirt. "Ok, let's get out of here."

Esposito glanced around and took in the apartment, "What about all your other stuff?"

He paused and bit the inside of his cheek. "I don't know, I guess when I heal I'll put it in storage until I find a place to live. Can't ever live here ever again, they'll come back for me. Plus my bathroom looks like something out of Saw."

"Can I ask you something? So the bedroom's decorated like... you, but everything else looks like it came out of a magazine. I mean I'm no interior designer but this is some really nice furniture."

Ryan chewed on his lip a moment and glanced around. "A friend bought all my furniture and pictures and things, I didn't really have a say in it. He has expensive taste."

Fighting feelings of jealousy he asked, "Old boyfriend?"

"No," Ryan answered instantly. "A mentor of sorts."

With a nod Javier gathered the cases and followed Ryan out with a mental note to come and pack up his belongings on his next day off. After returning to the apartment Esposito pushed the cases under the bed and stood to find Ryan hovering close by and staring at the floor. "I didn't choose all this," he said quietly.

"Hmm?"

Ryan fidgeted slightly and wouldn't take his eyes off the carpet, "I didn't want to be this… this person. I had hopes and dreams and… morals… but…" He broke off and huffed in exasperation. "I didn't seek out the mob Javi… it just…"

Esposito instantly realized he was trying to make amends for everything that happened at the precinct, trying to apologize for bitter truths slapping him in his unprepared face. Seeing he was struggling with what he was trying to say and getting aggravated with himself he stopped him before he could get himself truly upset. "Everything's cool bro. We'll talk about everything later ok? No pressure right now," he responded as he stepped forward. It hurt more than he'd like to admit when Ryan stepped away from him.

With a forced smile he nodded towards the living room, "Come on we'll watch tv."

With a stiff nod Ryan followed him to the living room and the pair sat down on opposite ends of the couch. In reality they were only about two feet away from each other but in Esposito's eyes it might as well have been two miles. Everything was so confusing right now with Ryan sending mixed signals at every turn. He wanted to be comforted but not touched, he wanted to explain things to ease tensions but didn't want to give anything away. Unable to keep sitting here next to something he couldn't have he stood and walked to the bedroom before stripping and entering the shower. Under the scalding spray he placed his hands on the cool tile and let his head hang, the water droplets pelting the back of his scalp comfortingly. At thirty-three years old he liked to think he had seen and lived enough to be able to handle most situations but now he was just paddling water with no land in sight. He had no idea how to handle this situation with Ryan, no idea how to make things better and it was already getting overwhelming. With Ryan living here he had no escape, no place to clear his mind and he was someone that needed that. He needed time to think about things but with Ryan every time he got something figured out it would veer off course again into uncharted territory, and all he could feel was lost.

As soon as he could hear the shower Ryan let out a shuddering sigh and stared at the empty bedroom doorway. He wanted to be with him, wanted to find comfort in him during this entirely fucked up time but he refrained. They had fought for a reason and all those reasons were still there. Everything in him wanted to just say screw it and go climb in the shower with him but he stayed put because even though it was tough for both right now he was doing the right thing. Javier had a good life and all he would do was ruin it but damn if he didn't want to be selfish. He was completely split between wanting to wait until he was healed and just escaping while he was at work one day to attacking him with kisses the second he saw him come out of the bedroom. Alone with just his thoughts he let his eyes slide shut as he listened to the shower's spray.

When he opened his eyes again it was silent in the house but something smelt delicious. He stood and grabbed the arm of the couch, wobbling when his legs decided they weren't ready for him to move yet. After a few seconds he ventured to the kitchen and found Esposito leaning over the counter staring at his phone and eating pasta. "Nice nap?" he asked when he noticed him.

Ryan nodded and peered at his plate before his eyes drifted to the pot on the stove hungrily. He was lean by the grace of God but he loved to eat and could shovel in more than men twice his size when it came to pasta. Thankfully Javier was aware of this fact and instantly moved to empty the rest of the pot into a large bowl and placed it on the counter since he couldn't carry it with his broken fingers and sprained wrist. He dug in immediately and smiled, "Awesome Javi."

Esposito smiled in thanks, it never reaching his eyes, and kept him company while he finished. "You want to watch a movie?"

Hating that he was the reason Javier looked so tired and unsure he simply nodded.

It started innocently enough, both sitting on opposite ends of the couch watching a movie about something that both men weren't really listening to. About halfway into it Esposito noticed Ryan was getting closer, it didn't seem like he even noticed as he kept changing positions trying to get comfortable.

Ryan heaved a sigh as he shifted again, his stitches itching irritatingly and his shoulder aching. Finally just giving up he sat up and moved to the edge of the couch cushions trying to stay still.

"Kev." He turned and quirked an eyebrow. "What hurts?"

Sighing for the umpteenth time he met his eyes, "My arm and stitches."

"It's the way you're sitting," he said. "Come here."

Ryan hesitated for a second before moving over and sitting next to him, slouching to relieve pressure on his scar and resting his arm on pillows Esposito pulled next to him. After shifting and fidgeting for a few minutes he finally relaxed and leaned back into the other man.

"Better?"

"Better," he said happily.

The movie continued but unbeknownst to both no one was watching it. Esposito could only think about Ryan sitting so close to him and Ryan could only think about how unbelievably amazing Javier smelt. He was used to doing what he wanted in life, choosing to deal with the consequences when they came and right now was no different. Fuck it, he thought to himself and pushed away all doubts.

Esposito felt a jolt of electricity race through him when Ryan's fingers began to dance across his thigh and his lips met the warm column of his neck. A warm tongue slid from collarbone to jaw before blunt teeth bit down on his pulse point.

He sucked in a sharp breath as Ryan swiveled around and half climbed on his lap and his hands, which had somehow worked their way to Kevin's hips, tightened causing the Irishman to wince at the bruising grip on his still battered body. Seeing the look of pain he instantly jerked his hands away, "I'm sorry. We shouldn't do this, let's just go to bed." He began to stand but Ryan's good hand grabbed his arm and squeezed.

"I'm not tired."

"Bull." Ryan looked exhausted and his weak grip was only proving it. "Come on we're going to bed."

Ryan let out a keening noise from his throat; a horrible desperate sound that seemed like it should come out of a wounded animal and not a grown man. The terrible noise made Javier finally pause and stop pulling away. "I don't want to hurt you. I mean God Kev, every inch of you is a bruise and we're not even together anymore. I don't want to take advantage of you."

Blue eyes filled with more desperation than should ever be there stared at him anxiously, "Please Javi, I already hurt. I need you. Please. I can't stand it I have to touch you."

He dropped back down onto the couch and cradled him gently, "Shh, I got you. Calm down. Come on." After standing he waited patiently for Ryan to stand and followed him into the bedroom, helping him get comfortable on the bed and switching off the light.

"Javi?" a small voice whispered to the darkened room.

Esposito slid into the bed and scooted over to him, "I'm right here. Just relax ok? I'll take care of you."

A short time later Ryan winced at the pain shooting through him even though Javier was trying as hard as he could to be gentle. The pain felt good, real. It was an affirmation that he was still alive. Surrounded by Javier's scent, his back pressed into the soft mattress and the man he adored on top of him he felt safe, the feeling was almost foreign. No words were spoken, none were needed because Ryan couldn't move without hurting and Esposito already knew exactly what he needed.

The darker man changed his pace slightly and fought to keep himself from going over the edge when Ryan began to make delicious little whimpers and moans. He dropped his head and began to pepper his small nose and soft lips with light kisses, Spanish words of love tumbling out of his mouth. He wanted to say the three little words that kept repeating themselves over and over in his head but he didn't dare, Ryan needed comfort not added emotional stress right now.

His affections moved to his neck and he sucked lightly below his left ear, his hand dropping between them and only a few moments later Ryan tensed, his eyes sliding closed in pure pleasure. Esposito soon followed him over the edge and barely kept himself from collapsing onto the injured man as he rode out his release.

He climbed off him carefully and after cleaning them up he slid back into the bed and spooned his small friend. "Does this mean we're back together?" he asked quietly, praying the question wouldn't be ill received.

"Don't be silly Javi," Ryan said tiredly as he yawned and leaned back into his firm chest. "We were never not together."