Huge thanks to Nadreth, red2013, UrbanBorn, auntof3, and Sirona for the reviews and to everyone else who alerted this.

Ryan yawned and sat up as he rubbed his eyes tiredly. He looked around the unfamiliar room and squinted at the bright light coming through the blinds, his heart beginning to pound as he didn't recognize anything. A noise from behind him made him whip around and he yelped at the sudden appearance of Castle who was sitting next to him holding coffee. "Good morning."

He just stared at the man before dumbly reaching out and accepting the extended cup, "What… where…."

"Apparently you're still on pain meds and didn't tell me so I fed you alcohol which made you pass out and almost go into a coma last night. Thanks for that."

He smiled sheepishly, "I never turn down a drink. What time is it? Where's Javi?"

Castle stood and walked to the kitchen where he began to make eggs and toast, "Almost eleven. Beckett and Esposito had to go to work and Alexis had to go to school so I was left with strict instructions to watch you and bring you to the precinct when you woke up. I actually got a couple chapters done this morning since I was stuck here so kudos to you."

He frowned, "I can't go to Javi's house?"

The larger man shook his head uncomfortably, "We're worried someone will come after you again since he had to remove the detail at the building. We think it's better you stay with one of us until the investigation is over or we catch who attacked you. Did you want to shower before breakfast?"

"Uh… no, I'm good."

Castle clapped his hands together and passed him a plate of breakfast after reentering the living room, "Great! Eat up and then we're off to solve a murder."

Esposito looked up with a smile when the elevator opened to reveal Ryan gnawing on a piece of red licorice and talking excitedly to Castle who was scribbling things down as fast as Ryan was talking, which was pretty damn fast. When they got closer the detective shook his head, "You really do talk for licorice don't you?"

"I can't help it Javi," he exclaimed quickly. "It's just so good."

Esposito crossed his arms and glared at Castle, "You bought that just to make him talk didn't you?"

"Me? No. Well, maybe. He gave me a lot of great stuff for my next book though." They both watched as Ryan began to tap his foot and look at Castle's pocket.

"Do you have anymore?"

Castle smiled condescendingly and handed him a piece from his breast pocket, which he snatched and wandered away with. Esposito shook his head and ripped the package from Castle's jacket. "Stop treating my boyfriend like a dog bro, and stop feeding him sugar he looks like he's on coke." In a lower voice he asked, "He give you anything that could help us with the case?"

The larger man shook his head, "No but I did get six fascinating ways to kill people. It's slightly disturbing that he's probably witnessed these happen."

"Hey bro," Ryan began. "Is this the case?"

Esposito walked over after putting the licorice in a desk drawer and nodded, "The murder board, everything we have right now on the victims and suspects." He was pleased how much better Ryan seemed than yesterday, it seemed being out with people last night improved his mood and mindset dramatically because he was almost back to where he used to be.

Ryan nodded as he glanced over everything including a picture of himself under 'persons of interest'.

"Do you have any insight you'd like to share with us? I'm betting you know things that could help our investigation," Beckett said softly from beside him after she approached.

Ryan turned and met her gaze before looking back at the board, "I don't have anything to say."

She sighed sadly, "Alright. Well I have to go talk to one of our victim's sister and see if she has anything to say that would help."

That caught Ryan's attention, "She has a sister?"

"Yes. Our vic, Monica, has a sister named Tracy. We're at a dead end and unless something comes up whoever murdered her sibling will go free. She'll never have closure, she'll never at least have the comfort that the person responsible was caught and won't ever do this to another family." She watched a myriad of emotions pass over the bartender's face but to her disappointment he didn't speak just walked back to a chair by Esposito's desk and dropped down.

Esposito walked over and sat down next to him as Castle and Beckett left to go talk to the sister. He opened his mouth but Ryan shook his head sternly and grabbed Castle's book off the desk. A short time later he set the book down and glanced around but saw Esposito had disappeared. Feeling bored and cooped up he walked to the elevator and rode down to the lobby before exiting onto the street and sitting down on a bench, he would have loved to go further away but the safety the precinct offered was important right now. A tall man with dark hair dressed in a nice suit dropped down next to him, "You doing alright?"

"Yeah, why?" he asked wearily.

The man held up his hands in a peaceful gesture, "Just making sure. I'm Detective Demming. Robbery."

Ryan eyed his outstretched hand before shaking it, "Ryan." He wanted to add robber but contained himself. The cop seemed nice enough so he relaxed a little. He had no idea why he was talking to him but he assumed he looked beat up enough for cops to wonder if he was an assault victim, which he was of course but not in the capacity they thought.

Another officer approached them and after only one look at Ryan he shook his head, "What the hell are you doing here mick? I see somebody finally put you in your place."

Hearing the slur Demming stood up and slid in between them, "Woah Banks, you can't talk to people like that."

Banks looked at Ryan and sneered, "He's just a little shit that's tied in with the Irish mob. I've talked to him before, no respect for anyone the little prick."

"You're the one that fucking hit me last time! You don't deserve respect pig." His eyes widened when Banks tried to attack him, Demming thankfully shoving him away before he could get to him. "Yeah, try to hit the little guy when he's down. Good job ya ass."

Demming sent the officer away after another struggle and turned to face Ryan, "You sure pissed him off. Is there a reason you're here?"

He nodded, "Protective custody in homicide."

"Well let's get you back to that floor and I'll inform the captain to take care of Banks." They strode back into the building and up to homicide, the elevator doors sliding open to reveal an anxious looking Esposito.

"Kev, what the hell bro? I look away for two seconds and you're gone." After saying his piece he noticed the other man, "Hey Demming, haven't seen you in a while."

"I know, we need to get together sometime. I found Ryan outside and Banks from gangs tried to have a go at him. I'm assuming he's working with you?"

Esposito nodded before looking at his boyfriend, "You ok? Banks didn't hurt you right?"

Ryan shook his head and jerked a thumb at Demming, "He stepped in, not bad for a jake. Banks is the one that called me a fucking paddy few years back." He stormed away from the pair and back to his seat by the desk.

Demming saw the concern on his old friends face and grinned, "He's not just a witness is he?" At the slight blush on the darker man's skin he let out a laugh. "He's quite a handful, apparently has a history with gangs."

"You have no idea and I know, I found that out after the fact but he's hopefully helping us with a case. What the hell happened with Banks?"

Demming blew out a breath; "Apparently your boy there pissed him off pretty bad at some point because he was livid. Called him a mick and tried to assault him, it wasn't pretty. Ryan's mouth is a hell of a lot bigger than he is."

"I'm aware, I'm just glad you were there. You saw what shape he's in, he couldn't handle another beat down," Esposito said softly.

The taller man glanced at his watch, "Well I better get back to my floor. Give me a call sometime and we'll meet up, you can bring Ryan too." Esposito shook his hand and turned to go back to Ryan who was staring at the elevator deep in thought.

"Demming seems on the up and up. You know him?"

He nodded, "We worked together at the 54th for a while before I ended up here. He transferred a couple years ago. He's a great guy. I'm glad he was there with you, you can't just disappear bro. There are people looking for you and you know that."

"Kind of hard to forget," he sad sadly as he looked at his splinted fingers.

Esposito yearned to touch him but here wasn't the place. "So Banks is the one that got you with the night stick?" At Ryan's nod he began to stand only to pause when Ryan grabbed his arm.

"I fight my own battles. I don't need you to defend me." With reluctance Esposito dropped down and forced himself to not charge downstairs and rearrange Banks' face.

A couple hours later Beckett and Castle returned with no new information. Finding they had no other option Beckett walked over to Esposito and Ryan and announced everyone needed to go to the break room to talk. Once everyone was settled Castle began to speak. "Ryan you've got to talk to us. We know you're scared but we need you for this. Please."

He pursed his lips together and looked down at the table but looked up with wide eyes when Castle continued speaking.

"Wait… you're not scared are you? Nothing about you seems nervous right now. You're not talking because of something else, something we haven't noticed. Your parents died when you were young meaning someone had to raise you. Someone had to put you through school, watch out for you and your sister."

Ryan dropped his forehead to the table and cursed the heavens for Richard Castle's mind.

"Someone who you trust so explicitly that you would rather die than betray them and the only person who fits all the criteria owns the bar you grew up in."

Beckett finally caught on and spoke softly, "Edmund Boyle."

Esposito followed the logic and it did make sense but, "Maybe we've been misreading that but we can't forget that somebody beat the crap out of him. If Boyle cares so much why attack the guy that's probably like a son?"

"He wouldn't," Castle answered. "It would be someone else, someone that felt jealous of their relationship. Someone that felt like Ryan was taking something from them by filing their place. Someone that viewed him as a threat."

"Someone like Boyle's son," Beckett continued as she latched onto his theory.

"You people are ridiculous," Ryan mumbled before sitting up.

Esposito finally spoke, "Did the son kill our two vics Kev?"

He shook his head instantly, "No, Conor didn't kill 'em." He looked around the table and released a shuddering sigh.

Esposito leaned forward and waited for Ryan to meet his eyes, "Tell us about you, not as detectives but friends. We won't write anything down and no one will hear this but us."

The room descended into silence for a few minutes until Ryan's quiet voice started to float across the table. "When I was six years old I watched five men murder my parents for absolutely no reason. It wasn't a robbery or revenge killing, it was just for the hell of it. I didn't help them or call for help or even move. I just stood there and watched them die. When I finally got it together I walked home, explained to my sister that ma and da weren't coming back and that I'd make everything better. We stayed in the house and ate everything we had until I had to start stealing food. Eventually social services realized what was happening and came for my sister when I wasn't home. I tried to find her but I never could."

He let out a soft laugh and looked at Beckett. "When you said she lived in Chicago I about died. Just to hear she's alive made everything seem worth it. Anyways they sold the house so I started sleeping wherever I could and pick pocketing during the day. Couple weeks after that I took the wallet of someone very powerful, Edmund Boyle. He never said anything when he caught me, just took the wallet and me and brought me home with him."

He slid down in his chair feeling exhausted already. "I was always wandering the bar much to everyone's displeasure but Ed never cared. I used to play with my toys in the corner while they planned hits. As the years went on I became more involved, started paying more attention to what was happening around me and playing a more active role."

"Is that were the accent comes from?" Castle interrupted.

Ryan grinned, "Yeah. Ma and Da came from Connemara and Ed was an immigrant too. I was sheltered quite a bit when I was younger so I never really got the New York accent. When all you hear is Irish you learn Irish."

"Why were you sheltered?" he questioned.

"Ed was afraid someone was going to try to use me to get to him. Until I could defend myself he didn't let me go out alone very much."

Beckett glanced at Castle before getting them back on track. "Tell us about Edmund."

His fingers drummed on the table absently as he continued talking. "Edmund was always patient with me. He's a classy man, from the way he holds himself to the clothes he wears. All class. I started working the bar when I was sixteen but when I turned twenty-three is when I worked there full time. I'd make calls, entertain people who were waiting for Edmund, sometimes help them move... something or go speak to people about... things. All the while Conor watched as I became Edmund's favorite."

His hand slid over the slightly faded shamrock tattoo on the left side his neck, barely visible over the top of his collared shirt. "I was thirteen when he made me get the tattoo. Everyone in the crew has them. I was proud when I got it, didn't fully understand the implications."

"Hold up," Esposito interrupted angrily. "Ed branded you like an animal to show ownership when you were thirteen?"

Ryan bristled slightly, "If you want to put it like that ya, he did." After a quiet glaring match between them he cleared his throat, "Moving on, as time went on I got too cocky, too sure that I was untouchable. I would walk in the room and people would run just because of who I was and the fact that I knew every single dirty secret of every single one of them. Everything hit the fan four years ago, that's when I realized I was so deep I couldn't see daylight anymore. In my mind I always felt I could leave whenever I wanted but that day I realized the only way I was getting out was a body bag."

Beckett laid her hand on gently on his shoulder, "What happened four years ago Kevin?"

He looked at Esposito who nodded encouragingly before staring down at the table and picking at a loose piece of wood in the edge. "I had just turned twenty-three and was working at the bar when this guy came in to see Edmund, he had a woman with him. He went upstairs and left her there. Her name was Jenny and she was beautiful." A sad smile covered his face, "Blonde hair and the most beautiful smile, a laugh that was just infectious. Only problem was she was married but I couldn't help myself, she was just so perfect. She tried to break it off a few times but one way or another we always found our way back to each other. We kept it a secret for obvious reasons but eventually we both wanted more."

Tears started to gather in his eyes and stress lines spread across his forehead. "We were going to leave, go to Ireland and leave all this behind. She was supposed to meet me at my place and when I got there she wasn't alone."

His chin began to quiver as his heart began to pound, the memory just as vivid as it was four years ago. "They grabbed me the second I opened the door, two of them. Jenny was on her knees with a knife to her throat, she looked so scared. Conor was there just sitting on the couch and when he snapped his fingers I knew that was it." He began to shake as visions assaulted his mind, the only thing grounding him Esposito's hand on his. "They slit her throat, just like someone did to my mother. There wasn't a noise from her just this expression that I can't even describe. She looked right at me and smiled then whispered 'its ok'." A hysterical strangled noise bubbled out of him. "She's dying and I'm not even moving and she's telling me its ok. They pushed her down onto the floor and I lost it, kicked and screamed, struggled but they wouldn't let me go until she was gone. When they finally dropped me I crawled over but she was gone, forever."

Everyone in the room fought off tears as he pushed on, "Edmund had no idea it was Conor. Only then did I realize that my life was over, I was just waiting for the day that Conor killed me."

He let out a choked laugh and sniffed, "Police never investigated Jenny's death because Conor paid them off. I uh, I went to her funeral. Her husband was there, guy had no clue what happened. I stood in the back and it hit me that she had this entire life, a good life, and I ruined it. If I hadn't pushed it she would still be alive. "

Suddenly exhausted he laid his head on the table. "Conor knew he had knocked me down enough that he didn't have to worry about me anymore but when he found out I'd been hanging around with a detective he thought I was talking. He cornered me in the bar one night and asked me, I told I wasn't talking but he didn't believe me. Knocked me around a bit, which is a normal occurrence and told me to get rid of him before bad things happened to everybody. When you guys arrested me it just upset him more. He had his guys come in and rough me up while he explained he had learned that I wasn't talking but was being a fag. He said I must be stupid or like to watch people die because that's what would happen to this one too. Everyone around me dies."

Esposito wiped away his own tears before glancing at Beckett and Castle who were doing the same. He scooted his chair over and gently sat up Ryan and hugged him close as he scratched the back of his neck, his eyes only leaving his boyfriend when he saw Castle closing the blinds to give them all privacy. "I'm so sorry Kev."

Castle and Beckett sat quietly and respectfully until Ryan sat up straight and wiped away the last tear. "Kevin, why didn't Edmund stop all this?"

Ryan shook his head sadly and flashed a watery smile, "Edmund's getting old. He's been bed ridden for months, Conor's got full reign. I never said anything about Jenny because I didn't think he'd take my word over his own flesh and blood. I was weak, stupid, and scared."

Figuring this was their best chance Beckett glanced at her partner who reluctantly nodded before looking back at Ryan, "Kevin you're not stupid or weak and you don't have to be scared anymore, no one is going to hurt Esposito because I won't let them. Help us stop them from ever hurting someone again. You could have your life back Kevin, you wouldn't have to live in fear anymore. Let us end this once and for all."

Ryan shook his head, "If you go after them you're all dead. I can't do that." He let out a bitter laugh and looked at Esposito, "You want to know why I drink Javi? Because I've been looking for everything I ever lost at the bottom of a bottle, and as of yesterday it still wasn't there."

Esposito squeezed his hand, "Do you trust me?"

"Yes," was the immediate reply.

"Then trust that I'm going to make this better."

Castle couldn't help but smile when Kevin nodded. "Alright, alright but not today. I can't talk about this anymore today."

Esposito stood and clapped him on his uninjured shoulder, "Let's go grab some lunch then you can just hang out if that's cool."

Kevin stood shakily and allowed himself to be led out of the room, "Yeah, sounds good bro."

After they left Beckett shook her head, "It's just so sad. Dead parents, a sister he didn't even know was alive, a dead girlfriend and now a beating that should have killed him and fear that the man he loves is going to be murdered. Not to mention that the mob picked up an innocent child and used and abused him for the past twenty-one years. I don't know how he gets up every morning."

Castle stood and grabbed a cup of coffee, "He gets up every morning because he feels it's the punishment he deserves for causing everyone around him to die. Death would be too easy."

"He can't go on like that everyday, it's not healthy."

The writer agreed, "Just like he said that's why he drinks. If he douses himself in liquor he doesn't have to think about death. I just hope Esposito can help him before he drowns himself."