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Beckett, who had been talking to Esposito, frowned when she looked at the interrogation room after glancing at her watch. "Has Ryan come out yet? It's been over ten minutes."

"How should I know?" he asked bitterly, unable to keep the hurt at today's events from his normally unwavering voice.

Beckett stood from her desk and walked over to enter the room but the door seemed to be blocked. She shook the handle and shoved on the door before placing an ear to the wood where she could hear raised voices and a loud thump. "Esposito!"

He instantly ran over at her command. "What?"

"There's someone in the room with Ryan and the door's blocked."

"Observation," Esposito said quickly before bursting into the small room with Beckett and Castle right behind him. They looked through the window where the red haired man from the alley a while back was holding Ryan against the wall while choking him so hard that his eyes were rolling back. The redhead was huge, holding Ryan about two feet off the ground while the much smaller man clawed helplessly at the hands cutting off his air.

Esposito pounded on the glass as Becket noticed the table shoved against the door blocking it. Hearing the noise the red haired man dropped Ryan to the floor where he gagged and coughed until being hauled up by his shirt. Terrified blue eyes locked onto the glass as his lips moved in a silent plea for help. His hands were digging in his pockets and when he came up empty he looked at the glass and hoarsely screamed, "Help me!"

Esposito's eyes snapped to Beckett, "Did you take his balisong before the interview?" At her quick nod he banged his hands harder on the glass. "Dammit!"

Danny Boy's face twisted into a sick smile as he jerked Ryan back and forth in his grip, "Ya little sorry snitch, he knew ya were talkin' and he sent me with a final message for ya. Matthew 25:41." With a dark laugh he shook him one more time. "Pray for mercy on your damned soul runt because we both know where you're going and it sure as hell ain't up. God doesn't want ya, nobody does."

Ryan struggled violently as he tried to slip out of his shirt and Danny's grip but no matter how much he kicked and swung he couldn't get away.

Everyone could only watch in horror as the man grabbed the side of Ryan's head and slammed the other side down on the table before lifting him and doing it again. They watched as the struggling but sluggish Ryan fought until his entire body went limp, his eyes sliding shut as his jaw went slack, blood splattering out of his mouth with every hit. It was horrible to watch, like a child whipping a doll back and forth.

"He's gonna kill him!" Esposito shouted before drawing his weapon. "Step back." He pulled the trigger and as the glass shattered in the room, Castle and Esposito rushed in and grabbed the man while Beckett carefully grabbed an out cold Ryan on the floor. More officers burst in and drug the mountain of a man out of the room while Esposito dropped down next to Beckett who shook her head nervously. "He's still out cold."

Ryan's eyes blinked open but everything was so blurry, he could hear people talking but it all sounded muffled. He tried to figure out where he was but nothing would focus, everything was lost in a sea of pain.

"Ryan? Ryan can you hear me?"

A voice, but whose? Suddenly all at once the noise of the room came back full force and he sucked in a deep breath only to cough dryly when his throat throbbed. He tried to sit up but two hands firmly held him down. Beckett's face entered his line of vision, "Ryan you need to stay down ok? Do you know what happened? Do you know where you are?"

"I… what…"

Another voice met his ears and he frowned in confusion when a dark skinned woman appeared next to Beckett. "Hi honey, I'm Lanie. I know everything's muddled right now but can you tell me if anything feels numb or like it's not there? Are you having any back pain?"

"No, just a headache and my throat feels tight. I'm fine," he said in a raspy voice.

Lanie's eyebrows rose, "You're not fine sugar you just had that man use your head like a basketball after he tried to pop it off. Are you breathing ok?"

He forced himself to sit up and leaned against the wall, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"We're going to take you to the hospital to…"

"No! Not the hospital, I'm fine."

Esposito appeared a moment later, "You sure?"

He tried to nod but it caused too much pain and he grabbed his head in his hands tightly. "Positive, I'm fine." A grimace covered his face as he suddenly paled. "I feel sick."

Laney sighed, "It's a concussion." She looked at Esposito, "He has to stay awake for the rest of the day. I'd like him to go to a hospital but I can't make him. Watch for slurred speech or abnormal behavior and no matter how many times he says it don't think he's fine. He could have a skull fracture or a neck injury."

Knowing Esposito couldn't leave right now after receiving so much information from Ryan they decided to keep the battered man at the precinct. They got him seated in a side office that cut down on some of the noise of the busy bullpen and gave his some ice for his throat to keep down the swelling.

"When Laney was checking you over I read Beckett's notes."

Not having the energy to move or reply Ryan just met his eyes and blinked sluggishly.

"I wish you would have told me."

Ryan swallowed and fought tears at the pain it cause, "It was selfish but when I talked to you and hung out I didn't have to think about everything. I didn't think it was going anywhere so I didn't say anything but then when it started to mean something I didn't want to tell you. When I was with you I could just be me, not Quiet Ryan or Conor's punching bag or a drug dealer. I'm sorry Javi, last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you."

Esposito walked over to the window and glanced outside, "Your first kill was when you were fifteen years old, last one was then you were twenty-four. Why'd you stop?"

Ryan's eyes slid shut, "Boss told me my job was done, said everything was cleaned up and I was retired until further notice. I can't tell you how good it was to hear those words, that I wouldn't have to look someone in the eyes again and watch as their pupils exploded with fear just before I pulled the trigger. I still worked though and went on hits, crippled more than a few people but didn't kill anyone else."

"Have you engaged in illegal behavior since we met?"

Ryan nodded softly, "No hits but the heroine moves quickly, I've sold quite a bit since meeting you. I assaulted somebody right after we met but he hit me first so I don't think it should really count."

The room descended into silence once again, "I just wish you would have told me bro, this puts me in a bad spot. I get it though, you killed the people the boss said or you got popped." When he didn't receive a reply he turned to see Ryan asleep in the chair. He walked over and sat down next to him, "Wake up Kev, gotta stay awake."

His eyes slid open and he sat forward to try to keep from sleeping again, "I know I have to stay here since I'm a target now but after the raid I know you guys are going to plan I'll disappear if that's what you want. You'll never see or hear from me again." In a tone that contained so much hurt it was unbearable he quietly whispered, "It'll be like this never even happened."

Esposito bit his lip and balled his hands in fists before shaking his head in anger at the words and the situation and leaving the office. A few minutes later Castle entered, "Rough day."

"You're not mad at me?"

"Me? No, no, no. I'm here to ask to write your autobiography. Your story is amazing and I'm pretty sure we only have about half of it." Seeing Ryan's expression he sighed, "Joking. Kind of."

He sat down across from Ryan and began fiddling with a his phone. "When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving oneself, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance."

Ryan shook his head, "You came in here to quote Oscar Wilde? Seriously?"

Mild surprise appeared on Castle's face at the fact he recognized the quote. "I came in here to make sure you stay awake but also to show you this." He slid the phone across the desk and Ryan picked it up before staring at it with a pained expression. It was a picture of the night they were playing poker and apparently Castle had taken a picture of Ryan and Esposito smiling brightly at each other. "He loves you."

"Not anymore."

Castle glanced outside the office at Beckett, "Love dies when you let it. I don't think you or Esposito are ready to let it."

Ryan looked out the glass where Castle was looking, "She's something special isn't she? Beautiful, sharp, demanding. I see why you like her. You ever going to tell her?"

"I… don't know what you're talking about."

"You flinched! You read like an open book. Hah! Get it?" he said with raised eyebrows and a small grin, which faded when Esposito walked back into the office. Castle mumbled an excuse before exiting the room leaving a still fuzzy Ryan and a more than a little pissed off Esposito.

Javier didn't want to start something but the pure betrayal he felt was transforming from anger to a full rage. "I get it bro, really I do, but why wouldn't you tell me? You say you love me then omit the fact that you killed seven people in cold blood! I mean what the fuck?"

Ryan couldn't take this anymore and the pounding in his head wasn't helping. "You know what Javi? I don't owe you anything! You have no idea what my life has been like, no idea! You live your life on your own terms and go to your legit job, you don't know what it's like to be owned by someone. I'm not a person I'm a thing. You think Ed took me under his wing and I lived the life as the adopted child of a mob boss, anything I wanted? Wrong. I'm a dog on a fucking leash. I was a new pet. It's called survival Javi, I did what I had to to survive."

"Survive? You thrived! You were his golden boy! You even said how much 'class' he had, how much you admire him. I bet you enjoyed killing those people, enjoyed the power weak little Kevin felt as they bled. You walk the walk and talk the talk but you're just a pathetic weakling."

His jaw dropped in shock at the hateful words out of the one person that had never been cruel to him before he snapped. "Fuck you!" he screamed before tears unwillingly collected in his eyes. "You want to bitch and moan about the day you had? I just had to confess every horrible sick thing I've ever seen and done then got the shit beat out of me by someone who's had it out for me for years. I'm lucky I'm not dead after your partner took my knife! Way to take your sweet time on the rescue, thought you'd let them get a few hits in before you decided to let me live? Let someone else do your dirty work? I trusted you but you're the same as all of them. You got what you wanted out of me, now I'm of no use anymore. You never loved me, I'm just a means to an end for you."

Esposito shook his head and waved his arms around sarcastically, "Yes Kevin, you're just a victim. Woe is you."

He wasn't expecting Ryan to jump over the desk and attack him with energy that he seemed to find from his anger. By the time Castle and a detective pulled them apart Esposito was bleeding profusely from his nose and his eye was turning black. He cursed and took an offered hanky before watching as two uniforms drug Ryan away to the elevator to take him to holding. Their eyes were locked on each other, Ryan's seeming so cold and angry to everyone but Esposito who could only see the raw hurt shining through.

"What the hell was that?" Beckett asked.

Esposito rubbed at his nose and even though it hurt terribly he didn't think it was broken. "I said some things I shouldn't have." It was an understatement and as he went over the conversation in his head his anger quickly transformed to grief. He didn't even know why he said half the things he did, he hadn't meant them yet he had spat them viciously at the man he supposedly loved. Instead of thinking rationally about everything he had been blinded by fury, both from the secrets Ryan had kept from him and the fact that he had deep down known these facts yet chosen to ignore them. Today's events fell fully on both their shoulders.

It was times like this that the fact that they were so wrong for each other became too obvious to ignore. They were terrible for each other, they always seemed to be fighting and only rarely did things seem to go smoothly. Their relationship was abusive, both physically and emotionally, and extremely unhealthy for all parties involved but the heart wants what it wants.

And it wanted Ryan.

It didn't matter that Ryan was emotionally unstable and had killed people just because someone told him to. It didn't matter that he burned down houses and sold mass amounts of heroine. It didn't matter that he had lied and omitted things about his past. None of it mattered because at the end of the day when they were wrapped around each other coming down from their post sex high he knew there was nowhere he would rather be. If he had to take all the bad with the good he would because with Ryan it was all or nothing, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

He could only pray that he hadn't reduced all of it to nothing.