A/N: During the last few nights in writing, I've decided that I need to break the chapters up more. This may mean it takes longer for me to get them up, but I think you will be happier with the result and you will get more story faster. I hope you've enjoyed the last few installments. Don't worry, my lovelies, there is more to come. Please read and review. Thanks, JET.

Chapter Nineteen - Promises

Huang had stopped the session when Olivia broke down. He knew that it meant she was progressing. He knew that it meant that Julie was finally going to tell her story and Olivia would be able to face it head on without burying it inside. She would let the pain out. She had someone who could help her deal with all of it.

"Alex, take her to Dana's. Let her see Xander. He can help her ground herself to Julie and to Olivia. You ground her to Olivia. She needs both. She is dangerously close to slipping and splitting. She needs you to accept Xander. She wants to be with you. She is clinging to you. Give yourself over to the thought about being Xander's other mother. It would help her."

"George, I have done things already to put that into play. I haven't told her about it yet. I know that she is stressed. I think she needs a break from here. She needs to forget about the sessions and the debriefings for a while. I know that isn't what the FBI wants, but she needs to do this in her own time. If we rush it-"

"She'll break. I know. I think it is a good idea. I'll call Dana. Go see Xander. Then take her home, hold her. Tell her you love her," Huang told her.

"I will. Trust me I will. I'll talk to Dana, while we are there tonight."

"Alex, if you need to talk to someone, I'm here," Huang told her as he walked her to his door.

"I'll keep that in mind for later. Right now, I'm worried about Olivia. I have my own help. I needed someone when I got back to New York. I'll help her every way that I know how. She means everything to me, now. I am not going to let her go," Alex told him.

"Good, because she is going to need you…a lot," Huang answered.

Dana met them at the door with Xander in her arms. She smiled down at him and then at Alex and Olivia, who were hand in hand. She let them in and took them straight to the nursery that she had for him. Alex didn't say anything as she saw Abbie follow them into the nursery.

Abbie and Dana stood back as Olivia took Xander and sat in the rocker in the corner. Alex stayed close. Abbie and Dana smiled at her, but they both noted the haunted look in her eyes. Today, Alex was the one who looked more wounded.

Abbie couldn't take it. She couldn't see Alex in pain like that. She gestured with her head at Alex. Alex caught the movement but didn't make any outward movement to let anyone know that she understood. She caught Abbie's glance and finally nodded.

"I'm going to talk with Abbie. We'll be in the next room. Call me if you need me," Alex told Olivia, kissing her cheek and then she kissed Xander's head.

"Go and talk with Abbie. I'll be okay. I am going to be in here with Xander. Take your time. I need to be with Xander. I need…"

"It's okay, Liv. I understand. Take your time. He'll be fine. You'll be fine. We'll be fine."

Olivia turned her head up to kiss Alex. Alex obliged, not caring what the others thought. Olivia smiled at her, sweetly and then turned back to Xander. Alex smiled back at Liv as she followed Abbie out of the room and back into the living room.

"Spill it, Alex."

"Spill what?" Alex asked in response.

"Tell me what the Hell is bothering you so much. What happened today with Huang? What was it? Talk to me, Alex. Let me help," Abbie told her.

"I was there today with her when she finally started to open up about what happened. I thought that with all my years in SVU that I would be prepared for what happened to her. I was wrong. I was so wrong. There is just something different about it being someone you know."

"I know that."

"I just…I can't believe that she had to go through all that alone. There was no one really for her to talk to, to unleash on when she needed. I know that she had Frankie, but that wasn't the same. She couldn't tell Frankie anything about the case. She could only talk about what the gang wanted and what went on behind closed doors. They could talk to each other about the gang, because they both had that in common. I am just…"

"Angry? Pissed? Livid?"

"Yes!"

"You're allowed to be, Alex. Lord knows that you love that woman, we all knew it. Y'all have finally gotten together and now you are learning about everything that she went through. Part of you wants to go to Atlanta and hurt them for hurting her. Part of you wants to try the case yourself so you can make sure they are punished. But, most of all, you are upset that you weren't there for her when she needed you. That is what is tearing you up inside," Abbie said.

"YES!"

"It's okay, Alex. Be angry. It will help you both. She needs to know that you are angry, too. She needs you to be there for her, as well. I know that this is going to tear you up inside. I think you need to get away. Take Olivia away from here. Let her mind think without the FBI up her ass all the time."

"I told Huang the same thing."

"See? I told you that great minds think alike. I know what you need to do. Take her to Caboton at the Cape. She would love it. You could wine and dine her. Take her out, show her off."

"Yeah, because that is what she needs now," Alex replied.

"No, seriously, take her to the Cape. Go and relax. Don't think about the past and everything that happened. Go and plan the future, your future together," Abbie told her.

"I don't think that Dana will let her go," Alex said.

"Don't be so sure about that, Sugar," Dana stated, joining them.

"Dana!?"

"Calm down, Missy. I could see the look in both your eyes when you came over this afternoon. I've that same haunted look in her eyes for weeks. It was different today, when I opened the door and saw it in yours. Huang can only tell me so much, you know? I know that she might disclose to you without meaning to do it, but Alex, I need you to be able to tell me what she can't. Can you do that?" Dana asked her.

"I will. I know that she trusts me. I think it might help her to tell me things. Can I be there for the rest of her debriefings?" Alex questioned.

"I think that it would be a good idea, Dana. Alex had made more headway with Olivia in the last forty-eight hours than anyone has in months. They have a connection. She trusts Alex. They know each other. They know when the other is lying. She could help us move the case along," Abbie stated.

"I agree. I wanted you to be there anyway, Alex. Remember that there may be international laws that were broken. I asked you here for two reasons. I needed an ICC DA and Olivia needed you. I am not going to let these people walk. Having Cabot and Carmichael in my corner helps me make sure that won't happen. I don't care what we have to do to get Olivia to talk about what happened. She did disclose a lot of it to Russell and Ike, but it was the situations toward the end when she couldn't get to anyone to tell them what was going on, that I am really worried about. She didn't have anyone to tell, then, but she has you…now."

"I know that. I am not going to let her do this alone, anymore. I love her, Dana. She's been through so much as it is. She needs to know that we are all here for her. She needs to know that we want the same thing that she does," Alex stated.

"Yeah, and what's that Alex?" Abbie asked.

"Justice for Frankie."

Alex was in the apartment, packing. Olivia sat on the end of the bed. She looked wounded and defeated. Alex's heart was breaking at the haunted look in her eyes.

Alex stopped packing. She turned Olivia's face up towards her own with her fingers. Olivia stared into Alex's eyes looking for something. Alex could see the hope in her eyes and the pain.

"Don't worry, Liv. I am not leaving you. You're coming with me," Alex told her.

Alex saw the light come back into the Olivia's eyes. She kept Liv's face tilted towards hers as she leaned down and kissed her. Olivia sighed into the kiss, happy for the contact. She had felt like she was drowning, again. Alex had become her buoy of strength always leading her home.

"Where are we going?"

"To a beach house at Cape Cod," Alex told her.

"Dana is letting me go?"

"Huang talked to her. He actually ordered it for your mental state. Everyone agrees that you need a break. It is just for the weekend, maybe longer, but we'll see."

"You are supposed to tell them if I tell you anything, aren't you?" Liv asked.

"Yes. Is that okay? I don't want to lie to you," Alex replied.

"I don't want you to. I just needed to know. I…Alex, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything."

"Olivia, you have nothing to apologize for. You are doing great. We all know that you had a hard time. No one knows exactly what happened in those last two weeks but you. You have to face it, so we can get justice for Frankie," Alex told her.

"Why are you being so good to me?" Olivia asked, crying.

"Because I love you, Olivia. I'm doing it for you. I know that you would do it for me. I want you to want to come back to New York with me. I want you to want me. I want you to love me. I know that the only way I can get what I want is to help you get what you need," Alex told her.

"I love you, Alexandra."

"I love you, too."

"I'm going to miss Xander," Liv stated, quietly.

"No, you won't. Dana and I agreed that it would be good for him to come with us. You need to be around him more. He needs to know that you are his mother. You are his mother, now."

"I know. I am just glad that I have you to help me. Alex, I think that I would be lost without you, right now. I would have ceased to exist. I would have become Julie, completely."

"I don't think you would. You just needed someone to help you back. You told me once that you loved me. I knew you meant every word. I couldn't fail you now. I wasn't going to let you fail. You, Olivia Benson, mean everything to me. I am not going to let you walk away, again. I lost you when I left for Wit Sec."

"No, I lost you."

"Shut up and listen. I've got to tell you this. You need to know this before we go."

"Okay?"

"We lost each other that night. Then we found each other again in that hotel room before I testified. I was too much of a chicken shit to say anything to you, and then I left. I was scared not only of dying, but of you. I was afraid that if I stayed, I would be putting you in danger. When I came back, I decided that it would be best that we weren't together. I didn't want the emotional attachment after everything that I had gone through in Wit Sec as Emily and then as Valerie when I was in Phoenix. We had both changed. Our goals had changed. We weren't the same people anymore. I could see it, no matter how much I didn't want to admit, so I hid in the DA's office as a bureau chief. It was too easy. Then Jack sent me to Albany for appeals because my talents were being wasted," Alex told her.

"But, then he sent you back?"

"Yeah, he had to. Numbers and Paxton, it was all politics. But, I begged for it. I clawed my way out of appeals because I realized that I needed to see you. I had to be near you. That, I loved you," Alex stated.

"Well, you had a funny way of showing it, Counselor."

"I know. I went to the Congo. I felt like I had to do it. I was compelled. I was drawn. I hated leaving you, but we weren't any closer to admitting to ourselves how we felt about each other. We were still fighting it, because of…God knows why. It doesn't matter now. I came back and I didn't tell you, because I knew about Elliot. I knew you'd be angry and to be honest I didn't want to deal with that. I wasn't sure that you still cared for me. I was being selfish.

"Then, before I can get the courage up to tell you that I am back, that I want to be with you, that I love you, Dana walked into my office and gave me that letter. I read it a thousand times. Each time, I cried. Then, after a few months, I smiled. All because you told me that you loved me. I knew that you felt the same way. I was overjoyed. I was silently biding my time, waiting for you to come back home, and then I was going to take you out and tell you. I had an evening all planned out," Alex said, still holding her face.

"What happened?"

"I walked into the 1-6 to talk to Cragen about a case we were working and I saw Dana in his office. My heart sank. My world was shattering and that wasn't a damn thing that I could do to stop. I thought that I had lost you. I thought that you were gone. I thought that I would never be able to tell you how much I love you. That you had died never knowing," Alex said, the tears forming in her eyes, but not falling.

"I'm so sorry, Alex…"

"Then, Dana got the call in Cragen's office. You were alive. You were okay. I wanted to kiss her on the mouth in celebration. She must have known. She told me to come with her, here, to be with you. She couldn't have stopped me after that. I was already on the phone with the ICC and the DA's office. She was getting me clearances thru the appropriate channels. The following Tuesday, I was on a flight to Quantico and you. I promised myself that I wasn't going to let you go this time. That nothing was going to stop us from being together."

"That is a mighty big promise to make, not knowing everything," Liv replied.

"I didn't care. I don't care. I won't care. I meant it. I am not letting you go."

"Say it again."

"I love you, Olivia Benson. I am not letting you go. Wherever you go, I go."

"I will never tire of hearing that," Olivia told her.

"I will never tire of saying it."

"I love you, Alex. Thank you. Thank you for everything," Olivia stated, grabbing her around the waist and throwing her to the bed. "You have no idea what you mean to me."

"Oh, I think I have sufficient evidence and proof."

"Want some more?" Olivia teased.

"Always, Liv. Always from you, my love. Always."